View Full Version : Noob to the scene

06-26-2005, 04:56 PM
Hi All,

I'd appreciate any help you can offer. Please bear with me as I tell my tale and feel free to ask any questions for clarification. I will not use names here, but refer to the girl in question as X.

I am 32, of European ancestry, caucasian and live in Japan - grew up in North America. Around Christmas I broke up with a long term girlfriend and decided to join a local dating website. The reason I joined was not because I need help meeting girls, but to find someone who'd match my needs better. I seem only to meet very young university girls and had gotten tired of them. I am relatively attractive, in good shape and look a couple of years younger than I really am. I also have quite a good job. I met a few people online and blah blah blah, eventually decided to stop because I found it was easier to meet girls in the real world. I only mention this so you know I'm not desperate to meet women. In fact, I was dating someone when I received an e-mail from X, 2 days before I quit the dating site. Oh, how I rue not quitting 3 days earlier.

X said she was interested in my profile and sent me her e-mail address. I thought it was dodgy as she said she lived in an English speaking country, but had bad English. She told me that her friend Y, who lives in England, set up the account and that she was no good with computers. Her friend had apparently met a man online. She immediately told me she was from Samara, Russia, and sent a picture. She is very attractive, which also raised my suspicions. Although I've dated attractive girls before, I was surprised she was interested because I'm quite short and she's 10cm taller than me. Still, so was a girl I dated for a couple of months at the start of this year. She's also 5 years younger, but my last girlfriend was 11 years younger than me. One has to assume that she needs to be quite attractive to even get my attention because why would I waste my time chasing an average Russian girl when I can easily meet good-looking women here with little effort. Anyway, she sent more pictures later and I noticed she was wearing the same clothes in all of them but one. I thought this might be her best outfit and she wants to look good, which is reasonable. I felt it would be more suspicious if she wore a variety.

She said her English was bad and she had to use a translator. She seems to have been trying to write on her own lately, which I do appreciate, even though it's a little hard to understand.

I was quite lazy about replying because I thought the relationship was hopeless. Although I have enough money to make it, I am loathe to risk it. On the other hand, I'm a little tired of Japanese girls to be honest. X got a little upset with me for being slow to reply (over a week) once and asked if I'd lost interest. I thought this showed some genuine interest, but is this part of a scam? Please let me know if you've heard this one.

We sent each other e-mails talking about our everyday lives and she seemed very happy to receive mine. I was happy to get hers and we exchanged pics. After sending each other about 15 e-mails each over the space of 5 or 6 weeks, she said that it would nice if we could meet. It didn't feel too soon to discuss the possibility as summer holidays were on the way for both of us. She wanted to visit me for a few weeks, but I was naturally wary of having a stranger in my home, so I suggested meeting in a 3rd country for a couple of weeks. She said she could set up 2 tickets through a travel agent where her girlfriend knows someone. I obviously told her I'd work out my own ticket and she agreed to this. She later told me she couldn't afford it without my help and I thought, "Oh, here we go. Scam-time." I told her there was no chance of me sending money over the Internet and figured that'd be the end of it and I wouldn't hear from her again.

But she e-mailed me again. I said it would seem best if she visited me because I checked the costs of hotels and flights in the summer and it'll be quite a lot more for me to stay in Moscow for a couple of weeks and less interesting. I live in a biggish house in a great city so I'm happier to stay here. She was very happy, but said she couldn't make it without my help. I said OK, I'll cover all your costs for food, transportation, etc. while you're here and I can help with your flight if you need it, but not until AFTER you arrive. Let's face it, a young woman in Russia is unlikely to have money to burn. I'm not saying everyone is financially disadvantaged, but I'm quite sure looking at typical salaries that I've got a lot more expendable cash than the vast majority in Russia. I told her to get the money together from friends or whatever and give me the details of costs, how much she can afford and how much help she needs and we can sort it out. She replied and said she was very sad that she wouldn't be able to make it. I told her to see what she can do and the only other option was for me to visit. I've always wanted to go to Russia and I have six weeks off this summer anyway. The only thing stopping me is the worry that this is a scam and that I could get a way more relaxing holiday for half the price.

Basically, I'm wondering how likely this is to be a scam scenario. There are no inconsistencies in her messages, but some don't quite follow up on mine. I have once not received a message from her and she once from me. I've never had this happen in the past. It could be her e-mail provider is bad or that she's mixed them up with another guy, which I could forgive because it was early in the relationship and I was in touch with other people, too. I haven't, and never will, send money based on an Internet relationship, but I have become quite emotionally attached to her. I think she must know by now there's absolutely no chance she'll get anything from me by an e-mail relationship, but she's still e-mailing me. I'd like advice on a few questions:

1. Should I bother continuing to e-mail her or not? I don't want to get hurt and I do feel a little stress over the whole situation. I'd sincerely like to get married and start a family in the next few years and don't want to waste time.

2. How likely is this to be a scam? I mean, do scammers bother to continue after the likelihood of getting $$ seems nil?

Oh, I also asked for her number a couple of times, but she ignored it. There were actually other more important things to address in the message, but I thought she would've at least given a reason why not.

If anyone could talk to me about this situation, I'd really appreciate it. She's volunteered a bit of information without prompting and I do like her, but I just don't want to get hurt. Thanks for any help you can offer.



06-26-2005, 05:46 PM
Sounds to me a bit dodgy, leave it be. And never ever send money. Period.

What's wrong with Japanese girls ?


Non veritas verba amanda

06-26-2005, 06:32 PM
Have tyou got her full name and address? Run a google check on her name and check the scammers lists ( there are more than this one) And do let us know the name as maybe one of us has RUN into her before. The scammers usually change names as often as we change sox.

06-26-2005, 08:57 PM
quote:1. Should I bother continuing to e-mail her or not? I don't want to get hurt and I do feel a little stress over the whole situation.

In your shoes, I would have tried to tell her that I intend to come visit her in Russia, and that I am prepared to make my own arrangements, but I do not want to go to Moscow, I prefer to meet her at her home town so that I get to know her better. See how she reacts to this.

quote:2. How likely is this to be a scam? I mean, do scammers bother to continue after the likelihood of getting $$ seems nil?

If it seems nil to you, it does not necessarily seem nil to her. She may be hoping that you'll change your mind. It may very well turn out to be a scam, I would say.

quote:Oh, I also asked for her number a couple of times, but she ignored it.

It may be an indication of a scam, but necessarily so. She may just be very abscent-minded.

06-27-2005, 05:21 AM
Thanks for the advice. I'll just think out loud here and see if you have any other thoughts.

She gave me a full name and google turned up nothing. I also couldn't find her pics on a total of 3 blacklist sites.

In my second last message to her, I said the only other option left seems for me to travel to see her in Russia, but I don't want to do this due to the excessive cost of hotels and flights in the summer. I have to admit I've always wanted to go to Russia, but I could take 2 quite luxurious vacations in S.E. Asia for the same cost. I've thought it through and to meet a few times, long distance date and so on would cost me what I expect to be in the region of $10 000. This seems like a lot, but dating a chick in Japan for a year actually costs several thousand due to the high cost of living and their penchant for travel. The real problem is of course the aftermath when I would have to totally support her. I could do it, but it would mean quite a drop in my standard of living and who knows what she'd really be like in the end.

She really seems disappointed we can't meet and has never pushed for money nor mentioned specific numbers in terms of money required. She has only said that she needed my help. However, when I offered to help her after we met, she said she couldn't manage to travel on her own so to me this can only mean me sending money there, which is basically out of the question. There are aspects of her messages that seem very genuine and other parts that match a scammer profile from what I've read here and elsewhere. I think she's genuine to some degree, but the fact that she didn't admit her financial situation up front bothers me. I wouldn't expect a girl with money to be looking for a foreign husband. It's sheer idiocy to think that someone attractive and successful would really need a man she could hardly know to make her happy. She kind of has to be in a bad situation.

As I said, I suggested I could go to Russia at the end of that last message. After seeing that message, she replied that it is dangerous for she and I to meet in Russia, which perplexed me. In one of our earliest messages I joked that I'd always wanted to go to Russia, but she misinterpreted it and seemed excited at the possibility I might be serious.

To be honest, I wasn't even looking for a Russian girl and had no intention of meeting one, but she seems to have captured my attention somehow with her messages. As attractive as she is, as a foreign man in Japan, I can actually do almost as well here. Alex asked what's wrong with the chicks here - well, it's a long story. Let's just say I've met enough to know they're not really for me; I've dated a few long term and more short term. They are vague, indirect and have had it so easy in life in this country for the last 20 years that most lack the spirit to deal with the hard times. The ones I have met are emotionally unsupportive and can be very manipulative. They also complain about their partners incessantly. All are great at first, but after a while some really start to drag you down in the end. This is why this girl from Russia appealed to me.

I'm just at a loss as to why she bothered to contact me of all people if she is in fact a scammer. As a foreigner in Japan, I have less legal rights in terms of visas and so on. I figured they'd go for someone older or something if it was for money. I'm just feeling very confused right now. I think I'll keep e-mailing her and see if it continues or not. I'll need more time to decide if she's legitimate or not.

06-28-2005, 04:23 PM
Hi !

It is scamming going on ! Be sure of it !
I know these signs. I have met over 20 girls in Russia through Internet relations and been living there. She tries to manipulate you ! These women are well educated in this process !!
And if the woman is 10 cm taller than you .....very suspicious.
As I told you I have met a lot of girls in Russia. I Never had any danger. Probably they try to cheat you in prices and costs, so take care !
I think that it is better to meet in a big city there. Some guys have had problems in small cities where foreigners do not visit often. In small cities there will be language problems if you don't know Russian.
Take care !!

06-28-2005, 06:49 PM
OK, it's becoming amusing. She told me there's a chance that if I visit her in Russia, the mafia will follow me and find her, then try to extort money from her and possibly me, too. Apparently this happened to a friend of hers. This was after I said that the only option seems to be for me to visit her in Russia. I also mentioned that if she wanted to visit me, that money wasn't really an issue and I could easily afford her travel costs, but that I couldn't supply it in advance. I basically said I could help her after we meet. I think visions of dollar signs confused her because...

... she's now mentioned that due to her fear that it would be best if we met in the USA. When I read this, I was like, "What the hell? When did I move to the States?" As much as I'd like to meet someone in the USA and spend a vacation in that fine country, I live in Japan. I guess scammers have a lot of people to keep track of, but to make a blunder as basic as mixing up a guy and the country he lives in is beyond belief. I'm going to keep e-mailing for amusement now. I wonder how she's going to explain this one. I'll keep you all updated if she says anything else of interest.

Any thoughts on how to respond to the USA-Japan mix-up?

06-28-2005, 08:42 PM
an obvious scammer. They mail too many letters to worry about a boo boo on one. Let her continue to think you are in the States, and get her to go to the airport where you have "arranged the flight tickets ...PREPAID". She will realize that you can play the game too and she will know that it does not feel good getting_ _ _ _ _ _ without a kiss first.

07-02-2005, 02:54 AM
How bizarre. I was expecting after I called her out on the Japan/USA blunder that one of two things would happen:

1 - She realizes her blunder and gives up; or,
2 - She tries to make me feel guilty for "falsely" accusing her.

Instead, 3 days after I ask just how she managed to mess up the countries, she sends back an apology. She says she hasn't spent as much time writing to anyone as me, which in truth is quite likely because we've been e-mailing each other for about 3 months so scammer or not, things usually end before this. She also claims she's now only e-mailing me, which I doubt, though I expect someone legitimate would say this even if they were still looking and things had gotten serious.

The thing that really surprised me was that I told her that it seems impossible for us to meet since she doesn't want me to go there and she doesn't have enough money to leave. I think I also made it quite clear that no cash transfers will ever be forthcoming in advance. I'm quite surprised how much effort she's beginning to put in. I'm still not 100% convinced she's a scammer, though I'm certainly leaning that way. Well, I'll just keep e-mailing her and see what direction things take next.

I'll keep you all updated so you can help me keep it real if that's OK with you.

EDIT: She reiterated that she'd previously corresponded with many men from the USA, but wasn't now, and this was what caused the problem. I think she sent a form letter that just needs the names to be changed, but she forgot to change the country. She'd admitted that she'd talked to a lot of guys before online, but I wonder how many scammers do this? It doesn't seem to fit, but perhaps someone can enlighten me.

07-02-2005, 12:37 PM
"She doesn't want me to go there" = SCAMMER

What part of the above do you not understand?

A lady who is sincere would be THRILLED to have you come to her home town.

07-02-2005, 03:21 PM
The true ones will be thrilled if you visit them at their home town. They are family oriented and want you and the family to meet. The lady I am to visit in October, has arranged an apartment for us, as she lives with son and aging parents in a small house, she arranged my letter of invitation, checked for all and any flights to a town near her to shorten my time travelling to her ( 13 hours on a train) but the airline stopped flying to her town. All this done and not a whisper of money . Exchanges thru the regular mail and many , many E-mails and pictures. There are some honest ones out there, maybe you have to contact them first instead of waiting for a "cat" to land in your lap.

07-09-2005, 07:27 AM
Here's the latest. I let her know that I'm not sending $$$ to her and she seems to have accepted that. She's explained the situation to her mother who has offered to pay half the travel costs and I can send the other half to an account at the travel agent, which I don't intend to do.

And JSK21, no need to be so crass. I won't be making any mistakes and I'm not desperate like most guys who get involved in this kind of thing are. It's useful to continue it for the sake of seeing where it goes. If one person reads what has transpired and saves himself some pain, it's worth it.

07-09-2005, 08:13 AM
here is a test for her. Ask her to send you her half of the costs via WU and you will then PREPAY the flight tickets. Just reverse the situation , see what she does. Then if she refuses , just state that she does not trust you.

07-09-2005, 09:03 AM
quote:Originally posted by toymaker

here is a test for her. Ask her to send you her half of the costs via WU and you will then PREPAY the flight tickets. Just reverse the situation , see what she does. Then if she refuses , just state that she does not trust you.

Hey, that's not bad. Already sent a reply to her telling her to get her mum to find out exactly how much it costs, get her mum to fork out all the dough and I'll let her know how much I can help her cover. I'm hoping this will either be the end of it or she'll come up with the goods. Gotta go - I have a date tonight. lol