View Full Version : mentality
11-01-2004, 05:37 AM
The reason is in the mentalities!
Ukrainian- russian girls are used to be economical, cause if they are happening to earn a little bit more then life minimum payments
in these soviet countries, sure they`ll spend it on helping their parents, who can not afford good enough medicines, buying a new furniture since the 1991..... Of course if a man wants to meet thr lady from Ukraine or Russia he must pay for her trip! And must suggest it first! Yes, lot of scammers and everything.... then buy her a ticket and make a foreign Passport for her personally! If she is a scammer- she`ll not agree for a ticket...
and the most important- ALL THE GIRLS NEED THE MONEY! Both good and bad girls, in every country!!!! So, A MAN shopuld behave the way, she`d LOVE HIM! if you are really WORTH of a LADY< and even if she pays attention on your money first/// help her to get free from her complexes, left from some poor periods of her life!!!!If she`ll love you- then she`ll not need your money!!!!
Believe me, people here have very big souls... they are really kind and gentle! Moreover girls are too proud of themselves to jump on every foreigner-man who has lot of money! To have really long term relationship with a girl- win her love....
11-05-2004, 11:44 AM
People in your homeland have very big souls? Well, at least you have a very big soul, Katrine, because you are generous with your advice on this forum.
Can I please have your opinion about something? (I also welcome anyone else?s opinion.)
It has been a while now, but I still have sad memories of a Ukrainian girl who simply stopped writing to me. And I still wonder why.
Now, I wonder whether she decided that I did not have a 'very big soul', as you say your people have.
In the six months that I knew her, I sent her modest gifts of perfume, and later a stuffed toy and a rose. And she sent me a small gift by air mail. (To Australia! This would have been costly!) She moved home 3 times. She has a job, but she found herself short of money, just before her birthday. She asked me for assistance. I expressed my reluctance, but I wrote that I wanted to send her an early birthday present. And I did - just $150 Australian (510 gv.) Not long afterwards, her father passed away, but she was still very interested in me.
Now, here?s where I think I might have ruined it?
The third apartment she moved to had no telephone. And, although she did not ask me directly, she wrote that she desperately needed a cell phone. Katrine, I ignored her back-handed cry for help. I wrote nothing about this to her, nor did I arrange a cell phone for her. Three weeks after she had written about the cell phone, she stopped writing. Her very last words, in her very last letter, were 'I LOVE YOU'. Then nothing. I wrote to her, three times by email and once by air mail, asking her what had happened. No reply. Nothing.
Was I a mean-spirited man? Should I have addressed her need for a mobile phone? I was only being cautious, because we had not met yet. (But we were planning to meet within a month.) Could she have decided that I was not generous?
11-06-2004, 08:30 AM
Seajay, I have basically the same take on these facts as Aussieman40 with a few side comments and a slightly different interpretation. Ladies frequently are asking for gifts of cell phones but, here's the catch, after you meet them. If they ask for one before you meet them, tell them either you'll buy one in your own country and deliver it to them personally or you'll buy one in their country for them. The latter is usually the more practical option as Russian keyboards are naturally standard in the countries of the ex-USSR. If you have already met the girl and you are at least half-way serious, it can even be a justified investment if it makes it easier to stay in touch. Often land lines in old apartment blocks are faulty and maybe you want the convenience of contacting her directly.
The fact that she cut off correspondence with you within a month of your intended visit is indicative that she neither had an intention to be serious with you and nor has an intention to be serious with any foreign man. Perhaps she had some feelings for you (she did send you a gift as you pointed out) and was just letting you down easy -- this way you wouldn't waste your money on a fruitless trip. Another kind of scammer would have encouraged your visit and scammed you of gifts and cash while you were visiting. In this case, I think the "I love you" was a candy-coated kiss off.
That is not to say that I don't agree with Aussieman40's contention: in the course of initial correspondence, even after the initial meetings, Russian girls do not profess love; instead, they say something like "I kiss you" or "I strongly embrace you," the latter only if they have met you at least once and the meeting went well.
However, I do slightly disagree on one aspect of Aussieman40's comments. In my experience, some sincere Russian ladies are prouder than others -- some are in fact not-so-proud (granted a minority). Still, there is no justification for sending money before meeting -- ever -- in my book, unless it is to facilitate an imminent meeting e.g. girl needs to take a plane or train to meet you in Kiev, Minsk or Moscow. What if you actually met in person 2 times or more? Then I think, even with some putatively sincere girls, you'll find some pride ebbing in the face of pending budget constraints. There is a tradition of gift-giving but that comes as a consequence of a face-to-face meeting especially when you are invited (and actually go)to the girl's home. Russian girls do not like to be begrudged of an item they feel, given the level of the relationship, they have a right to have -- cheapness is a big turn off for them. If, on the other hand, they ask for something that they know is a bit over the top (or not appropriate given the circumstances) and you turn them down (in a nice way at least) they won't hold it against you -- unless they are scammers.
11-08-2004, 02:21 PM
Gentlemen, thank you for your comments.
Katrine, it would be nice to read yours also. What do you say?
I am heartened that neither of you westerners believe that I behaved untoward. I think that I was generous with my attention and with my gifts. And I courted her like a gentleman. Sooner or later, I would have bought her that cellphone. But internet dating protocol dictates that we should meet first.
And I think that my former cyber-sweetheart, if she had a huge soul, would have understood and excused my behaviour. And even if she was truly offended, her huge soul would not have ignored my pleadings for an explanation. So that I would not still be confused and tormented.
Katrine, this is how we savages of the decadent West think. I hope you can tell me whether this would have been a turn-off to a genuine woman of your country.
And, as you all have probably guessed from my entries elsewhere in this forum, I have certainly moved on. I found a beautiful Trans-Dniestrian girl. :)
11-09-2004, 07:43 AM
Hi, guys!!!! Thanks for your replies... but you fully changed the topic! the topic was called:
"The difference in the mentalities" (Slavic one differs from all the others)
but you wrote so much about scam tricks and so on...
sure it is important for you, cause there were your personal stories... but look, We all are tired of scammers! me even more!!!!!!!!
(can you imagine a simple but proud of herself girl, who just want the same as lots of decent men from abroad... but she is from Donbass region. this region is famous As a SCAM one! Sure everyone will make a bad first opinion about a girl whho lives- where scammers live!)It hurts me cause I know what I am, people who know me- respect me as a personality. They know that I have not pretty face and body only but a lovely mind, kindness and respect to others.
you say " a scammer will never say "I love you" in her letters, but why DO SO MANY MEN DO???????? How should we call them? scammers? who scam girl`s mind and soul? who scam girls for sex?:))) cause Russian proverb says " A woman loves by her ears....." So, let`s men play tricks with the girls who will believe you! no, I don`t support girls who want the money from the men only, but I wonder, why are there so many noise about "broken purses of scammed men", but no noise about "broken hearts of the- same- scammed girls"?
PS: write me on my e-mail if you want
11-15-2004, 02:33 PM
Hello again, Katrine.
Yes, that is what I hope you can tell me about. Slavic Mentality.
Did her Slavic Mentality cause her to reject me? Was I supposed to be more generous than I was?
She did not break my purse. She certainly broke my heart.
And I want to know - was it Slavic Mentality?
I accept there are men who scam women for sex. Personally, I do not.
And I think an Australian sex scammer would not invest in an air fare to Ukraine. There are cheaper ways for them to play out their sleazy, disgusting fixations from here.
12-15-2004, 07:52 AM
read here about our mentality. http://www.lillavilla.com/eng/index.php?option=content&task=view&id=7&Itemid=26
03-13-2005, 10:02 PM
I agree that people are good or evil are found in any country.
Generalizing is maybe a mistake. I too, I tried to find somebody there in Ukraine to live the rest of my life with. I was stupid enough in a critical moment of bifurcation to choose the wrong lady to continue with (thanks to this wonderful site I found in time that she was a scammer) and I left a nice lady, called mesmerisinglady, who most probably isnt a scammer. ..Cause I asked to help her with money and:) she denied. She also was expecting me in Lugansk to come and visit her. I did not, being attracted by the 'sneaky' other one.
so, ...you never know.
If 'mesmerisinglady' reads these lines and is still interested please acccept my apologies and please come back.
A slighly up to immensely idiot..That I was.
I think all men we are slightly idiots, in some aspect of the life at least.
My best regards to all you guys and I wish you nice successwith the really nice and true ladies:)
PS-finally a thousands of thanks to you Stop-scammers people. You saved more than once...
The unsinful has the right to throw the stone first
03-14-2005, 01:56 AM
It's me again, Vasse.
In greek I m called Vassilis, ...anyway.
I should tell something which I ve forgotten.
Our topic is mentality. My opinion is that in the land of the feelings and love the mentality is more or less the same, in any country of the world. The attitudes of males and females arose from their corresponding biological programmes imprinted in the DNA's.
Of course there is an important point in what Katrine says.
The economical situation plays always a role. We need not to be marxists to accept this obvious fact. The biological programme, that is for a Lady (regardless whether she is young, russian, brazilian or greek, regrdless of her occupation etc) that she strives to build a regime where she will be the Queen.
Unfortunately many ladies, especially young ones are becoming betrayed by men in trying to obtain this. Many young ladies see their obvious dreams (also because of socioeconomic reeasons biasing the play)to get in ruins...
I sympathize very much with those young ladies.
In this age (-20 up tp 23 y/o)the ladies usually do not scam.
Here are the results of a small statistics study I did based on the data of 300 scammers reported in the stp scammers site.
Too young (and also older than 35 ladies) rarely scam.
Out of 300 cases,in 3/3 i.e. in approximately 200 of the cases the age par excellence of a typical scammer lies between 24 and 29 years!!
Only 55 out of 300 cases were in the age 24- and 49 in the age 29+
Probably this wants something to say.
Use your imagination.
Have you ever thought my dear male friends that this is the typical age when the Lady is in a mood of revenge?
Of course if there is a lady scamming. I dont include maffia cases where a guy is back the organized scammer procedure.
But talking about ladies. My belief is that no lady is in principle bad. The circumstances may convert such to what we call a bad girl.
Jesus knew that, very well.
I shall be very glad to get comments.
Again a nice week end to everybody.
The unsinful has the right to throw the stone first
Tex N Arabia
03-16-2005, 09:34 PM
Mentalities... yes, let's not loose focus. I have to say that AmericanRichard and Katrine/Vasse have some very good points. I can only say one thing... the gal I'm very focused on has run short on cash for her 'certificate', has shut off her cell phone, and turned off her profile at her agency. When I told her I would send a little bit so she could get the cell phone back on, she refused, and said:
[in an e-mail]... that there are many scammers and I will do what it takes to make ends meet. This will just be a difficult time for us to bear and our meeting is most important.... so forth. That was 6 weeks ago.
She still drops me a line every two or three days. I think I have a good one here. She has two jobs, like most, shares a flat with her girlfriend, and sends photos with the calendar behind her, or some way of showing she is 'real'. She answers all questions, in detail, though her letters are brief, and has never asked for anything of any value. She'll answer questions I asked 2 or 3 weeks ago as well. Of course I'm still on guard too. In 3 months of writing, she has never said anything about loving me, just that she feels good and has a positive attitude that things will be good when we meet. I'm still on guard, and have other ladies lined up.
So let's talk about mentality. If I can sit in a "KaPHe" in Kharkov and drink a 16oz. Stella for .60cents U.S., order two meals for me (my God the portions are small), and order a meal for her, in an excellent restaurant, a bottle of wine, and 3 or 4 side dishes (small servings) and walk out having spent US $35, not including a $5 tip (waiters earnings for that day), then the girl knows that I can take care of her, and not a tight-ass. But wait, there's more... I need to know this gal as well. Sending a little bit doesn't hurt if you haven't met, it's the risk you take, but you can send $50 (possibly get burnt) and let her know that it's expected that you will be in contact. If you can't afford that, you can't afford that. If you want to chase down your love in the CIS, you better get ready to drop US$10K at a minimum, and a year of your time. If you can't afford that, you need to get out. In another forum somebody wrote about Western men and FSU/CIS women... it's two different cultures and that is the biggest thing you have to deal with. Here's another thing...
I'm divorced now, and on a few occasions had my family overseas with me, like in Indonesia. On some occasions they had to stay State side. My point is this, remember, you have to support two households (company takes care of me on single status), and maintain a "long distance relationship". Again, there's risk that you may have a leach sucking all the 'green' out of you, but nothing is free, and risk exists even in the strongest marriage. You two have to agree on an allowance, you have to see her every 3 or 4 months and you have to "trust and believe" in what BOTH of you are doing, and be certain that you truly love each other. Period. Bottom line... you have to know and understand each other, and each other's cultures. If two people want it to work, it will work. How much risk are you willing to take and how much are you willing to spend? That's where you're mentality needs to be. Later...
USA Mike In Saudi
Been there, done that!!
Met a girl on the internet from Russia, corresponded, fell in love being sure that it was mutual, decided it was time to meet, I'm sure you know the routine.
Before deciding to meet the girl I, being my usual Mr. well prepared, got all the information I could lay my hands on, and even bought the e-book from the famous lady that gives you the fool proof way to a Russian girls heart, carefully noting all the requirements for a "worthy" husband sure that it would only be a matter of going through the motions and then I would have my Russian princess and live happily ever after.
After the 27 hour journey that I found extremely frustrating, and in which my luggage was lost I arrived in her city to be met by her at the airport.
About two days later I realized that all was not the way that I imagined (usually I am much faster in catching on - I will blame it on the total disorientation of being in a country that nobody understood you and everything is different). Although being very "nice" she was clearly not in love with me, and to ad insult to injury she seemed not interested at all to find out more about my country to which we were supposed to depart to in the very near future.
In our way of thinking it would not have been "polite" to have someone travel half way around the world for a vist when you were not fairly sure that you are going to marry him. I have read that their income are not what we would consider a good salary and expected that she would have some respect for hard earned money. The opposite proved to be true, and in my view she helped me spend as much as possible, and when I asked her to recomend a restaurant she would always choose one that was about twice as expensive as in my own country. Apart from that she insisted that we go on "excursions" to cultural sites and taking it for granted that I pay the way for us and her friends that went with, with only an ofhand remark about it being more fun when enjoyed with company. I think the most expensive of these cost around 700 US dollars for a days entertainment that I would not have got out of bed for in my country. Being warned beforehand by the book about appearing cheap, I pretended not to notice, and I was very happy that I had transferred enough funds in my credit card for the unlikely event of having to buy her a plane ticket to come home with me. It would be a once of expense in any case so I paid with a smile and pretended to enjoy myself while almost freezing to death, and suffering a permanently semi-upset stomach from all the fatty (but tasty) food that I am not used to.
We got along very well and had a lot of fun, and after a few romantic evenings I was sure that in the end, if I was patient enough all will turn out well. What is money after all when you are with your dream girl?
What finally made me loose my cool, was when she happily announced that I must realize that if we were to get married it would have to be in Russia, as it is tradition of the mariage agency that all their girls get married there. I never pretended to be rich, but being forewarned about complaining about money I never objected to the extremely overpriced excursions or dinners, but suddenly the image of a repetition of the whole trip came into my mind and I totally lost it for a moment. Where I come from people try to be reasonable and when it comes to true love both should be willing to make some compromises. Feeling that I could scream from frustration, and start banging my head against the wall to wake me from this nightmare, I took a deep breath and patiently explained to her that this would be a once off trip for me and that I will not be able to afford it again. I also said to her that I know it is important for her to get married with her friends present, but that she would have to carefully consider what is more important.
I left her with the unsaid understanding that we would never see each other again, and a half hearted promise that she would come for a visit to South Africa.
I still do not "get it", but if there is one thing that I have learned it would be that if I had asked the right questions, I would have got honest answers. And if you assume that they are willing to leave their country and life of what we would consider poverty, just because you made the effort to go to Russia, you are wrong.
If there is some advice that cost me about 6000US dollars to learn and I can give to all cosidering marrying a Russian woman, for free, it would be not to assume anything at all, and be prepared to pay an arm and a leg for the privilege to marry a true princess.
My search continues, but next time I will make certain that she is willing to come to me, and rather risk losing a good one, than to go through that process again.
Wish you luck, my fellow Russian wife hunters!!! (Bet you I will find the most beautiful one)
05-06-2005, 11:50 PM
To the agry South African dude...WHAT DID YOU EXCPECT??
You want a princess? Be a prince! You are obviously not. Moody, touchy, whining individual with a sense of entitlement is not a prince. Cheap... yeah, cheap, regardless how much you spent on this trip, you just pretended to be generous, no heart here. So the lady wanted to have her wedding with her friends and relatives around and that pissed you off???? Really? Have you thought that she will have to spend the rest of her life away from all those who loved her, and move to some South Africa to be with some moody and cheap you??
And why the hell would you expect someone to fall in love with you over the internet? She gave you a chance. That was generous enough. You blew it. And you know why? Because you don't deserve this chance. If you want a regular woman that would appreciate your cheap manners...look around in your neighbourhood. But no! You want an exotic beauty, a princess, a dream lady, well, dude for that you have to be a dream lord for her, and not a pissed off wussy.
05-14-2005, 09:58 AM
Did you at least get some booty for $6000 spent? Tell the truth, be a man ;)
06-25-2005, 06:59 PM
I just want to tell my story, last year i found a Ukrainen girl on a marraige agency.... well she found me. We send letters to each other for about 6 months and i fall for her looks nothing else. After some time i thound why not go there to see her, i did not think anything would happen at all and when i got back to my country i could say to myself that i have tried to see a Ukrainen girl because i have thoud about meet one for so long. But it happend this girl was more beautiful in reality than on pictures and she also said that i looked better than on my pictures :) well she had to work so we could only be together after her work, i did not expect anything from her but i must say i felt for her because she was so normal and did not expect anything from me, ok i paid for everything but hey i would also have done it in my country if i was with a girl. I will not say that she was in love with me but there was "something" between us. Now i'm back in my country and we are still writing to each other and i will go there again to September. My point to this story is remember Russian/Ukrainen girls are human beings and have feelings too, no one can expect to be loved on first sight....give it time, follow your heart and use your normal senses then everything will be fine (i hope).
08-25-2005, 08:51 PM
can somebody lend me 50 bucks please?
i have two women that want to meet me. the visa i can easily forge it. travel i can jump on a ship. ok i may have to throw the coal in the steamer or clean the diesel pumps but hey! it will be free
i'm saving hard. up to now have US$70 saved. i wonder what my princesses will cost me :)
ping! just had a thought. better ask them if they have back gardens. need somewhere to pitch my tent when i am there. :)
to be or not to be. that is the question.
09-20-2005, 05:23 PM
IS natalka a guy?
Duuuuuuuuuude , you got some tude.
the journey is the reward
10-06-2005, 08:21 AM
Generally the income in east european countries is a lot less as in the west, I guess this is an open door.
Goods and services are cheaper too.
They cannot afford a creditcard, they cannot travel to a foreign country.
If they have a real good job and they are not very young, they sometimes have a car.
A lot of woman are divorced, have one or more children and their first priority is taking care of their family, not only their own children, but in many cases also their parents or brother/sister without work.
It is crazy to send money to a woman you hardly know and have exchanged some emails with, tells you she is in love in her 5th email and have send you some steamy pictures.
But when you have established a lasting and serious relationship, you should pay for inviting her to your country.
When you have been invited to her family a few times and have met some of her friends, you know she is serious about you.
10-06-2005, 10:18 AM
sorry folks but balony and i agree with duchy on this one
i have just come back from russia. my "fiancee" drives a ford escort. her father has a 4x4 (in uk looking at about 34,000 UK Pounds for one of them).
the main people i saw driving lada cars are actually the police! yeah sometimes you see the odd "russian car or van or truck" but loads of french, english, swedish and other foreign cars and even mercs!
tv's are mostly sanyo or LG. settees real leather.
ok maybe find it odd that her parents have the main bedroom and sitting room combined. but as far as i could understand they took one of the rooms and have the younger daughter living there.
money yeah, it may be to us ridiculous. but then again a double vodka in a hotel is 50 roubles. that is about 1US$ 80cents. so what? in uk a double vodka will knock you back about 7 dollars.
can get a "heck if i know what it is called but it was like what we call a sicilian pizza" from a street vendor for 10 roubles. that is about 50 cents.
NO i NEVER sent her a penny. actually my trip was planned a long time before i EVEN started writing to her. she learnt i was visiting russia. she said will come to meet me and say hello. kind of "find out who am writing to".
i was supposed to go to a place called vyborg. i finished in yaroslavl. i liked her "physically". cannot say "emotionally" because we had only been talking to each other about 5 e mails. she liked me as well. we thought it will be good to spend a week with each other to get to know each other better.
first night i went to give her a kiss. she told me not to as she hardly knew me. second night got two kisses and she took my hand. we got to know each other better in time.
but all this "break my heart i am broke" and "she is a princess" and bla bla bla give me a break!
and MOST OF ALL. remember the old saying: start as you intend to continue
DO NOT try to impress her with loads of gifts. loads of money spending and what not.
in my opinion, girls are not impressed with bragging. personally anybody who brags about how much money spent on an air ticket, spending whilst on holiday etc etc i cannot stand. it means "i am better then you" which to me, nobody is. people are my equal.
and bragging and trying to be "flash" means one thing. you get married. take her to mcdonalds and the first thing that goes through her head is "is this what i let myself in for"????? yeah! see how fast she leaves you and shoots back to russia or where she came from.
think about it. you drive a ford. lets say about 8 years old. pick up a woman. take her to mcdonalds. she kinds of expects it.
you drive a porche worth 40,000 UK Pounds. you take her to mcdonalds. she will order a taxi while you are waiting in the queue! :D
just be honest with her. i told her i am not a rich man. i am middle class. she accepted it. thats it. i told her i want to come back to see her again. she said she wants me to as well. i told her, i can come back shortly but will not have much cash to spend. (air ticket is about UKPounds 250 which is not really expensive. it is the spending money that matters). she said ok. stay at her home. if we need to stay in every day. maybe just go out on weekend. but all this about sending expensive gifts, sending money to woo her!!!!!
give me a break will you!!!!!! and last and not least...... is it not give and take in a relationship?
to all russian scammers: i am somewhat of a bullshi*ter myself but i do like to listen to a professional. please carry on
10-06-2005, 12:29 PM
You are right.
They are very sensitive about bragging, never give her a feeling you are more than she is or have more money as she does.
They are proud women.
10-17-2005, 06:54 AM
"Ciao" to you all! I'm Davide from Italy, 32yo. I uncovered some scammers but fortunately it didn't cost me nothing but time and a mix of delusion-sadness-rage. One, from Russia, fortunately I didn't like her because half not my type half my instinct made me be suspicious. Other two said were afro-american but in Nigeria with absurd stories too to tell. Clearly scammers which asked for money "to come back to the USA". I'm ingenuous, just like all those which prefer to trust and bla bla bla, but not stupid at all. I had two great delusions with a belorussian [a love-story lasted 4 years...I can tell a lot aabout those years to explain but it takes too much time and you don't need to read a book of psycology...do you?] and a russian [almost 1 year and a half-2]...no scamming fortunately but perhaps worse because it doesn't concerns money but a lot more...it concerns life because "a thing of life" indeed. Perhaps I need to make an introduction...I think it can help to discuss our topic here. Here I go!
Well...for the first one I've lost a lot more than money. I've been in Minsk in a winter spending almost one month -- I arrived there as gift before SantaClaus on that 24th december -- living with her in her divorced aunt's home where she lived for studying University. One month as a normal couple with highs and lows under the same roof, in the same room and on the same bed. I can't tell you everything about that but for those curious ones of you yes we made love and only one regret I have now after the split! [}:)] We lived quite all the time at home...hey it was deep winter too! We went out sometimes...as a couple normally does for the ordinary shopping, some walk, some visit to the city. Never gone to nightclubs or discos just some lunch at 2-3 McDonalds...we spent a couple of hours outside almost everyday, someday more. We went once at the Circus with a cousin and her cousin's son...maybe you're not surprised to know that I hate even only hearing about "Circus" now...and the sad thing is that I loved Circus till then and working in a Circus was a dream of my childhood!!! [:o)] I bought lots of music CD [damn...bought for a couple of dollars or 3 what I paid 30 dollars in Italy!] and listened a lot of music with her who loved to sing. Some of those CDs and of the "romance-tasty music" I stopped to listen to since then too! Why? Don't ask for details...she was all my life...because even the most private and intimate parts of me and my life story I told her between a **** and another [yeah...now I have to consider all that only as a **** to not go crazy at the thought of those oasis of paradise!]...with no-no-no-secret! It was real love...it was real love for me and was real love for her! She even bought a CDs course of italian and a dictionary and she started to study italian with my help...please don't let me tell more...please you there believe me...I cannot sum up 4 years of events and feelings and sensations in only few lines of a forum! It was deep true love for both!!! Her eyes were sincere even too much sincere...she wasn't acting at all...all those parts of my life story and of my soul made all her doubts fade away...she couldn't not love me! And I loved her even more for that. We were as one. And we resolved to definitively get married after her degree six month later. We went even in Dacia where she was born and lived till she went to the University...to make me know those places and to meet her father [her mother died just before to know -- her not her mother -- me for correspondence via airmail]...an old hunter...****...I still remember the way I shoke his ill hands and with the language of the eyes I promised him, and he understood that, "I will do my best to make your daughter happy"! ****!****! ****! All the times I think of that....I go wild! Believe me...I don't suffer anymore for all the rest but this thing...this thing makes me furious, absolutely furious!!! :(
Then I left...and my instict talked to me just while I saw her and her cousin turn and walk away while I walked in the opposite direction to take off. "I won't see her anymore" I thought seeing the way she walked! Why didn't I turn again and stay there? ****! i know the things could be different now! We heard each other quite everyday, regularly and it was all perfect till half of the following March...in a couple of calls a strange silence of her lovely side...I mean...she didn't respond to my "I love you" with the same but with a "me too" for example..."what's wrong?" I said..."I'll write in a letter" her reply...something was wrong...I felt that from her voice. I thought she had problems with the University, I thought were problems of delay to reach me in Italy in the summer for the marriage...I even thought...."she's pregnant and wants to find the right words to tell me I was becoming father...and I was...I was....I was crazy...crazy of happiness at the thought of a dream coming true...a son with the first woman who loved me!]...but i won't never know...I won't knoww the truth. One day...it was...1st of April....yeah...the Fool's Day! I called her by night for the goodnight...i asked her about the letter with explanations...and the answer arrived by phone. "I realized i don't love you anymore, not enough...perhaps I only believed to the illusion to love you..."...imagine...imagine the world falling down all in a sudden..."Why? Why? Why?...only few months are missing..." "I cannot marry you...I feel I need to be free, to meet people, enjoy life..."...the earth below my feet breaking in two and swallowing me..."But you are free with me you know...we'll meet people...lots of people...we'll enjoy life...together..."...and down...rivers of tears, my numb voice sobbing...my despair...her tears ..."Don't cry please...don't make me cry...it's already hard enough for me to tell this..."...her way to confort me and the tears of mine thick like blood from my heart...the call was over..I closed the phone needing to leave the street and go home to die onto my bed...the reaction of my parents suffering seeing me into despair, like they never saw me before, for a reason they ignored...and my brother words "I told you she was going to hurt you...russian women are able to make you suffer like nobody else in the world! What's up? Is she pregnat? I will give a blow to her stomach!"...****! He's a musician...younger than me 4 years but my opposite... a real Casanova with many experiences with russian women...I never listened to him...I follow my way always...they thought it wasn't a serious thing...I never told them my plans for my future. I wrote he letters, emails...tried to call her...no letter back, calls denied and emails with the most cruel words...believe me if I say I've got a great oratory...i can convince people to act making them use the reason and she knew that...and in fact stopped to wite to me and to respond...she finished all the arguments...all the words to oppose to my reasonable arguments and words. Now I don't hear her since them...we communicated via email using a private shared emailbox in those years...no answer...only silence from her, no news...she kept using that emailbox for her things...she was used to play with online casino...her only vice...so there was always lots of spam and other ****...she used that to communicate with her friend who married an french man and happily lived in France, she used that even to communicate with another friend she had in the USA where she has been for a university program one year before...we were already together of course...you see...she was free to live, with me...no chain I never had for her...and I've never been jealous at all...one morning after made love we talked and I asked her what she wanted to do as job in Italy and joking she responded "The pornstar!" and I joking replied "Ok we can make movies together..."...so...another reason why to be sure ours was LOVE...if she wanted she could take advantage of being already in the States and to remain there! Anyway...I checked the email regularly [it was under my name so...I had all the right to check out MY email, right?] and nothing bad I found apart the spam of casino...but I was realizing her aim were the States [what a stupid girl...for my work she could travel freely wherever she wanted id only she was patient enough...but i tell you later] where she left part of her heart...no...not a man yet...the time was passing by...almost half an year and another half from her split...just the time to manage to forget about me I think and I've got good reasons why to think this way! She posted a profile on freepersonals...I was reading all the messages she received...she was using OUR email for that...nothing happened...I think she found her man in a ordinary way...I red a message that suggested me he was a guy she knew going out with her room-mates [she was with a university girl-mate in the states] and her room-mate's friends...there were messages with usual greetings as "how is your friend Alan? And Jane?"..."When will you resolve to come back in the USA?"...as you see it was all very normal...I red those messages often before she opened them so I deleted them...suddenly the password was changed! My emailbox was inaccessible for me the owner!!! This the last things I know about her...i never call her or her aunt or father...never wrote to her anymore. And neither she did. What happened to me all that time? ****! Do you know HELL? I've lived in Hell for two long years and the scars are still fresh...try to figure it out...****! You there...consider this: I'm an italian designer [Graphics, Advertising&Communicatio and now even Webdesign&management and even more] with recognized talent, winner of a 2nd prize on 1996 and selected as one of besst 30 designers under35 on 1998...I'm even an artist of talent with 60 digital paintings of great dimesions [all 2m*2m each...some 2m*4m] online...when I was with her I was working hard to make her life a life worth to be lived...it was very very difficult because my work is fascinating but it takes great sacrifices at the beginning. She left me not becasue she didn't love me I think...she simply was scared or bothered with waiting for the results of my work or...who knows? She's never been able to talk about that with me because it was Arab my work for her! And when you're ignorant about something you're scared. This is a matter of mentality too. I'm sure she would regret for having split with me if she could see what's happening now in my life! When she left me all my world fell down...I opened a design studio with a friend and then we closed that because I lost all my enthusiasm for my work and all my concentration at work...we lost all our clients and I lost my life. It was as everything had no sense anymore I was just into pieces...smallest pieces scattered all away...imagine the HELL and my life was even sorse! It lasted almost one year since that Fool'sDay and I found finally the power, at the end, to try to raise from dust...I came back to Milan to restart to study [web Management]...trying to forget but i couldn't... I posted a couple of profiles on web....freepersonals.ru and bride.ru but nothing was interesting enough to break the stone I had in my heart. My profile was different I think, from all the profiles of men. I thought only veeeery patient scammers could rebe intersted into a man whose profile sense was "No tripe for [*****]cats"! [}:)] Serioulsy...I've always been sincere about myself...I never hid anything about my way of life, my difficulties, my absolute refusal to financially support a woman. I wrote I wanted only a independent woman with a finacial autonomy and nothing to ask to me. I wrote I was looking for a manager, just a manager to work with me and take care of the management of the design agency I'm trying to create from the beginning. I found none of course...perhaps because I wrote she had to be even my muse and pose for my paintings? Boh! Only a couple of girls I found...they contaced me...were whole different from each other...one very skinny...very pretty and interesting...perfect for posing for my watercolours...and all the contary of my ex. She was finishing to study at the university and now she did. The other was...was just incredible! She was the female side of me...same zodiac sign [same birthdate!] and perfect as muse for beauty and for the talent to always look different but to be always herself. We lived similar situations and suffered the same way...she was at the beginning of her university and firmly willing to get her degree...I can't write more apart that she wasn't a scammer for sure...we talked always deeply exchanged photos even of our childhood and teenage and...well...it couldn't work anyway...we were copy of each other by nature! Really...and two similar can drive back...moreover I couldn't wait four years for her degree! Russian girls [she was 19] value their education essential and I agree...so why to hurt her? I chose to keep on with the acquaintance of the skinny girl, even if it was hard to day goodbye to the sexiest girl I could find...besides she was a better copy [her body] of my ex...a thing that hurt me and attracted me notwithstanding the weight of my memories! Anyway...a couple of years passed and me and the skinny have broke. The problem? she's another who's scared by the unknown and byt the things she doesn't understand...a fragile and stubborn girl...a terrible mix. Now she is in Germany as au-pair, made me a ring [making rings allows to save money and to say to the other "I'm thinking of you and kissing you and missing you..." ]from there yesterday morning but I didn't reply. What does she mean with that!? And you? No suggestion for me? What have i to do? This is just a case of different mentalities...she's honest for sure, I know...she never asked money or given hints for that...never...she's proud and stubborn...our problems started with the problem of communication...she's a degre in languages and speaks a perfect english...the misunderstandings depend on her being fragile, sensible but proud and stubborn! I'm working on a very important project, the first for my new Design Agency...a website to complete, for around 10.000? , a good sum enough to move my Agency to London...I can't tell in details. She knows about that anyway....but she doesn't understand how it works...and she's doubtful about the results of this project. These women thinks everything depends on our will only...but that's wrong...consider my project...the webiste is for a competition for literature and poetry about Ferrari [sports'cars] and the sponsorships are in the approval procedure...the money for me is only a minimum part [the whole project isn't mine] of the whole sponsorships. These procedures are slow...and I have only to wait. Then I will have to complete the website...one month will pass for sure before I can finally move.
She doesn't understand that. She wants to see me...this is the only way shecan cancel all her doubts. I know she's not a scammer...but who knows...what if she's a cold calculator with great intelligence [sometimes I say to myself she's stupid too sometimes...but I avoid to tell her that!] who's waiting the right time for the sting as a blackwidow?
I don't know...I think I love her but I'm not sure to love her enough to risk a delusion again. She's like a rubberband...one week ago she told me her feelings for me changed...turned cool...just when I told her I was organizing to go to meet her in Germany before I move to London. "Not now - she said - else this family will think bad of me..." and I agree with this at least...she arrived to Germany about a week ago. The situation is absurd...it's happening the same thing twice...just when I caress the idea of the living with the woman I love, finally, she hasdoubts! Ok...it's reasonable...we never met face to face...but goddamn...I know myself enough to understand when I love or not! Why doesn't she? Simple...she's afraid. I haven't another reasonable answer for my heart.
i'm not serching for her now...I preferred to let her think better about the situation. If she will realize to miss me she will write with her requests of pardon and she will get them. Maybe.
What do you think? Now i posted another profile in many websites to catch the greater audience...unfortunately most of them ask money to read the incoming messages and to reply [Meetic...date.com...] and I don't want to pay. Only freepersonals.ru and CupidBay provides a more userfriendly services! Nayway...I received many contacts nothwithstanding my profile is made to select a lot just at the beginning. Scammers or Dreamers..I don't know...you scared me...your stories scared me...and now I doubt even of those who seem sincere and honest. One of them is a scammer for sure [I reported her...an she was already famous! Her email now is email@example.com ...the details are in the report i posted yesterday] and I'm suspicious for some other too...one fell in love after few messages...sure I gave her good reasons why to "fell in love with me" but her systematical avoiding my questions seems to be a bad signal. I told her to respond to my question else I was stopping with my letters for her so I did. She disappeared since 6 days already. Clearly a scammer...but I didn't find her here...perhaps she's new with scamming...even because she's clearly missing practice!
I knew even some who are interesting for me and seems genuine but I'm afraid. Stopscammers is a wonderful service but...who will give us some optimistic sign and some hope?
Why is it so hard to trust on people? As you all wrote, more or less, is that [b]mentality is the key to understand the reasons of all these misunderstandings and fears and frauds...mentality but evn more. I think the reasons are many more and even more complicate than it seems. Gosh...I wrote a endless message I see. I wonder how many of you arrived to read till this word!
Well...I'm tired...I will write more the next time about "mentality" and other lectures'keys... Please leave your comments and if someone wants to help me to find some answer to my many many questions please do it!!! Especially you Katrine....your point of view seems relevant a lot considering your eye of woman!
That's all for now... Bye, Davide [B)]
10-17-2005, 08:07 AM
I feel sorry for you, especially for your first relation. Of course I do not know her and when we are in love we tend to ignore small signals, but it seems to me she got cold feet, she probably got scared of leaving her family, friends, etc and leave for the unknown.
I think the "skinny" one is just too young, at 19 you have no idea what live is about.
What happened to you can also happen with a woman from the west, trust me, I know :), she needed her freedom too.
I have no good advice for you.
Take care and pick up your life
10-17-2005, 02:33 PM
Thanks for your comments Ducthy013...there are some misunderstandings about my words...I noticed, reading my post again, that I made some mistakes with english and the whole post has some confused parts but i wrote it down all at once. Well...first...the skinny girl isn't 19...the 19yo girl was the other, the sexiest...and now she's older of course. That's all I can say about her. The skinny one instead is already 25yo now so you can guess the reasons are others. I think she's simply trying to understand what her life shall be now that she got her degree. She started to work teaching in a school and with private lessons in order to buy a cell to keep in touch with me and to help her mother to live. She did also to wait for my coming there to finally meet her after one year she expected me to come. I think we lived the situation in which a couple can live even being together here in Italy but living one in the south and the other in the north...or like in couples in which the man is away with the army for example. I said...she's simply trying to have some certainty for her life, nothing aout of the world...we all need to find stability in our life and searching for love abroad is one way to make it possible. Here comes the argument of discussion...mentality! Mentality and different ways to face our personal situations. In this case...her problem is simple...she lives with her parents...her father goes drunk veryoften and her mother lives the situation in which the wives become victims of their husband bad habits. They still live together, with the consequences you can figure out easily. She's afraid for her mother and afraid to leave her alone with her father. She many times told me she hates her father. A sad scenario of course. She left to work in Germany by the way because she needed to change something in her and her mother life. And I always supported her with what I could give her: love and comprehension. And good hopes for the future. The same I have for myself. In russian mentality, for the experience of mine, has a tradictional point of view about life and roles and rules of a couple but even about man's tears too for example. I never fet ashame for my tears...in general they see a sign of weakness in the man's tears. Nothing can be more wrong thatn this. In my case I can say my tears saved me many times in my life overcoming the difficulties. The tears can make a man a lot stronger and in my case that's absolutely true. My best result in life I had just in the heaviest and hardest moments of my life, the most positive things I did I have did just when i was in the dust. I fall down but I always raise again. I can say I fall always standing!All the russian and easthern women I knew have the same vision about men's tears and about weakness...perhaps they imagine the man as those man of a old old advertising for a man's perfume saying "...for the man that doesn't ask. Never!". And never cries I can say. in my vision nothing's more wrong. By the way...they in general think a man's role is to take care of a woman and support her in everything and to never be weak. She wasn't different and it was already a good thing that she agreed with me about the necessity for a woman to work and to be independent. I always told her of my history and present, since the first letter i wrote her...and she always agreed to be with me. We fell in love....i did, she did. But she's living now the moment in which the choices for life are crucial. All a life depends on the choices we make now. She probably thought that she can have hopes now being in Germany to do something good on her own for her won future...I think she thinks, on one hand, that she can have success in life even without me, and on the other hand, that hardly she can find a man like me. Believe me...people feels good with me...they fall in love [I mean everybody...from folks to friends and whom I talk with] for my seriousness, my respect and my capacit to make peopla feel confortable with me. She knows is hard to find a real attentive man and goodlistener too for example...and I think she's still attracted by these things in me. But I even think she's afraid of the future I can assure to the family and children she can have with me...she already told me that so many times....and it's reasonable to have doubts and to think even in bad way. Life is strange and the evil is always behind the corner. What I don't accept [and here comes the factor mentality] is the idea that any woman ho claims to be optimist acts like the worse pessimist on earth! I mean...we agreed since the beginning of our relationship that whatever we need in our life together we had to work for togehter. It's too confotable to rely on the other's responsibilities only refusing to take the own responsibilities too. Ok, you don't understand what I'm doing for you with my work...ok...but make questions at least, show interest, discuss with me...and I try to give explanations. With open communication and sense of complicity. She tried but all my words seem to encorurage her sometimes and sometimes not, sometimes she smiles and trusts sometimes she's severe and attacks you. Talking we overcame so many discussions and so many misunderstandings we had just talking...we asked for pardon to each other many times like a man and a woman in love do. My parents fight since 35 years already and they're still together! So...the problem is another. But which one? perhaps I have to talk with her again, perhaps I need to not change my mind to go to Germany to meet her and talk face to face...just to realize and solve the real problems. And I know it all depends on that...not only because we would finally make love [she claims to be still virgin and knowing her I'm sure she is! Many of her behaviours and fears were the classical one of a virgin and, sometimes, of a frigid too!!!]...I mean...making love I talk a lot about life's sense...a thing women say to go crazy for. I don't know what a cigarette is! Seriously...I know how important are the eyes and the body language...I work into communication and advertising since I was 15you so I know enough about every type of language and communication. That's why I'm sure we can solve whatever problem and misunderstanding in a word only, or in a caress or in hte eyes crossing... She knows that and in fact she made rings to me just to say "I told you my feelings for you are cool now...but you know you can warm them up!" I guess...no other reasonable explanation I can find to this. The problem now is mine not her one...perhaps the doubts are mine. "Is she the right woman for real? Are the frequent misunderstanding of the last period a bad signal? I think this problem is just the same, in the substance, I had with my ex, the first one. I mean...the faults were mine, the faults of mine were my life, my story, and a not perfect idea of the future of mine I managed to transmit to the women of my life. Oh...I tried, I did my best, I've lwyas tried to be more transparent than the cleanest glass! But perhaps I need to have tokens of the future I can give to my life of couple. I need to prove with facts the goodness of my longterm sowing of magnificent seeds...i need to make my woman taste with me the fruits of my hard work and of all my efforts. I know I can, I know the time of "catching the fruits and the flowers" has finally come again after the great delusion i told in my previous post. I know my life is an example of what a man can build up from nothing and from the ruins of the nothing itself. I think mine is a perfect painting representing LIFE of humans! I don't know...perhaps in your mentality I'm a foll or a madman or what else...perhaps I need to find a real special woman who can tolerate a man like me with all my limits and to see into these limits of mine a surprising future. Who knows? For sure I'm here in this world to stake on myself, wise or crazy only the history will tell! "Behind a great man there's always a great woman"...the old sayings are often still wise sayings...
Well...another long post of mine...I think I can open a blog about my life! Would you read it regularly with interest? :D Ladies and gentlemen...I wait for new posts of yours...katrine your comments are still welcome too. I need the point of view of a woman...
Greetings to you all...Davide [B)]
10-17-2005, 03:14 PM
Thanks for your interesting, but sad story.
I have experience with ladies from the east, Ukraine, Moldova and Russia. There is definitieve a difference in mentality, it makes it more difficult to understand each other, besides the language problems, but at the same time, this is one of the attractive sides of these ladies too.
I am dating a lady from Ukraine for quit some time and we do have plans to live together next year, but even after such a long time we have our misunderstandings because of mentality and language.
You can talk for an hour, thinking you have understood each other and finding out later you misunderstood each other again :)
It comes down to the will to adapt to each other, give and take, patience, try to avoid principle points of view and look at things at a more practicle point.
The experience in this is for both partners almost the same, she feels the same way as you do.
My advice, get into your car, drive up to Germany and stay some time with her, take her to Italy this Christmas. If you both really want this to work spent time together, as much as possible.
You can drive to Germany for a week or even a long weekend, that is, if you live in the northern part of Italy, which I guess you do, since you write good English :D
Keep me informed
10-17-2005, 05:36 PM
Thanks again Dutchy013 [please...yours name?],
...I'm sorry to disappoint you twice...but I don't live in north Italy but in Sardinia and I speak english better than many others [sometimes better than english people as they admit honestly too!] do simply because I'm not so stupid to ignore the most important language in the world! And I don't have neither the driving license...don't ask me why...the answer is that I don't need that and I will start to think about that only when I'll be in condition to buy a Porsche Carrera [to keep faith to a old promise of mine]!
Anyway...you're right...perhaps I need to go there to stay with her, as I already planned, for a week or two before I move to London. I have even a cousin of mine with his family in Hamburg so it's easy for me to go there with zero problems. The fact is that I'm afraid now...afraid because I see there are reason why to not trust into a relationship with her anymore...I agree with you about the importance of the patience and the dialogue and all the rest...but I learnt is hard to make a woman lose her fears and doubts....i don't know...I wait for a message of her, a signal of opening of her. I think she needs time...as a saying teaches...."In love who runs away wins" and in this case i hope into it. I need time too...because i'm waiting for the results about the sponsorhips for the project I'm working to and it will take about one month before the project is complete. And what if something goes wrong and I get no money at all? What would I say to her? "Baby sorry but everything turned wrong and i got no money to leave!"!??? Nooo...you see...i need time too. She's right when she said "Let's be frineds now and let's see what happens..."...I replied to her it was impossible for me to treat her as a friend if I love her and what I need most is to make love with her not to talk like friends. What a friend? I'm not her friend...not if my feelings are the feelings of a man in love...no...too much suffering for me...and I already had enough! I have all a lifetime still to face difficulties and to suffer...I already have a dramatic situation now because my pockets are empty and if it lasts along still I shall be forced to leave all my plans in a box and to forget about them! I need the serenity of a love relationship and the presence of a lovely supporting woman by my side...she was fantastic till the first difficulties came and the misunderstanding started too...and now....now I need serenity, a serenity she can't give to me anymore. Serenity inside of my heart of course. Life is crule and it won't never be easy to live! She seems to not take it under the right consideration...or perhaps she's simply trying to not see the reality in its whole...
Sorry...I'm tired to tell all these things all together...it helps to share these things with another man who can understand my situation but there's a limit to all...my head now is overflowing with thoughts and emotions...and I feel a great headache! I feel a stone in my chest...a stone with blood still in...a stone that keeps on bleeding...
10-17-2005, 05:50 PM
Maybe she is waiting for you to make an openeing, as you are witing for her.
Be practical, give her a call and GO!
I had some financial set backs last year, she could nor care less.
Give her some credit and when you are there, straighten things out and make it clear what you want and what she wants.
10-22-2005, 04:57 AM
as dutchy said....
a lot of misunderstanding can be due to way english is spoken, dialect, accent used, phrases used and other things....
i have just spent a week with a russian girl (and her 14 year old daughter). it was kind of cool as the mother will translate something for the daughter and vice versa. plus the odd usage of the dictionary.....
BUT ONE THING I LEARNT.......
do NOT ASSUME that because she is looking at you, nodding her head while you are talking she is understanding you.
i did this a few times. then i found out that if i ask her if she understands what i said, she will reply.......
a little :D:D:D
so say a sentence. ask her if she understands. then another sentence and ask again if she understands. you will be surprised by how many words they do not understand what they mean.
otherwise what happens is, you assume she understood. she assumes what you mean. take the first three letters of the word assume and you finish with two asses. ;);)
and last but not least...........
never ever assume that she will tell you the whole truth and that she intends to keep her promises 100%. remember, all women hold this perogative (and that means any woman from any country).
to all russian scammers: i am somewhat of a bullshi*ter myself but i do like to listen to a professional. please carry on
12-01-2005, 08:01 AM
What happened to Davide?
Did he meet this girl?
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