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Thread: Second opinion?
10-09-2004, 03:48 PM #1Junior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2004
I'm reading a lot of your postings and I need someone to tell me if I'm setting myself up. I went to Lithuania a couple of weeks ago and met a girl that I found on Teamo.com. I had a good time but a week after I got back I found her profile here on Stop-scammers. It seems she asked a guy by the name of Collin from England for money. So what am I to think. She set me up in an apartment in old town Vilnius for 70 euro a night. Not the best bargain but still half of what a hotel room costs. And it was right on top of a new club that just opened. All I had to do was walk downstairs to go out at night. She arranged a rental car for me at my request and I don't remember what I paid but it wasn't too much. We never went on any shopping sprees or even out to a real dinner. I paid for a movie and a couple of lunches and a few incidentals. My concernes: when I was there she was busy. I planned my trip at the last minute because that's how I operate and she had work and school. The main difficulty was that her sister was sick and she had to watch over her two children. We only spent a few hours a day together which wasn't nearly enough for me. I went there to see her and when she wasn't there I was wishing that she was. I went out one night and met a couple of Lithuanian dudes and the next day I ran all of this by one of them and he seemed to think all was well. One other thing, since she had moved in with her sister after losing her roommate she didn't want me to come over to her apartment. I can understand this though since it's not her place and there are kids there who might not see this as being proper. We've talked about a visa for her but at this point we've decided that it's best if I come back to see her again since her comming to me is difficult and we need to get to know eachother better. I came away from this whole experience feeling pretty good and I wouldn't even question it if I hadn't seen her profile come up on this site. The thing that makes me wonder is that this other guy who she asked for money found her on Absolute. That's never a good thing. The email that he lists is the same one that she gave me though, so what the heck? Was it her? Was it the agency? If it was her should I be concerned? She can't scam me for airline tickets. I'm an airline pilot. So if she's trying to scam me, how is she doing it? I really like her and I'm trying to be logical but we all know how hard that can be when it comes to this. Anyone have an objective viewpoint?
10-09-2004, 06:39 PM #2Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2004
To be honest, I'm not sure either way. Just because a woman asks for money does not mean it is always a scam. It depends on what she was asking for. Let's face it, these women generally do not speak english and do need someone to translate for them. So is it wrong to ask for the guy to pay for translation? That's where the dilemma arises. The legitimate women probably do not make enough money to pay for this service, and sometimes they are forced to go to a less than reputable company. Also there are free translation sites on the Internet. They are good to a point, but not for really long letters. Also, many men may write them, but very few will actually go and visit, so for them writing just one person may end up fruitless. Thats why they may correspond to many men. That's where a scam can develop. But that in itself, writing several men is not a scam. They know that the men may be writing several women, so it's all fair play in my book.
The fact that you went to visit her, gives you a head up on everyone else. You know what she is like, if she appears to be honest etc. Also you talked to some locals who did not think it was a scam. I would continue writing her, but would be cautious. You know all the warning signs from reading the posts, so you will be fine if you listen to your head and not your heart.
10-10-2004, 07:49 AM #3Junior Member
- Join Date
- May 2004
It's hard to give you the kind of black and white answer you are probably looking for.
If possible, why not talk to that Collin fellow and get the detail of the facts involved in the purported scam? Maybe he has some insight into her personality and motivations that you don't have or maybe he is just an embittered jilted suiter desirous of retribution. You sort it out using your own judgment.
I haven't visited Vilnius but I have visited Minsk (capital of neighboring Belarus)4 times and for 70 euros a night in Minsk you'd be living in a truly luxurious 2-bedroom apartment in the heart of the downtown. You can get a studio just outside the center for 15-20$ per night so I think that she earned a decent commission off your 70 euros a nite.
You didn't mention what job she has. A useful exercise is to try to match up the ladies income with her costs. Getting apartments and what not for foreigners might be one of her chief sources of income.
My guess is she regards you as a kind of client more than a boyfriend although you didn't provide relevant details on this score like did she visit you frequently in your apartment and did "things happen" in those "few hours a day" that you mentioned.
It sounds like to me that "the fact" her sister is sick and she has to look after her is an excuse to limit her time with you. She most likely didn't want you to visit as you would have noticed that her sister (if she actually lives with her) is not sick. In the worse case, she wants to hide something more serious from you, like a live-in boyfriend or husband. Did she give you her phone number? Did you (do you) call her and if so, who answers? Do you even know where she lives? There is nothing improper about meeting the kids as you described and there is not the idea so much of personal property as we have in the West so it is not like you'd be trespassing on the sister's turf.
On another level as well, I doubt that the sister is sick as your girlfriend could have taken the kids out to meet you (at least once)-- you could have gone to an amusement park or the circus. Slavic girls like to do this as they gauge how much you like children, that is, if they are serious about a relationship with you and the girl, as I am sure, is of child bearing age. I mean if she is really sizing you up to be her husband -- and then there is the obligatory trip to meet the parents (provided they are alive of course) - the parents will want to size you up also and give advice to their daughter. Daughters are more inclined to pay attention to their parents opinions on this score than their Western counterparts.
You said she is a student. Did you visit her at her university or school? Did you see her place of work? Did you call her at work?
You discussed with her the possibility of visiting the USA on a K-1 Fiance Visa?
Did you ask her about whether she visited countries outside the countries of the former USSR? Did you see her passport and look to see that everything matches (names, age, visas, etc.)?
Are you able to ask her personal questions like "Have you met Western men before in Lithuania or a 3rd country? How many? Did any relationships transpire and if so why did they end (if they ended? Her regular foreign boyfriend might just be out of town or maybe she is, forgive the pun, riding two stallions at the same time hence explaining why she is not able to spend much time with you.)
My advice is if you like Lithuania: chat up some other Lithuanian girls on-line so you'll always be occupied when you're in Vilnius irrespective of this particular lady's schedule. Get your apartment through alternate means (not through her or another girl) and see if she is still interested in you if she is not raking in her real estate commission.
The bottom line is that this lady is not interested in you commensurate to the level and way you are interested in her so it would be inadvisable to tie yourself down to her. Play the field.
10-10-2004, 05:47 PM #4Junior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2004
".....maybe he is just an embittered jilted suiter desirous of retribution".
An hilarious description of me!.....she only sent 3 mails and asked for money in the third letter. She received from me exactly what the other potential scammers did...sweet f.a.!
Embittered?....why would I be?....
retribution?...why...and retribution for what exactly?
If you're on your toes with this i-dating thing, it's no problem. I've had 3 great trips to the Ukraine and met three beautiful, genuine girls.
Indeed, I have written to Bub off forum offering help if he requires. Up to him if he wished to follow it through but I have to concur with the rest that Richard says.
The girls that I met worked it so that they spent practically all my time there together with me. In fact all three stayed with me in the apartment I booked (from the UK). Two took me to meet their family and yes, to see how we are with children IS important to them.
STAY ONE STEP AHEAD OF THE SCAMMERS, GUYS!