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  1. #1

    Default THIS IS A MUST READ ARTICLE ABOUT RUSSIAN WOMEN

    Russian Mail Order Brides Do NOT Exist!

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    By Elena Petrova
    When speaking about cross culture marriages, there is an interesting trend: a relationship between a man from the USA and a woman from Australia is an "international relationship", yet a relationship between the same man and a woman from Russia is a "mail order brides" thing.

    My site Russian Brides Cyber Guide is at the top of many search engines for the term "Russian brides", and as a result I often receive requests for interviews from newspapers and magazines all over the world; USA, Great Britain, Ireland, Spain, Germany, Finland, Hungary, Australia, South Africa, Russia - and the list goes on. And I see a worrying trend - often a reporter already knows what kind of story he or she is going to write, before they even start their interviews.

    Marrying a Russian woman is routinely portrayed by the media as the "mail order brides" process. Those words tend to leave a nasty taste in your mouth, don't they?

    The first time I heard those words were soon after my marriage when "Cosmo" happened to interview me soon after my marriage, quite by chance. I was sitting at home, bored and decided to send a letter to a competition that the magazine was launching. "Cosmo" was looking for somebody to feature in their article about Russian brides. My letter was like a God sent, and they phoned me asking for an interview. This was my first interview with the Media, and I was pretty naive at the time. I thought that "Cosmo", like all our friends and family, would find the way we met "very romantic". Imagine my surprise when I read the announcement of the future article: "South Africa's Mail Order Brides"! Honestly, I was shocked and humiliated. I had no idea that, that was the official name of the process! (The actual article had the heading "South Africa's Mail Order Romances" which sounded a bit better, and the article itself finished with the words "Welcome!" and "Good luck!" addressed to all us Russian women. All in all, the article was quite all right.)

    Now, getting back on track. The history behind the term "mail order brides" goes as far back as the time of the first American settlers. The settlers, most of whom were men, could not find suitable women to marry and had to write letters to Europe asking women to become their wives. In those days, arranged marriages were common, and marrying somebody you barely knew was nothing out of the ordinary. Back then; the women truly were "mail order brides".

    These days the term "mail order brides" is currently used to label the relationship between a man from a first world country and a woman from the third world country or the countries of the former USSR.

    The common misconception is that the women only want a way out of their misery and terrible economic situation. Being incompetent in Filipino, Thailand, Colombian, Mexican and other mail order brides, I can tell you with confidence that this is NOT the case with Russian women seeking husbands abroad.

    Russian women have a much better education than the brides from Asia and Latin America. About 90% of the women that apply to our agency have college or university degrees, or are current college or university students. With their fair complexion, their intelligence and their astounding beauty, men have often asked me if our selection is real! Our women appear too beautiful to be seeking husbands on the Internet.

    Being intelligent and educated, Russian women are still feminine, warm and gentle. Competing with men is the last thing they seek in their family lives. The Russian ideal of a man is the man with whom she feels like she is "behind the stone wall", the leader, the provider and the protector. Believe it or not, the reason for all these beautiful Russian women seeking their destiny over the Internet is that they cannot find their ideal man in Russia. It is that simple - even if it sounds unbelievable.

    Most Russian women seeking husbands abroad are NOT focused on finding a "foreign husband" but more importantly on finding "The Husband". We often receive requests from Russian women featured in our catalogs to remove their profiles, because they have married Russian men living in Russia - this is a clear evidence that most Russian women seeking contacts with foreign men are not fixed on moving abroad but on finding a serious relationship and getting married. For many of them, finding a husband in her home country would be preferable to moving abroad, and sometimes we even receive requests from women if she can find a man who will move in with her in Russia.

    Russian women that decide to look for a husband abroad, don't choose between Russian men and foreign men - they choose between staying single and having a family and a husband.

    In Russia, women outnumber men (there are 10 million more women than men, according to the latest census, or 88 males for 100 females - statistics according to The Economist, "World in Figures, 2004 Edition"), and in most situations it is a question of luck if a woman manages to find herself a man or not. Russians marry early, and at the age of 25 most people are already married. If a man is not married, it can only mean he is not willing to commit - even bad men can find themselves a wife! Women must act fast if they want to get married and to ensure that they have a husband, one can only hope he will be a good man. There were even talks about changing the family legislation so that it would allow men to have multiply wives so that there would be competition among men too. (This is not a joke; this question was discussed in Russian parliament.)

    Now, what is the general idea about Russian "mail order brides"?

    Most men thinking about "mail order brides" services are not even aware that they will not receive their bride delivered to their postal box (or their door) on request and will have to spend time, money and effort to convince a "bride" that he is a worthy candidate for her to consider. Yes, the first contact happens usually by mail, air or electronic, but this is the case with using any Internet personals, isn't it?

    The interpretation the media gives to the term "Mail order brides" is that a Russian mail order bride will marry any man, of any age, occupation, and personal virtues, just to get out of Russia. The mail order bride service is interpreted by most people as a service that "sells women", a service that is neither respectable nor trustworthy. Some men still believe they can point their finger at any woman and she must marry him because he paid for her address!

    This "mail order brides" idea is an insult to any decent Russian woman.

    C'mon, guys! Those women do not think you are doing them a favor by writing to them. They feel as if you were one of the guys who would approach her at a bar: where she can say, "yes" if she likes you, and "thanks, but no, thanks" if she doesn't. She does not owe you a thing just because you selected her from the thousands of other applicants or paid 10 bucks for her contact details. If you dare to be arrogant or offensive in your letter, you are out. She knows your music and movies as well as you know them, and is also SEEKING HER SOUL MATE so remember that! Do not jeopardize your chances with her by letting yourself believe in the "mail order brides" nonsense.

    Let me tell you about myself. Before I left Russia, I was working as a regional manager of a large marketing agency, which had offices in 22 regions all over Russia. At some stage I had 150 people working for me. I lived much better than most of the regular citizens, and my income would fit in the top 10% of the population. I have extensively traveled all over Europe and Asia. I was not miserable because of the economic reasons. I was content with my life style and envied by many people. The only reason that I did not feel completely happy was because I could not find a good husband - and yes, finding a husband and starting a family was VERY important for me - as it is for any Russian woman. Because of this, and only because of this, I decided to look abroad. I made a few disastrous attempts to find a partner using local personals, which I will not describe here because the subject of this article is a serious one and my meetings with the guys from personals would turn it into a sitcom. Being an industrious person, sooner or later I would end up at the "marriage agencies" as they call dating services in Russia. With me it happened later, after 3 years of thinking, because I could not believe that good, faithful, honest, caring, professional, ambitious, career orientated AND single men existed in this world, men who did not have a long queue of hopeful women knocking at their door. This would be too good to be true. Why did I eventually do it? It was the same type of thing that one does when buying a lotto ticket - do you REALLY think you will hit the jackpot? No, but it doesn't hurt to try and if you don't try, you will never even have the "hope" that you might just win.

    When I started to receive letters from mostly nice, good-looking, successful guys (far from the portrait of the "loser" that the Media wants you to believe in), I was absolutely smitten. I could not believe those guys were telling all these wonderful words to ME! It could not be real. It could only be a dream. They wanted to have a family and children! They wanted TO GET MARRIED AND SETTLE DOWN. Those were the things that I could never expect from a Russian guy. Russian guys are hunted down, and would only capitulate into marriage after a proper siege. Too good to be true? This was exactly my feeling from all those photos and letters.

    You probably get the same feeling when you read ads of Russian women on the Internet, well, Russian mail order brides. It is too good to be true, and there must be something wrong either with the website itself or the women that advertise on it.

    Well, well, well? YOU are looking for a wife. You personally, you are OK, aren't you? So are they.

    They are NOT looking for a way out of their misery! In fact, Russian women do NOT consider their life miserable, and most foreigners that have lived in Russia will confirm it.

    Foreigners call it "inferiority complex": Russians believe that most systems in their country (i.e. education etc) are better than in the USA! Check websites of expatriates living in Russia, and you will see for yourself.

    The reason why Russian women seek husbands abroad is that they REALLY want to get married!

    Russian women are ready to go to a new country and leave their homes, friends and families behind because they REALLY want to get married, NOT the other way around!

    EVERY Russian woman feels unfulfilled if she does not have a husband. In Russia, to be considered a respectable member of the society a woman should be married, with children, or she is an outcast. This is why even successful career women in Russia have the need to meet a partner and get married. Yes, for a woman with a child, it is very difficult to find a husband in Russia, but still she seeks a husband, and not making a career instead, because she believes that a woman is made for the family life. This comes first, and only then come other things such as providing for her children etc. Women don't start their search for a husband abroad because they need somebody to provide for their children. They start their search because they want a complete family and a husband.

    This nuance is difficult to explain; but I will try. You know western society is based in the cult of "success", which is mostly defined in financial terms. If you do not have money and do not have a career, you are not successful. The definition of success is the same for men and women.

    In Russia, the definition of success for men and women is different.

    For a man, success is similarly defined in financial terms. But for a woman, success is to be married to a worthy man and have a cozy home and bring up good children.

    Now, just imagine you were unemployed and did not have a career, for a long time. How would you feel? This is the way an unmarried Russian woman feels, because for her having a complete family is the necessary condition of success.

    How would you feel if you have never had any job - while your friends and classmates all have one? This is how a Russian woman who has never been married feels.

    A divorced Russian woman feels like a person who had lost her job long time ago. Their sense of self-worthiness and fulfillment depend on having a husband and complete family, the same way in America having money and career define the feeling of self-worthiness and fulfillment.

    That's the best way I can explain why marriage is so important for Russian women.

    But to understand it, a western person has to accept a completely different system of coordinates, which they of course cannot. It is like explaining to two-dimensional people about the third dimension: they simply cannot place it in their heads. They try to judge Russian women from inside their own system of coordinates, and the only answer they can come up with is that Russian women want to get out of their misery. This is as far from the reality as saying that Sun is rotating around the Earth. Yes, it might look like this for an uneducated observer - but it is not so.

    Why you see so many negative stories about Russian mail order brides in the Media? The Media concentrates on scandal stories because they must sell their newspapers, magazines, etc, and horror stories attract more attention than "happily ever after" fairy tales. (When was the last time you saw a story about a happy marriage on the front page? But a "mail order brides" horror can easily make it.) To sell more copies magazines must publish something "newsworthy". Murders and treachery sell newspapers. This is one reason why you will rarely find happy stories about international couples in the Media.

    But there is also a more powerful reason. WHY newspapers want to sell more copies and TV channels to attract more viewers? They would never survive if their only source of income were the regular Joe buying the newspaper on the street corner.

    The driving force behind the Media is ADVERTISING, and newspapers, magazines and TV channels' most important goal is to sell advertising space in their editions. Half of their audience is WOMEN. Ask some of your female friends if they think it is a good idea for their countrymen to look for wives abroad. Listen to their answers. Now you know what half of the population would think if Media promoted marriages to foreign brides.

    Put it simpler, you are not getting all the truth. You are getting the negative information, and seldom the positive.

    Let me give the word to people who work in this industry themselves:

    Alan, publisher and journalist: "I met Aryna, my Ukrainian bride, through one of these big dating sites and asked the company to publish our story. However, while the site does carry 'true stories' and its service and profiles span the globe, the company's management views and perceptions appear to be parochially American. If the romance is not "N.Y., N.Y. meets Washington D.C." it isn't worthy of publication!"

    Anthony Bochene, journalist (also the author of Foreign Bride Guide): "Lena and I are an example of just one more success story that you don't read about in the local newspapers. Added to the dozens of other happy couples I've come in contact with in the last few years who would not have met each other without the help of the international romance tour industry, means the general public is not getting the whole truth about this business."

    When a negative report is about your own country fellows, you understand that the case featured in a TV story or an article is extreme; you know very well what the real picture is.

    When the report is about some other country, you have no idea about the real picture and often build your impression on incomplete facts.

    The thing is, the journalists who write the stories are also only people, and most often, they do not possess the complete information themselves. Often they are affected by the same common misconceptions and myths. The best and most objective stories are usually written by reporters that live in the country they write about. Check expatriate newspapers and you will never see this type of generalizations as that Russian women seeking foreign men only want to escape from Russia. (In most Eastern European capitals there are expatriate communities and they run their own newspapers. Yes, there many Americans and Europeans that permanently live in Russia! With its 12% flat tax rate, it is a tax haven for many foreign investors.)

    But even then, writing about something they are not professionally involved with, the reporters often follow the usual stereotypes: "mail order brides" mean something that is highly suspicious, and most likely a scam.

    It is not easy to break a common stereotype, built through many years, in the short time allocated to an interview (from my experience, the interviewer will spend with you only 1-2 hours, at most!). The very questions journalists ask show how little most of them know about Russia and the situation between sexes in Russia. Some questions that seem to me crucial in the "Russian mail order brides phenomena", are never asked.

    I believe the Media is actually doing a bad service to their countrymen, making them believe that Russian women are hard up and will marry anybody just to get out of their misery.

    This is the concept that is extensively exploited by scammers, you have probably heard about them (if not, read about this phenomenon here). Dating scammers usually contact unsuspecting men through large Internet personals and start professing their undying love and desire for marriage after a few short letters. The scam scenario fits perfectly with the Media's insinuations, and men believe all they need to do is to pay her travel expenses and they will have a perfect mail order bride at their front door next week Friday. When "she" does not show up on "D"-day, they say "All those Russian women are just a scam" and if they are very unhappy, probably another "mail order brides" horror story is born.

    Would people believe this story if she were from Cincinnati, Ohio, and not from Ekaterinburg, Russia? No way! But the Media created a "mail order brides" myth, which led them to think this unbelievable situation is possible in the case with a woman from Russia. After all, she is just a mail order bride. See the consequences?

    The real, legitimate Russian dating agencies do NOT offer Russian mail order brides.

    Russian mail order brides is a thing that does not exist.

    There are Russian women that seek contacts with foreign men with the intention of future marriage. Those women are educated, intelligent and smart. They are not going to become intimate submissives or maids. They seek equal partnership and will not tolerate infidelity or abuse. There is nothing wrong with them; they are not doing anything different from women that place ads in your local personals. There is a lack of men in their country, why can't they look elsewhere? We all have the right to seek happiness.

    As said by a reporter from Irish TV after I answered their questions about why Russian brides are suddenly so popular in Ireland, "From what you said I see a legitimate matchmaking service and not just some slicky mail order brides operation". And this is exactly what Russian dating agencies offer - introductions to real, existing, marriage minded Russian women. They do not sell women. They offer a way for people from different countries to find each other and be happy.

    But those people are free, and bear full responsibility for their own actions. One would not complain on a national television about problems with his "girl-next-door" fiancee, but if she is from Russia, it is the "Russian mail order brides" problem.

    It is just a problem of a particular guy, with a particular woman!

    There are bad people among all nations; in your country, too, there are probably some men and some women who get ripped off through their marriages - unfortunately, there is nothing we can do about it. Just try to avoid the bad ones to the best of our abilities. No relationship is guaranteed problem-free; it is impossible.

    There are hundreds or even thousands of happy international marriages, and there are only a few unhappy ones. One can get into trouble in a marriage with her countryman or his countrywoman; and you know yourself it happens all the time; it probably happened with somebody of your family or friends. Yes, there are gold diggers and social climbers; which nation does not have them? It is not the reason to discriminate against of Russian, or Ukrainian, or Uzbek women.

    I do not say a marriage to a Russian woman will guarantee you will live in paradise on Earth. Not all marriages are the same! But it does not mean it has to end in trouble either.

    Most things in life are potential trouble-makers. But, for example, no one cancels adoptions because there were a few adoptive parents that abused their adopted children, and a few adopted kids that later caused great problems for their adoptive parents. People understand that they were rather untypical cases.

    More people die in road accidents than of cancer; but no one is thinking about prohibiting cars. What is done concerns road safety.

    There are sexually transmitted diseases, including AIDS, but no one is thinking about prohibiting sex. Just take precautions when you do it!

    There was a case where an American husband killed his Russian wife. Now what? All Americans marrying foreigners are paranoid murderers?? Was not there ever a case where an American husband killed an American wife? Were marriages in general announced dangerous after that?

    Don't throw away the kid with the dirty water, and don't judge a phenomena by some untypical, extreme cases. I went through the process of marrying a foreigner myself, and I was not exploited, or trafficked, or abused, and neither was my husband. It was a story of two people from different countries meeting each other and falling in love.

    I am proud to do what I am doing. I am not in the "mail order brides" business. I am in a dating business. I am helping people to find their love. I hope with my input there will be a few more happy couples in the world, and a few less lonely people.

    Because good people deserve to be happy!



    Yours,
    Elena Petrova
    (Click here to read more about me)

    Send email with questions or comments about this article

    Link to this article


    From the author: I am taking this opportunity to thank all reporters who ever contacted me with their questions and who were genuinely seeking to find out the truth, and did not try to fit my answers into a pre-shaped mould. They are too numerous to name all of them here; so it would be wrong to think most journalists are only seeking one-sided sensations.
    But the important role Media plays in evaluating phenomena of our fast-changing life dictates the need for addressing the way some of newspapers and TV channels still prefer to picture relationships between Russian women and foreign men. Personally, I oppose the very term "mail order brides" as humiliating and suggesting a human being can be ordered as an item, labeling human relationships with a stamp of disgrace. I am NOT a "mail order Russian bride", neither are thousands Russian women who find love and marriage abroad every year - please do not call us "mail order", in our faces or behind our backs.

    I was never the one who tried to cover up the negative aspects that accompany international dating, and it was Russian Brides Cyber Guide that was the first to publish its own Black List of Russian Scammers from the dating industry, back in 1999. But I was also the first to analyze all the Myths that were typical for supplying information about Russian women, both online and offline. Being a qualified philosopher, I prefer approaching a phenomenon in its entirety, as opposite to tearing it apart and picking up only those pieces of the puzzle that fit into a particular theory.

    I am always happy to answer Media requests and offer my expertise in the matter. To send a press enquiry, please click here .




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  2. #2
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    Sep 2005
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    692

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    I think this person is the BIGGEST FADDIST IN THE MOB HISTORY EVER.
    According to her, [u]heragency is completely scam free, but which method allows her to claim so, it's a patented secret...which tells you there's just no method at all.
    It turns out she's on top of the usual big, junk network dating agency with women over 6 time zones.
    In charge of due diligence is always "the other guy two time zones ahead", who -of course- has better things to do.
    Her agency isn't "safer" from scams than any other.
    I find the "model" sales pitch both ridiculous & insulting one's intelligence...of course someone will buy it & she made a fortune out of it, same as spammers & MLM gurus did with schemes peddling herbal viagra or "forex trading scheme of the wealthy'n'famous"...as if they wouldn't be better off using this "secret forex scheme" to get "wealthy'n'famous" themselves, rather than selling you the map to the island's trasure for "only 9,99$" (or 19,99$).
    It took me 5 minutes to locate a false or misleading testimonial on her pages.

    Of course she feeds gullible suckers the line about FSU Cinderallas meeting western princes, however toned down not to let it sound too fishy.

    Any superficial connaisseur having been in the game for a while could easily debunk her approach.
    I guess she doesn't care.
    Money rolls in.
    Her banners are more widespread than plague.
    A few thousands will buy "pimping" (err...advice) columns on most forums.
    Does the spammer care whether his "herbal viagra" really increases your pen!s' size three times?
    As long as money keeps rolling in, not at all.

    In short this offer isn't any better than the agency next door.

  3. #3
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    Jan 2007
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    Without no doubt that there are Russian or Ukrainian women looking for marriage, but I think that times have changed in former SU. There are a lot of gold diggers in my opinion. And this idea has not changed after visiting Ukraine twice.
    Besides my experience with correspondence on Elena's site was not very good: two girls broke off corespondence suddenly. With another girl I was having good correspondence and after a while we decided to meet. I was very disappointed to have met such a rude and impolite girl who apparently did not have serious intentions either.
    With Kievconnections I have had far more better experiences (both correspondence and meeting girls)than with EM. Not to mention CC which is obviously scamming all the way!
    I don't think that EM is scamming, but be sure that they are far from ideal, because I am convinced that they don't know their girls well. I trust more the smaller agencies with not too many girls and with girls who have normal appearance. I have met some girls from Kievconnections: they were not beauty queens, however they all were decent and good-looking. But I spent some time with the staff and I have seen with my own eyes how girls were interviewed by the staff or how girls just simply handed their written letters over in the office. CC promises you to hand over the gifts to the girls. Where's the proof? It's also very clear that the girls don't write the letters themselves or just partly, because you hardly get answers to your questions.
    It is not all gold that glitters!

  4. #4
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    Jan 2007
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    Here is an old email that a friend sent me concerning a friend's Russian experience. I have four or five friends who are married to FSU girls. Some are happy, some are not. It is a mixed bag. Read this though, before you get too caught up in a fantasy...

    Here is my story.

    I met a young woman online in 2001, who was a student at an American University in Estonia (or so she said). She quickly told me that she had to quit University for financial reasons and return to her parents house in Minsk, Belarus. She was working as a receptionist for $300 month, living in a Soviet era tenement. Her father was unemployed, drank, etc. She was miserable, according to her, and she wrote me long beautiful letters for almost eight months.

    Sample email letter from those days:
    My sweetest one,

    Good morning! I guess you know in what mood I am in
    now! : ) I know it is only 3 a.m. on your clock in
    your bedroom now and that you are having a lovely
    dream about your "naughty" Sveta, am I right? : )

    I want you to be in the best mood this morning when
    you will be awake! And of course you should only
    shine and smile while reading these lines! ... I wish
    I could see your smiles and feel your kisses right
    now. Sometimes I have a feeling that we will never
    experience these moments together. No, no, no I don't
    want to think about it!

    . . .

    All my endless kisses and hugs to you. Smile and think
    about your "proper" and "naughty" Sveta always!
    You are everything to me!

    Love, your Svetlana

    Christmas of 2001 I purchased a British Airways ticket for her to come for a visit. She was very slender, very quiet, and looked impossibly young to me. In the following weeks, I found Sveta very difficult to get to know. It actually took several months to consummate our relationship (warning sign one). She wanted driving lessons, clothes, a car, and jewelry (warning sign two). She enrolled at a local university and had me pay her tuition and books (warning sign three).

    She stayed her first six month visa, and I extended it again. At the end of a year, her university missed a deadline, and she was informed that she was an illegal alien and would have to leave the country. "I will not return home, we must get married," was her comment. Sveta had spent a year with me and my son (I was a single father of one), and things seemed to be fine. They weren't great, but they were OK. We flew to Florida and eloped in the Keys in January 2003 (mistake one, actually buying the ticket was mistake one, but we will start at this point).

    All of this is rather unremarkable, but following the wedding things rapidly started to get out of hand. Sveta became pregnant (mistake two) and started snapping at me, my four year old son, and anyone else. I learned that she had a very violent temper. Things would get thrown and broken. The police came to the house on our first domestic violence call (there would be three more).

    Svetlana would yell, "I hate you, you disgust me, you are a fat stupid pig!!!" She would yell at my terrified son "Your father is an idiot, I hate you, I am not going to live with you any longer." I learned the story of Baba-Yaga, and was informed that in Russia ALL stepmothers hate their stepchildren, and I should have realized this before I married her. Again, we had lived together for a full year before marriage, with not one complaint about my son.

    After the baby's birth, things got worse. One night Sveta threw a pot of scalding water on my while I held my infant son, Nicholas. I turned my back and he was unhurt, but I was at a loss. Sveta finally threatened to kill herself, to kill me, and to kill my oldest son, when he was five. She spent three days in jail before I relented and posted bail. I shipped my firstborn off to his Grandmother, when I felt I could no longer be assured of his safety (mistake three). I was now alone in the house with Sveta and our baby. I began paying expensive child support, and had to drive 300 miles each way for visitation. My finances began to unravel

    Sveta became a horrid angry person, like I said, she was the "bad tempered house guest who refused to leave." She did not grocery shop, she did not pick up laundry, she did not take our son to or from day care. She got a job, but did not contribute a penny to the budget, even demanding that I take her car to the gas station and fill it for her when I got home. At night she would lay on the couch (with the remote) and refuse to let anyone change the channel. If I was watching a show, she'd enter the room, grab the remote and change the channel. Taking her customary supine position on the sofa, she'd bark out orders periodically, "THE BABY IS DIRTY! CHANGE HIS DIAPER," she would yell out. "IT IS TIME FOR NICKY'S BATH." "DON'T FORGET TO LOAD THE DISHWASHER." "HAVE YOU FED THE DOG YET???"

    Our sex life, which had never been particularly good, dried up completely. In 2005, we made love TWICE. She would complain incessantly that "it hurts" "I'm sensitive" "don't touch me there." If penetration was ever achieved, I was told to "get it over with QUICKLY." On top of that, the insults began in earnest. I was fat, bald, disgusting, a pig, I made her sick, I did "not know how to please a woman," my breath was bad, my skin was oily, etc., etc. I would have found more pleasure masturbating with a piece of sandpaper, than the insults I had to endure with her in bed. Sveta would lay there motionless, expressionless, stiff as a board, like a living corpse. I'd finally say something like, "Hey! Why don't you try touching me too?" She would then carefully take me between the tips of her thumb and forefinger like she was holding a moldy sausage, and manipulate me, with the warmth of a machine, exactly a quarter inch in each direction . The entire time her face wore the expression of a woman smelling bad cheese. It was sad, it was completely disheartening, and slowly the seeds of anger began to build in me.

    I am an attractive, tall, successful, businessman who could have married any one of a number of women in America. I'm not sure why I entered into this relationship, but I had two very false assumptions that your correspondents all must know. 1. Russian women are not LESS materialistic than American women, they are much, Much, MUCH MORE!!! Sveta and her friends all get together (on their boyfriends' and husbands' dimes) at least once a month to swap stories about their latest acquisitions and show off expensive handbags, shoes, and jewelry like so many trophies. 2. Russian women are not GRATEFUL for the things you do for them. In fact, the MORE you do for them, the greater contempt they will feel. I thought by "liberating" a young woman from third-world conditions, I would find a loyal companion and friend. Instead she was the pit bull puppy that only turned on her master the moment she was big enough to sink her teeth in my leg.

    My divorce is almost final, and I can honestly say I am Plato's "cave allegory" in the flesh. The sunlight of reality is blinding, but I am looking at the "real" world and appreciating how far from real my life, my self awareness, my sense of decency, all descended.

    I don't need a support group Winston, but I can tell you, the word has to get out to others. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT A RUSSIAN; A BULLET TO THE HEAD IS QUICKER AND FAR LESS PAINFUL.

  5. #5
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    Sep 2005
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    quote:Here is my story.

    I met a young woman online in 2001
    i think that man entered the relationship on the wrong foot...
    I know that agencies & other middlemen with vested interests want men to believe they can play knight in shining armour & "rescue" pretty cinderellas, who'll be grateful forever and will gladly gloss over the fact he is much older, not a model etc.
    Women are women, from another country, not another planet.

    I raised the issue of education elsewhere and all FSUWs turned against me for saying so.
    I personally wouldn't want a step-daughter who spends her time away at school while i foot the bills.
    As well, i suggested there are many accredited universities offering distance education, but FSUWs would hate that, too.
    What most of them want is "a blast" away from home, meeting and freely having affairs with boys at school, while old fart at home is happy watching TV & footing bills.
    Did i venture the MOB route for all this?
    No way.
    I suggest men make it very clear since the very beginning thay they do not intend to acquire a step-daughter and that she is required to be past her days at school.
    Men should also be aware FSU degrees most often do NOT translate into western ones without catching-up, especially guilded professions such as doctor, engineer, lawyer etc.
    Tell her this clearly & make sure she understands.
    The fact she's a good doctor or accountant in Kiev doesn't make her licensed to practice in Rome or Ottawa.
    I think if a FSUW wants to study abroad, she should do as i did: P A Y. Or compete for sponsored scholarships.
    Marrying a sucker is quicker & easier, tough.

  6. #6
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    Oct 2006
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    Careerandjobcoach.
    ""
    From the author: I am taking this opportunity to thank all reporters who ever contacted me with their questions and who were genuinely seeking to find out the truth, and did not try to fit my answers into a pre-shaped mould. They are too numerous to name all of them here; so it would be wrong to think most journalists are only seeking one-sided sensations.
    But the important role Media plays in evaluating phenomena of our fast-changing life dictates the need for addressing the way some of newspapers and TV channels still prefer to picture relationships between Russian women and foreign men. Personally, I oppose the very term "mail order brides" as humiliating and suggesting a human being can be ordered as an item, labeling human relationships with a stamp of disgrace. I am NOT a "mail order Russian bride", neither are thousands Russian women who find love and marriage abroad every year - please do not call us "mail order", in our faces or behind our backs.

    I was never the one who tried to cover up the negative aspects that accompany international dating, and it was Russian Brides Cyber Guide that was the first to publish its own Black List of Russian Scammers from the dating industry, back in 1999. But I was also the first to analyze all the Myths that were typical for supplying information about Russian women, both online and offline. Being a qualified philosopher, I prefer approaching a phenomenon in its entirety, as opposite to tearing it apart and picking up only those pieces of the puzzle that fit into a particular theory.

    I am always happy to answer Media requests and offer my expertise in the matter. To send a press enquiry, please click here .

    READ ALSO: ""

    Why did you copy all of that into your post. ? What was the point of it. ? You did not appear to accompany it with any comments of your own. ?
    She (E.P.) is just a money making machine and justifies it by telling everybody she only in it to 'help' her compatriates in Russia, and to 'educate' men into the right way of getting a bride in Russia. Her original ideals may have been good, but now she has been lauded from the skies and made into something she is not. There are quite a few dubious aspects to her 'service' but all the time she receives such incredible publicity nobody is going to look under 'the door' or try to look 'behind the scenes'. Much of her advice is now completely outdated and wrong, and men using her services should be aware of this and proceed with great caution.


    The truth is cheap, lies are expensive.
    Power to the People is long Overdue

  7. #7
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    Oct 2006
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    quote:
    My divorce is almost final, and I can honestly say I am Plato's "cave allegory" in the flesh. The sunlight of reality is blinding, but I am looking at the "real" world and appreciating how far from real my life, my self awareness, my sense of decency, all descended.

    I don't need a support group Winston, but I can tell you, the word has to get out to others. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT A RUSSIAN; A BULLET TO THE HEAD IS QUICKER AND FAR LESS PAINFUL.


    A very interesting story. What was the final outcome for your 'friend'. A good job it happened to him and not to yourself. !



    The truth is cheap, lies are expensive.
    Power to the People is long Overdue

  8. #8
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    Jan 2007
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    Dublin,

    I have no idea what happened to that guy. It was sent to me by a Chinese American fellow who has posted articles on a number of Russian dating websites about Russian women, life in Russia, etc. I'd put his links here, but we really don't want him involved in this forum and he Google's himself daily. He is a truly dysfunctional sycophant, whose pedantic drivel will send any sane individual running for the exits.

    Half of his stuff praises Russia as the best place in the world, and the other half says that all Russian women are manipulative liars. His most annoying habit is taking his cell phone camera with him everywhere to snap pictures of whatever "perfect face, breasts, and ass" he happens to meet that day. I finally put him on the "blocked senders" list when he sent a bunch of pictures of his new girlfriend's daughter, a minor, drooling about her "perfect face, breasts, and ass." Yikes. I told him I would shoot him if anyone did something like that to my child.

    Anyway. As Forrest Gump said, "That's all I know about that Vietnam War."

  9. #9
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    Jan 2007
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    Another comment by the same author:

    Here are my observations, based on six years of living with a Russian.

    Essentially pessimists.

    The old saying in Russia, made famous by Viktor Chernomyrdin, is "We hoped for the best, but it turned out as usual." Russians do not believe that hard work, industry, and diligence produce anything other than a big fat durak with a sign reading "steal from me" around his neck. In Russia, commercial success is usually met with derision and theft. "Who does he think he is? He is no better than us!" Russians will actually destroy private property and infrastructure designed for their common good, rather than witness a neighbor rise from the masses. It is not uncommon for a successful merchant's store to be burned. Wealthy Russians live in gated communities with armed guards on constant patrol, and drive to work in bullet proof limousines. Why? The only things Russians hate more than their own miserable existence is the thought of someone else rising above theirs.

    Because there is no reward for individualism, the Russian mind views everything around them as corrupt. Anyone who gets ahead must be a member of the corrupt bureaucracy and/or organized crime. "Only Mafioski drive Mercedes," is what my ex used to say.

    What does the Russian then think of an American willing to share his financial largess? "He is an idiot." My ex-wife explained that she had no trouble taking from me because, "I earned it, by putting up with you."

    Mir mentality.

    For thousands of years, Russian culture was based on the mir. A mir is a small village ruled by a council. Until the Soviet era, the mir was the basic Russian unit of survival, because harsh living conditions made pioneering or entrepreneurship a very risky venture. All decisions were based on the collective good, rather than individual merit. This is what made Russia so susceptible to communism, because Russian had been a collective state from its outset. Outsiders were mistrusted or quickly put to death. All efforts were focused on saving enough food to survive through the next winter.

    Why is it important to understand this mir mentality? First, Russians do not trust anyone other than members of their own mir. "I did not grow up with her, why would I wish to be her friend?" as my wife used to say. "You are not my family. I may be married to you, but you are not my blood." Such things sound horrible to Americans, but this is the basic Russian understanding. Second, Russians bear no hard feelings to horrible acts committed for the greater good. It is nothing to put grandmother out on the ice to freeze, if food supplies are dwindling. "She had a good life." This survival instinct means that a Russian will steal from you, betray you, or even kill you if she feels her survival depends on it. "You knew I was a Russian when you married me," should be the saying.

    Ability to endure untold hardships, survival instinct.

    Hitler did not understand the Russian mind. He surrounded both Stalingrad and Leningrad during WWII, laying siege to each. He cut off roads, rails, and air access to the cities. The Battle of Stalingrad raged for 199 days with total casualties of over 3,000,000. That was a cake walk compared to the Siege of Leningrad, which lasted 900 days. Hitler was determined to starve out the enemy at Leningrad (St. Petersburg). In response, the Russians ate shoe leather, boiled bookbindings to extract proteins, even consumed soil with a little sugar mixed in. Citizen deaths from starvation and exposure are estimated as high as 1.5 million people. In the end, the citizens of Stalingrad and Leningrad endured horrible deprivations and death, rather than surrender to a foreign will. Does an American really think he can wait 900 days to change the Russian mind? It will never happen. It's like that song by Offspring, "the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care, right?"

    The history books are full of people who underestimated the Russian will. Hitler and Napoleon being the two most notable examples, but even lesser known Russians like Grand Duke Alexander of Novgorod, who lured a German army out onto the ice of Lake Chudskoye in 1240 where they broke through and drowned. "Nevsky" made a truce with the Mongols, rather than surrender to a Roman Catholic army.

    Conclusion

    I am sure there are "good" Russians, I just have never met any. These beautiful Russian women are the children and grandchildren of survivors who routinely lied, stole, and murdered when the circumstances called for it. They were taught that the mir is the only unit that needs protection or cooperation. They were raised on stories of foolish foreigners who underestimated the Russian will.

    I would recommend Wedded Strangers: The Challenges of Russian-American Marriages by Lynn Visson before anyone considers a relationship with a Russian woman, particularly one they met on the Internet.

  10. #10
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    Sep 2005
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    tell Winston to switch medications...the big red pill might work better than the small blue one.

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