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  1. #1
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    Default THIS IS A MUST READ ARTICLE ABOUT RUSSIAN WOMEN

    Russian Mail Order Brides Do NOT Exist!

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    By Elena Petrova
    When speaking about cross culture marriages, there is an interesting trend: a relationship between a man from the USA and a woman from Australia is an "international relationship", yet a relationship between the same man and a woman from Russia is a "mail order brides" thing.

    My site Russian Brides Cyber Guide is at the top of many search engines for the term "Russian brides", and as a result I often receive requests for interviews from newspapers and magazines all over the world; USA, Great Britain, Ireland, Spain, Germany, Finland, Hungary, Australia, South Africa, Russia - and the list goes on. And I see a worrying trend - often a reporter already knows what kind of story he or she is going to write, before they even start their interviews.

    Marrying a Russian woman is routinely portrayed by the media as the "mail order brides" process. Those words tend to leave a nasty taste in your mouth, don't they?

    The first time I heard those words were soon after my marriage when "Cosmo" happened to interview me soon after my marriage, quite by chance. I was sitting at home, bored and decided to send a letter to a competition that the magazine was launching. "Cosmo" was looking for somebody to feature in their article about Russian brides. My letter was like a God sent, and they phoned me asking for an interview. This was my first interview with the Media, and I was pretty naive at the time. I thought that "Cosmo", like all our friends and family, would find the way we met "very romantic". Imagine my surprise when I read the announcement of the future article: "South Africa's Mail Order Brides"! Honestly, I was shocked and humiliated. I had no idea that, that was the official name of the process! (The actual article had the heading "South Africa's Mail Order Romances" which sounded a bit better, and the article itself finished with the words "Welcome!" and "Good luck!" addressed to all us Russian women. All in all, the article was quite all right.)

    Now, getting back on track. The history behind the term "mail order brides" goes as far back as the time of the first American settlers. The settlers, most of whom were men, could not find suitable women to marry and had to write letters to Europe asking women to become their wives. In those days, arranged marriages were common, and marrying somebody you barely knew was nothing out of the ordinary. Back then; the women truly were "mail order brides".

    These days the term "mail order brides" is currently used to label the relationship between a man from a first world country and a woman from the third world country or the countries of the former USSR.

    The common misconception is that the women only want a way out of their misery and terrible economic situation. Being incompetent in Filipino, Thailand, Colombian, Mexican and other mail order brides, I can tell you with confidence that this is NOT the case with Russian women seeking husbands abroad.

    Russian women have a much better education than the brides from Asia and Latin America. About 90% of the women that apply to our agency have college or university degrees, or are current college or university students. With their fair complexion, their intelligence and their astounding beauty, men have often asked me if our selection is real! Our women appear too beautiful to be seeking husbands on the Internet.

    Being intelligent and educated, Russian women are still feminine, warm and gentle. Competing with men is the last thing they seek in their family lives. The Russian ideal of a man is the man with whom she feels like she is "behind the stone wall", the leader, the provider and the protector. Believe it or not, the reason for all these beautiful Russian women seeking their destiny over the Internet is that they cannot find their ideal man in Russia. It is that simple - even if it sounds unbelievable.

    Most Russian women seeking husbands abroad are NOT focused on finding a "foreign husband" but more importantly on finding "The Husband". We often receive requests from Russian women featured in our catalogs to remove their profiles, because they have married Russian men living in Russia - this is a clear evidence that most Russian women seeking contacts with foreign men are not fixed on moving abroad but on finding a serious relationship and getting married. For many of them, finding a husband in her home country would be preferable to moving abroad, and sometimes we even receive requests from women if she can find a man who will move in with her in Russia.

    Russian women that decide to look for a husband abroad, don't choose between Russian men and foreign men - they choose between staying single and having a family and a husband.

    In Russia, women outnumber men (there are 10 million more women than men, according to the latest census, or 88 males for 100 females - statistics according to The Economist, "World in Figures, 2004 Edition"), and in most situations it is a question of luck if a woman manages to find herself a man or not. Russians marry early, and at the age of 25 most people are already married. If a man is not married, it can only mean he is not willing to commit - even bad men can find themselves a wife! Women must act fast if they want to get married and to ensure that they have a husband, one can only hope he will be a good man. There were even talks about changing the family legislation so that it would allow men to have multiply wives so that there would be competition among men too. (This is not a joke; this question was discussed in Russian parliament.)

    Now, what is the general idea about Russian "mail order brides"?

    Most men thinking about "mail order brides" services are not even aware that they will not receive their bride delivered to their postal box (or their door) on request and will have to spend time, money and effort to convince a "bride" that he is a worthy candidate for her to consider. Yes, the first contact happens usually by mail, air or electronic, but this is the case with using any Internet personals, isn't it?

    The interpretation the media gives to the term "Mail order brides" is that a Russian mail order bride will marry any man, of any age, occupation, and personal virtues, just to get out of Russia. The mail order bride service is interpreted by most people as a service that "sells women", a service that is neither respectable nor trustworthy. Some men still believe they can point their finger at any woman and she must marry him because he paid for her address!

    This "mail order brides" idea is an insult to any decent Russian woman.

    C'mon, guys! Those women do not think you are doing them a favor by writing to them. They feel as if you were one of the guys who would approach her at a bar: where she can say, "yes" if she likes you, and "thanks, but no, thanks" if she doesn't. She does not owe you a thing just because you selected her from the thousands of other applicants or paid 10 bucks for her contact details. If you dare to be arrogant or offensive in your letter, you are out. She knows your music and movies as well as you know them, and is also SEEKING HER SOUL MATE so remember that! Do not jeopardize your chances with her by letting yourself believe in the "mail order brides" nonsense.

    Let me tell you about myself. Before I left Russia, I was working as a regional manager of a large marketing agency, which had offices in 22 regions all over Russia. At some stage I had 150 people working for me. I lived much better than most of the regular citizens, and my income would fit in the top 10% of the population. I have extensively traveled all over Europe and Asia. I was not miserable because of the economic reasons. I was content with my life style and envied by many people. The only reason that I did not feel completely happy was because I could not find a good husband - and yes, finding a husband and starting a family was VERY important for me - as it is for any Russian woman. Because of this, and only because of this, I decided to look abroad. I made a few disastrous attempts to find a partner using local personals, which I will not describe here because the subject of this article is a serious one and my meetings with the guys from personals would turn it into a sitcom. Being an industrious person, sooner or later I would end up at the "marriage agencies" as they call dating services in Russia. With me it happened later, after 3 years of thinking, because I could not believe that good, faithful, honest, caring, professional, ambitious, career orientated AND single men existed in this world, men who did not have a long queue of hopeful women knocking at their door. This would be too good to be true. Why did I eventually do it? It was the same type of thing that one does when buying a lotto ticket - do you REALLY think you will hit the jackpot? No, but it doesn't hurt to try and if you don't try, you will never even have the "hope" that you might just win.

    When I started to receive letters from mostly nice, good-looking, successful guys (far from the portrait of the "loser" that the Media wants you to believe in), I was absolutely smitten. I could not believe those guys were telling all these wonderful words to ME! It could not be real. It could only be a dream. They wanted to have a family and children! They wanted TO GET MARRIED AND SETTLE DOWN. Those were the things that I could never expect from a Russian guy. Russian guys are hunted down, and would only capitulate into marriage after a proper siege. Too good to be true? This was exactly my feeling from all those photos and letters.

    You probably get the same feeling when you read ads of Russian women on the Internet, well, Russian mail order brides. It is too good to be true, and there must be something wrong either with the website itself or the women that advertise on it.

    Well, well, well? YOU are looking for a wife. You personally, you are OK, aren't you? So are they.

    They are NOT looking for a way out of their misery! In fact, Russian women do NOT consider their life miserable, and most foreigners that have lived in Russia will confirm it.

    Foreigners call it "inferiority complex": Russians believe that most systems in their country (i.e. education etc) are better than in the USA! Check websites of expatriates living in Russia, and you will see for yourself.

    The reason why Russian women seek husbands abroad is that they REALLY want to get married!

    Russian women are ready to go to a new country and leave their homes, friends and families behind because they REALLY want to get married, NOT the other way around!

    EVERY Russian woman feels unfulfilled if she does not have a husband. In Russia, to be considered a respectable member of the society a woman should be married, with children, or she is an outcast. This is why even successful career women in Russia have the need to meet a partner and get married. Yes, for a woman with a child, it is very difficult to find a husband in Russia, but still she seeks a husband, and not making a career instead, because she believes that a woman is made for the family life. This comes first, and only then come other things such as providing for her children etc. Women don't start their search for a husband abroad because they need somebody to provide for their children. They start their search because they want a complete family and a husband.

    This nuance is difficult to explain; but I will try. You know western society is based in the cult of "success", which is mostly defined in financial terms. If you do not have money and do not have a career, you are not successful. The definition of success is the same for men and women.

    In Russia, the definition of success for men and women is different.

    For a man, success is similarly defined in financial terms. But for a woman, success is to be married to a worthy man and have a cozy home and bring up good children.

    Now, just imagine you were unemployed and did not have a career, for a long time. How would you feel? This is the way an unmarried Russian woman feels, because for her having a complete family is the necessary condition of success.

    How would you feel if you have never had any job - while your friends and classmates all have one? This is how a Russian woman who has never been married feels.

    A divorced Russian woman feels like a person who had lost her job long time ago. Their sense of self-worthiness and fulfillment depend on having a husband and complete family, the same way in America having money and career define the feeling of self-worthiness and fulfillment.

    That's the best way I can explain why marriage is so important for Russian women.

    But to understand it, a western person has to accept a completely different system of coordinates, which they of course cannot. It is like explaining to two-dimensional people about the third dimension: they simply cannot place it in their heads. They try to judge Russian women from inside their own system of coordinates, and the only answer they can come up with is that Russian women want to get out of their misery. This is as far from the reality as saying that Sun is rotating around the Earth. Yes, it might look like this for an uneducated observer - but it is not so.

    Why you see so many negative stories about Russian mail order brides in the Media? The Media concentrates on scandal stories because they must sell their newspapers, magazines, etc, and horror stories attract more attention than "happily ever after" fairy tales. (When was the last time you saw a story about a happy marriage on the front page? But a "mail order brides" horror can easily make it.) To sell more copies magazines must publish something "newsworthy". Murders and treachery sell newspapers. This is one reason why you will rarely find happy stories about international couples in the Media.

    But there is also a more powerful reason. WHY newspapers want to sell more copies and TV channels to attract more viewers? They would never survive if their only source of income were the regular Joe buying the newspaper on the street corner.

    The driving force behind the Media is ADVERTISING, and newspapers, magazines and TV channels' most important goal is to sell advertising space in their editions. Half of their audience is WOMEN. Ask some of your female friends if they think it is a good idea for their countrymen to look for wives abroad. Listen to their answers. Now you know what half of the population would think if Media promoted marriages to foreign brides.

    Put it simpler, you are not getting all the truth. You are getting the negative information, and seldom the positive.

    Let me give the word to people who work in this industry themselves:

    Alan, publisher and journalist: "I met Aryna, my Ukrainian bride, through one of these big dating sites and asked the company to publish our story. However, while the site does carry 'true stories' and its service and profiles span the globe, the company's management views and perceptions appear to be parochially American. If the romance is not "N.Y., N.Y. meets Washington D.C." it isn't worthy of publication!"

    Anthony Bochene, journalist (also the author of Foreign Bride Guide): "Lena and I are an example of just one more success story that you don't read about in the local newspapers. Added to the dozens of other happy couples I've come in contact with in the last few years who would not have met each other without the help of the international romance tour industry, means the general public is not getting the whole truth about this business."

    When a negative report is about your own country fellows, you understand that the case featured in a TV story or an article is extreme; you know very well what the real picture is.

    When the report is about some other country, you have no idea about the real picture and often build your impression on incomplete facts.

    The thing is, the journalists who write the stories are also only people, and most often, they do not possess the complete information themselves. Often they are affected by the same common misconceptions and myths. The best and most objective stories are usually written by reporters that live in the country they write about. Check expatriate newspapers and you will never see this type of generalizations as that Russian women seeking foreign men only want to escape from Russia. (In most Eastern European capitals there are expatriate communities and they run their own newspapers. Yes, there many Americans and Europeans that permanently live in Russia! With its 12% flat tax rate, it is a tax haven for many foreign investors.)

    But even then, writing about something they are not professionally involved with, the reporters often follow the usual stereotypes: "mail order brides" mean something that is highly suspicious, and most likely a scam.

    It is not easy to break a common stereotype, built through many years, in the short time allocated to an interview (from my experience, the interviewer will spend with you only 1-2 hours, at most!). The very questions journalists ask show how little most of them know about Russia and the situation between sexes in Russia. Some questions that seem to me crucial in the "Russian mail order brides phenomena", are never asked.

    I believe the Media is actually doing a bad service to their countrymen, making them believe that Russian women are hard up and will marry anybody just to get out of their misery.

    This is the concept that is extensively exploited by scammers, you have probably heard about them (if not, read about this phenomenon here). Dating scammers usually contact unsuspecting men through large Internet personals and start professing their undying love and desire for marriage after a few short letters. The scam scenario fits perfectly with the Media's insinuations, and men believe all they need to do is to pay her travel expenses and they will have a perfect mail order bride at their front door next week Friday. When "she" does not show up on "D"-day, they say "All those Russian women are just a scam" and if they are very unhappy, probably another "mail order brides" horror story is born.

    Would people believe this story if she were from Cincinnati, Ohio, and not from Ekaterinburg, Russia? No way! But the Media created a "mail order brides" myth, which led them to think this unbelievable situation is possible in the case with a woman from Russia. After all, she is just a mail order bride. See the consequences?

    The real, legitimate Russian dating agencies do NOT offer Russian mail order brides.

    Russian mail order brides is a thing that does not exist.

    There are Russian women that seek contacts with foreign men with the intention of future marriage. Those women are educated, intelligent and smart. They are not going to become intimate submissives or maids. They seek equal partnership and will not tolerate infidelity or abuse. There is nothing wrong with them; they are not doing anything different from women that place ads in your local personals. There is a lack of men in their country, why can't they look elsewhere? We all have the right to seek happiness.

    As said by a reporter from Irish TV after I answered their questions about why Russian brides are suddenly so popular in Ireland, "From what you said I see a legitimate matchmaking service and not just some slicky mail order brides operation". And this is exactly what Russian dating agencies offer - introductions to real, existing, marriage minded Russian women. They do not sell women. They offer a way for people from different countries to find each other and be happy.

    But those people are free, and bear full responsibility for their own actions. One would not complain on a national television about problems with his "girl-next-door" fiancee, but if she is from Russia, it is the "Russian mail order brides" problem.

    It is just a problem of a particular guy, with a particular woman!

    There are bad people among all nations; in your country, too, there are probably some men and some women who get ripped off through their marriages - unfortunately, there is nothing we can do about it. Just try to avoid the bad ones to the best of our abilities. No relationship is guaranteed problem-free; it is impossible.

    There are hundreds or even thousands of happy international marriages, and there are only a few unhappy ones. One can get into trouble in a marriage with her countryman or his countrywoman; and you know yourself it happens all the time; it probably happened with somebody of your family or friends. Yes, there are gold diggers and social climbers; which nation does not have them? It is not the reason to discriminate against of Russian, or Ukrainian, or Uzbek women.

    I do not say a marriage to a Russian woman will guarantee you will live in paradise on Earth. Not all marriages are the same! But it does not mean it has to end in trouble either.

    Most things in life are potential trouble-makers. But, for example, no one cancels adoptions because there were a few adoptive parents that abused their adopted children, and a few adopted kids that later caused great problems for their adoptive parents. People understand that they were rather untypical cases.

    More people die in road accidents than of cancer; but no one is thinking about prohibiting cars. What is done concerns road safety.

    There are sexually transmitted diseases, including AIDS, but no one is thinking about prohibiting sex. Just take precautions when you do it!

    There was a case where an American husband killed his Russian wife. Now what? All Americans marrying foreigners are paranoid murderers?? Was not there ever a case where an American husband killed an American wife? Were marriages in general announced dangerous after that?

    Don't throw away the kid with the dirty water, and don't judge a phenomena by some untypical, extreme cases. I went through the process of marrying a foreigner myself, and I was not exploited, or trafficked, or abused, and neither was my husband. It was a story of two people from different countries meeting each other and falling in love.

    I am proud to do what I am doing. I am not in the "mail order brides" business. I am in a dating business. I am helping people to find their love. I hope with my input there will be a few more happy couples in the world, and a few less lonely people.

    Because good people deserve to be happy!



    Yours,
    Elena Petrova
    (Click here to read more about me)

    Send email with questions or comments about this article

    Link to this article


    From the author: I am taking this opportunity to thank all reporters who ever contacted me with their questions and who were genuinely seeking to find out the truth, and did not try to fit my answers into a pre-shaped mould. They are too numerous to name all of them here; so it would be wrong to think most journalists are only seeking one-sided sensations.
    But the important role Media plays in evaluating phenomena of our fast-changing life dictates the need for addressing the way some of newspapers and TV channels still prefer to picture relationships between Russian women and foreign men. Personally, I oppose the very term "mail order brides" as humiliating and suggesting a human being can be ordered as an item, labeling human relationships with a stamp of disgrace. I am NOT a "mail order Russian bride", neither are thousands Russian women who find love and marriage abroad every year - please do not call us "mail order", in our faces or behind our backs.

    I was never the one who tried to cover up the negative aspects that accompany international dating, and it was Russian Brides Cyber Guide that was the first to publish its own Black List of Russian Scammers from the dating industry, back in 1999. But I was also the first to analyze all the Myths that were typical for supplying information about Russian women, both online and offline. Being a qualified philosopher, I prefer approaching a phenomenon in its entirety, as opposite to tearing it apart and picking up only those pieces of the puzzle that fit into a particular theory.

    I am always happy to answer Media requests and offer my expertise in the matter. To send a press enquiry, please click here .




    READ ALSO:


    Female Scammers from Nigeria, Ghana, Russia, Ukraine and Philippines

  2. #11
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    Apr 2004
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    Addressing the story of American Winston and Belarussiuan Svetlana, married in Florida.

    The youngish female felt affection for him in her letters, but was not attracted to him when they met in person.

    This can happen. Nobody is to blame.

    I don't think she could simply have feigned affection for 8 months. If she felt nothing for this fellow, then the first beau to arrive in Estonia (where she was attending college) would have stolen her feigned affections from him.

    Once she was in the USA, this fellow could easily see from her behaviour that there was no intimate relationship. (Minimal communication? Months to consummate?)

    So... why did he continue with her?

    Only when she was directed by immigration to leave the USA, only then was she anxious to marry him. So... she really did want to leave Belarus, and he provided her the means to do so.

    She saved most of her nastiness until after the wedding, thus deliberately navigating the marriage into oblivion.

    She simply wanted to come live in the West.
    He realised this early, but continued to fantasise.

  3. #12
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    Aug 2007
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    i'd like to share my story...

    i accidentally wound up on some international website 4 yrs ago and scrolled through some pictures...and i saw this picture, and read this bio, and i knew right then this was someone very special, like no other.

    she was 23, and in russia, and had a child less than a year old. (i was 40, divorced, unemployed)...i subscribed to the site just so i could write her and wish her luck, totally assuming i'm too old, etc, for her to ever be interested in me.

    we did keep in contact thru email, writing maybe every other month or so, (she never asked for anything, and i didn't know at the time, but was secretly wishing i would perhaps visit) i was surprised to hear that she was coming to the U.S. on a visa, to work as a nanny for a family, but 1000 miles from me, and we stayed in contact until finally she wanted to call me, and was asking me to visit her, after being here a year...

    i was shy, and concerned about the age difference, but finally i gave in and went, just being myself, no plans, not impressing her at all.
    it was very awesome just being around her, and we spent the weekend just talking. nothing else. i went home, angry with myself, sent her a couple of hyper emails, and then months went by with no communication.

    i was convinced i would never hear from her again, but was content even if i had to wait 10,000 lifetimes to be with her again. i finally wrote her, and we started communicating again, and she came to see me...i later learned that she had made many friends, most wealthy, (compared to me), and some even proposed to her, but she was not interested.

    we spent time together, and decided to marry, and to move her to this "one-horse" town, totally opposite of the metropolis she had become accustomed to...

    that was almost a year ago...and i can say we are closer than ever. she loves to cook for me, she is always ready to make love, she is a great mother, just a dream come true. even better.

    she comes from a good family, and they are very close, talking very often. her (our) son loves me as his father, and we are very close.

    i wanted to share my story so it may help others see the difference.
    if you are truly interested in dating someone from russia, find someone already here in the U.S. that doesn't need you to necessarily stay here, or at least bring them here, and has already adapted to this way of life. there are thousands of them here, literally, looking for an older, sincere, mature man...just go to yahoo personals and set the language preference to "russian" and "must have", search any big city, including the d.c. area.

    the other option would be to go to russia, and there you will find many women in their 30's and 40's, divorced or never married, and most or all of these would make a very fine and devoted wife.

    good luck to all of you, may you find your soulmate.



  4. #13
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    Sep 2005
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    something doesn't make sense here...
    what about her son?
    did she venture abroad alone?
    if she did bring her son along, which family would hire a nanny with her own child, given that host families must support dependants?

    quote:and was asking me to visit her, after being here a year...

    it was very awesome just being around her, and we spent the weekend just talking. nothing else. i went home, angry with myself, sent her a couple of hyper emails, and then months went by with no communication.


    we spent time together, and decided to marry, and to move her to this "one-horse" town, totally opposite of the metropolis she had become accustomed to...

    that was almost a year ago...and i can say we are closer than ever. she loves to cook for me, she is always ready to make love,, she is a great mother, just a dream come true. even better.
    sounds like a fantasy to me...

  5. #14
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    Aug 2007
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    ham,

    you made me smile, and reminded me how special this is...

    she did come over the first time without her son, because she was cautious and concerned about what she would find here, but luckily the family she cooked, cleaned, and cared for was very very nice.

    they had a son a year younger, and 6 months after being here, she took a leave of absence, returned home, luckily got another visa, and brought her son back 6 weeks later to the same job!

    i was ignorant to the whole visa process with regards to russians having difficulty to come here, so i never gave it a thought that she might not return.

    i should mention that i have a daughter from a previous marriage, who lives with me most of the time, and that is the reason i was never in a hurry to visit, or to have another serious relationship, or any relationship for that matter.

    she could have stayed at that job for another year, but she wanted her son to have a good father, and to get on with her future.

    her profile was plastered all over many websites for years, and many contacted her, yet no real connection was made for whatever reason,
    so you have to look at it from the woman's perspective too.

    nearly everyone told me, do not marry! that i would regret it, that she would be an "actress", and just pretend...but of course no one really knows us, and i know this feeling between us is very special.

    10-15 years ago, you could chat and make friends on irc, icq, whatever...and meet people without any worry...i suggest not wasting any time trying to find that special someone on the internet...
    you don't buy a rolex on ebay, and you don't find a russian babe on a website, without running a very high risk of being scammed.

    it has been 16 days, 1 hr and 49 minutes since i've seen my soulmate, she is visiting her family for the first time in 2 years. she cried for 3 days, missing me. we talk several times a day, often for 2 and a half hours at a time. we had no idea we would miss each other so much. we had been together night and day for the past 7 months and never tired of each other. we will be together again in 79 hours, 21 minutes.

    can you feel the passion?

  6. #15
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    Sep 2005
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    quote: she did come over the first time without her son, because she was cautious and concerned about what she would find here, but luckily the family she cooked, cleaned, and cared for was very very nice.

    they had a son a year younger, and 6 months after being here, she took a leave of absence, returned home, luckily got another visa, and brought her son back 6 weeks later to the same job!
    wow...must be the 0,00000000000000000000000000000001% to be able to do that, since AU PAIR/NANNY services don't take single mothers; the job pays poorly and one cannot likely support a relative on it and host families wouldn't want any part in it, but hey...must be the 0,00000000000000000000000000000001%, right?

    quote: can you feel the passion?
    I read lines on a PC screen where you say you were 40s, divorced and unemployed and found a 23yo cutie (albeit single mother) who is happy & willing to be an housewife in the middle of nowhere, always ready to make love etc.
    Well...
    That defies my private experience & what i learnt about FSUWs and women in general.
    [:0]
    FOR YOUR OWN SAKE i hope that this isn't another "third million in my bank account" internet fantasy...and i wish you good luck.
    [B)][)]

  7. #16
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    Jan 2007
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    Contrary to my personal and collective experience as well ham. As you said, "I wish you luck."

    I have been amazed at the number of men willing to think that the rules that apply to everyone else do not apply to them. Then when they go down in flames they say, "So THAT'S what they were talking about."

    So maybe there's a beautiful Russian MOB living in the middle of nowhere with a man old enough to be her dad, happily putting out on demand and delighted to take care of his kids, even though he's unemployed and has plenty of time on his hands, and who shed rivers of tears at the thought of leaving him long enough to visit her family back home that she had not seen in two years. Then again, there's a bridge in Arizona you might be interested in buying...

  8. #17
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    Aug 2007
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    Ok, let's review some differences here.

    She was already in this country(USA),
    with a good job (yes, a good paying job),
    with her son, and good friends around her,
    with her papers (Visa, I-94) intact for another 2 years.

    Our friendship/relationship developed for nearly 3 years
    before deciding to marry. She wanted her own family,
    and the time was right. (We plan on having another child soon)

    I did not travel to Russia to meet her,
    nor did I send her any money.
    There was never a misleading intention (scam),
    not then, not now.

    Of course she'd like to live in a bigger city, with better
    job opportunities for both of us.
    Of course she misses her family, and hopes to see them again soon.

    Yes, I did first see her profile on a website (don't remember which one, but it was only eastern europeans), and she is the only person I've written to from a website.

    I did have much experience meeting people on chat, and travelling to meet them, some experiences good, some not so great, but always an adventure.

    I firmly believe that any unraveling of this relationship will be my doing, not some sinister plan that she has kept on the back burner for 2 years.

    Don't worry, I will keep you posted.

  9. #18
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    Jan 2007
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    Is she Orthodox by any chance? Observant? That's the only explanation I can think of. Hey, and congratulations by the way. Hope it proves to be every thing you are convinced it already is...

  10. #19
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    6

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    There are two possible ignorant statements...that it doesn't exist or that every Russian woman online is a scammer. It very well DOES exist but it also doesn't encompass all of the population of Russian women. You shoud not have to be a babushka to be believable.

    You talk too long. We are not saying every Russian woman is a scammer. But the men should be careful.....just as I am of anyone outside my country. Hell...let's make that anyone outside my 5 mile radius!

  11. #20
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
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    1

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    MY EXPERIENCE AND OPINIONS ARE THESE:

    I was interested in dating with russian women after I received a mail from one. She was very beautiful and, of course, I wanted to know if she was honestly looking for a sincere relationship. I investigate her mail address and name and quicly I found out she was not honest and I learned about the so called scammers. But while I was looking for information about this girl I was enchanted by the russian girls I found in those dating sites. Many were very atractive and with a good education and culture level. I was then atracted by the idea of finding an honest russian girl.
    I chose a site that looked fine and well organized, not free but not so expensive. The girls featured there are not beauty queens but you can find some very atractive (and too many of them also ugly), just as in real life.

    I started to write to the women I liked and made an archive folder for each one that responded and wrote to me. I also made a data base of the information of each one including the IP (internet provider address) of their mails to identify the electronic source. This way I found double identities of some of them, writing to me at the same time.
    I may say we men dare to dream with beauty queens but in our real life we know we will get a girl in our own possibilities. I am a 42 y.o. man with no problem to get a relationship with an atractive 20 to 25 y.o. girl in my own city but, curiosly, I was looking for a woman in her 30's, as I am tired of spending time educating young girls. But even so, I will not look for a beauty queen. Instead of that, I was looking for someone similar of what I am able to find in my country by my self.

    So, I chose women looking normally in their pictures, not as models. I put my interest in women with refined features, the good balance in high and weight, similar interests as me, good level of education and culture and in an aparently good bone structure (according to the pictures, of course).

    Many women wrote to me, in fact they still keep on writing, and I may say I can count about 2,000 aprox from the begining to date. I only chose to mantain contact with those who never asked for money or gifts; only with those who I could talk by phone and those who I can be in contact by a chat messenger everyday; and those who showed real life situations (not so dramatic or unusual stories); and those who were not afraid of giving her personal data as postal address, home or job phones, etc. In short, I chose only those who could do as normal people does in real life. Anyone that could not do so, was discarted. Finally, I chose the ones I liked the most.

    So now, after almost a year of searching, I have contact with three beautiful women. Their life seems to be normal. They have steady jobs, a daily routine schedule, I talk with them by messenger almost every day and by phone when I have the chance; I have many pictures of them and even videos. Two of them are divorced with children and one never married. Their ages are 34, 30 and 26. I personally met one of them in a commun country and spend a wonderful time with her (in fact I think I could marry her). We had sex and talked for hours and enjoyed the time very much, just as a fairy tale (no more, no less).

    Now, I am planning to know one another of them this month, and the other at the end of the year.

    I know it may sound not so good for doing this, but I am really looking for a strong relationship that can work in real life. And, in real life, we do know some women before making a decision for one of them.
    I am doing just so, getting to know them before taking a decision.

    I really dont know if they are in contact with other men from any dating site or in real life. There is no way to know that, as we live in opposite parts of this world, in very different countries with different traditions, horary, ways of thinking, etc. I just believe what they tell me, trusting for the way they treat me and their attentions to me, their behaive and all the things we consider important in a so called "real life" relationship.

    The woman I met was really more beautiful than in her pictures and being with her was more enjoyable than just talking by messenger or phone. I think meeting the other two girls will be this good, but if it isn't it will not be a problem. We men must to realize that these are real relationships and, as it happens in real life, we must to try some until we find the right woman. May be the one and only will come after meeting some of them.

    My advices:

    1.- Dont look for a girl that goes beyond your posibilities. Dont choose a beauty queen unless you are an Adonis. Even so, look for a normally atractive girl. Chose someone that is in your "own league". A beauty queen requires you to be more skeptical.

    2.- Dating sites are just points of encounter and you can find all kind of people there. No one is safe of scammers. If someone offers you a gold watch for few bucks, Would you believe it? It is you who allows the scammers to scam you. Choose wisely.

    3.- Never send money and don't respond positively to the ones asking for gifts. No matter what the story is, a girl who is looking for a sincere relationship will always be careful to mantain the good ways. Be sure to tell the girls that you will not send any money.

    4.- If you buy plane thickets, do it by internet in electronic thickets, that only can be used by the real person and you can change anytime. If you are making most of the expenses as plane thickets and hotel acomodation, etc., the girl will understand that she will make some expenses too. A good girl will not ask for money, she will find the way to get it with out asking you.

    5.- Even the russian women will not choose weird guys. If you are a nice guy with a good behaivor and a normal life, you will have more oportunities with good ladies. If you are a bad party in your own country, you will surely be a bad one in a foregner country and no normal girl will look for you.

    6.- Don't be afraid of knowing some other girls, even when there is one that you like the most. May be you will even think you love some one. But just remember you are only about to know them, and the reality can be different of what we wish to happen. Beware of showing your self desperated. Take your time to choose wisely. Don't marry anyone before actually doing it so.

    7.- Have confidence in your self. Show your self how you really are. Don't give false expectations. Women are very intuitive and they will perceive when something is not so accurated to reality. They are really smart, just don't subestimate them. If you talk about your reality and someone doesn't like it, may be she is not the one.

    8.- Preserve the dignity. If somebody is really interested in you, she will treat you fine and nicely. Even if she is a beauty queen, nobody has the right to treat you badly. And, in the opposite, a girl with dignity will stay with you if you treat her fine.

    9.- Follow your insticts, but not just the lower ones. If something is not clear to you or it seems suspicious, dont be afraid to ask directly. If the doubt persist even so, your inner voice will make sound the alarm. Be reasonable and remember: a good girl will not be afraid to show her self to you.

    10.- Dont worry, When you find the one your heart will tell you with no doubts. A girl who is sincerely interested in you will give you all the signs and you will recognize them. She will do everything to make the relationship works as long as you are able to do it in the same way.


    For last, remember these are only advices and they may work only for some people. Try to learn from your own experiences and be alert for the good and bad things that happen. All of them will tell you how your relationship is really going on. Open your eyes to reality, no matter how big is your wish to find a partner. Be optimistic, but not a fool.


    Sebastian

 

 

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