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Thread: mentality

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
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    2

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    Been there, done that!!

    Met a girl on the internet from Russia, corresponded, fell in love being sure that it was mutual, decided it was time to meet, I'm sure you know the routine.

    Before deciding to meet the girl I, being my usual Mr. well prepared, got all the information I could lay my hands on, and even bought the e-book from the famous lady that gives you the fool proof way to a Russian girls heart, carefully noting all the requirements for a "worthy" husband sure that it would only be a matter of going through the motions and then I would have my Russian princess and live happily ever after.

    After the 27 hour journey that I found extremely frustrating, and in which my luggage was lost I arrived in her city to be met by her at the airport.

    About two days later I realized that all was not the way that I imagined (usually I am much faster in catching on - I will blame it on the total disorientation of being in a country that nobody understood you and everything is different). Although being very "nice" she was clearly not in love with me, and to ad insult to injury she seemed not interested at all to find out more about my country to which we were supposed to depart to in the very near future.

    In our way of thinking it would not have been "polite" to have someone travel half way around the world for a vist when you were not fairly sure that you are going to marry him. I have read that their income are not what we would consider a good salary and expected that she would have some respect for hard earned money. The opposite proved to be true, and in my view she helped me spend as much as possible, and when I asked her to recomend a restaurant she would always choose one that was about twice as expensive as in my own country. Apart from that she insisted that we go on "excursions" to cultural sites and taking it for granted that I pay the way for us and her friends that went with, with only an ofhand remark about it being more fun when enjoyed with company. I think the most expensive of these cost around 700 US dollars for a days entertainment that I would not have got out of bed for in my country. Being warned beforehand by the book about appearing cheap, I pretended not to notice, and I was very happy that I had transferred enough funds in my credit card for the unlikely event of having to buy her a plane ticket to come home with me. It would be a once of expense in any case so I paid with a smile and pretended to enjoy myself while almost freezing to death, and suffering a permanently semi-upset stomach from all the fatty (but tasty) food that I am not used to.

    We got along very well and had a lot of fun, and after a few romantic evenings I was sure that in the end, if I was patient enough all will turn out well. What is money after all when you are with your dream girl?

    What finally made me loose my cool, was when she happily announced that I must realize that if we were to get married it would have to be in Russia, as it is tradition of the mariage agency that all their girls get married there. I never pretended to be rich, but being forewarned about complaining about money I never objected to the extremely overpriced excursions or dinners, but suddenly the image of a repetition of the whole trip came into my mind and I totally lost it for a moment. Where I come from people try to be reasonable and when it comes to true love both should be willing to make some compromises. Feeling that I could scream from frustration, and start banging my head against the wall to wake me from this nightmare, I took a deep breath and patiently explained to her that this would be a once off trip for me and that I will not be able to afford it again. I also said to her that I know it is important for her to get married with her friends present, but that she would have to carefully consider what is more important.

    I left her with the unsaid understanding that we would never see each other again, and a half hearted promise that she would come for a visit to South Africa.

    I still do not "get it", but if there is one thing that I have learned it would be that if I had asked the right questions, I would have got honest answers. And if you assume that they are willing to leave their country and life of what we would consider poverty, just because you made the effort to go to Russia, you are wrong.

    If there is some advice that cost me about 6000US dollars to learn and I can give to all cosidering marrying a Russian woman, for free, it would be not to assume anything at all, and be prepared to pay an arm and a leg for the privilege to marry a true princess.

    My search continues, but next time I will make certain that she is willing to come to me, and rather risk losing a good one, than to go through that process again.

    Wish you luck, my fellow Russian wife hunters!!! (Bet you I will find the most beautiful one)

    Jaco

  2. #12
    Join Date
    May 2005
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    6

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    To the agry South African dude...WHAT DID YOU EXCPECT??

    You want a princess? Be a prince! You are obviously not. Moody, touchy, whining individual with a sense of entitlement is not a prince. Cheap... yeah, cheap, regardless how much you spent on this trip, you just pretended to be generous, no heart here. So the lady wanted to have her wedding with her friends and relatives around and that pissed you off???? Really? Have you thought that she will have to spend the rest of her life away from all those who loved her, and move to some South Africa to be with some moody and cheap you??

    And why the hell would you expect someone to fall in love with you over the internet? She gave you a chance. That was generous enough. You blew it. And you know why? Because you don't deserve this chance. If you want a regular woman that would appreciate your cheap manners...look around in your neighbourhood. But no! You want an exotic beauty, a princess, a dream lady, well, dude for that you have to be a dream lord for her, and not a pissed off wussy.

  3. #13

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    Hey Jaco,
    Did you at least get some booty for $6000 spent? Tell the truth, be a man

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    Hello

    I just want to tell my story, last year i found a Ukrainen girl on a marraige agency.... well she found me. We send letters to each other for about 6 months and i fall for her looks nothing else. After some time i thound why not go there to see her, i did not think anything would happen at all and when i got back to my country i could say to myself that i have tried to see a Ukrainen girl because i have thoud about meet one for so long. But it happend this girl was more beautiful in reality than on pictures and she also said that i looked better than on my pictures well she had to work so we could only be together after her work, i did not expect anything from her but i must say i felt for her because she was so normal and did not expect anything from me, ok i paid for everything but hey i would also have done it in my country if i was with a girl. I will not say that she was in love with me but there was "something" between us. Now i'm back in my country and we are still writing to each other and i will go there again to September. My point to this story is remember Russian/Ukrainen girls are human beings and have feelings too, no one can expect to be loved on first sight....give it time, follow your heart and use your normal senses then everything will be fine (i hope).

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
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    622

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    can somebody lend me 50 bucks please?

    i have two women that want to meet me. the visa i can easily forge it. travel i can jump on a ship. ok i may have to throw the coal in the steamer or clean the diesel pumps but hey! it will be free

    i'm saving hard. up to now have US$70 saved. i wonder what my princesses will cost me

    ping! just had a thought. better ask them if they have back gardens. need somewhere to pitch my tent when i am there.


    to be or not to be. that is the question.

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
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    4

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    IS natalka a guy?

    Duuuuuuuuuude , you got some tude.

    chill out.

    the journey is the reward

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
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    124

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    Generally the income in east european countries is a lot less as in the west, I guess this is an open door.
    Goods and services are cheaper too.
    They cannot afford a creditcard, they cannot travel to a foreign country.
    If they have a real good job and they are not very young, they sometimes have a car.
    A lot of woman are divorced, have one or more children and their first priority is taking care of their family, not only their own children, but in many cases also their parents or brother/sister without work.
    It is crazy to send money to a woman you hardly know and have exchanged some emails with, tells you she is in love in her 5th email and have send you some steamy pictures.
    But when you have established a lasting and serious relationship, you should pay for inviting her to your country.
    When you have been invited to her family a few times and have met some of her friends, you know she is serious about you.

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
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    622

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    sorry folks but balony and i agree with duchy on this one

    i have just come back from russia. my "fiancee" drives a ford escort. her father has a 4x4 (in uk looking at about 34,000 UK Pounds for one of them).

    the main people i saw driving lada cars are actually the police! yeah sometimes you see the odd "russian car or van or truck" but loads of french, english, swedish and other foreign cars and even mercs!

    tv's are mostly sanyo or LG. settees real leather.

    ok maybe find it odd that her parents have the main bedroom and sitting room combined. but as far as i could understand they took one of the rooms and have the younger daughter living there.

    money yeah, it may be to us ridiculous. but then again a double vodka in a hotel is 50 roubles. that is about 1US$ 80cents. so what? in uk a double vodka will knock you back about 7 dollars.

    can get a "heck if i know what it is called but it was like what we call a sicilian pizza" from a street vendor for 10 roubles. that is about 50 cents.

    NO i NEVER sent her a penny. actually my trip was planned a long time before i EVEN started writing to her. she learnt i was visiting russia. she said will come to meet me and say hello. kind of "find out who am writing to".

    i was supposed to go to a place called vyborg. i finished in yaroslavl. i liked her "physically". cannot say "emotionally" because we had only been talking to each other about 5 e mails. she liked me as well. we thought it will be good to spend a week with each other to get to know each other better.

    first night i went to give her a kiss. she told me not to as she hardly knew me. second night got two kisses and she took my hand. we got to know each other better in time.

    but all this "break my heart i am broke" and "she is a princess" and bla bla bla give me a break!

    and MOST OF ALL. remember the old saying: start as you intend to continue

    DO NOT try to impress her with loads of gifts. loads of money spending and what not.

    in my opinion, girls are not impressed with bragging. personally anybody who brags about how much money spent on an air ticket, spending whilst on holiday etc etc i cannot stand. it means "i am better then you" which to me, nobody is. people are my equal.

    and bragging and trying to be "flash" means one thing. you get married. take her to mcdonalds and the first thing that goes through her head is "is this what i let myself in for"????? yeah! see how fast she leaves you and shoots back to russia or where she came from.

    think about it. you drive a ford. lets say about 8 years old. pick up a woman. take her to mcdonalds. she kinds of expects it.

    you drive a porche worth 40,000 UK Pounds. you take her to mcdonalds. she will order a taxi while you are waiting in the queue!

    just be honest with her. i told her i am not a rich man. i am middle class. she accepted it. thats it. i told her i want to come back to see her again. she said she wants me to as well. i told her, i can come back shortly but will not have much cash to spend. (air ticket is about UKPounds 250 which is not really expensive. it is the spending money that matters). she said ok. stay at her home. if we need to stay in every day. maybe just go out on weekend. but all this about sending expensive gifts, sending money to woo her!!!!!

    give me a break will you!!!!!! and last and not least...... is it not give and take in a relationship?



    to all russian scammers: i am somewhat of a bullshi*ter myself but i do like to listen to a professional. please carry on

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
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    124

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    You are right.
    They are very sensitive about bragging, never give her a feeling you are more than she is or have more money as she does.
    They are proud women.

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
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    3

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    "Ciao" to you all! I'm Davide from Italy, 32yo. I uncovered some scammers but fortunately it didn't cost me nothing but time and a mix of delusion-sadness-rage. One, from Russia, fortunately I didn't like her because half not my type half my instinct made me be suspicious. Other two said were afro-american but in Nigeria with absurd stories too to tell. Clearly scammers which asked for money "to come back to the USA". I'm ingenuous, just like all those which prefer to trust and bla bla bla, but not stupid at all. I had two great delusions with a belorussian [a love-story lasted 4 years...I can tell a lot aabout those years to explain but it takes too much time and you don't need to read a book of psycology...do you?] and a russian [almost 1 year and a half-2]...no scamming fortunately but perhaps worse because it doesn't concerns money but a lot more...it concerns life because "a thing of life" indeed. Perhaps I need to make an introduction...I think it can help to discuss our topic here. Here I go!
    Well...for the first one I've lost a lot more than money. I've been in Minsk in a winter spending almost one month -- I arrived there as gift before SantaClaus on that 24th december -- living with her in her divorced aunt's home where she lived for studying University. One month as a normal couple with highs and lows under the same roof, in the same room and on the same bed. I can't tell you everything about that but for those curious ones of you yes we made love and only one regret I have now after the split! [}] We lived quite all the time at home...hey it was deep winter too! We went out sometimes...as a couple normally does for the ordinary shopping, some walk, some visit to the city. Never gone to nightclubs or discos just some lunch at 2-3 McDonalds...we spent a couple of hours outside almost everyday, someday more. We went once at the Circus with a cousin and her cousin's son...maybe you're not surprised to know that I hate even only hearing about "Circus" now...and the sad thing is that I loved Circus till then and working in a Circus was a dream of my childhood!!! [)] I bought lots of music CD [damn...bought for a couple of dollars or 3 what I paid 30 dollars in Italy!] and listened a lot of music with her who loved to sing. Some of those CDs and of the "romance-tasty music" I stopped to listen to since then too! Why? Don't ask for details...she was all my life...because even the most private and intimate parts of me and my life story I told her between a **** and another [yeah...now I have to consider all that only as a **** to not go crazy at the thought of those oasis of paradise!]...with no-no-no-secret! It was real love...it was real love for me and was real love for her! She even bought a CDs course of italian and a dictionary and she started to study italian with my help...please don't let me tell more...please you there believe me...I cannot sum up 4 years of events and feelings and sensations in only few lines of a forum! It was deep true love for both!!! Her eyes were sincere even too much sincere...she wasn't acting at all...all those parts of my life story and of my soul made all her doubts fade away...she couldn't not love me! And I loved her even more for that. We were as one. And we resolved to definitively get married after her degree six month later. We went even in Dacia where she was born and lived till she went to the University...to make me know those places and to meet her father [her mother died just before to know -- her not her mother -- me for correspondence via airmail]...an old hunter...****...I still remember the way I shoke his ill hands and with the language of the eyes I promised him, and he understood that, "I will do my best to make your daughter happy"! ****!****! ****! All the times I think of that....I go wild! Believe me...I don't suffer anymore for all the rest but this thing...this thing makes me furious, absolutely furious!!!
    Then I left...and my instict talked to me just while I saw her and her cousin turn and walk away while I walked in the opposite direction to take off. "I won't see her anymore" I thought seeing the way she walked! Why didn't I turn again and stay there? ****! i know the things could be different now! We heard each other quite everyday, regularly and it was all perfect till half of the following March...in a couple of calls a strange silence of her lovely side...I mean...she didn't respond to my "I love you" with the same but with a "me too" for example..."what's wrong?" I said..."I'll write in a letter" her reply...something was wrong...I felt that from her voice. I thought she had problems with the University, I thought were problems of delay to reach me in Italy in the summer for the marriage...I even thought...."she's pregnant and wants to find the right words to tell me I was becoming father...and I was...I was....I was crazy...crazy of happiness at the thought of a dream coming true...a son with the first woman who loved me!]...but i won't never know...I won't knoww the truth. One day...it was...1st of April....yeah...the Fool's Day! I called her by night for the goodnight...i asked her about the letter with explanations...and the answer arrived by phone. "I realized i don't love you anymore, not enough...perhaps I only believed to the illusion to love you..."...imagine...imagine the world falling down all in a sudden..."Why? Why? Why?...only few months are missing..." "I cannot marry you...I feel I need to be free, to meet people, enjoy life..."...the earth below my feet breaking in two and swallowing me..."But you are free with me you know...we'll meet people...lots of people...we'll enjoy life...together..."...and down...rivers of tears, my numb voice sobbing...my despair...her tears ..."Don't cry please...don't make me cry...it's already hard enough for me to tell this..."...her way to confort me and the tears of mine thick like blood from my heart...the call was over..I closed the phone needing to leave the street and go home to die onto my bed...the reaction of my parents suffering seeing me into despair, like they never saw me before, for a reason they ignored...and my brother words "I told you she was going to hurt you...russian women are able to make you suffer like nobody else in the world! What's up? Is she pregnat? I will give a blow to her stomach!"...****! He's a musician...younger than me 4 years but my opposite... a real Casanova with many experiences with russian women...I never listened to him...I follow my way always...they thought it wasn't a serious thing...I never told them my plans for my future. I wrote he letters, emails...tried to call her...no letter back, calls denied and emails with the most cruel words...believe me if I say I've got a great oratory...i can convince people to act making them use the reason and she knew that...and in fact stopped to wite to me and to respond...she finished all the arguments...all the words to oppose to my reasonable arguments and words. Now I don't hear her since them...we communicated via email using a private shared emailbox in those years...no answer...only silence from her, no news...she kept using that emailbox for her things...she was used to play with online casino...her only vice...so there was always lots of spam and other ****...she used that to communicate with her friend who married an french man and happily lived in France, she used that even to communicate with another friend she had in the USA where she has been for a university program one year before...we were already together of course...you see...she was free to live, with me...no chain I never had for her...and I've never been jealous at all...one morning after made love we talked and I asked her what she wanted to do as job in Italy and joking she responded "The pornstar!" and I joking replied "Ok we can make movies together..."...so...another reason why to be sure ours was LOVE...if she wanted she could take advantage of being already in the States and to remain there! Anyway...I checked the email regularly [it was under my name so...I had all the right to check out MY email, right?] and nothing bad I found apart the spam of casino...but I was realizing her aim were the States [what a stupid girl...for my work she could travel freely wherever she wanted id only she was patient enough...but i tell you later] where she left part of her heart...no...not a man yet...the time was passing by...almost half an year and another half from her split...just the time to manage to forget about me I think and I've got good reasons why to think this way! She posted a profile on freepersonals...I was reading all the messages she received...she was using OUR email for that...nothing happened...I think she found her man in a ordinary way...I red a message that suggested me he was a guy she knew going out with her room-mates [she was with a university girl-mate in the states] and her room-mate's friends...there were messages with usual greetings as "how is your friend Alan? And Jane?"..."When will you resolve to come back in the USA?"...as you see it was all very normal...I red those messages often before she opened them so I deleted them...suddenly the password was changed! My emailbox was inaccessible for me the owner!!! This the last things I know about her...i never call her or her aunt or father...never wrote to her anymore. And neither she did. What happened to me all that time? ****! Do you know HELL? I've lived in Hell for two long years and the scars are still fresh...try to figure it out...****! You there...consider this: I'm an italian designer [Graphics, Advertising&Communicatio and now even Webdesign&management and even more] with recognized talent, winner of a 2nd prize on 1996 and selected as one of besst 30 designers under35 on 1998...I'm even an artist of talent with 60 digital paintings of great dimesions [all 2m*2m each...some 2m*4m] online...when I was with her I was working hard to make her life a life worth to be lived...it was very very difficult because my work is fascinating but it takes great sacrifices at the beginning. She left me not becasue she didn't love me I think...she simply was scared or bothered with waiting for the results of my work or...who knows? She's never been able to talk about that with me because it was Arab my work for her! And when you're ignorant about something you're scared. This is a matter of mentality too. I'm sure she would regret for having split with me if she could see what's happening now in my life! When she left me all my world fell down...I opened a design studio with a friend and then we closed that because I lost all my enthusiasm for my work and all my concentration at work...we lost all our clients and I lost my life. It was as everything had no sense anymore I was just into pieces...smallest pieces scattered all away...imagine the HELL and my life was even sorse! It lasted almost one year since that Fool'sDay and I found finally the power, at the end, to try to raise from dust...I came back to Milan to restart to study [web Management]...trying to forget but i couldn't... I posted a couple of profiles on web....freepersonals.ru and bride.ru but nothing was interesting enough to break the stone I had in my heart. My profile was different I think, from all the profiles of men. I thought only veeeery patient scammers could rebe intersted into a man whose profile sense was "No tripe for [*****]cats"! [}] Serioulsy...I've always been sincere about myself...I never hid anything about my way of life, my difficulties, my absolute refusal to financially support a woman. I wrote I wanted only a independent woman with a finacial autonomy and nothing to ask to me. I wrote I was looking for a manager, just a manager to work with me and take care of the management of the design agency I'm trying to create from the beginning. I found none of course...perhaps because I wrote she had to be even my muse and pose for my paintings? Boh! Only a couple of girls I found...they contaced me...were whole different from each other...one very skinny...very pretty and interesting...perfect for posing for my watercolours...and all the contary of my ex. She was finishing to study at the university and now she did. The other was...was just incredible! She was the female side of me...same zodiac sign [same birthdate!] and perfect as muse for beauty and for the talent to always look different but to be always herself. We lived similar situations and suffered the same way...she was at the beginning of her university and firmly willing to get her degree...I can't write more apart that she wasn't a scammer for sure...we talked always deeply exchanged photos even of our childhood and teenage and...well...it couldn't work anyway...we were copy of each other by nature! Really...and two similar can drive back...moreover I couldn't wait four years for her degree! Russian girls [she was 19] value their education essential and I agree...so why to hurt her? I chose to keep on with the acquaintance of the skinny girl, even if it was hard to day goodbye to the sexiest girl I could find...besides she was a better copy [her body] of my ex...a thing that hurt me and attracted me notwithstanding the weight of my memories! Anyway...a couple of years passed and me and the skinny have broke. The problem? she's another who's scared by the unknown and byt the things she doesn't understand...a fragile and stubborn girl...a terrible mix. Now she is in Germany as au-pair, made me a ring [making rings allows to save money and to say to the other "I'm thinking of you and kissing you and missing you..." ]from there yesterday morning but I didn't reply. What does she mean with that!? And you? No suggestion for me? What have i to do? This is just a case of different mentalities...she's honest for sure, I know...she never asked money or given hints for that...never...she's proud and stubborn...our problems started with the problem of communication...she's a degre in languages and speaks a perfect english...the misunderstandings depend on her being fragile, sensible but proud and stubborn! I'm working on a very important project, the first for my new Design Agency...a website to complete, for around 10.000? , a good sum enough to move my Agency to London...I can't tell in details. She knows about that anyway....but she doesn't understand how it works...and she's doubtful about the results of this project. These women thinks everything depends on our will only...but that's wrong...consider my project...the webiste is for a competition for literature and poetry about Ferrari [sports'cars] and the sponsorships are in the approval procedure...the money for me is only a minimum part [the whole project isn't mine] of the whole sponsorships. These procedures are slow...and I have only to wait. Then I will have to complete the website...one month will pass for sure before I can finally move.
    She doesn't understand that. She wants to see me...this is the only way shecan cancel all her doubts. I know she's not a scammer...but who knows...what if she's a cold calculator with great intelligence [sometimes I say to myself she's stupid too sometimes...but I avoid to tell her that!] who's waiting the right time for the sting as a blackwidow?
    I don't know...I think I love her but I'm not sure to love her enough to risk a delusion again. She's like a rubberband...one week ago she told me her feelings for me changed...turned cool...just when I told her I was organizing to go to meet her in Germany before I move to London. "Not now - she said - else this family will think bad of me..." and I agree with this at least...she arrived to Germany about a week ago. The situation is absurd...it's happening the same thing twice...just when I caress the idea of the living with the woman I love, finally, she hasdoubts! Ok...it's reasonable...we never met face to face...but goddamn...I know myself enough to understand when I love or not! Why doesn't she? Simple...she's afraid. I haven't another reasonable answer for my heart.
    i'm not serching for her now...I preferred to let her think better about the situation. If she will realize to miss me she will write with her requests of pardon and she will get them. Maybe.
    What do you think? Now i posted another profile in many websites to catch the greater audience...unfortunately most of them ask money to read the incoming messages and to reply [Meetic...date.com...] and I don't want to pay. Only freepersonals.ru [but I don't have it now for problems....I needed to change my email where to receive the mail from there but to do that you need to delete your profile and to post another changing the email address. I did but unfortuantely I'm still waiting that they post it. A technical limit of them I guess] and CupidBay provides a more userfriendly services! Nayway...I received many contacts nothwithstanding my profile is made to select a lot just at the beginning. Scammers or Dreamers..I don't know...you scared me...your stories scared me...and now I doubt even of those who seem sincere and honest. One of them is a scammer for sure [I reported her...an she was already famous! Her email now is ttatyanaa@rambler.ru ...the details are in the report i posted yesterday] and I'm suspicious for some other too...one fell in love after few messages...sure I gave her good reasons why to "fell in love with me" but her systematical avoiding my questions seems to be a bad signal. I told her to respond to my question else I was stopping with my letters for her so I did. She disappeared since 6 days already. Clearly a scammer...but I didn't find her here...perhaps she's new with scamming...even because she's clearly missing practice!
    I knew even some who are interesting for me and seems genuine but I'm afraid. Stopscammers is a wonderful service but...who will give us some optimistic sign and some hope?
    Why is it so hard to trust on people? As you all wrote, more or less, is that mentality is the key to understand the reasons of all these misunderstandings and fears and frauds...mentality but evn more. I think the reasons are many more and even more complicate than it seems. Gosh...I wrote a endless message I see. I wonder how many of you arrived to read till this word!
    Well...I'm tired...I will write more the next time about "mentality" and other lectures'keys... Please leave your comments and if someone wants to help me to find some answer to my many many questions please do it!!! Especially you Katrine....your point of view seems relevant a lot considering your eye of woman!

    That's all for now... Bye, Davide [B)]

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