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Thread: mentality

  1. #21
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    Oct 2005
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    Davide,
    I feel sorry for you, especially for your first relation. Of course I do not know her and when we are in love we tend to ignore small signals, but it seems to me she got cold feet, she probably got scared of leaving her family, friends, etc and leave for the unknown.
    I think the "skinny" one is just too young, at 19 you have no idea what live is about.
    What happened to you can also happen with a woman from the west, trust me, I know , she needed her freedom too.
    I have no good advice for you.
    Take care and pick up your life

  2. #22
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    Oct 2005
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    Thanks for your comments Ducthy013...there are some misunderstandings about my words...I noticed, reading my post again, that I made some mistakes with english and the whole post has some confused parts but i wrote it down all at once. Well...first...the skinny girl isn't 19...the 19yo girl was the other, the sexiest...and now she's older of course. That's all I can say about her. The skinny one instead is already 25yo now so you can guess the reasons are others. I think she's simply trying to understand what her life shall be now that she got her degree. She started to work teaching in a school and with private lessons in order to buy a cell to keep in touch with me and to help her mother to live. She did also to wait for my coming there to finally meet her after one year she expected me to come. I think we lived the situation in which a couple can live even being together here in Italy but living one in the south and the other in the north...or like in couples in which the man is away with the army for example. I said...she's simply trying to have some certainty for her life, nothing aout of the world...we all need to find stability in our life and searching for love abroad is one way to make it possible. Here comes the argument of discussion...mentality! Mentality and different ways to face our personal situations. In this case...her problem is simple...she lives with her parents...her father goes drunk veryoften and her mother lives the situation in which the wives become victims of their husband bad habits. They still live together, with the consequences you can figure out easily. She's afraid for her mother and afraid to leave her alone with her father. She many times told me she hates her father. A sad scenario of course. She left to work in Germany by the way because she needed to change something in her and her mother life. And I always supported her with what I could give her: love and comprehension. And good hopes for the future. The same I have for myself. In russian mentality, for the experience of mine, has a tradictional point of view about life and roles and rules of a couple but even about man's tears too for example. I never fet ashame for my tears...in general they see a sign of weakness in the man's tears. Nothing can be more wrong thatn this. In my case I can say my tears saved me many times in my life overcoming the difficulties. The tears can make a man a lot stronger and in my case that's absolutely true. My best result in life I had just in the heaviest and hardest moments of my life, the most positive things I did I have did just when i was in the dust. I fall down but I always raise again. I can say I fall always standing!All the russian and easthern women I knew have the same vision about men's tears and about weakness...perhaps they imagine the man as those man of a old old advertising for a man's perfume saying "...for the man that doesn't ask. Never!". And never cries I can say. in my vision nothing's more wrong. By the way...they in general think a man's role is to take care of a woman and support her in everything and to never be weak. She wasn't different and it was already a good thing that she agreed with me about the necessity for a woman to work and to be independent. I always told her of my history and present, since the first letter i wrote her...and she always agreed to be with me. We fell in love....i did, she did. But she's living now the moment in which the choices for life are crucial. All a life depends on the choices we make now. She probably thought that she can have hopes now being in Germany to do something good on her own for her won future...I think she thinks, on one hand, that she can have success in life even without me, and on the other hand, that hardly she can find a man like me. Believe me...people feels good with me...they fall in love [I mean everybody...from folks to friends and whom I talk with] for my seriousness, my respect and my capacit to make peopla feel confortable with me. She knows is hard to find a real attentive man and goodlistener too for example...and I think she's still attracted by these things in me. But I even think she's afraid of the future I can assure to the family and children she can have with me...she already told me that so many times....and it's reasonable to have doubts and to think even in bad way. Life is strange and the evil is always behind the corner. What I don't accept [and here comes the factor mentality] is the idea that any woman ho claims to be optimist acts like the worse pessimist on earth! I mean...we agreed since the beginning of our relationship that whatever we need in our life together we had to work for togehter. It's too confotable to rely on the other's responsibilities only refusing to take the own responsibilities too. Ok, you don't understand what I'm doing for you with my work...ok...but make questions at least, show interest, discuss with me...and I try to give explanations. With open communication and sense of complicity. She tried but all my words seem to encorurage her sometimes and sometimes not, sometimes she smiles and trusts sometimes she's severe and attacks you. Talking we overcame so many discussions and so many misunderstandings we had just talking...we asked for pardon to each other many times like a man and a woman in love do. My parents fight since 35 years already and they're still together! So...the problem is another. But which one? perhaps I have to talk with her again, perhaps I need to not change my mind to go to Germany to meet her and talk face to face...just to realize and solve the real problems. And I know it all depends on that...not only because we would finally make love [she claims to be still virgin and knowing her I'm sure she is! Many of her behaviours and fears were the classical one of a virgin and, sometimes, of a frigid too!!!]...I mean...making love I talk a lot about life's sense...a thing women say to go crazy for. I don't know what a cigarette is! Seriously...I know how important are the eyes and the body language...I work into communication and advertising since I was 15you so I know enough about every type of language and communication. That's why I'm sure we can solve whatever problem and misunderstanding in a word only, or in a caress or in hte eyes crossing... She knows that and in fact she made rings to me just to say "I told you my feelings for you are cool now...but you know you can warm them up!" I guess...no other reasonable explanation I can find to this. The problem now is mine not her one...perhaps the doubts are mine. "Is she the right woman for real? Are the frequent misunderstanding of the last period a bad signal? I think this problem is just the same, in the substance, I had with my ex, the first one. I mean...the faults were mine, the faults of mine were my life, my story, and a not perfect idea of the future of mine I managed to transmit to the women of my life. Oh...I tried, I did my best, I've lwyas tried to be more transparent than the cleanest glass! But perhaps I need to have tokens of the future I can give to my life of couple. I need to prove with facts the goodness of my longterm sowing of magnificent seeds...i need to make my woman taste with me the fruits of my hard work and of all my efforts. I know I can, I know the time of "catching the fruits and the flowers" has finally come again after the great delusion i told in my previous post. I know my life is an example of what a man can build up from nothing and from the ruins of the nothing itself. I think mine is a perfect painting representing LIFE of humans! I don't know...perhaps in your mentality I'm a foll or a madman or what else...perhaps I need to find a real special woman who can tolerate a man like me with all my limits and to see into these limits of mine a surprising future. Who knows? For sure I'm here in this world to stake on myself, wise or crazy only the history will tell! "Behind a great man there's always a great woman"...the old sayings are often still wise sayings...
    Well...another long post of mine...I think I can open a blog about my life! Would you read it regularly with interest? Ladies and gentlemen...I wait for new posts of yours...katrine your comments are still welcome too. I need the point of view of a woman...

    Greetings to you all...Davide [B)]

  3. #23
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    Oct 2005
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    Davide,
    Thanks for your interesting, but sad story.
    I have experience with ladies from the east, Ukraine, Moldova and Russia. There is definitieve a difference in mentality, it makes it more difficult to understand each other, besides the language problems, but at the same time, this is one of the attractive sides of these ladies too.
    I am dating a lady from Ukraine for quit some time and we do have plans to live together next year, but even after such a long time we have our misunderstandings because of mentality and language.
    You can talk for an hour, thinking you have understood each other and finding out later you misunderstood each other again
    It comes down to the will to adapt to each other, give and take, patience, try to avoid principle points of view and look at things at a more practicle point.
    The experience in this is for both partners almost the same, she feels the same way as you do.
    My advice, get into your car, drive up to Germany and stay some time with her, take her to Italy this Christmas. If you both really want this to work spent time together, as much as possible.
    You can drive to Germany for a week or even a long weekend, that is, if you live in the northern part of Italy, which I guess you do, since you write good English
    Keep me informed


  4. #24
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    Oct 2005
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    Thanks again Dutchy013 [please...yours name?],

    ...I'm sorry to disappoint you twice...but I don't live in north Italy but in Sardinia and I speak english better than many others [sometimes better than english people as they admit honestly too!] do simply because I'm not so stupid to ignore the most important language in the world! And I don't have neither the driving license...don't ask me why...the answer is that I don't need that and I will start to think about that only when I'll be in condition to buy a Porsche Carrera [to keep faith to a old promise of mine]!
    Anyway...you're right...perhaps I need to go there to stay with her, as I already planned, for a week or two before I move to London. I have even a cousin of mine with his family in Hamburg so it's easy for me to go there with zero problems. The fact is that I'm afraid now...afraid because I see there are reason why to not trust into a relationship with her anymore...I agree with you about the importance of the patience and the dialogue and all the rest...but I learnt is hard to make a woman lose her fears and doubts....i don't know...I wait for a message of her, a signal of opening of her. I think she needs time...as a saying teaches...."In love who runs away wins" and in this case i hope into it. I need time too...because i'm waiting for the results about the sponsorhips for the project I'm working to and it will take about one month before the project is complete. And what if something goes wrong and I get no money at all? What would I say to her? "Baby sorry but everything turned wrong and i got no money to leave!"!??? Nooo...you see...i need time too. She's right when she said "Let's be frineds now and let's see what happens..."...I replied to her it was impossible for me to treat her as a friend if I love her and what I need most is to make love with her not to talk like friends. What a friend? I'm not her friend...not if my feelings are the feelings of a man in love...no...too much suffering for me...and I already had enough! I have all a lifetime still to face difficulties and to suffer...I already have a dramatic situation now because my pockets are empty and if it lasts along still I shall be forced to leave all my plans in a box and to forget about them! I need the serenity of a love relationship and the presence of a lovely supporting woman by my side...she was fantastic till the first difficulties came and the misunderstanding started too...and now....now I need serenity, a serenity she can't give to me anymore. Serenity inside of my heart of course. Life is crule and it won't never be easy to live! She seems to not take it under the right consideration...or perhaps she's simply trying to not see the reality in its whole...
    Sorry...I'm tired to tell all these things all together...it helps to share these things with another man who can understand my situation but there's a limit to all...my head now is overflowing with thoughts and emotions...and I feel a great headache! I feel a stone in my chest...a stone with blood still in...a stone that keeps on bleeding...

    Well..."read ya",
    Davide [B)]

  5. #25
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    Oct 2005
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    124

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    Davide,

    Maybe she is waiting for you to make an openeing, as you are witing for her.
    Be practical, give her a call and GO!
    I had some financial set backs last year, she could nor care less.
    Give her some credit and when you are there, straighten things out and make it clear what you want and what she wants.
    GO!!!!
    Good luck

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
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    as dutchy said....

    a lot of misunderstanding can be due to way english is spoken, dialect, accent used, phrases used and other things....

    i have just spent a week with a russian girl (and her 14 year old daughter). it was kind of cool as the mother will translate something for the daughter and vice versa. plus the odd usage of the dictionary.....

    BUT ONE THING I LEARNT.......

    do NOT ASSUME that because she is looking at you, nodding her head while you are talking she is understanding you.

    i did this a few times. then i found out that if i ask her if she understands what i said, she will reply.......

    a little

    so say a sentence. ask her if she understands. then another sentence and ask again if she understands. you will be surprised by how many words they do not understand what they mean.

    otherwise what happens is, you assume she understood. she assumes what you mean. take the first three letters of the word assume and you finish with two asses.

    and last but not least...........

    never ever assume that she will tell you the whole truth and that she intends to keep her promises 100%. remember, all women hold this perogative (and that means any woman from any country).



    to all russian scammers: i am somewhat of a bullshi*ter myself but i do like to listen to a professional. please carry on

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
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    124

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    What happened to Davide?
    Did he meet this girl?

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