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Thread: mad or what?

  1. #1
    nick20045 Guest

    Default mad or what?

    i am off to moscow soon. will be meeting up with this woman who has said she cannot speak english.

    anybody knows of a list of internet cafe's in moscow? will need them for online translators.

    anyways..... its only for 2 days. after that off to vyborg. she speaks english. she knows the words "da", "hello", "bay bay" (i think it means bye bye). she speaks them fluently.

    to all russian scammers: i am somewhat of a bullshi*ter myself but i do like to listen to a professional. please carry on

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    6

    Default

    Nick .. how was your trip to Moscow will you post something about your trip.. Be nice to know how you got on there.. I wish you all the best ...


    Dean

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    622

    Default

    yo dean.

    quite a few posts on other threads about my "trip to russia".

    very simple.....

    airport: you will meet some "sour looking" policeman/woman that will look at your passport. check it, re check it. look at it. turn it round. put it under an ultraviolet light. type into a computer. never say a word. after about 5 minutes will stamp like mad on it. give it to you and wave you on.

    customs: one person. i think he had a sign saying "please do not wake me"

    taxis: mad as anything. will fail every part of the mot in england. driving is wild. pavements are a private road for 4x4s. zebra crossings are just as it says..... unless you have a zebra with you, do not try and cross. only ones that are safe are the ones with traffic lights. they have no buttons. work on a timer. noise is like a little bird chirping.

    people who get married: you will know. car has a bunch of flowers on it. they go round roundabouts about 6 times beeping the horn. kind of like saying "hey look at me! i am a fool"

    weddings: they are ok. they have singing and then shows with dancers in skimpy clothes. (i wonder why? guess to make the husband jealous that it is his last pair of legs he is going to see!!!!)

    learn: neit. da. hasfidanja. no yes goodbye ohhhhh and if you want to get along....... vodka

    vodka: 50 roubles a double (28 roubles is about 1 dollar)

    local beer: ok. like lager. but has a yeasty taste 50 roubles a pint

    coffee: espresso is about 30 roubles. next one up is about 50 roubles. big coffee is about 60 roubles

    tea: comes in all various sizes types or forms. (like women).

    coffee: ok. do NOT go for syrian coffee. jeezzzzz the person who invented it should be taken to the crimes tribunal!

    vodka: 169 roubles for a bottle. (i am a non drinker of alcohol. OK!!!!! so i lied...... jeez )

    shopping: always ask if she speaks english. the answer is 99.99999% neit. buying a bottle of vodka in a shop took me about 15 minutes. after having worked out that i have to pay at a stall, get a receipt and then get the vodka, it took me another 15 minutes to work out how to get a plastic bag for it. which cost 6 roubles. YES!!!!! had to wait in the queue at the stall again. in the end, we worked it out. i give her 10 roubles. she gives me the bag. she goes to the stall and pays.

    moscow: rude arrogant obnoxious people. sorry to all moscovites but...... i hated moscow. mistake in my hotel room. the reception will send to one place. they send back to reception. reception sends to another part of the hotel. they send back to some other part...... got even told i had no reservation in the hotel as an excuse to which i replied "how the plicking pluk can you say i have no reservation when i have a plicking pluk key for a room in my hand"!!!!! to which i got a reply: "please do not swear"....... jeez...... they do not speak english but any swear word and they understand!!!!

    parking in moscow: double parking is cool. make sure you stop for a coffee as well.

    want to impress somebody?: buy them a cake. they just love cake.

    want to REALLY impress somebody?: drown 10 double vodkas one after the other. the barman will think you are a super hero.

    visa registration: no need to ask for it. hotel will confiscate your passport automatically. in moscow, there was a small office next to reception where they did this (registration). in yaroslavl, the receptionist did it automatically. within about 30 minutes, she gave me my passport back ready (i think she just sends like a mail or message to register it....... anyway, it did not hurt one single bit).

    anywhere you fart, move or anything, you need your passport. to go on a train, bus or whatever. the ONLY things i found you do not need a passport are:

    to see a movie in the cinema (have fun..... its in RUSSIAN.... ok me daft twat for falling for that one lol)

    restaurants and bars

    buy either an ak47, a semi automatic pistol or something like that inclusive of shotguns, bullets, night vision sights etc etc. US$s are the only proof you need.

    weather was nice

    in the hotels:

    breakfast

    omlette is actually scrambled eggs. saucages are actually hotdogs. it can be a nice day. by the time you get to the table your food is cold.

    security in hotels:

    you have a security guard near all lifts. also in yaroslavl one on each landing (right bitch as well...... hotel was 2700 roubles a day. got told to pay before i leave as paying by credit card. for a 90 rouble telephone bill she banged on my door and woke me up!!!!!)

    tv: mostly satellite free type. you get bbc world. boring as anything. repeats all the time. bring in the vodka.

    driving: unless you have a real good strong heart do NOT try to drive. they are mental (I loved it). if you are on a pacemaker...... get buses. do not even try taxis.

    women: a promise is really something i WILL forget. if you want it in writing try a pen and write the promise on a pool of water.

    time keeping: add 3 hours. by then it should be ok

    sights: very nice

    churches: very nice. you will find some old woman dressed in black. she will point you to a box. put a couple of roubles, she will wave you on. put 50 roubles in the box...... she will hug you and squeeze you in joy (might be she is after a quick thrill but..... hey! whatever turns her on i guess).

    women: they can spot you as a tourist out of a crowd! you will see them walking by and their eyes following you. want a laugh? wait till she walks by. turn round (most probably she has turned round as well to look at you). shout "do you speak english?" see if she walks into a tree or a traffic sign.

    directions: cool.....ask in some shop. she will say "speak little english". just ask for a bank.... then you will get something like.....

    da da....... hmmmmmm hmmmmm... da...... hmmmmmm. da da ...... (then she will talk to about 6 other women in russian), then you will get gestures with her hand (left right or whatever) and lot of da da niet da.

    directions asked in a street: brilliant. i had a "teleadapt" on me (it has digital video recording, digital camera, voice recording and other things). i noticed this wifey kept pulling on my hand and making signs to follow her. she kept shouting to everybody in the way, all stalls..... so i decided to record her and find out what she was on about later......

    it was something like she was saying "i am on a mission. i have a tourist here. he needs help. i am taking him to a bank". jeezzzz did she have to tell everybody i was a daft plonker lost and looking for a bank!!!! half of yaroslavl knew about it by the time i got to the bank. but........ she did find me a bank. problem was...... it was closing time.

    banks: if the hotel tells you the banks opens in afternoon at so and so time. go 3 hours before. 99% the time you got told is closing time.

    AND........

    do not believe russians do not have bank accounts. yaroslavl was loaded with atm machines and russians using them to get money out.

    any questions feel free to ask.

    ohhhhh and wonder why????

    somebody with a volvo will park it in the street at night. but somebody with an escort will only park it in a garage and will not dream of leaving it in the street overnight.

    by the way, petrol stations are cool. only person you will not see is barney or fred flinstone.

    leaving moscow airport is a nightmare. only solution is to go to the airline office to ask for advise. security is tight. baggage scan before you even get to check in!!!! then check in. then another baggage scan. then off to duty free. yeah my arse!!!! says duty free. prices are more then in the UK!!!!

    airport accomodation: go on any landing. you will find people sleeping. one even had a small cooker and was cooking food!!!

    then before going into departure lounge, another x ray security check.


    ohhhhhhh and by the way....... you can spot the local boozeheads. dead easy. where they fall down in the street pissed out of their heads....... that is where they stay. just walk over them. no problem.

    imigration out: the opposite to immigration in. stamp stamp. look. check. sigh. type on computer. look. ultraviolet light. look. ok...... off you go.


    to all russian scammers: i am somewhat of a bullshi*ter myself but i do like to listen to a professional. please carry on

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    256

    Default

    Hi Nick !

    A good story, so it is...been many times in St.Petersburg and Russia.
    Some points to add.

    First, how do you manage there if you don't speak Russian ? I speak a little, it helps a lot !
    I have met there several women who did not speak English. Can be very difficult with them. Normally women who don't speak English, do not know anything how to meet a foreigner.....but there is also another side...probably these women do not try to cheat you so much...

    When you cross the street using zebra and green...it means you can try to cross the street if you don't disturb the car traffic....

    You can buy a bottle of "good" Russian vodka for 50 rubles from any shop. But use supermarkets, never buy from the street.

    Good to keep the passport with you if possible but the copy of it and your visa is enough.
    Normally hotels take your passport.

    Never had any real danger in Russia. But take care of the girls who
    want your company. Watch your wallet....

    The most disgusting what can happen to you....if you walk alone at midnight on the street be sure that the fake policemen catch you and want to see your passport and check if you have drugs. But the only thing what they are really interested in is your wallet.....
    Never give it...fight for it....These fake policemen(militcja) use to wait outside pubs and nightclubs which are popular among the foreigners. Many foreigners have been robbed in this way. They tried to do it for me at least 5 times. But do not give your wallet to them ! If you stay out at night, don't take your wallet, only put that money what you need in different pockets.

    If you live in an apartment, the registration can be a problem.
    I seldom have the registration. Never had problems at the border, so far .....

    Have a nice trip ! I wish you all success !


  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    622

    Default

    hey lonelyboy....

    how do you work out where the nightclubs and whatnotsits are?

    everywhere i went all signs were in russian!!! by mistake i even walked into a womans boutique!!!! (had some funny looks from women as well when i was in there but..... i think they understood i was foreign...... especially when i uttered that mighty word..... it starts with an F has four letters and finishes with a K).... you know the one. it stands for "the begining of life"

    nobody speaks english but as soon as you swear you get told "bad boy".

    and if you cough (especially if you are a smoker) do NOT spit out of the car window....... you will get a telling off and if she cannot tell you off in english she will do it in russian.

    anyway, i couldn't go to nightclubs when i was there. i was with somebody and believe me, she would not have approved if i did.

    ohhhhhh police......

    ANC (or something like that). police.

    you have normal police. street police (they have a plastic yellow thing on them and have a "magic wand" in their hands...... well do not know if it is magic or not but they flick it about enough. maybe one day it might work. and you have the traffic police. they are the ones in the ladas chasing volvos and other foreign cars.....



    to all russian scammers: i am somewhat of a bullshi*ter myself but i do like to listen to a professional. please carry on

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    6

    Default

    I've never enjoyed a site as much as this one... Thanks for the information about the trip.. It will be a great help.. I'm planning my first trip to Russia .

    I'll have to catch up and do a bit of reading of the other threads but only joined today.. You cant buy this kind of advice,, Will let you know how I got on there ..

    Dean ...

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