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Letter(s) from Alena Sokolova to Joe (USA)
I am frankly glad that again I have a possibility to write you. Today I saw my mother in my dream and thought that I have to tell you about my mother, because when I say about her - I tell about my family. It is really so because I have never seen my grandfather and grandmother and I don't have brothers or sisters. I was the only one child in the family, and my family consisted of two people - my mother and I. I really feel great proud when I say about my mother because she was a very good woman. But together with this, every time the recollections about my mother cause tears and I can't keep them. My mother died when I was 16 years old. Three years before her death my mom has damage in road accident. She was standing in the street and she was knocked down by a car. Probably the driver was strongly drunk, because the witnesses said that the car moved by zigzag and suddenly appeared on pavement. As a result of collision my mum was paralysed. She spent three years in the wheelchair. I looked after her did all that was in my forces to make a life for which she was fated since this moment - easy and joyful. I spent little time with my friends and practically all my free time I spent near my mother. I was crazy happy when mother smiled, because she smiled very seldom. She was ashamed of her helplessness. Every time when I was going home after school I looked at the window and every time my mother met me. She was looking through the window and smiled. It happens always. She met me every day and never forgot. That's why I felt alarm at once when 12 years ago I looked at the window and didn't see my mother there. I understood that something is wrong. I rushed home with tears in my eyes. When I oped the door I understood that I stayed alone. As usual my mother was sitting in her chair with the smile. But she was dead. I remember how I stretched my arm and touched her pulse. It got dark in my eyes and my feet didn't obey me.
I couldn't stand. I thought I would go mad. I have felt that I lose consciousness and lain on the floor. I sobed and couldn't quiet down. I couldn't imagine that I will live without mom. This was the person I lived for. All I did in my live I did for her. She was such a good mother. She taught me everything I can do in this life. My mother dreamt to bring me up as an honest and decent lady. I was the only child and mother gave me endless love. And I tried to do all to be worthy daughter, to be worthy her love. And I hope that I became such a lady as my mother wanted to see me. Now I appreciate the difficulties of that time in a different way. Difficulties train the character. I lived without help and support, I went through different difficulties about which I don't want to speak. But I have gone trough these difficulties and remember this I feel that everything I have done correctly. My mother always told me that one should look at difficulties with smile not mentioning that there is a shout of despair in the throat and there are tears in eyes. One should be strong and proud - as my mother was. Forgive me that I have told you about this so in detail. But I say about my mother seldom. But when I say about her I can't do it in couple words. I loved her very much and that's why I told you little things about her. Forgive me. I decided to share my recollections with you as with a friend, because I didn't speak about her with anybody for a long time. Forgive me that my letter is a sad, big and uninteresting. Simply when I begin to say about my mother I can't stop. But I promise not to write such letters anymore.
Now I rent flat in Tver. There is a one room, kitchen and bathroom. I understand that this is a little flat but I feel convenient in it. And it is not far from my work. It takes me 20 minutes to get to the policlinic. I often walk to my work when I am not late and the weather is good. Sometimes I get to the policlinic by bus. But I don't like it becauese the buses are always full and it is not convenient to stand there. Is important For you the nationality of the person if this person - object of your sympathy? I have to finish. Sincerely with best regards.
Hi, my dear friend Joe! I hope you not against if I say so.
Thank you for your letter. From day to day I feel more necessity to get your letter. My mood has become better again when I have got your letter. I should say that when I have good mood my patients cry less (smile). So healthy smiles of our children now depend on your letters (smile again).
Have you traveled very much ?
You have asked if I ever traveled to another country? My knowledge of other countries are limited by television show. Unfortunately outside Russia I was not. Likely it is very interesting. When I leave somewhere from city even if it is not far from my city, I am glad very much. Hardly it's can be named travel. But, for me it so. I am able enjoy what I have.
if you like give me a phone number sometime and i will call so we can talk.
Unfortunately I have no phone. Please, not be surprising. In Russia many people have no phone. To get a phone it is necessary to write the statement, to pay the big sum and after to wait for a long time queue. Many people wait during several years. But I can try to call you from the international item of communication. Can you give me your phone number? If I can call you I will inform to you. I with very big pleasure will call you.
I told you about my visiting Zoo and I want to tell you about it. My colleges and I were very surprised that there were so many different animals. But the most excitement was caused by the moment when we saw an elephant. This was a very big animal. Also we liked a tiger. It lied in the hutch and looked at us tenderly. but I know that this is a very strong and dangerous animal. I saw a camel. Oh, have you seen it? This is a very proud animal? I was impressed by his constant tranquility. We walked in the Zoo for long and got cold. My friend Elene told that her feet got very cold and we left for home.
By the way, when I came to work today my mood was bad, because my girl-friend fell ill and now she is in the hospital. The saddest thing is that she has birthday today. She is 30 years old today. Unfortunately she will spend her birthday in the hospital. But have already talked with the doctor and I will be allowed to spend the evening in the her chamber. In the evening I will bake a cake, buy balloons and go to the hospital. I want very much that she have good mood on her birthday. This my best friend. By the way, she works with me in the polyclinic. As matter of fact I have only two real friends - Elena and Veronica. Elena is that lady who is in the hospital. Veronica has left to the north for three months. Her grandmother lives there. My friends are not married too. We are friends for 20 years already. Elena and I are like sisters. Elena and I like to walk. Usually we walk in the park. But also we like to spend time in Elena vegetable garden. She lives in an old wooden house. I don't know if you have seen such houses. This are the houses which were built before the second world war, in the fortieth years. These are very old houses which don't have bath and running water. So people have to take water outside in the well or in a pit. In modern world such conditions seem very terrible, but this is really so. We like to spend time in Elena vegetable garden. There she grows potato, tomatos and cucumbers not to buy them in the market, because in winter the prices of these products rise very high. Every winter Elena and I make a big Snowman by big snow balls. We make a carrot instead of nose and potatos instead of eyes. It is very funny. All neighbor's children come to see it. First time we made such a Snowman 16 years ago. Since that time we do every year. This is a tradition for us.
We pour it with water to cover with ice. So it stands for the whole winter. I like Orsha. Many people in our village know each other. We have little buildings - maximum 4 floors. Veronica says that she wants to live in a big city. I don't know where it is better. Big city is a big traffic, fast rhythm of life, garlands of fires, lightning shop windows, high buildings, fountains, cinemas, parks, attractions, theatres. It is wonderful, of course I like it. But our village is a fresh air, a lot of trees and birds, silent and comfort no hubris and vanity inherent for big cities. We have a lot of small and large lakes and rivers. The places are very beautiful. If there were no criminal the place could be considered as a paradise. But alas, the criminal in small cities, as well as in the big cities is an integral part our life. Unfortunately criminal in Russia is situated on a very high level. But I don't want to tell about sad things. I have to finish my letter. I don't want but I have to. Today when I will come to Elena we will speak about you. She likes to ask about you and I like to tell her. I wanted to ask you what makes you happy Joe? Now I am happy to get your letters. I am also happy that I have friends. I think thank you are my friend too. Sincerely yours and with best wishes.
Hi Joe, again.
I began writing the letter in the morning. Now it is 2 p.m. already.
Can you imagine? I have just cured a little boy's teeth. I asked him: What do you dream about? He answered that he dreams to become a grownup because grownups don't have problems with teeth. It was so funny. I often remember childhood. I always dreamed to become a grown up as soon as possible. As every child I completely believed that grownups don't have problems at all. I dreamt in the childhood and I dream now. Of course, the world of dreams is an illusive world. We live in a real life, so we can't to sink into the world of dreams and phantasies for long. When a dream becomes obsession, it can bring only pain and disappointment. Practically dreams do not always realize. It happens that you use all power, all aspiration to make the dream come true. But as much you try, not all in this life depend on us. When the dream for a long time does not come true, as though you did not try, dream ceases to be that star, which was for you lighthouse in ocean of the life, which illuminated your way. But anyway, I think that it is impossible to live without dreames and hopes. When there is a dream, the life is filled with sense. The dreams are those things that do us people that distinguishes us from the whole rest alive world.
The dreams contribute variety in ordinary and grey life. The dreams force to think, analyse, choose and come to a conclusion. The Faith and Hope - an eternal satellites of our lifes. And regardless of what waits you at the end, joy of the victories and subordinated tops we remember better, than disappointment and pain of the defeats. You agree with me?I am surprised that I write you all this. I have never had a person, with whom I could share my thoughts. But now I have found you, and I am very glad.
Forgive me for my frankness. If I said something superfluous forgive me please.
Thank for your picture. It is a fine picture. You such strong and handsome man. Forgive, that I such immodest. I very much love this picture. I am sure that you use the big popularity among American ladies.
Do you like when your friends come to your home?
I like very much when my friends come at my place. I like to cook and that's why I regale them different tasty dishes. Elena is a good cooker too and she often helps me. We often cook different dishes and regale each other. I also like to watch films with my friends at my place. It is a pity I don't have VHS or DVD players. But in Tver we have 8 TV channels and sometimes go to moovie. Our flats are very bad equiped for live. I even don't have telephone. In Tver few families have home telephones. I know that it sounds wildly, but you have to understand that Russia began to develope several tears ago. We don't have telephone even in our little policlinic. People have to come beforehand to make an appointment with a doctor.
Yesterday I went to Elena and told her that you told her hello. I think you don't mind it? I hope that sometimes you will get aquainted. You will understand that friend can be more that brother or sister. I will wait for your letter with impatience.
I am very glad that you have written me. Thank you very much. I like your letters very much and wait for them every day. Thanks for new picture. I already spoke, that you handsome man. Your new pictures confirm my words.
There was much snow this night. It was snowing all the night. I saw through the window that it got very beautiful outside. I like winter evenings. Sometimes it is cold outside. But when you come back home and feel warm and home comfort you understand that winter has its advantages too. At nights the streets are lighted with torches. Their light plays on snow and it seems that siver spilts in the whole city. There is silver even in the tree. I don't know, Joe, how much cold weather you have, but in Russia in winter we have much cool time. Many people fall ill in winter. Even Elena fell ill in spite of the fact that she is a doctor as me. We work together. I a dentist and she an assistant of the dentist. But Elena is not my assistant, she helps other dentist. Today I will go to her in hospital once again. I hope that soon Elena will be healthy and we will be happy to meet in our polyclinic.
I at all do not know what season I like more. As well as all people, I wait for the summer in the winter, and in the summer I wait for the winter. But all the same Russian winter is delightful. All the world around is white. Only fur-trees with the green clothes heat a look. And falls of snow bewitches. Especially in the evening. Flows of light from a window, and on a background of black sky, small snowflakes are similar to stars. If during this moment for a long time you look at the sky - it seems that you flies through these wonderful snowflakes towards something unknown. I like spring in Orsha. The world as though is born again. Air is filled with freshness. All troubles and failures thawed together with snow. The sounds of the baby birds chirping for the first time. Summer is a fine mood, the desire to learn the world, to have a rest and enjoy life.
I feel that I rambling on. Forgive me. Simply now I have romantic mood.
Hi my friend, Joe!!!!
I am very glad that you have written. Many thanks. You have again raised my mood and have placed a happy smile on my face. By the way Joe, today I went to job being absolutely confident that you write to me today. Earlier I always went with an thought that you probably yet have not written, but today for the first time I went with an thought that your letter waits for me already. I went on the street and I smiled. I could not hide my smile. People which passed near to me looked back on me. Ladies in Russia smile rarely, because life is filled with different problems, cares, difficulties and obstacles. All this prevails over little fortunes which the lady has in her life. In Russia the lady stands on the same stair as the man already for a long time. She can do the same work as the man can. Very often In Russia the lady does the man's work - the heavy physical work. In the 19th century one Russian poet wrote about Russian woman: "Russian woman can enter in the burning house and she can stop frightened horse running towards her". The only thing she lacks is simple warm and caress, which she wants to receive from a man. This is the problem of Russian men. The Russian lady does everything for the man but doesn't get anything from him. All what she needs is at least a couple of tender words and gentle touching of his hands. Is it really so difficult? Is it really difficult to present your lady a romantic evening and a supper with candles? In Russia as a rule such gift give lady for a man, but not a man for lady. When a woman carry heavy bags in the street no man will help her, he will only turn his look away and go farther. That's why the Russian lady never feels happy at her heart. You say that I am beautiful. In Russia I am not considered like a beautiful lady. Russian men, practically all of them, usually treat to ladies disrespectfully. They consider that woman only have to work, to cook, to wash cloths and entertain the man when he wants. For the Russian man it is a usual thing to offend a woman. I like to cook and to wash cloths but sometimes I would like to receive simple caress, love and attention. I don't want to offend all the men. Of course there are good men in Russia, but there are few of them. Men frequently speak dirty words (not normative lexicon) when speak with lady and consider that in it there is nothing bad.
I had boyfriend. We had good time together. He was kind. But he liked to drink. When he got drunk he became an absolutely other person. He talked with me with bad and dirty words. The time passed and his love to alcohol became a habit. He became another person - rude and evil. Has taken a great interest in beating me, frequently struck and knocked me by hands and the next day he smiled and talked with me as if nothing had happened. I began to be afraid of him and and I have left him. My soul was wounded very much. After this I couldn't make myself get acquainted with another man. Now I don't trust Russian men. I am afraid to give my love but get in lieu thereof the roughness. If you have disagreements with lady, you can apply roughness? But I don't want to finish the letter with not good words. So I will tell you about Elena. Soon she will recover. Elena feels good and sais hello to you. I hope that soon she will be at home and returns to the work. I feel lonely without her. We spent good time during the dinner in the policlinic canteen.
Hi my dear Joe!
I ask to excuse me for long absence of my letters. But I really could not write to you. The computer on work temporarily has been put out of action. At him there was what that a virus and there were problems with the Internet. I have written to you at once as the opportunity was gave. I hope you are not offended on me. Please forgive me. But I have enough time to tell to you that I thought of you and waited when the opportunity to write to you will appear. But I have time to tell the main thing. I do not know why, but today I have woken up earlier than usually. I could not fall asleep again. In the street already was sunlight. I sat near a window and began to look at street. Unexpectedly the small birdie sat down on a window and began to sing. She so beautifully sang. She looked at me and sang. The birdie at all was not afraid of me. I looked at this birdie and thought that you now somewhere there, far. I have thought that maybe you sleep and see me in your dream. And I have thought, if I was a birdie, I too would sit down to you on a window and began to sing my song. I have told to a birdie: " Fly off, my small birdie, and sing this song to my far but close friend Joe. Tell him that I think of him". And in this moment the the birdie flinch and fly off , as though she has heard my words. And I have thought, maybe this birdie really will fly to you and will sing her beautiful song. So if you Joe will see near to yourself a small birdie which beautifully sings, know that I have sent this song to you.
Today I have happy news. Elena has recovered and now she already at home. Elena came to me at the work to see and please me. She said that soon she will work. I was happy that soon I will be able to see Elena more often. I told her that yesterday I worked at mobile car. Elena was upset that she didn't help me. But I said that yesterday we worked little, because little people complained of teeths. Yesterday we visitted only one village.
Forgive, but I should go.
Hi my Joe!
How your mood? Any your mood today I want to try to make even better.
This morning I didn't go to my job, because this morning I flew to my job. Today I came to my job beforehand. And I was first who came to the office. And I was happy all the day. My colleagues were surprised. They have asked me why I'm so happy. And I have simply answered that I have good mood. I have understood long ago but was afraid to admit to itself, that I have found to you feeling which did not feel before. I want to understand what in my heart. I want to feel your breath. I don't know, what's happened with me. Likely I can be named strange lady, but I have grown fond of your soul and heart. The rest is not important for me. For me the material world is not important. Only the world of calmness, fidelity and pure heart. It didn't happen to me before. The weather is sunny today. The sun brings joy. I'm glad that I have friend Joe, and Joe has me, Anastasiya. Tell me about your thoughts and dreams. I want to know all about you. Absolutely all!(smile). BUT! Yesterday my boss informed me that I will have a vacation approximately in 2 or 3 weeks. But I have not been pleased. I did not expect that I will receive a vacation. But schedule constituted by accounts department not change. I have begun to cry, because it means that I cannot write to you. I cannot use a computer. Then I have found out that lady which gives me to use her computer, maybe will receive a vacation right after me, and if it will take place I can not use a computer two months. I have imagined that I should spend my vacation in my apartment, between four walls. I will sit without an opportunity to read your letters, I will sit in loneliness and to think of you. I will aimlessly wander on streets and every night fall asleep with tears on eyes. I waited my vacation the whole year and now I receive them but it do not bring to me pleasure. I have imagined that I should spend some months without you and in my heart has appeared awful emptiness. All world around became uninteresting for me. And I have told to myself: "NO! It not for me!" Last night I thought of us. About you and about me. About us together. I couldn't fall asleep. I thought what I can do to see you. I decided to spend this vacation with you. I thought what can I do to meet you. Simply to meet. It's all that I want now. I have a passport, but I don't a visa to your country.
Today I have addressed visas agency. I wondered how much it will cost for me to make American visa. They told me that consideration of the application on reception of the visa costs 100 dollars. This sum does not come back even in that case if my application will not be approved. And for getting a visa is necessary to go to Moscow where there is an American consulate. They have told that I will must visit set of various departments, state and medical institutions both in Tomsk, and in Moscow.
It is necessary to wait for a long time the queue. It is a usual way of getting a visa and procedure of reception can be delayed for some weeks or even months. Besides if my application will not be approved, it will turn out that I squander money all for nothing. I said I can't wait so long. To me have told that is possible to avoid set of problems and to make all in faster terms if to use full package of service. Full package of service includes additional payments for a category of the visa, consular services, preparation for Interview with commission, interview. The full package of service costs 335 dollars, but the visas agency remove all problems and thus increases the chance of getting a visa without excessive delays. I asked how long time it will take to get a visa If to use a full package of service. They have answered that it will take about one week.
Maybe 2 weeks if there will be some troubles. I have told that this variant satisfies me and I agree. I have asked, whether there will be troubles with visa, because there were the terrible terrorist actions in USA and the conflict with Iraq. I was answered that they will request information about me in the police. And if in the police they will be answered that I the law-abiding citizen, I will get the visa. I have never outraged the law. And I have never done anything unlawful. I will have preparation for interview. It will help me to receive the visa. And I really have registered the visa application with great belief and with great hope that you will be glad to meet me, with belief and with hope that you want to meet me. I really want to give you a gift - our meeting though I am not sure if you really want to meet me. Can you imagine that if everything will be well, in two weeks we can meet? If it would happen, would be it as a gift for you? Would be you happy if we could spend some days together?
I understand that our relations are not long yet. Many years I ask myself one question: "Why everything depends on money?" I think that the money is not main thing in life. The main is when the people can and want to understand each other. I have a wild desire to meet you, to embrace you. I have some savings. I do not want to cause you a monetary outlay. I will make all myself.
I know that you did not expect that I will tell all this. But it is possible to wait eternally. But in fact nobody knows that waits for us tomorrow. Maybe such opportunity will not be presented any more. I have opened to you my heart and soul. I speak what I feel. I am not confused by my feelings. I speak straight and openly. The loneliness has made me courageous. You can think that I hurry events. But I have found new feeling which never had. I am happy right now. I seem I has found what searched for long time. In Russia speak: "under a lying stone the water doesn't flow ". It mean that it is necessary to do a step onward to achieve something. I am afraid to lose an opportunity to communicate with you because I cannot eternally use office computer. But I will receive soon a vacation. During all my life I spent my vacation in my village. But now I can spend my vacation with my friend, with you! It is big happiness. I should use this opportunity. In my heart never was such confidence and feeling. And I am afraid to lose it. May be I hurry events, but I am afraid that all will be terminated, and then I will go mad. You my dear friend, and friends meet sometimes. I shall receive a vacation, it's my vacation and I want to spend it with my dear friend. I think it will be wonderful. I apologize, if have offended you. I hope, that you do not regard my words as impudence. I simply want to meet and spend some happy days with you. What will be after, I do not know. But all people meet. The distance does not frighten me. But without a meeting there can not be a continuation. I hope, that your feelings to me have not changed after that. But I want to see you to slightly becalm my tormented heart. Tell me please, can you meet me? Tell me please, you will be glad to meet me? You will be glad if I will arrive to you? I believe and I hope that I have not angered and have not offended you. I believe and I hope that you have feelings to me. I believe and I hope that you want to meet me. It can be outlined in advance by destiny. I sincerely hope that my letter has brought pleasure to you. And I sincerely hope that you want to meet me to spend some time together. And I sincerely hope that you would be happy to meet me. Would you be happy?
Much tenderness from Anastasiya!!!
Hi my Joe!
Thanks for your letter. My heart calms down when I receive your letter.
Today I speculate about you and about me. It so is surprising. As a matter of fact we live on the different sides of our planet, but we so are similar. I never was even outside of my country. To travel outside the seas and oceans for me in general outside a reality. I cannot imagine it as though I not tried. And always, as likely many people Never seeing anything except for native house, I console myself by thought, that you have the same blue sky and the same life. Maybe life behind ocean is more cheerful and rich, paints are brighter and the summer is warmer. But also as here, people cry when they feel a pain, people suffer when lose close people, women in torments give birth to children. It is identical everywhere. You and I have the same cares and problems. Every day I try to imagine that occurs in your heart, do you worry or not, do you think of me or not, do you imagine us or not. I look in a window, there, where the sky and the ground merge in a single whole. I try to be lost in this imagined world, I try to weaken my sight, that all what I see became indistinct, dim. And then your image has emerged before my eyes. And I already see how you go along the street though I absolutely have no idea what your street look like. But I see you, I see as you smile, as at cinema in the slowed down action you come nearer to me, and your image becomes more and more precise. You speak something but I do not hear you. But I read on your lips, and my heart with fatal delight understands what you speak me. And these your words burn me from within. During the some moment I so sink in this world of illusions that I cease to understand where a reality. But the next second all breaks off and again before my eyes the grey sky, the white ground and people which at all do not suspect what occurs in my heart.
It is so unusual to me, and in same time I feel so conveniently as if I know you the whole eternity. And I am sure that it not accidentally. And it is not important what waits for me in the nearest future, I know that I already have found remarkable, kind and good a man and a friend. And if I will see him, if I meet him and I can look in his eyes, I can tell to him everything what I cannot tell in letters, I will be madly happy. Now, today, this minute not important, where will bring me this way. I know that it is true road. I live not the future,- I live today, and exactly today I live by bright and happy life. I should finish the letter. In relations with lady are you a dominating part? I have in view of - you like more to be the leader and to make all decisions personally or you like to discuss questions with lady and to make a decision together? I think that it is good when the problems are solved together. Even if the problem is of one of the spouse. I think it is good when the spouses tell each other their problems.
Hi, my Joe.
There is a fine news to me and to you - I have received the visa. I send you it. I shall have also vacation on April, 6.
Today I went to the company which reserves airway tickets. I asked them how I can reach Seattle (SEA) and how much it costs. They answered me that the ticket costs $ 787 USD. I asked them to find cheaper tickets, because this price is expensive for me. They answered that they had a cheaper ticket but the beginning of the flight 12-April-04. It costs $ 684 USD. I asked them to reserve a ticket. But they refused, because they have a lot of clients at this time and they can't reserve my ticket without advance payment. I spoke with them for a long time and asked to reserve the ticket for me without advance payment but they didn't agree. Then I wondered if it is possible to pay a part of the money now and the other part later. They didn't agree. I spoke with them for a long time and I managed to persuade them. They agreed. We agreed that I would pay a part of the price today and the other part later.
I paid $ 320 USD. But it was little for an initial payment. Then I went to the pawnshop and pawned my silver and gold embellishments for $ 118 USD. It was my last money. The number of the flight on which I reserved the ticket is Aeroflot-Russian International Airlines 321. The time of departure from Moscow is 2:50 pm.
The time of arrival in Seattle is 10:09 pm.
I shall arrive in Los Angeles (LAX) number of the flight Alaska Airlines 239.
After this I will fly to Seattle, to you Joe.
It is very difficult for me to tell you about it. But I have done everything that I could. I paid visa. I paid a part of the ticket. But this money is not enough. I didn't want to burden you. I wanted to reach you with my own money but unfortunately I failed. Now I have to pay the remaining part. It is only $ 246 USD. I have to pay this money before 03-April-04 morning. Otherwise I will lose my money and ornaments.
If you need me, if you trust me and if you want to see me, please, send the money for the ticket before 03-April-04 morning. I understand that it is a difficult decision for you, but we must trust each other. Any union without trust is impossible if it is a union of wife and husband or union of boy-friend and girl-friend or union of business partners. I don't want to be hypocritical. That's why I want to tell you following: I do not think that you would like to give the love to the woman whom you won't trust. Also I would not like to give my love to the man which I won't trust. It's a first check for us. And much depends upon it, may be everything. We must trust each other. That's why I was the first who made the first step. Step to you. Of course if you don't want, you can not help me. It is bad but not fatal. I will lose my money. IT IS BAD TOO BUT NOT FATAL TOO. I paid $ 335 USD for making visa, and I paid a part of the ticket- $ 438 USD. It is big money for me, but I TOLD YOU ALREADY THAT MONEY IS NOT THE MAIN THING IN THE LIFE. But I trust you, and I know that YOU ARE A MAN OF HONOUR AND YOU ARE A GENTLEMAN. I don't want you top doubt in my honesty and that's why I am sending you the view of my visa. If you can help me I send you my coordinates. I give you necessary elements for sending money with the help of Money Gram:
Zhelyabova st. 3
Tver Russia 170624
for Osipova Anastasiya.
To get the money, I should tell to employee of bank your full name, full address, exact sum which I should receive and some confidential numbers (Money Transfer Control Number), which will give you, when you will send the money.
Please forgive to me all my words. I speak so because I am in despair and confusion. Now, when only one step is separated us, I am afraid. I am afraid that you will not help, and all my diligence will have no use. I need you and I want to be with you and the word of honor, your help is necessary for me. I have not calculated my forces. But together we are much stronger. We will pass through difficulties and barrier, it is much easier to do it together. I want to present you all my infinite love and fidelity.
I understand that it is the big money for you. I did not want to ask you. I thought that I can make all itself. The loneliness has made me strong. I have got used to live without help, and to rely only on myself. I ask somebody for help very seldom, but now I ask you to help me. I have made a step forward. Make your step towards me. I hope that I have not offended you something. I need you and I trust you. I know, that you will not throw me now when there is only one step between us.
I am waiting for your reply.
I would not ask you about the help if all went well. As you remember I wrote to you about that that who that tried to break my door. (you at all would not know about it). I had to insert new. I do not want to live in an apartment in which it is easily possible to get to the thief. In the second I expected for holiday money. In Russia give out holiday money only when the worker comes to work after a vacation. I wrote the official report to the boss that to me have paid money up to a vacation. But to me have explained that can pay them only in the most important cases: death of the close person or on wedding process. I too strongly expected for this money. But my chief has given up. I have more to ask about the help not of whom. Therefore I have addressed to you Joe. Now I ask you about the help when there was only a step up to our meeting. I made all to organize our meeting, but have failed. More I have nobody to address except for you Joe. You my last chance.
Of course I am guilty in it. I knew that I should rely only on myself. I really expected to make all. But I could not find all sum and on this I have addressed to you. I have got used to live without any help. But there are moments when I really need help. In it there is nothing surprising. I the person. I am lady. And if I ask about the help a man, I am not ashamed it. I never asked anybody to help me; I always did all what in my forces and never complained of my distress. Pride did not allow me. But I am not omnipotent. I have overcome myself and have addressed to you for the help.
I am not God and not all in this world depends on me. And if I ask the help, it only because I really need in help. The word of honor if I could do without your help, I would not began to ask you about the help. I was helped by Elena, I have sold dear to me things. I did not want to ask you. But now I stand in front of necessity to address to you. You are last person to whom I has addressed for the help, but not a first. I wanted to make for you a surprise. But I could not. But I have you, you my hope and my support and I think that if I ask you the help, it not a sin. I really want to be with you. I understand that I should make all by itself. But I could not and I leave my destiny in your hands. I need you. Please forgive me. I hope for you. With all my love and hope.