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Letter(s) from Alena Sokolova to David (USA)
Hi my David!
How your mood? Any your mood today I want to try to make even better. I wrote to you about dental mobile car. It has broken also we could not go in village. It is a pity, that has failed. Such happens seldom, but it is the fact. Our dental mobile car stood all the day long in garage. It was repaired by the driver.
i hope to send you a pic soon, I very much hope for it.
David, yesterday my boss informed me that I will have a vacation approximately in 2 or 3 weeks. But I have not been pleased. Schedule constituted by accounts department not change. I have begun to cry, because it means that I cannot write to you. Then I have found out that lady which gives me to use her computer, maybe will receive a vacation right after me, and if it will take place I can not use a computer two months. I have imagined that I should spend my vacation in my apartment, between four walls. I will aimlessly wander on streets and every night will sleep with tears on eyes. I have imagined that I should spend some months without you and in my heart has appeared awful emptiness. And I have told to myself: "NO! It not for me!" I decided to spend this vacation with you. Simply to meet. It's all that I want now. I have addressed visas agency. I wondered how much it will cost for me to make American visa.
They told me that consideration of the application on reception of the visa costs 100 dollars. This sum does not come back even in that case if my application will not be approved. And for getting a visa is necessary to go to Moscow where there is an American consulate. They have told that I will must visit set of various departments both in Moscow. It is a usual way of getting a visa and procedure of reception can be delayed for even some months. I said I can't wait so long. To me have told that is possible to avoid set of problems and to make all in faster terms if to use Full Package of Service (FPS). FPS includes additional payments for a category of the visa, consular services, preparation for Interview with commission, interview. FPS costs 335 dollars, but the visas agency remove all problems and thus increases the chance of getting a visa without excessive delays (I can get a visa in a week or two). I said that this variant satisfies me and I agree. And I really have registered the visa application with great belief and hope that you want to meet me. Can you imagine that if everything will be well, in two weeks we can meet? Would be you happy if we could spend some days together? I have some savings. I do not want to cause you a monetary outlay. I will make all myself. You can think that I hurry events. But it is possible to wait eternally. But I am happy right now. In Russia speak: "The water doesn't flow under lying stone the". It mean that it is necessary to do a step onward to achieve something. I will receive vacation soon. During all my life I spent my vacation in my village. But now I can spend my vacation with my friend, with you! It is big happiness. You my dear friend, and friends meet sometimes. I think it will be wonderful. I hope, that you do not regard my words as impudence. I simply want to meet and spend some happy days with you. I hope, that your feelings to me have not changed after that. But I want to see you to slightly becalm my tormented heart. Tell me please, can you meet me? You will be glad if I will arrive to you?
Olga also has approved me. She has told: " do not miss chance! " I think, that Olga the rights. She worries about our relations very much. I know, that she very good friend.
I send you a picture. This summer 2 or 3 years ago. I and Olga in shop. It is pleasant for me to recollect this shop about a polyclinic. Earlier it was old and cosy, now beautiful and modern.
Much tenderness from Nastya!!!
Hi my dear David!
Today fine day. But only for one reason - I have received your letter. And all the rest become unimportant for me. Today I really have no opportunity to write much. Please forgive me. But I have enough time to tell to you that I thought of you and waited when the opportunity to write to you will appear. But I have time to tell the main thing. I do not know why, but today I have woken up earlier than usually. I could not fall asleep again. In the street already was sunlight. I sat near a window and began to look at street. Unexpectedly the small birdie sat down on a window and began to sing. She so beautifully sang. She looked at me and sang. The birdie at all was not afraid of me. I looked at this birdie and thought that you now somewhere there, far. I have thought that maybe you sleep and see me in your dream. And I have thought, if I was a birdie, I too would sit down to you on a window and began to sing my song. I have told to a birdie: " Fly off, my small birdie, and sing this song to my far but close friend David. Tell him that I think of him". And in this moment the the birdie flinch and fly off , as though she has heard my words.
And I have thought, maybe this birdie really will fly to you and will sing her beautiful song. So if you David will see near to yourself a small birdie which beautifully sings, know that I have sent this song to you.
I very much wait your new pictures.
In weekend I and Olga walked to Tver. We went to a cinema and " 72 meters " looked the Russian film. It about a submarine of the Russian army which had wreck on doctrines. Very interesting film. It was pleasant to me, that all seamen have remained alive.
I should tell to you that I have ocean of emotions and sensations which I had no in my heart before. And on this, my reason and my heart say me that I should answer by sincerity your constant sincerity. My heart and my reason says me that I should tell what I feel now because it is a part of our friendship and I should share it with you. I should tell that it was required two days to write and think over this letter, because I wanted to say just the right things to you. I didn't want to offend or upset you in anyway, and it really bothered me that saying something wrong may do that. I normally speak directly from my heart, and I am right now, but sometimes, words must be carefully chosen. I feel somewhat lost when I have no opportunity to use a computer to read your letter. In my soul, I feel contentment and joy when I think of you.
Forgive, but I should go.
I want to send you my kiss if you do not object.
P.S. I send you a picture. This summer 2003. In Tver many old houses.
It is one of these.
Hi, my far, but dear friend David.
Many thanks for your letter. It was the long-awaited letter. I am really madly glad to receive your letter. I am really glad that I have found you.
Today I spoke with Olga about you. It was not long conversation. But it is pleasant to recollect you every minute. Olga has told to you "Hello". She is glad, that we can soon we shall meet. David I ask you to tell the name of the nearest to you international the airport. I hope, that my visa will approve also I shall start to study conditions of flight to you.
I have never done this in my life, (tried to initiate a relationship halfway across the world), and I might have much to learn about how to proceed, but I am more than willing to learn whatever it takes to succeed if that is your desire as well. I also believe that couples should be the best friends possible, which trust and share with each other everything that they feel. I do not know if my word and thoughts make sense to you, and I try very hard to put them in typed words that you will feel and understand. I believe in God, and I believe that I have been put through trials to prepare me for meeting a man with whom I will spend the rest of my life loving, to better appreciate him, respect him and cherish the love, that he would give; only asking that I return the same. I hope that my words and letters are not boring to you, but they are much more than mere words, they are my thoughts and feelings, and I send them out to you. I very much desire that you find it in your heart and are comfortable with sharing your personal feelings with me, I wish to know you on a more intimate level, I would like you to share your dreams, your hopes, your feelings of the heart with me, I truly wish to connect with you on a level that goes way beyond mere friendship. Please do not think me foolish for thinking these things, I believe that in order for anything to succeed, you have to be honest, and that is what I am doing with you. Could you close your eyes for just a minute, and think and dream of what a life we could share, what it would be like, the fun of learning each other. I really believe that dreams do come true for people which dare to believe in dreams, because if they believe in them hard enough, dreams could become in reality. I guess that you are shocked that I feel this way, but here, where I was raised, the gift of true love from a man is something that is more similar to a Mirage or self-deception, rather than mutual feeling which two enamored people can give each other. I hope that I am not rambling on with my words. I have so much that I wish to share with you, and each time I write to you, I feel there is never enough time to say everything that I want to say, and I always feel that I have forgotten something important that I wanted to share with you. David, when I speak of you and I think of you, it does not matter for me what anyone else thinks. I want to tell that you are very beautiful for me. I mean, I find that you are not only attractive as a man, I also speak of the beauty that is within you, beauty of your internal world, and alas, this particular type of beauty is very special and rare. Most men have only appearances, but not have beauty inside, and this is where true beauty is. This, is that for me is the most important and significant in all limits of my character, my soul and my consciousness. Your words spoken to me with so much kindness and care, they express the beauty within you. I think that you are truly handsome, the essence of what beauty should be, and there is nothing that anyone could say to me that would compel to change my mind even a little bit. I want to reduce essence of all my letter only to one thought. I do not know if I could clearly explain all my thoughts and feelings, which overflow me now, or not. I want to tell that I feel, we become very good friends and I really enjoy our friendship. I aspire to learn you more and I dare to hope that you suppose a thought that our relations can develop more than it enough for simple friendship. It is that way which I feel. As always I hope that my letter finds you in good health and spirits, and I hope that every yours wish you have comes true one day. I will look forward to your reply as always with anticipation and impatience....
Why you do not send a picture??? I want to see you!!!
I send you a picture. I asked Olga what to do a beautiful picture of me. That has turned out. It is autumn of 2003. whether I do not know this picture is pleasant to you. But me and Olga it is pleasant.
With tenderness, Nastya.
Hi my David!
I am so glad that I all the same have had an opportunity to write to you the letter. Today at 15 o'clock I filled cavities to the boy. During this moment all electric illumination suddenly was switched off. Completely in all a building have disconnected the electric power. Our pediatric cabinet practically has no natural illumination. On this our cabinet became very dark. The boy has been very much frightened, because I have prepared cavity but I have not finished to fill cavities. A boy was 13 years old, on this he did not cry. He simply said that he does not want to go home with the big hole in a tooth and again to go here tomorrow. I have decided to finish to fill cavities. I have addressed to a supply manager and he has brought the small flash-light which worked with battery. Olga has helped me. She held a flash-light and directed light in the boy's face. I have filled cavities. The boss has let off home all workers because was informed that there are problems with electric wires and the problem will be eliminated not soon. But I have decided to remain and wait. I thought that if a problem will be removed earlier, I can write to you the letter. And I was not mistaken. Several minutes ago an electricity was included again. By the way, Olga has remained to wait for result with me. She worried as well as I. When the repairman tried to correct malfunction, I every minute asked him: " When you will finish? Soon or not?" And when his nerves were on a limit, he has shouted: " If you will not shut up, small problem can turn to catastrophe" (smile). Today I should tell to you - I think, that will soon approve my visa. To me have told, that will approximately be spent two weeks. It already comes to an end, therefore I in impatience. Every day I wait for the invitation from Moscow what to go on interview in embassy. I hope that in several days of me will invite. I with pleasure at once shall tell to you about it.
By the way, my hand and a leg any more do not hurt strongly. I think, that soon it will leave also I shall feel like better. I am glad that i could write.
I send you my hot kisses.
Olga sends you Big HELLO!
With all tenderness. Nastya.
P.S. I send you a picture. It is a training hall close from my house. 3 or 4 times a month I visit it. It is sad, that I have no time frequently to train.
Hi my David!
Thanks for your letter! I write to you the letter and I smile. I am so glad. All time I think of you and I can not concentrate my attention to something else.
Yesterday, having come home I have found out the invitation in Moscow on the commission in embassy. Today I have early woken up and have gone to embassy. There there were many people, the big turn. But I have waited and have arrived to the commission. Now evening. I write to you the letter. I worry, you should understand it.
I never thought that the commission will ask such unusual questions. They asked about my sexual life, they asked about children, about work, about patriotism, about my attitude to America, about my conversance and awareness of events which happened in the world and in America, about my religion and belief. I have told about all my life in detail. I spoke about everything fairly how it is really. To me have told that my answers are unexpected and as a rule applicants do not answer such questions so directly and openly. They have not got used to hear such answers, but they said that to hear sincere and truthful answers is much more pleasant than words which come not from heart and reason. Children from the orphanages also have made the big impression and rendered the big influence on the commission. To me have told that I the first lady who have such support from children - orphans. Now I should wait the decision. Now I agree with expression: "Expectation of death is worse than the death " I cannot concentrate on anything. My heart so worry, I can't work. They have told that the decision will be accepted in several days. I so worry. I so want that this small dream was come true. I simply want to see my lovely friend. I think the God will help me. I simply want to meet you. I already see us together and I sink in dreams. I want to construct with you the ship to float under sails in boundless ocean. I want to meet with you a dawn and to see off a sundown. We will float on our ship and our love will illuminate our way. We will look at night at stars, we will be pleased in the afternoon to the sun. If there will be a storm, our love will protect us. If there will be a calm, our love will be a wind. Our love will be a beacon for us. We will be floating at ocean of love and oblivion and nothing can separate us. We will name our ship - Dream. It will be the small ship, but very strong. Because we will make our ship from belief, hope and love.
I want to rise with you in a balloon and to fly in the sky. The balloon - it an embodiment of freedom and dream. It is the invaluable gift sent to us to see the Earth from height. We will fly by a Air ball, I do not know where, I do not know what for. Under us will swim the seas and the countries. And we will fly at will of a wind at boundless ocean.
I want to find with you beautiful lake, small and unknown to anybody. Water will be crystal-clear and transparent. Nobody will be there. Only you and I. We will take off clothes and will go in water. Water will gently pour us by cool wave. We will swim and keep our hands. We will plunge into water and will kiss. We will find a small waterfall and we will stand under stream of water. We will enjoy. And above us angels of love will soar.
It is impossible to wait, when your dream will fall to you from the sky. It is necessary to go to the dream. It is necessary to clear and build the road itself. If in heart there is a belief and dream, if in heart there is a love and hope, it is necessary to achieve the dream by all means. I always go to the dream. I do not sit on a place. In my life there were very few light moments. On this I try to make everything that my dreams have come true. I understand that now it's only dreams. But these dreams brighten my life. I hope that yours also.
With tenderness Katya.