Letter(s) from Natalia Gorkovets to Steve (USA)

Letter 1

The day is wonderful today and the weather is good - +28+30C. The sun is shining all the day. And what about your weather Tom? I want to let you know about my friend Olga. As it cleared up her appendicitis got inflamed and at night she was operated by surgeon. But now she is fine and after about a week she will be very fine! So it is not necessary to worried much about her! I saw her today at my lunch break! My mood raised up about it and I let myself to relax mentally! I thought about you Tom. May be today after work I will go home by foot. I like to walk along the street and to breath fresh air, especially when the weather is warm. As a matter of fact I don't want to go home. It is very boring and lonely at home. Sometimes I don't mention it, but sometimes when I come home with good mood, I want to talk very much, to share thoughts with anybody, to have fun. But my flat is empty and I have to be in full solitude. And my good mood disappears. I simply sit down in an arm-chair and look at the window. And when the silence deafen me when I hear as my blood flows in my veins, I hear movement of my eyelashes, at that moment becomes unbearably and my heart compresses. I don't know how to struggle with it. I can listen to music or read a book. But in some moment I understand that I just deceive myself. In fact I want a beloved person to be near me, with whom I could spend evenings, to meet morning, to speak about yesterday and to dream about tomorrow day. I want to walk and to feel a strong man arm holds me. I don't want to cook meals only for myself. I want somebody to appreciate it. But enough about it. I often remember childhood especially last days. I always dreamed to become a grown up as soon as possible. As every child I completely believed that grownups don't have problems at all. I dreamt in the childhood and I dream now. Of course, the world of dreams is an illusive world. We live in a real life, so we can't to sink into the world of dreams and phantasies for long. When a dream becomes obsession, it can bring only pain and disappointment. Practically dreams do not always realize. It happens that you use all power, all aspiration to make the dream come true. But as much you try, not all in this life depend on us. When the dream for a long time does not come true, as though you did not try, dream ceases to be that star, which was for you lighthouse in ocean of the life, which illuminated your way. But anyway, I think that it is impossible to live without dreams and hopes. When there is a dream, the life is filled with sense. The dreams are those things that do us people that distinguishes us from the whole rest alive world. The dreams contribute variety in ordinary and grey life. The dreams force to think, analyze, choose and come to a conclusion. The Faith and Hope - an eternal satellites of our lives. And regardless of what waits you at the end, joy of the victories and subordinated tops we remember better, than disappointment and pain of the defeats. Do you agree with me Tom? I am surprised that I write you all this. I have never had a person, with whom I could share my thoughts. But now I have found you, and I am very glad. Forgive me for my frankness. If I said something that bothers you- forgive me please. I want to let you now that I want to hear your voice to know you better but unfortunately the mobile communication here in Russia is still expensive and in our small town is not existed yet. We have phones at our flats and homes but because of much industry objects located near our town almost all phone lines are inner, i.e. people can call just all over our town and a couple of the nearest villages which phone numbers have the same beginning digits. I have spoken with the mail center in our town and they told me that I could communicate with your country just from the communication center and that are all possibilities which I have here to call you. But it is VERY expensive thing and I wish to use it in special case! You can tell me your phone number and I could call you someday! I hope you will understand these things in Russia and will not angry on me because of it. I still can use email to correspond with you my dear Tom! I have some questions for you Tom: Do you like when your friends come to your home? What clothes do you like the lady wear? I will wait for your letter with impatience. Have a good day! Your friend Natasha.