Letter(s) from Alena Sokolova to Marty (Canada)

Letter 1

Hi, my new friend, I really hope that I not too late because I understand that some time has gone after my first letter. I very much want to apologize for I have not answered at once and have maybe offended you thus. I sincerely hope that you still remember me and my small letter and I really have hope that you still want to learn me, and may be to tell me about yourself because your answer means for me that your heart openly to search of new friends just as my heart is open to that. I understand that in opportuneness of my answer to your letter could change your interest, but unfortunately I at all had no opportunity to answer you at once as I use a service computer, and sometimes I simply have no access to this computer. But I want to tell, that I was sincerely glad to receive your answer and I am very grateful to you that you has not left my letter without your attention. I feel itself a little awkwardly, going in other part of my letter, because my thoughts and my desire to find a close friend by such way, mixs with my uncertainty because of absence of experience in dialogue by such way. How to build dialogue, what to tell about itself, what questions to ask so that to not offend by question casually? What is interesting for you first of all? May be my nationality? Or creed, or may be - those vital vicissitudes which has led me and you here so that now we write to each other? Anyhow, to answer all questions, to tell about life, about internal world just in the one letter is impossibly. Therefore I think time will help both of us. I will simply begin to tell about myself,- all that I think is interesting to you. Even being confident that you remember my name I will tell again. My name is Ksusha. I am 30 years old. My birthday is April, 22 1974. I think, as I have sent you a picture, the first thing that you did when have received my letter - have looked at my picture, don't you? (Smile). Any picture possesses unchallengeable advantage - ability to tell about the person and about features of appearance better of any words. But I feel necessity to add some words. I am little worried that my appearance is not what you are looking for. But I nevertheless hope to receive your answer where you will tell that my appearance not the most awful that you saw in your life! (Smile). My hair is light brown. My eyes are green. I have average height - 168 sm (I think it is 5.53 foots). My weight about 53 kg (probably 116 pounds). My nationality is Russian. You asked if I live in America. But I thought that I have written in profile - Vladikavkaz, Russian Federation. Really there isn't it there? But as far as I remember, I wrote that I live in Vladikavkaz, but not in Canada. I have simply specified at random a place where I wanted to seek a friend, and maybe because of it you have thought that I am living there? Please forgive me, if I incorrectly informed you about my residence. After I have written to you, I even did not visit my profile anymore. I haven't experience in it. Please, don't be angry with me. May be I really have made something incorrectly in my profile, because I never did it before, and after I have filled up my profile I even did not know how to check up all that I have written there. I wanted to find my other half, I created my profile only to write my letter to you, and I was not absolutely attentive because I knew that as soon as you will write me, I will simply cancel my profile because I will not need profile anymore. I thought you already know that I live in Russia. But if not, should admit, that I slightly am afraid that having found out about my nationality and residence you will be disappointed. Maybe you haven't likings to Russian women, maybe cultural distinctions are unacceptable for you, maybe the distance for you is a major factor for the beginning friendship and relationship. But I sincerely hope that it not so. I am Russian woman, but I as well have red blood, my heart beats in the same rhythm; and my soul as well needs warmth and tenderness, just as soul of any woman on a planet Earth. Maybe you will not write me anymore. But I am sure that the cultural distinctions are not a barrier for friendship,- on the contrary! I am sure that distance in the modern world is not more than simply a length on a map. I sincerely hope that your heart is open to new people, even if it is a Russian woman who doesn't live in the street nearest to your home! And if you still want to communicate with me, it will mean for me, that the distance and nationality does not limit border of your soul! And it would be wonderful! I do not know if you are familiar with geography of Russia. I live in republic Northern Ossetia (Ksusha) on the north of the Big Caucasus (south of the European part of Russia). I live in collective farm Ursdon, but it is too small settlement and hardly for you it can serve as a landmark (smile). Ursdon is located between Vladikavkaz and Nalchik, near to such villages as Dur-Dur, Digora. The capital of our republic - Vladikavkaz. We borders on republics Kabardino-Balkariya (Nalchik is the capital), Caucasian Georgia, Ingushetia. I think it's a time to finish a lesson of geography (smile) and to tell about other not less significant things.
And the main thing that I want to tell now is that I have written to you not with the purpose to have fun and entertainment. I never considered myself a courageous woman,- and to dare to write to you is was a courageous step for me because it is new turn in my life and I do not know what waits for me after that turn. What has led me to this? I know many people who has no home or has no opportunity to have many things which other people can have. But, answering question - "Are you happy?" - they with pride and tenderness spoke - " YES, I Am happy. My house and my hearth is the heart of my friend; my bed and my riches is the heart of my beloved ". I have home. I can have many things, but I do not want it. And, answering the same question I cannot tell "YES". Because there are things without which people cannot to be happy. And I - an example because material things never was able to make me happy. I need another, and without it I do not feel happiness in heart. And I think you understand what I am speaking about. I really have serious desire to find a man of my heart, and first of all of course - a friend, because I am sure up to depth of my soul that any relations are based exactly on friendship and trust. My heart is open and I with all sincerity am ready to share my thoughts and of course I would be very glad to learn more about you because I think it - the best way to build any relations. And I really hope that just as I you have desire to try to find in me a friend and may be more. Nobody knows what the future has prepared for each of us, don't you agree? I do not know if you think that I am worthy of dialogue with you. I never had similar relations before and maybe I said something incorrectly. If so, please forgive me. And probably, before to ask you any questions, first I should explain more clearly why I have written to you and what has led me to this? But I also understand what to do it briefly simply impossibly. I will be very glad if you will write me, will tell as well about yourself. What has led you to seeking by such way? Would you still like to correspond with me or russian woman is not for you? (It is already my questions (smile)). Where on a map your house is located? Do you enjoy your profession? By the way, I have forgotten to tell you that I am a doctor of virus and infectious diseases. What interests do you have? I hope my questions are not above of a verge of admissibility? (smile). I thank you beforehand for your answers. I as well will tell you more about me if you will write. And of course I want as well to have some your pictures in my computer, therefore I will be very glad and grateful if you will send me sometimes your pictures(not that in profile (smile)). Thank you! I will hope you will not leave my letter without your answer. With the best regards.
Ksusha.

Letter 2

Hi Marty! First of all - Thank you! I am very glad that you have decided to answer. I had big hope that you will answer me, but I hadn't big belief that it will happen. Therefore thank you. Marty, I hope I write my thoughts clearly. Please, if I write with mistakes, do not be angry with me. English language is my second language and though I adore this language, I nevertheless do not know it ideally. But I try! I study your language since 7 years old age. But I know that my English is far from perfect. So please, don't be too strict, ok? (Smile). I wanted to tell so many things, but now I sit and do not know what to tell. I am simply glad. I know that I simply should tell more about me, about my character, about my interests as I promised. And I really hope that it interestingly for you, because for me as well would be interestingly to learn about you as much as possible. My knowledge of other countries is limited by television show. Unfortunately outside Russia I was not. Likely it is very interesting. When I leave somewhere from city even if it is not far from my city, I am glad very much. Hardly this can be named travel. But, for me is so. I am able enjoy what I have. Why I have chosen you to talk to. Why not? Why you are so surprised? You have placed your profile, and it means that you had hope in your heart that somebody will write you, don't you? So, why you are surprised? You aren't glad? You think that the best person is one who has written in the profile more than others or who has written more beautifully than other people? I do not think so. I think everyone has own manner of expression of thoughts. Someone has talent and writes amazingly beautifully, someone is shy, shy in behavior, shy in dialogue manner, shy in judgments. Someone able to express his thoughts on a paper very easily, but for someone it's easier to tell than to write. And all these people are looking for other half. And everyone must conclude the own characteristic into one small paragraph. For me it is absurd. The borders of paragraph have influence upon sub-consciousness of any one, and people automatically tries to write only the most attractive words just to attract first attention of the interested person. There are thousands persons, profiles; millions of lines, similar among themselves; millions of various destinies and hearts, hidden behind of one small paragraph. And if you think that to understand soul and heart of the person enough to read one small paragraph, I will not agree with you. This small paragraph hides behind itself the whole human life. How it is possible to judge the person on several lines? How it is possible to understand depth of his soul? Not. The profile it's only a cover of the "book''. But the main thing in any book is the contents, but not a cover. To judge the book on a cover is wrongly. It is my opinion. I have written to you and there is nothing surprising in it. I am emotional person, and usually I am not able to hide my positive emotions. I do not know if it good or bad, but if I feel pleasure, if I have good mood I allow to know about it to everybody. Though at the same time if I am upset or have any troubles, I as a rule hide it in myself and I try to make so that other people did not know about it. The friend of mine (her name is Olga) says that it is bad feature because people should not hold bad emotions inside. So maybe I should learn to share some things with people with whom I feel convenient to do it? How do you think Marty? People here often share with me their difficulties, and not only because I am doctor (I mean that usually people are inclined to trust doctors), but also because I am always ready to listen to people and to share their pain. I cannot be indifferent when someone has a pain, not only physical but emotional also. I always talk to people with a smile and people think that I am an absolutely happy woman. But it is not so , and in my soul I often feel loneliness and sadness. I hope very much that you understand what I try to say. I not always can express briefly all what I want to tell, especially if I express my thoughts and emotions. It is a part of my character and probably not the best part of. Marty, how you would describe your character? I never tried to describe features of my character to somebody. Maybe I do it ridiculously, maybe it is not what you would like to hear? I have no children and I was never married, though of course I was in relationship and even thought that it will lead me to the happy future. But now I haven't anything except of bad and painful memoirs. (All in all it was just a brick in the wall ... - these are good words that I like very much). But I live with a smile on my face and with hope in my heart. I think I can consider myself an optimist. And maybe it has helped me to dare to write you. I saw a great deal in my life, and for 30 years I have passed through a lot of vital tests. And I know that I do not need many things to be happy. All I need is a man, friend, soul-mate, love. And my life has led me to the fact that now I seeks it in such way. And I do not think it is bad. How do you think? What to tell about me? I am versatile person and I have many interests. I like music very much and I like to sing. I am very glad that I began to study English language because it has opened for me the broadest world of the finest music and poetry because all greatest singers and bands are English-speaking. My unconditional favorites - Roger Waters and David Gilmore. I very much like Mark Knopfler, Queen, Witney Houston, Roxette, Sting and many other singers, including Russian, but I think, their names for you will be not the most familiar (smile). I like classical music. And of course I like movie. American movie outside of any doubts - the greatest. Castaway, Pretty Woman, Dragonfly, the Scent of a Woman, Stepmother, K-PAX are some my favorites. My hobbies are sport, cooking of meal (I adore to do it), books, sewing and knitting, camping. My education - school, then the medical university (one of the best in Russia) the faculty of virus and infectious diseases, and after that - doctor's specialization (intern). And now I work as the doctor in small clinic. And here I use a computer. Basically I work 5 days in a week - since Monday till Friday and these are days when I can use a computer, though sometimes I go to work even in the days off. But I am not sure if I can use a computer in the days off but if you want, I will try! (Smile). This computer is located in laboratory and serves only for sending results of analyses to Vladikavkaz, therefore we have Internet only a few times per day. And it is really sad. Marty, can I ask you, what are you looking for in a woman? And are you looking for a soul-mate? How many times you already tried to find a friend or soul-mate in such way? And how many friends you have on the Internet? (I think in the greater degree I ask about women (smile)). Do you love your family Marty? How often you meet your family? Forgive me please if I have asked something personal. With sincere pleasure and gratitude for your letter. Ksusha.

Letter 3

HI Marty! Today definitely good day - day of dialogue with my friend Marty! (Smile). How it is wonderful to receive something that you really wait. And in a case with me it of course your letter! Thank you! Thanks that have congratulated on day a birth it so pleasantly. Today was a difficult day, and dialogue with you removes my physical weariness. The quantity of patients has considerably increased for some last years. Because of war with Georgia and because of frequent acts of terrorism in Vladikavkaz and in the Chechen Republic that is near to us, very a lot of people leave their houses. They go to live in the remote areas, in foothills and impassable districts. They simply build small barracks where they lives even without an electricity in absolutely unsuitable conditions for a life. And it certainly becomes the reason of a plenty of diseases. The sad fact. Sometimes I want our president Putin to live here instead of the Kremlin, simply to understand what life is. Maybe in this case all wars would end much faster? Except of that, as the sanitary conditions here in an critical position, I think I could become his personal doctor! (smile! I am just kidding. Actually I respect our president and I do not want him to be ill). Forgive me that I tell you about our problems, simply I write all what in my head. If you do not like to read about it - simply tell me. By the way Marty I have asked you about your family in my last letter because it really interestingly for me, as all my family has passed away. My parents were military, mom was the military doctor, father was the officer and we hadn't constant house because they very often got the notice about new place of service, in places with the military conflict. Therefore my childhood was not very cheerful. We lived in temporary habitation outside of zone of conflict, therefore sometimes I did not see my parents some weeks, and I was at home absolutely alone, being an eight-year girl. Therefore since the early childhood I am able to cook, sew, knit and do any heavy physical work. Now I absolutely agree that it's correctly said that:"All that does not make us dead makes us stronger". Don't you agree Marty? When father got new place of service near to Kazakhstan, I have gone to study in the good medical university in Tomsk. I lived in student's hotel on distance of 600 kilometers from my parents. But we had meeting some times in the year. Three years later my parents got new place of service and have left to live in the Northern Ossetia. And I saw my parents only once in one year. At university for the first time in my life I have found a true friend (it is Olga) who is my best and reliable friend till now. We have together passed through a hard time when have been compelled to study and work in the evening and at night,- just to support itself. I madly missed my parents because I loved them very much. After ending of university I was to get direction for specialization (intern) in Tomsk area, but I have received the letter from mom where she informed that daddy has been killed in military collision. I will not say what I have felt at that moment, but there is nothing worse than to find out about death of the parent from the letter. After that I began to live with mom because I was afraid to leave her lone at such difficult period. Olga has refused specialization in Tomsk area to be with me and we together had intern period in Vladikavkaz. One and a half year ago my mom was killed in the street by some scoundrel who are not caught till now. I will not describe all pain and suffering which I had at that time. Simply I want to tell that all ups and downs, all pleasures and misfortunes that were in my life have led me to who I am now. The destiny was not tender with me, but I am grateful to my destiny for my parents, I am grateful to my destiny for my friend Olga, because it really a gift of destiny. And I hope Marty you are not angry with me that I talk to you about it? It is my life and it is a part of me. And how you would learn me more if I would not tell you it, really? And I as well would be glad to learn more about you. Your life is very interesting to me. Are you grateful to destiny for anything in your life Marty? How often you become tired? Do you like the nature, rivers and lakes, woods and mountains? Are you religious person Marty? I will wait for your letter so please write me soon! Sincerely and with the best regards. Your friend (I hope) Ksenya.

Letter 4

Hi Marty! Your letter means so much for me. Thank you. I so waited your letter and so wanted to find out what you will tell me. I have received from you the short message in which is spoken that you cannot receive the letter. It is my appropriate letter box. So you can safely write on him.

Letter 5

Marty, today I write to you with special worry but as well with pleasure and hope. I really hope that everything that I will tell you today will make you happy. Last time when I wrote you my honest letter I had the big sadness in my heart, and even though I tried to not show it, I think you have noticed it. Marty, I was sad because the boss informed me that approximately in three weeks the laboratory will be closed for full re-equipment and repair. And when he have told me it, I thought my heart will stop, because when it will take place, I will not be able to communicate with you during several months! And it has brought infinite sadness into my heart. But after my boss informed me about close of laboratory, the accounting department informed me that approximately in three weeks I will get my vacation! When I thought that I can lose you for some months, inside my soul I at once have felt that I can't simply accept it. And I have felt that together with sadness in my heart has appeared an other feeling - feeling of confidence, desire to make new steps instead of simply waiting for something. I have understood that our relations are important for me much more than I thought. And it so wonderfully. I had no vacation for two years. And now I will have vacation. But a thoughts that I will not be able to communicate with you, to receive your letters and to write mine,- all these thoughts has brought a pain to me, pain that I can't endure. I talked with Olga and she has asked me what I think to do. And when she has asked me it, I have understood that inside my soul I already know the answer to this question. And I have told that I do not want to spend such a long-awaited vacation in loneliness. I can't accept a thought that I will not talk to you Marty during of month or two. And I have told that I want to meet you Marty! I have told her that I want to spend my vacation with you Marty! I can come to you, and we can spend time together if you want. And first I was afraid that if I will tell you about it in the letter, you will write me that you do not want to see me or can not meet me. And it would hurt my heart. But Olga have told, that you MARTY and I are such a good friends, our relations are built on sincerity, therefore Marty will be happy to spend time with me. And I really think that it would be delightfully. So, what you will say, Marty, if I will offer you a meeting? Would you be happy to see me and to spend with me several days? I cannot imagine at all how it would be wonderful. You would show me your life, we would learn each other in a real life. We would look into the eyes of each other, we could hold our hands, tell each other silly stories, laugh and tease each other, watch the stars in the night sky and have romantic evening, go to the movie or we could simply sit on a bench in the park, and who knows what else we could do together... I would be happy to do all this together with you, instead of again be lonely without you and our friendship. I simply want to meet you. I already knew and I have been told earlier, but I have found out again all I need to do to come to your country. I already have the passport. And I will avoid usual procedure of visa's approval. Being the doctor, I can ask the visa on behalf of our Ministry of Health, because if the applicant have good official support from official bodies, if the applicant have official recommendations and directions to various sorts of conference, seminars, - it will relieve of necessity to wait for some months the decision of the commission, and will remove all problems connected with necessity to prove that the purpose of travel is not emigration. Being the doctor I will have support and guarantees from Ministry of Health of Russian Federation, and it is certainly the best guarantor. Of course I must visit improbable quantity of the departments, to collect improbable quantity of documents, to find as many as possibly of other official legal persons, institutions and people for support; to get petitions. But if I will quickly collect all necessary documents, I will get the visa in one or two weeks! So I have filed an application for the visa, Marty, with happiness and with hope that you will be happy to spend some days with me! I do not ask you about anything. I will use my monetary savings and I will make everything by self. It is my vacation and I will not be a burden. Would you be happy to spend some days with me soon, Marty? Anyway, we must meet. It is possible to wait eternally. But I believe that I will get my vacation not accidentally; and I believe that the laboratory will be closed at the same time not accidentally as well. It is not coincidence! It is time to make a choice, to make the decision, to take new step. Maybe such opportunity will not be repeated again. I so long waited my vacation and I want my vacation to be especial. What can be better than a meeting of two friends? The first meeting. It is simply delightful and I thank destiny that I have got such an opportunity,- an opportunity to meet my dear friend, the opportunity to learn each other in real life, the opportunity to enjoy time which we can spend together. And I believe that it can become the beginning of something new in our lifes and in our relations. And I am really happy to get a vacation because it is time which I can spend in any way I want, and I want to spend this vacation with you Marty!
So what will you tell? Would you like to spend time with me? Would you be glad to meet me? Would you be happy to have the first meeting at your airport? I will wait for your answer with pleasure. Your sincere Ksenya. P.S.

Letter 6

Hi MARTY! Your letter means so much for me. Thank you. I so waited your letter and so wanted to find out what you will tell me. Thanks for the picture. Every time after I receive your picture, appear traces of lipsticks on the screen of the monitor (smile) MARTY, today I write to you with special worry but as well with pleasure and hope. I really hope that everything that I will tell you today will make you happy. Last time when I wrote you my honest letter I had the big sadness in my heart, and even though I tried to not show it, I think you have noticed it. MARTY, I was sad because the boss informed me that approximately in three weeks the laboratory will be closed for full re-equipment and repair. And when he have told me it, I thought my heart will stop, because when it will take place, I will not be able to communicate with you during several months! And it has brought infinite sadness into my heart. But after my boss informed me about close of laboratory, the accounting department informed me that approximately in three weeks I will get my vacation! When I thought that I can lose you for some months, inside my soul I at once have felt that I can't simply accept it. And I have felt that together with sadness in my heart has appeared an other feeling - feeling of confidence, desire to make new steps instead of simply waiting for something. I have understood that our relations are important for me much more than I thought. And it so wonderfully. I had no vacation for two years. And now I will have vacation. But a thoughts that I will not be able to communicate with you, to receive your letters and to write mine,- all these thoughts has brought a pain to me, pain that I can't endure. I talked with Olga and she has asked me what I think to do. And when she has asked me it, I have understood that inside my soul I already know the answer to this question. And I have told that I do not want to spend such a long-awaited vacation in loneliness. I can't accept a thought that I will not talk to you MARTY during of month or two. And I have told that I want to meet you MARTY! I have told her that I want to spend my vacation with you MARTY! I can come to you, and we can spend time together if you want. And first I was afraid that if I will tell you about it in the letter, you will write me that you do not want to see me or can not meet me. And it would hurt my heart. But Olga have told, that you MARTY and I are such a good friends, our relations are built on sincerity, therefore MARTY will be happy to spend time with me. And I really think that it would be delightfully. So, what you will say, MARTY, if I will offer you a meeting? Would you be happy to see me and to spend with me several days? I cannot imagine at all how it would be wonderful. You would show me your life, we would learn each other in a real life. We would look into the eyes of each other, we could hold our hands, tell each other silly stories, laugh and tease each other, watch the stars in the night sky and have romantic evening, go to the movie or we could simply sit on a bench in the park, and who knows what else we could do together... I would be happy to do all this together with you, instead of again be lonely without you and our friendship. I simply want to meet you. I already knew and I have been told earlier, but I have found out again all I need to do to come to your country. I already have the passport. And I will avoid usual procedure of visa's approval. Being the doctor, I can ask the visa on behalf of our Ministry of Health, because if the applicant have good official support from official bodies, if the applicant have official recommendations and directions to various sorts of conference, seminars, - it will relieve of necessity to wait for some months the decision of the commission, and will remove all problems connected with necessity to prove that the purpose of travel is not emigration. Being the doctor I will have support and guarantees from Ministry of Health of Russian Federation, and it is certainly the best guarantor. Of course I must visit improbable quantity of the departments, to collect improbable quantity of documents, to find as many as possibly of other official legal persons, institutions and people for support; to get petitions. But if I will quickly collect all necessary documents, I will get the visa in one or two weeks! So I have filed an application for the visa, MARTY, with happiness and with hope that you will be happy to spend some days with me! I do not ask you about anything. I will use my monetary savings and I will make everything by self. It is my vacation and I will not be a burden. Would you be happy to spend some days with me soon, MARTY? Anyway, we must meet. It is possible to wait eternally. But I believe that I will get my vacation not accidentally; and I believe that the laboratory will be closed at the same time not accidentally as well. It is not coincidence! It is time to make a choice, to make the decision, to take new step. Maybe such opportunity will not be repeated again. I so long waited my vacation and I want my vacation to be especial. What can be better than a meeting of two friends? The first meeting. It is simply delightful and I thank destiny that I have got such an opportunity,- an opportunity to meet my dear friend, the opportunity to learn each other in real life, the opportunity to enjoy time which we can spend together. And I believe that it can become the beginning of something new in our lifes and in our relations. And I am really happy to get a vacation because it is time which I can spend in any way I want, and I want to spend this vacation with you MARTY! So what will you tell? Would you like to spend time with me? Would you be glad to meet me? Would you be happy to have the first meeting at your airport? I will wait for your answer with pleasure. Your sincere Ksusha. P.S. The picture of Olga and me. Please, do not fall in love with her! (smile).

Letter 7

Hi, my MARTY. I even do not know what to tell first. I simply hope that you will be happy! The most important, finest news - I did it! I got the visa! I am very happy!!!! I as well have found out that I will get vacation November, 21, 2004. I was in the company which reserves airway tickets. I asked them how I can reach Denver (DEN) and how much it costs. They have offered to me the ticket that costs $1119.80 USD. I asked them to find cheapest ticket, because this price is expensive for me. They have answered that they have a cheaper ticket and the beginning of the flight November, 25, 2004. It costs $819 USD. It was the best variant for me. I asked them to reserve a ticket. But they refused, because they can't reserve the ticket without advance payment. I must pay full cost. I have asked if I can pay a part of money now, and the other part later. They have told that it is possible, but I will be limited by term. And if I will not pay the full cost of the ticket within of this term, I will lose already nested money. I have agreed because it is the only chance for me, because I must give to anti-emigration committee a data about my payment. By this moment I had only the concrete sum of money which I had after all my expenses. I paid $ 500 USD. But it was not enough for them. In a panic, all what Olga and I could do - we pawned our gold earrings and rings and I got $ 72 USD. That is all I could do. The number of the flight on which I will get the ticket is 315 Aeroflot-Russian International Airlines The time of departure from Moscow is 3:30 pm. The time of arrival in Denver is 10:19 pm. I will change a plan in New York (JFK), number of the flight 1165 Delta Airlines. After this I will fly to Denver, to you. I know that probably I simply must tell that I can't come to you because I haven't the remaining sum. I know that I promised to do all by self, and I was sure that I can. I did not want to ask you. But after I did everything I did, I cannot simply tell that I will not come to you. I have passed through so many difficulties, and I have overcome the most difficult. But all the same I have disgusting feeling that I could not fulfill the promise. I am always ready to do all what is possible,- to fulfill my promises, but at the same time I understand that any person could get in such a situation. To get the visa I has spent much more money than I expected. But people were ready to help me only if I will pay them. I paid more than 300 dollars to get all documents, I paid in municipal committee, in the ministry. Even officers in army garrison have compelled me to pay for their help. I did not expect all this, but up to the last moment I was sure that I still can make everything. I expected that I can get a vacation payment. We get a vacation payment after ending of a vacation. I asked to give me this money now because I need this money urgently. But, at the last moment I have got the answer that I can get this money urgently only in case of serious illness or for example in case of death of the relative. I feel so guilty. I was sure that nothing can prevent our meeting. But I must pay remaining sum. It is $ 247 USD. And I must pay money before November, 12, 2004 evening. Otherwise I will lose my nested money and our jewelry will be sold out simply in vain. I know that I should not ask you, and I am very ashamed to do it. And maybe I really simply had to tell you that I can't meet with you because I could not provide my travel completely. But I cannot simply refuse our meeting because then all my diligence, forces, nerves, means will be spent in vain. I understand that for you it is too big sum to lend me. You are not obliged to help me. And 300 dollars which I have spent to get the visa, and 572 $ that I have given for the ticket are huge money for me. But I want you to know that I have given everything not for the sake of myself, but for the sake of us, for the sake of you and me. And I was happy all this time. If you want to meet me, to help me to make our meeting, please, send money to the help before November, 12, 2004 evening. I want you to be confident in my sincerity, that is why I send you the view of my visa. I do not know if you want to help me or already not. But you have told that I should let you know if there is anything that I need. I believe you even though I am afraid to ask. But I have no other exit. If you can help me I will tell you what I have found out. Olga said that you can help me with the help of remittance system. So I have addressed to the most convenient bank. I have been told that they use the system ''Money Gram''. They have told that it is the American system. There are other systems and other banks. But this bank and this system - ''Money Gram'' are located in the most convenient and safe place for me. There I can receive your help very fast and I will be absolutely safety. I give you necessary elements for sending money with the help of ''Money Gram'': Sviaz Bank Prospekt KOSTA 134 Vladikavkaz, Russian Federation 362003 for Ksusha Sokolowa. In bank I have been told, that to get the money, I must tell to employee of bank your full name, your full address, exact sum which I should receive and some confidential numbers (Reference Number). You will get this number in your bank if you will send your help. Only with presence of all this information I can get your help. I do not know what answer I will get from you. I very much am afraid that you will not help me. But I want to tell, that I really need you, and I simply can't endure the thought that I did almost everything, but I will not meet you. I understand that it is big money. I have given all my forces, but together we are stronger. I really ask you to help me. I will give you back all your money at the earliest opportunity. I have written you honestly and sincerely. Are you with me? Your Ksusha