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Letter(s) from Marina Kushakova to John (USA)
I have got your letter. Thank you, that you have found time for the reply. First of all I want to apologize for non-answering sooner. Past time I have been really busy, also I do not have a computer at home. But now I have some free time and we can talk. OK, let's go. So, my name is Olga. I have brown eyes and chestnut hair. My height is 168 cm (probably it's about 5 feet and 6 inches). I was born on March 21(Astrological Sign is Aries) 1978 in city Kislovodsk, Kislovodsk it's located in the south of Russia.
I have lived here all my life and I never was outside Russia. But I like the USA because it is the great and beautiful state. I want to find out more about this country and about people who live there. Though I never visited the USA, but I much watched TV and much read books about this country.
Americans are Great Nation. I was familiar with group of the American students, who have trained for one month in Russia, at the university where I studied. I liked American people. One American girl from this group has helped me to register a profile on a Dating Site. I was not able to do it myself, because I know a computer at the lowest level. Yesterday she has left for the Japan to continue her training. And I would like to find a new friend or may be even a husband on all my future life. For this reason I began to study the English language strenuously. But I still know English not so superb. Nevertheless I study it constantly.
I'm dated through the Internet for the first time, therefore I apologize, if I have made something incorrectly. If you have any questions, you can ask me.
I will try to answer them.
I thank you beforehand.
I wait with impatience for your reply.
P.S. I have attached my pic as I promised.
I am very glad that I have chosen you from all the others who were at the site. I had no a lot of time to look all profiles on a site. I have chosen the first profile which I like. Probably my hand was directed with success. It was experiment. I have caught fortune for its tail. Smile!!! My friend Brenda has helped me to register profile and I am very grateful to her for it. Brenda is that student about whom I wrote to you. I did not know how to do it and Brenda has made all. I am surprised, that she has written the American city, instead of my Russian city. Probably it is a mistake, or it is joke of Brenda. I don't know it, because now she works in Japan, and we haven't communicated yet.
I work as a trainer in one of the fitness-clubs of Kislovodsk. I have a sport education, as I graduated from the Institute, Sport's Faculty. I train many people and so I communicate with different people of different age.I noticed that I better speak with the people who older than me. They are more polite, intelligent and suave, so it is possible to hear bad words from young people, they are louts and boors. I never have been married and I want to marry the men who is older than I. I am sure that men of this age are good husbands and fathers. What I am looking for in a man especially is friendship, long term friendship. But, I dislike arguing, bickering and that type of stuff, someone easy going is good. I want someone who wants to have fun, but understands life is not always fun. I need someone who is honest and caring,warm and sexy. I believe there needs to be a good attraction between the two people too. I want to have a boyfriend for a while who later if everything is right could be more. The most important parts of a relationship is love, trust and communication. But, without trust the other two do not matter. You cannot communicate with someone, no matter how much you love him or her, without trusting them. Love is important, but you have to trust the other person implicitly to truly love them, because you need to know they love you back for it to be real.
You have a question ’’Why Russian women look for their husbands abroad”.
I think there are a lot of reasons and I will start with an economic level of Russia. Our country is not rich and it’s very difficult to find a good job. Russian men can’t earn enough money to keep their family. They begin to drink alcohol and become angry. It gets on divorce. Even if they get much money, they also begin to waste them on alcohol or other women. They are all “the ladies’ men”. In our country a number of women is more than men. Besides from the ancient times in Russia there is an opinion, that men have more rights than women. Even there is a proverb ” A hen is not a bird, a woman is not a person”. So men try to low women, though a woman is stronger physically and psychologically . She manages a household, brings up children and has a constant work in the same time. There is an opinion that Russian men in degradation now. I want to get married abroad as I’m concerned about my future. I want to have an ordinary, calm life though I must leave my friends and change culture. It’s very difficult.There are many men here that would like to be a part of my life but a lot of them have been married before and have kids and are bitter about marriage all together. Some of them have trouble opening up and showing there true feelings and there are the ones who lie, cheat and disrespect any man they get involved with. These are only a few reasons why I am still single, I think it is better to be lonely than to be with someone and be miserable. So, my search for that perfect man continues, maybe my searching will end with you.
I want to tell you about my opportunities to write letters to you. I hadn't time to say about it in my last letter, because I write letters to you on my job as I have no a personal computer. The computer is in an accounting department. Lady who works with a computer will allow me to use a computer sometimes in my interests, but only when she has a free time. It depends not on me unfortunately. I work five days in a week - from Monday till Friday. It is the standard established in Russia. On this I shall not be capable to write to you and to receive your letters on Saturday and on Sunday. But sometimes I work on Saturday and even on Sunday. It is called - maintenance standby. I like my job; I spend much time in the gymnasium, doing aerobics and shaping.
I have no children but I would like to have them.I think that I would be a good mother. I have never seen my parents. I grew in the orphanage where there was a lack of parent's warm. I know, how it is hard to not have relatives. So I am ready to give my future husband and children everything. They won't be lonely, because I will encircle them with warm and love. Living in orphanage I've understood the real values of the life: do kindness to people and it will come back to you doubled. There are a lot of problems in Russia. People became evil and closed. That's why I decided to find a friend abroad Russia. So I have told you my dreams. May be they will not come true but these are my dreams.
And what about your dreams?
I like to listen to classical music:Dunaevski And Chajkovsky. I like to listen simply instrumental music. Such music allows to relax and have a rest. Under such music I like to think. I like to listen to guitar masterpieces of Joe Satriani. And my favourite movies - Siberian Barber and Tired by the Sun. They are masterpieces of the Russian cinema. The American movies in Russia have a huge popularity. They are considered to be the greatest. I like very much the American movies and I like many American actors.
I often walk in the forest, I like to go camping or by bicycle on Summer.
In Winter I go skiing and skating. All these distract me from everyday problems.
So what do you do, when you have problems and when you are sad? My hobby, if it's possible to tell so is the English language. I have loved English long ago, when I studied at school. In Russia the program of training necessarily includes foreign language, as a rule - English, German or French. I entered in group of the English language and I am still happy that I've made it. I like very much your language. After school, I continued studying of English language in the institute. It is a very soft and easily-memorized language for me. Now I attend courses of the English language. I've been studing your language for 18 years. I want to learn this language perfectly. I know that now I admit mistakes, but I hope you won't angry.
I have spent all my working day what to write this letter.(Smale)
I am waiting your response John.I have many ideas, but I do not want to rush this precious moment when two souls are looking towards each other across the continents for an everlasting friendship.
Yours friend Olga
Hi my distant friend(English), John!!!!!!! Privet moy dal'nii priyatel'(Russian), John!!!!!!!
How your day? I hope you are glad to receive my letter because when I have received your letter I really was delighted. Many thanks. I beg you please forgive me, that I didn't answer your letter earlier. As you know, I don't have a computer at home and that's why I am writing you from my job. But it is not easy too, because my boss doesn't let use the computer with private purposes. There is only one computer at my job. Therefore it's always occupied with someone on work. We do not have unlimited Internet access on a work, because we don't need in it. I use computer secretly to write you(when my boss is not at the office). Internet is expensive in Russia. Some months ago, when I was looking for my relatives with the help of Internet, my boss has subtracted from my salary all the expenses for the Internet. Unfortunately I haven't found anybody. My monthly earnings of 4500 roubles, it about 150 American dollars. But this money suffices me and even is possible save my money.
I have few friends. But now I have found you, John! I am very glad and I shall think of you. I tried to find love and happiness here, but I have tested man's roughness and disrespect. It has wounded me. I want to find the partner in life, together to enjoy life and to go in the future. I want to find the man, with whom we shall create the world of love, kindness and honesty. In the guy I want to see honesty and kindness. These are the main things because the lie and a rage spoil any relations. I like cheerful people. I do not love men who do not have self-respect. The heart of the man is most important. I want to be honest and frank with you, that's why I ask you not to deceive me. There is a proverb in Russia: Bitter truth is better than sweet lie. I am sure that you are an honest man and you can't lie. Am I right? After all my stories you may think, that everything is bad, but it is not true. When I lived in orphanage one elder person came to us. Her name was ANASTASIYA and she brought us different cloths and gave money to the orphanage. We were great friends with her. When I have grown up and have left the orphanage, our friendship became bigger. Now I helped her: I went shopping for products, I lead her to the hospital ( she was an old and sick person), I kept her house and looked after her. Two years ago when she was 79 years old she died. She was a Great person. ANASTASIYA was a very intellectual and educated woman. She taught me many things: how to lay the table correctly, how to behave at the table, to put the tablewears, to behave in mundane society and many other things. She taught me manner to be dressed and to go correct and beautifully. Also she taught me to sew and kneet, people do it in Russia long ago. My ANASTASIYA dreamt to bring me up as an honest and decent lady. She has got all her knowledge from her ancestors. She loved me like a daughter and I loved her like my mother.And I tried to do all to be worthy daughter, to be worthy her love. And I hope that I became such a lady as my ANASTASIYA wanted to see me. Now I appreciate the difficulties of that time in a different way. Difficulties train the character. I lived without help and support, I went through different difficulties about which I don't want to speak. But I have gone through these difficulties and remember this I feel that everything I have done correctly. My ANASTASIYA always told me that one should look at difficulties with smile, not mentioning that there is a shout of despair in the throat and there are tears in eyes. One should be strong and proud - as my ANASTASIYA was. She didn't have her own children and her husband died during Second World War.
After his death she didn't married again, because she loved only him. ANASTASIYA has bequeathed me everything that she had: this is an apartment and old-time jewelry which she has got from her great-grandmother. This is a very beautiful necklace ring set with a stone and bracelet. This is a historical value, and I cherish it very much. It is very offensive for Russia. When Russia loses such people such as ANASTASIYA, it's loses the particle of its great culture. Forgive me that I have told you about this so in detail. But I say about my mother seldom. But when I say about her I can't do it in couple words. I loved her very much and that's why I told you little things about her. Forgive me. I decided to share my recollections with you as with a friend, because I didn't speak about her with anybody for a long time. Forgive me that my letter is sad, big and uninteresting. Simply when I begin to say about my ANASTASIYA I can't stop.
But I promise not to write such letters anymore.
Wow, you are very handsome the man. Yes, your mum is really happy looks from your car. Thank you for a beautiful picture. I loved it.
Now I must finish my letter. I wait anxiously for your answer. Also I want to ask, have you ever had a friend from the other country? Is it important for you the nationality of the person ?
Yours friend Olga. Tvoy drug (Russian)Olga.
Hi My Dearest friend John (English)
Privet Moy Samiy Dorogoy Drug John (Russia)
I'm very glad to see your letter and I think you will glad to see my too.
I very much like to cook. If I had no my profession, then I probably would be the cook. Cooking is fundamental to a healthy, nurturing family life. I know many recipes of dishes. I like tasty and healthy food.
It is very important for me because I very much keep up my figure(body).
And it's reason, that I should refuse many kind of food. Especially I love various salads and products of the sea. Have you sometime tried a fish in the paste? It is a fillet of the fish, baked in the paste.
It is very tasty. Also I like very much a fried flounder. Only the flounder has surprising and unique taste. I do not know, if you in the USA have a soup named uha(fish soup).Have you heard sometime about uha? More often it prepares at the nature, picnics or camping. For this purpose you take recently caught fish, lie it down to the boiler. Then you should add the potato, onions, carrots and spices is added too. You necessarily should prepare it on a campfire. When it is ready, a fish filed separately of soup. It has surprising taste. I spend much time on kitchen.
I had a dreams about you John I really want to know you, speak with you, take your hand and see your eyes. Maybe it's very frankly now but it's true and I don't want to hide it. I always say the true and don't like when the people are lie. I hate it.
I like to dream very much. I do not know well if it is good or bad. But I am a dreamer. Since the childhood I have dreamt very much. I remember my teacher in the kindergarten told us: "Forget about your dreams!" She said that dreams do not bring happiness. She said that dreams bring only a pain and disappointment. May be she was right. I need you to do something for me. I want you to say in your next letter "Olga, I am real". You are so perfect that I have a hard time imagining that you are real. There are so many trying to deceive in this world that I have become suspicious when I come across something so perfect as you. That is why I need you to put in your next email " Olga, I am real". I want to believe so badly that you really exist. Please say "Olga, I am real".
In fact dreams don't always come true.
It happens that you put all forces and all aspiration to achieve the purposes.
But often it is not enough. Not all in this life depends on us. There is still a Destiny! Its strong and invisible hands easily reshuffle lives and hearts of people.
And then the dream stops to be desirable star, when it doesn't come true for a long time. But anyway, I think that it is impossible to live not having the dreams and hopes.
When you have a dream, the life is filled with sense. When there is a dream, the life becomes more interesting and more various. You start to think, analyze, choose and to make the decision. And each small victory, each defeated obstacle in a way to your dream, each next step to your dream brings you great pleasure. Your heart is filled with belief and hope. And you are inspired by the fact which waits for you in the end. You remember the pleasure of victories and defeated aims better than pain of losses and disappointments. For this reason I like to dream, though my dreams come true very seldom. I am surprised, that I am writing you all this. I have never had the person with whom I could share the ideas. But now I have found you, John, and I am very glad. You are a part of my life now. And I appreciate it very much. John, you became very important for me. And being frank, I am afraid to lose you. Forgive me for my frankness. If I have offended you somehow, or have caused inconveniences forgive me please.
Do not cease to write to me. Write to me every day. Even if I cannot answer every day. Your letters betray to me of forces and my day is filled with pleasure. I hope that you do not become angry.
I will wait for your letter with impatience.
And now I want to ask to you some questions:
I heard that in the USA many tornado, is it the truth?
Do you believe in love? Love at first sight?
Poka moy dorogoy drug. (Russia)
By my dear friend. (English)
P.S. I already spoke you, that I very much like to be photographed. I would want that you, have correctly understood this photo. Do not think that I trite. I very passionate woman. I love sexuality in a picture, and in all. I a think it should be present everywhere. You will laugh probably but I am not skilled in sex.
Because I was engaged in sex a little. reason of it, there is my loneliness.
In Russia men prefer vodka, instead of me. I do not think that I am very beautiful.
In Russia is a lot of girls, is more beautiful than me. Men look at them more.
Sex is something amazing, it should be the ultimate result of love between a man and a woman, it's the physical culmination of a beautiful man-woman relationship.
I view it as something very very special that is reserved for the man of my dreams, somebody who makes all my dreams come true, brings me perfect mental and physical happiness.
Hi, my dear friend John I waited for this minute with impatience to answer you.
THANK YOU FOR THE LOVELY PICTURE ! IS THIS YOUR BROTHER ??? He is very handsome and sexy !!! I am just teasing you . I know it's you. My pictures are done by my friend Elena, she professional The photographer. I have scanner at my job and I use it to take my pictures. Your letters have become so close to my heart that I am glad to them like a baby. you write so beautiful letteres, I have never heard such words in Russia. I think that Russian men don't know such words at all. Your words are so pleasant that I feel myself on the heavens. Please, write me every day at least two words, then I will know that everything is OK. I will be calm for you and won't worry. About love at first sight, if I didn't believe it then I would not be talking with you. Every ones in a while you see a light peaking through under a door. It acts as an invitation. Your first email was a small light, when I opened the door on the other side was a whole new world that I have never seen with you as the sun. Beautiful,amazing, and full or wonder. This relationship we have started via email is the begining of a life long friendship that might blossom into some thing more? Love is such intoxicating narcotic, which makes do mad, but sometimes funny actions. Only person in love can fill the whole bath with champaign, only person in love can present the million of scarlet roses or stand whole night under balcony of the loved woman singing serenades. Today I talked with my boss, I asked him to use Internet at least 10-15 minutes a day. He promised to think about it. I cant let him deprive me my private live how much it cost me. The dearest I have is you John I understood it clearly yesterday when I was walking in the park and thinking about you. I was tired and sat down on the bench. I closed my eyes and thought about you. A wind was blowing, it scutched my hairs and enveloped my body by its chilly freshness. I don't know why, but I thought that you changed in wind, and you tenderly touched my hairs with you invisible hands. It seemed to me that I am situated somewhere there with you. And my heart began beating as never before. I was so pleasant that I was ready to yell from happiness. People who were passing near me probably thought that I am crazy wnen they saw me sitting on the bench with closed eye and smiling. But I didn't think about their opinion.after work I will go home by foot. I like to walk along the street and to breath fresh air, especially when the weather is warm. As a matter of fact I don't want to go home. It is very boring and lonely at home. Sometimes I don't mention it, but sometimes when I come home with good mood, I want to talk very much, to share thoughts with anybody, to have fun. But my flat is empty and I have to be in full solitude. And my good mood disappears. I simply sit down in an arm-chair and look at the window. And when the silence deafen me when I hear as My blood flows in my veins, I hear movement of my eyelashes, at that moment becomes unbearably and my heart compresses. I don't know how to struggle with it. I can listen to music or read a book. But in some moment I understand that I just deceive myself. In fact I want a beloved person to be near me, with whom I could spend evenings, to meet morning, to speak about yesterday and to dream about tomorrow day. I want to walk and to feel a strong man arm holds me. I don't want to cook meals only for myself. I want somebody to appreciate it. But enough about it. I having not enough time.
Hi John, again. I began writing the letter in the morning. Now it is 5 p. m. already. Can you imagine? I have just trained a little boy's.
(I do train children's of invalids at the fitness-club. Are they all getting over some type of injury.)
I asked him: What do you dream about? He answered that he dreams to become a grownup. It was so funny. I often remember childhood. I always dreamed to become a grown up as soon as possible. As every child I completely believed that grownups don't have problems at all. I dreamt in the childhood and I dream now. Of course, the world of dreams is an illusive world. We live in a real life, so we can't to sink into the world of dreams and phantasies for long. When a dream becomes obsession, it can bring only pain and disappointment. Practically dreams do not always realize. It happens that you use all power, all aspiration to make the dream come true. But as much you try, not all in this life depend on us. When the dream for a long time does not come true, as though you did not try, dream ceases to be that star, which was for you lighthouse in ocean of the life, which illuminated your way. But anyway, I think that it is impossible to live without dreames and hopes. When there is a dream, the life is filled with sense. The dreams are those things that do us people that distinguishes us from the whole rest alive world. The dreams contribute variety in ordinary and grey life. The dreams force to think, analyse, choose and come to a conclusion. The Faith and Hope - an eternal satellites of our lifes. And regardless of what waits you at the end, joy of the victories and subordinated tops we remember better, than disappointment and pain of the defeats. You agree with me?I am surprised that I write you all this. I have never had a person, with whom I could share my thoughts. But now I have found you, and I am very glad. Forgive me for my frankness. If I said something superfluous forgive me please. Do you like when your friends come to your home? And you the quick-tempered person?
I have a very warm feeling inside from all the things you have said about, how you feel when you think of me. My day brightens tremendously whenever I see an e-mail from you. I will wait for your letter with impatience.
Kisses to you, Olga. Celuyu tebya, Olga
P.S This picture has been taken this winter.
I and a dog my girlfriend Elena.
Hi my dear and the distant friend John! (Privet, moy dorogoy i dalekiy drug John!)
Today I went to my work and smiled. I smiled because I knew that I would get a letter fro you. People passed near me and looked back after me.
Now I'd like to tell you about our city. It is rather big. There are a lot of buildings, but they are not like in your country. The highest has maximum 12 floors.
And that is special for all cities in Russia. Elena (She my close girlfriend) says that she wants to live in a quiet town. And I agree with her. A big city has a big traffic,a fast rhythm of life,garlands of fires, light shop windows, high buildings, fountains, cinemas, parks, theatres and attractions. It is wonderful, of course I like it. But we have so nice places. There are a lot of small and large lakes and rivers. They are very beautiful. If there were no criminal, the place could be considered as a paradise. But alas, the criminal in big cities, as well as in the small ones is the worst part of our life. Unfortunately criminal in Russia is situated on a very high level. But I don't want to tell about these sad things. In Russia ladies smile rarely, because lifi is filled with different problems, cares, difficulties and obstacles. All tih prevails under little fortunes which the lady has in her life. In Russia the lady stands on the same stage as the man already for a long time. She can do the same work as the man can. Very often In Russia the lady does the work which the man has to do. In 19 century one Russia poet wrote about Russian woman: She can enter a burning house and stop a running horse. The only thing she lacks is simple warm and caress. This is the problem of Russian men. The Russian lady does everything for the man but she doesn't get anything from him. All she needs is at least a couple of tender words and touching of his hands. Isn't it so difficult? I think it isn't difficult to present your lady a romantic evening and a supper with candles, but in Russia as a rule a woman makes such a present but not a man.
When a woman carries heavy bags in the street, no man will help her, he will only turn his look away and go farther. That's why the Russian lady never feels happy at her heart.
You say that I am beautiful. In Russia I am not considered like a beautiful lady, Russian men usually treat ladies disrespectfully. They consider that woman only have to work, cook, wash up and entertain the man when he wants. To offend a woman is a usual thing for the Russian man.
I like to cook and wash up but sometimes I would like to get simple caress, love and attention. I don't want to offend all the men, there are good men but there are few of them.
Yes, a long time I loved a young man.
We had good time together. He was kind. But he liked to drink. When he was drunk he became an absolutely other person. He talked badly with me.
Later his love to alcohol became a habit. He became rude and evil. He even beat me several times and next day he smiled and talked with me as if nothing happened to. I began to be afraid of him and I must leave him. My soul was wounded very much. After this I couldn't make to get acquainted with another man. Now I don't trust Russian men. I am afraid to give my love to somebody and to get rudeness back. I shall close this theme as it is not pleasant to me.
I live in 20 minutes of walking from work. When the weather is good I always walk.
I do not love close buses, as walking is useful for health. Oh no, unfortunately I have no house phone. I know it for you strange, in Russia many people has no house phone.
My boss forbids to use phone for the personal purposes.
I must finish my letter. I don't want but I have to. I want to ask you what makes you happy John? What was the best gift that you got from a woman? Sincerely yours and with best wishes.
I am shy, but I kiss you hotly, my John.
P.S.This picture specially for you.
Hi, my dear friend John! I hope you not against if I say so. Thank you for your letter. From day to day I feel more necessity to get your letter. My mood has become better again when I have got your letter.
Thanks for pictures. Your pictures like oxygen for me. I so like to look at you.
You a most delightful man on a planet. Your house is very beautiful. Very picturesque place. It so beautiful. Likely there very silent and quiet place.
I can imagine as far as air is fine and clean. The place seems magic. There are no a lot of cars, not smog, only the nature. Pacifying.
By the way, when I came to work today my mood was bad, because my girl-friend fell ill and now she is in the hospital. The saddest thing is that she has birthday today. She is 28 years old today. Unfortunately she will spend her birthday in the hospital. But have already talked with the doctor and I will be allowed to spend the evening in the her chamber. In the evening I will bake a cake, buy flowers and go to the hospital. I want very much that she have good mood on her birthday. As matter of fact I have only two real friends - Elena and Natasha. Elena is that lady who is in the hospital. Natasha has left to the North for three months. Her grandmother lives there. My friends are not married too. We are friends for 20 years already. Elena and I are like sisters. Elena and I like to walk. Usually we walk in the park. But also we like to spend time in Elena vegetable garden. She lives in an old wooden house. I don't know if you have seen such houses. This are the houses which were built before the second world war, in the fortieth years. These are very old houses which don't have bath and running water. So people have to take water outside in the well or in a pit. In modern world such conditions seem very terrible, but this is really so. We like to spend time in Elena vegetable garden. There she grows potato, tomatos and cucumbers not to buy them in the market, because in winter the prices of these products rise very high. Every winter Elena and I make a big Snowman by big snow balls. Here is how we spend our free time. And we have the big pleasure.
I hope that my words and letters are not boring to you, but they are much more than mere words, they are my thoughts and feelings, and I send them out to you I have never done this in my life, (tried to initiate a relationship halfway across the world), and I might have much to learn about how to proceed, but I am more than willing to learn whatever it takes to succeed if that is your desire as well. I also believe that couples should be the best friends possible, which trust and share with each other everything that they feel. I do not know if my word and thoughts make sense to you, and I try very hard to put them in typed words that you will feel and understand. I believe in God, and I believe that I have been put through trials to prepare me for meeting a man with whom I will spend the rest of my life loving, to better appreciate him, respect him and cherish the love, that he would give; only asking that I return the same. I very much desire that you find it in your heart and are comfortable with sharing your personal feelings with me, I wish to know you on a more intimate level, I would like you to share your dreams, your hopes, your feelings of the heart with me, I truly wish to connect with you on a level that goes way beyond mere friendship. Please do not think me foolish for thinking these things, I believe that in order for anything to succeed, you have to be honest, and that is what I am doing with you. Could you close your eyes for just a minute, and think and dream of what a life we could share, what it would be like, the fun of learning each other. I really believe that dreams do come true for people which dare to believe in dreams, because if they believe in them hard enough, dreams could become in reality. I guess that you are shocked that I feel this way, but here, where I was raised, the gift of true love from a man is something that is more similar to a Mirage or self-deception, rather than mutual feeling which two enamored people can give each other. I hope that I am not rambling on with my words. I have so much that I wish to share with you, and each time I write to you, I feel there is never enough time to say everything that I want to say, and I always feel that I have forgotten something important that I wanted to share with you. John, when I speak of you and I think of you, it does not matter for me what anyone else thinks. I want to tell that you are very beautiful for me. I mean, I find that you are not only attractive as a man, I also speak of the beauty that is within you, beauty of your internal world, and alas, this particular type of beauty is very special and rare. I want to reduce essence of all my letter only to one thought. I do not know if I could clearly explain all my thoughts and feelings, which overflow me now, or not. I want to tell that I feel, we become very good friends and I really enjoy our friendship. I aspire to learn you more and I dare to hope that you suppose a thought that our relations can develop more than it enough for simple friendship. It is that way which I feel. As always I hope that my letter finds you in good health and spirits, and I hope that every yours wish you have comes true one day. I will look forward to your reply as always with anticipation and impatience....I feel that the Holy Spirit has sent you to me and I will never take you for granted. This whole email that has generated my love might seem sudden and too good to be true but if you believe in the power of prayer and the TRINITY you would be bound to know that with Christ all things are possible.
I hope that your reply is not of a harsh nature, and I look forward to its arrival.
Since I started talking to you, I just can't stop thinking of you John.
Hi my heart and my soul John! I have a friend John, and I always think of him, I want to know all about him. Absolutely all! (Smile). Tell me about your thoughts and dreams. And now I'll do it. Yesterday my boss informed me that I would have a vacation approximately in 2-3 weeks, but I wasn't pleased. I didn't expect that I would receive a vacation. But schedule, that constituted by boss canÒt be change. I have begun to cry, because it means that I can't write to you, I can't use a computer. I was so frightened that I can lose you. I imagined that I should spend this vacation in my apartment, between four walls. I should sit in loneliness and think of you. I should aimlessly wander on streets and fall asleep with tears on eyes every night. I have been waiting for my vacation during long 3 years and now I receive them but they don't bring pleasure to me. I imagined that I should spend some weeks without you and awful emptiness had appeared in my heart. All world around became uninteresting for me and I told myself:" NO! It is not for me!" Last night I thought of us. About you and about me-about us together. I couldn't fall asleep. I had been crying for a long time because of despair. My thoughts were mixed, like inking waves during a storm, and I, like a small ship was sank in the sea of despair. With the rising of sun I calmed and hold on myself. And I have put a hard aim, the aim of all my life-to be with a man who loves me and I love him by all my heart. I thought what I can do to see you. I decided to spend this vacation with you. I thought what I can do to meet you. Simply to meet. That's all what I want now. I have passport, and also I need an American visa. Today I have addressed in firm where the visas are made.To me advised to use tourist visa B1/B2. My visa will allow me to be in the USA 6 months. I wondered how much it would cost for me. They told me that this service would cost 380 USD. I said it was very big money, and visa couldn't be cost so much. They told that I could make all directly in Moscow where an American
consulate was. But I have considered that if I shall make directly in Moscow, I will squander more money. The way to Moscow and back also residing there will cost much. I shall squander more money than 380 USD if I go there. Besides if my application isn't approved, it will turn out that I squander all money for nothing. I have been explained that it will be necessary to visit set of various departments, state and medical institutions both in Kislovodsk, and in Moscow. I must wait for a long time the queue.. This agency allows to avoid many problems and to make all for faster term. I asked how long it would take to make the visa. I was answered that it would take about a week or may be 2 if there were some troubles because of the terrible terrorist acts in USA and the conflict with Iraq. And in this agency I was told, that they need information about me from the police. If I am a law-abiding citizen, I shall get the visa. I have never outraged the law. And I have never done anything unlawful. I shall have preparation for interview. It will help me to receive the visa. I understand that our relations are not long yet, but I trust you. And I very hope so you are, as I love you. Many years I ask myself a question:Ò Why everything depends on money? I think that the money is not main thing in life. The main is when the people can and want to understand each other. I have some savings. And I think that it be enough to come to you, my sweetheart.
Our love will overcome any distances. Live for LOVE! When you Love, do it with all your might, all your Devotion and for all eternity! I really think it's better to love and fail and not having fallen in love at all. Since I started talking to you, I just can't stop thinking of you John.
YA CELUYU TEBYA.
I KISS YOU.