Letter(s) from Diana Simon to Tim (Canada)

Letter 1

Lately I've been staring at your letter, trying to figure out how to say the right words. The words that will touch your heart as well as your soul. The kind of words you've been saying to me, the kind of words that melted my heart and soul. So, baby I want to tell you those words and I mean with every ounce of me, from the bottom of my heart, now and forever darling, I love you! I sometimes looked at us as a wartime love story. Something right from a movie actually. Like the "English Patient". Two people from different worlds, different cultures, and coming together as man and woman in the middle of wartime Baghdad. They lost comunication because the lack of resourceless. Two people, two different worlds. Yet we still feel the same through distance and time. I looked at us this way and this is why I was so affraid not to loose you just like they lost eachother..... Strange resemblance in my mind.....but then it just hit me: I had to do something. I had to at least try to do something for us never to loose eachother due "war". This morning I went to the bank and completed the form for the loan. I will get it tomorow or the day after tomorow. Dear Tim, sometimes I believe that our love is blessed by God. You have truly become the star of my life which brings me light in this dark world, and warmth when I need it. You offer me the promise of renewal, the joy of living, the peace of mind that comes from sharing and caring, and that shoulder to lean on in bad times. You are my precious butterfly, and I will cherish you and love you forever. Because without you, Tim, my life would be empty of all inspiration. There will be no work of art for me to gaze at, no person of greatness before me, no timeless melody to listen to. My life will exist in shades of gray instead of vibrant colors and I will be less than whole. In the past, the proper words have escaped me and my innermost feelings have been kept locked away in the depths of my heart. No more. I've opened my soul to you and each passing day I tell unto myself I cannot be more happy than I already am. But you find your way in proving me that I was wrong. Each passing day you give me a new reason to be happy. And for this I will forever be grateful to you. Life seems to be full of trials of this type which test our inner strength, and more importantly, our devotion and love for one another. After all, it is said that "True Love" is boundless and immeasurable and overcomes all forms of adversity. When I've read that you want to help me with the phone I couldn't believe it. Of course, it was there, written in front of me, but I still couldn't believe it. It is the most beautiful thing someone ever did for me. I never thought about this, not even for a second. I have lived for a long time all alone in this world, dependent upon no one, asking no one for help knowing there is no one in this world willing to do that for me. I was all alone, looking for myself since the time my parents died. I am used to do everything for myself, never to expect something from others, only from myself. That's why I was pushing myself to hard sometimes. I wanted to become somebody, I wanted to do a lot of things for myself because I knew there was nobody else there to look after me. I had no one to turn to when I had something bad going through my life, I had nobody to ask for help when I needed that, I had nobody to count on, to rely on. I always knew I am alone in this world, I always felt that. It's not the gratest thing in the world to realize that there is nobody who really cares about you, who could really do something just to make you feel better and not because of some kind of moral obligation. And there is you.... Now, through some great fortune, I have found that love and along with it the one person who can make my life truly complete. Tim, you are that person and I have somehow fallen hopelessly and undeniably in love with you. With you, this words come forth effortlessly and with great sincerity. I'll be forever greateful to you for showing me just how empty my life was. At last, I have a chance to give it depth and purpose.....I still cannot believe you thought about helping me without me asking you for help. I would never asked you to do something like this. I was always used to do things myself, no matter how hard it was sometimes and being with you makes me want to try harder. Being with you makes me want to fix everything so that I can be perfect for you, and be just what you want. You give me hope and reinforce that life is good and has a purpose.That's why I wanted to get that phone, but only the thought you want to do this for me is overhelming. Nobody did something like this for me before. Nobody even tryed to do something like this......I don't have enough words to convey the grate respect I have for you.......you don't know how the emotions well up inside of me and I feel like I am going to burst. I truly cannot explain it. I think of you and it's like I'm 5 years old again and under water….everything is distorted and funny…..and I start to get dizzy because my breath caught just a little too long. You bring a radiance and vitality to my life. Meeting you have changed me. I think that is what love does to you. It changes you and makes you more than you could ever dream of beeing. In chemistry I learned that there are two types of changes that compounds can undergo, physical and chemical. A physical change is one that changes the form but not the make-up of the compound...like water to ice...ice is still water when melted. But after a chemical change, the compound will never again be the same...like a piece of wood on fire....after it burns, you can't make it back into wood, no matter what you do. That's what you are, you are a chemical change. You are fire, I am no longer the same and I never can be. I read your letter and I had to remind myself to breathe and my heart to beat. And the only thing showing in those words of yours is overwhelming for me. No baby, I don't need your help, I can do it myself, but the fact you are offering your help to me means more than anything else in this world. I want to get it myself because I really want you to know that you've got someone who loves you and would do anything for you. I should answer to your question because I'm affraid I don't have that much time. I cannot just write the letter at home and after that paste it here because at home I have only a floppy disk and this computer only has cd drive. So, even if I could write it at home I couldn't have a matching support to copy it to, but this problem will soon be behind us and I cannot tell you what this means to me. So, my whole name is Diana Maria Simon and my adress: Lunca Siretului 6, A46, ap 11, Bucharest, Romania. I was born in Bulgaria betwen a bulgarian father and a romanian mother, but I lived almost my adult life here, in Romania and like it is always said, beeing a girl, the most important legacy you receive is from the mother, so, without any doubt whatsowever in my mind, I can say that I consider myself to be romanian. And I don't have a favourite food. I like everything, I eat just about everything. If you have anything else to ask please feel confortable doing it because I will always be here answering to all of your questions. I miss you because you're not here, but am comforted in knowing you are always in my heart. Because, in the dark, when my thoughts are running through my mind because we can't get too close just now. Then I am yours......I am totally yours in thought and spirit. I cherish any thought, prize any memory of your letters that rises from the depths of my mind, and live for the day when our phisical separation will no longer be.

Just as a poet needs inspiration to write a masterpiece I need you ...
Just as an artist needs a subject for his work of art, I need you ...
Just as a teacher needs a pupil to mold into greatness, I need you ...
Just as a composer needs a theme to create a timeless melody, I need you ... in my life.........

Yours forever,
Diana

Letter 2

My love,
What should been the most happiest day of my life turned into a real nightmare so far. I am so desperate right now. I received the loan from the bank this morning and I went to the store. I bought the phone and very soon they started to explain me how it works. It seems that I did a very stupid thing by buying it. It's a very good phone, this isn't the problem, just that I payed only for the phone and not for the accesoryes. I didn't knew what to ask when I first went to the store, so I asked only about the phone's price and this is what I took from the bank as a loan. What I found out only today, just after I gived them all my money and I bought the phone, is that I cannot really use it without a prepaid kit which includes a pre paid subscription to a special service that allows me to connect to the internet and this means a special telephone number. This is a service that has to be payed in advance so the phone can be connected to a local network. It is just like a subscription, but I didn't knew anything about this before. And this is not all. The price for the phone does not include the accesorys as well. This means I have the phone now, but not a connection and even if I had that, I would still miss the cable to connect the phone to the computer so I can use it like a modem and the soft for doing this. I really did the bigest stupid thing ever. I was so excited about buying this phone and I didn't knew anything about how a thing like that works, so I was just rushing into the ideea and now I find myself with a bank loan and a device that doesn't work by itself and it will never will because I cannot afford to pay for all those things it requires. My hands are trembeling by nervousness now, I am not sure I am somehow coherent in what I'm saying. This makes me leave all my vanity aside and to ask for your help. You will decide what to do. I want to ask you for a loan to buy whatever that phone needs to work. I am just desperate. I could brake it in pieces right now, this is how desperate I really am. All the things I've done to have it and now......I have it, that's right, but I cannot use it. This makes me crazy. I think I will die. If you will decide to help me you have to know one thing, I don't know when I will be able to give your money back, but I will work ten times harder only for this. I feel so ashamed right now, but I have no one else to ask for help and you already said you would help me, so, maybe I am acting selfish right now, but I really do need to ask for your help because otherwise I will go crazy for sure. If I only knew how much money this thing will cost in the end, I would never thought about buying something like this because I know very well what I can afford and what I simply don't because is way above my capabilities. At least, this was what I thought, until this day. I already payed 750 for the phone and there is no way I could ever find another 480 to pay for everything else. If I could only look deep into all this in the begining....If I would only asked more question before buying it..."If"......What a useless word! A ticket to an eternal preoccupation with the past and with how it could have been. It was the way it was. It is the way it is. And that is that. We all make the choices we have to make. Yes, we may look back and realize how wrong or foolish we were to have taken the route we did, but the fact remains we can only make today's choices with today's information, wisdom, and providence. I realize all this now, but heaven alone knows how I have stretched the tape of my mind's eye, rewinding and re-playing that time I went to the store asking about the price, imagining what would have happened if....I find my fate has turned out so cruel and this is why I have to ask you for help. I cannot change the situation, neither can you, but I really hope with all my heart and soul that you can help me solve this problem. I don't know what I was thinking back then. I wanted the best thing on the market. It's like the saying goes: I am too poor to buy something cheap. I only thought that if I will have to make a sacrifice, it will have to be for something worth-while indeed....and look what all this brought me. I only pray that you can help me because otherwise I don't know what else to do. And if you will decide to do this for me, please remember that I won't be able to pay you back in a matter of days, but I will do it as soon as possible. Any way, I need 480 and as far as I know, for me the only way to receive money is by Western Union and for this you will need my name and adress, you already have these, and I will need some money transfer control number, something that you will receive from them. This is what my friends used to send me money like a gift for my birthday and it was really fast and secure. Please write me soon because I don't think I will be able to sleep, eat, or even work until I will find a solution to solve this problem.
Yours forever,
Diana

Letter 3

My darling,
All day I tryed to write you but there was a problem with the internet connection. Today from all days! This kept me in the hospital until this moment. I couldn't believe it specialy because I really needed to write you early today, but I couldn't, so, I will have to deal with the consequence. I went to the bank this morning to receive the money and every thing went well, exept for the fact that I received only 137 euro. I think there was some kind of a misunderstanding betwen us because they've told me that you sent 200 canadian dollars and I don't know what hapened, maybe I didn't explained myself very well, but what I needed was 480. The biggest problem now is that I spoked with my landloner yesterday when he came to collect the rent and I told him I will give him the money on monday, that means today and he is waiting for me in the evening to stop by his house with the rent money. I also went to the mobile network local store and they ceked the avaliability of the number they gave me and they said every thing is all right. There shouldn't be any problems, that means you can call me anytime you want. I will give you the number again, maybe I did a spelling mistake the first time. So, there it is again: +40788730840. I also received a letter from Ioana today telling me they came back from the vacation and I also wrote her the telephone number and I am expecting her to call soon so we could talk. I don't know when you will be able to read this letter. I hoped to send it to you earlier so you will receive it in the morning because I I really needed that money today otherwise my landloner will think I am lieing to him and this will be terible for me. I didn't expected to be such a problem at the bank office and I was sure I will receive the money today. I also hope this doesn't create any kind of problems for you, but I hope you will be able to receive this letter in time and you will be able to send me the rest of the money until tomorow morning because the banks will be closed soon for this day. I really have to pay the rent tomorow morning. I was never late paying and now I am more late than I should of been. I have the feeling I really did a mistake, or maybe you didn't understood me right, but what I still need is 340 so I can finaly pay my rent and buy that cable and the soft and hopefuly I will be able to write you tomorow from my home. I love you baby,
Yours forever,
Diana

Letter 4

My love,
I managed to read your letter in the morning, telling me I should call you and every thing else and I couldn't write back to you because I wanted to go to the mobile store and ask again why I can't receive international calls and why I cannot make an international call and they said again it is no problem, but this time I had to dissagree with them and I filed a complaine. I think I stayed there for three whole hours, but finaly they did something real. They gave me another phone number and this is ok for sure because they tested it. So, here is the new number: +40721190293. This works for sure, this is what they've told me but they still insist that other number was working also. Any way, I will call you from this number as soon as it will be connected to the network because I will have to get though this again. No matter the hour, I will try to call you. I hope I will not wake you in the middle of the night or something, but at least I will be able to leave you a message on your phone machine. I think you are upsaid with me and I really don't know why. All I did was to try to do something for this. Please don't be upsaid with me, I will be destroyed if this will hapen. I love you baby. I have to go now but I will watch the phone and the minute it will be connected I will call you. I love you,
Yours forever,
Diana