Letter(s) from Natalia Grozkova to Jim (USA)

Letter 1

Privet moya lyubov. (Russia) Hi my love. (English) How are you, my love Jim? When I see your letter, my heart is similar to a bird in a cage. Wants to depart a breast and to fly to you. I never experience before similar. Thanks for a picture. How I like to look at you. Your pictures reflect your soul. Your pictures tells me every time what you feel, transfers to me your emotions. Thanks for all your pictures. I smile and enjoy. Each your picture brightens my day like gulp of cold spring water in the heated desert. Your daughter such charming girl. Very charming. I am very glad that you have daughter. Probably you a happy man and father. Beside you remarkable children. They are very similar to you. Today I speculate about you and about me. It so is surprising. As a matter of fact we live on the different sides of our planet, but we are so similar. I never was even outside of my country. To travel outside the seas and oceans for me in general outside a reality. I cannot imagine it as though I not tried. And always, as likely many people Never seeing anything except for native house, I console myself by thought, that you have the same blue sky and the same life. Maybe life behind ocean is more cheerful and rich, paints are brighter and the summer is warmer. But also as here, people cry when they feel a pain, people suffer when lose close people, women in torments give birth to children. It is identical everywhere. You and I have the same cares and problems. Every day I try to imagine that occurs in your heart, do you worry or not, do you think of me or not, do you imagine us or not. It is so unusual to me, and in same time I feel so conveniently as if I know you the whole eternity. And I am sure that it not accidentally. And it is not important what waits for me in the nearest future, I know that I already have found a remarkable, kind and good man and a friend. And if I will see him, if I meet him and I can look in his eyes, I can tell to him everything what I cannot tell in letters, I will be madly happy. Now, today, this minute not important, where will bring me this way. I know that it is true road. I live not by the future,- I live today, and exactly today I live by bright and happy life. I'm missing you. When I go to bed I'm thinking about you. I'm thinking about your letters. I think how it's good that I have met you in the Internet. If I was told before, that I will meet my love in the Internet, I would not believe this man. I would think, that this man is crazy or joker. But it has happened. It has happened not to somebody but to me. And I'm glad that the people invented the Internet. I didn't think that it's possible to find my only love in the Internet. But I have found. Please, don't give me up. It will be a strong pain for me. I won't simply go through it. But I believe that you won't do it. Excuse me for this short letter. But today I have hardly found an opportunity to write even slightly. With all my love. (English) So vsey moey lyubov`yu. (Russia) Always yours Natalya.

Letter 2

Hi my love Jim! My working day has comes to an end and I am writing you now. My mood is very good. Soon we will be together. Tell me that this is true. Now I have the most intense days in my life. I make the visa for the sake of you. It will be my gift for you Jim for Christmas Ok? As a rule from 10 applicants only by one received the visa. I have paid big enough sum of money to not stand in long queue and to not wait for consideration during several months. I never thought that the commission will ask such unusual questions. Me asked about my sexual life, me asked about children, about work, about patriotism, about the attitude to America, about my conversance and awareness of events which happened in the world and in America, about my religion and belief. I have told about all my life in detail. I spoke about everything fairly as is really. To me have told that my answers are unexpected and as a rule applicants do not answer so directly and openly such questions. They have not got used to hear such answers, but they have told what to hear fair and truthful answers it is much more pleasant than word which come not from heart and reason. Children from the orphanage also have made the big impression and rendered the big influence on the commission. To me have told that I the first lady who have such support from children - orphans. I have given documents on my donations in children's homes. These are small donations, but very few people do it. From several orphanages I have got support in writing from tutors and children. They convinced the commission that I will not leave the country for ever because I have accepted responsibility for children which I help. I have given characteristics from work. I have shown the document on my house which me was left by Anastasiya. I have told the commissions directly and openly, that I dreamed to see your country, but I am sure that everything dream of it, even those who speaks that does not dream. I want to use chance, but not to remain in America. They have been surprised, because nobody spoke so openly. I have shown them all my documents testifying that I all my life lived without the father and mothers. I have told that I all my life lived for other people and gave pleasure and happiness to another's children. What bad in that that I once will visit other country, once to receive really big pleasure in a life? They did not expect that I will tell such words. But I really spoke in all sincerity. I simply wanted that they have understood what in my heart. And as you can believe I could convince them. Now I wait for the messenger and it a to me will tell, that my visa is ready. What my intentions? I simply want to meet you, and to spend very happy days. It does not oblige to something. It only will help us to learn more each other. I simply want to spend my vacation with you, and for happy days with you I am ready to give much. But the meeting cannot spoil our relations. On the contrary. I want to be your visitor all happy days. I will arrive to you for a two months or we shall solve it when I shall arrive, as a long time we shall be together. I think that you also will be happy as me. All people meet. But there is no such law what to meet is possible only after you know about the person all. On the contrary, as far as it is interesting to learn about the each other being face to face. It is much more essential than letters. You will see my eyes, I will see yours. You will touch my hand, I will touch yours. We will talk and laugh, whisper each other on an ear pleasant words, we will tell about thoughts and feelings, we will dream together and enjoy joint pastime. It so miraculous. It is such big chance to learn more about the each other. It simply a meeting of two very much close friends but as far as pleasant and long-awaited this meeting, you only think. Please forgive me, but I do not understand what you mean when you ask - " you are for real?????"? I really do not believe that you a killer because I think that a killer will not waste his time on correspondence with some lady. I also do not understand why the person who wants to find the friend or more should deceive? If there is a final goal, what sense in a deceit? Any lie eventually becomes known, and it only will bring a pain and suffering to both of people. I don't like lie and I believe that actually, quantity of fair people is much more than of false people. If a person spend time on learning other person to understand his soul and heart, I think here there is no place and sense for lie! Therefore I write to you and I believe that you are honest, as well as I. I know that you are a honest, understanding and kind person. From my life I have understood, understanding and respect the most important in Relations between the man and the woman. It so is important for understanding and respecting not only The opinion, and even opinion of other person. I studied psychology, and the main mistake Married couples is that everyone proves the correctness and does not want to recede from The opinion. Each person can be mistaken. In most cases because of Such trifles there are quarrels and scandals. In fact it is much more convenient to discuss a problem in To quiet conditions and together to find the best exit. We in Russia have saying One head well, and two is better (smile). I am right? Still I very much appreciate a true friendship. When I shall come you should acquaint me with yours Friends. I do not want to stand across you and your friends. The man should have The right to communicate only the man's company, without women. But not all time (smile). Friends should so to meet, drink in a bar beer and messages man's conversations. I will love you in the future and I love you now. I am waiting for the moment of our meeting very much. It so excites me. Yesterday when I went to bed I was thinking about you so much that I felt a little trembling in my body. I don't know why it happened to me but anyway it is something good. I am finishing writing. I am thinking of you and writing you these words. These words are coming from my heart. My heart is beating faster now because of you. I reread all your letters and love you more and more. I love you very much, I need you very much and I hope that our meeting will be very very soon. I will write you later. I am still waiting for you letters!!! I hope very much that our love is forever!!!!!!!!!!!!! The love of Natalya and Jim is eternal !!!!!!!!!!!!!! With all my love, Hot and passionate kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss for you. Natalya!

Letter 3

Hello, my king Jim! How was your day? I'm wonderful. Every day I wait with impatience for your letters. Yesterday in the evening I learnt to cook a new dish. It's a pancakes with meat. It were so tasty. Sometime I will cook only for you. You wake up in the morning and I bring you coffee. You get up, take a shower, come to the kitchen and there is ready meal there. In the evening we will have supper with candles. I yesterday went in orphanage, to treat children pancakes. If you saw as they were glad. I was glad doubly. Very much it is pleasant to me when these children are happy. It is necessary for them for happiness a little. I am very happy, that I shall soon with the beloved, and I want to divide happiness with somebody else. Of course I'll give you my address. But I am not sure if is possible to trust Russian mail. The big shame to me to inform about it, but our mail works for us not reliably. A lot of letters and parcels do not reach the addressee. I will be worried very much if your package will not reach me. If you want to send me letter, your package should have the minimal sizes and do not draw attention of custom house. My regular mail address: 624980. Russia, Serov, str. Aleksandra Matrosova. Do vostrebovaniya. Natalya and my last name Groskowa. Yesterday I began to knit a sweater for you. It will be my gift. I knit a sweater of Angora wool. Do you like a sweater? Do you like wear a sweater when in the street cool? But I am absolutely sure that you will like this sweater. I make it with such big love. I make it so studiously. It will be the best sweater in America. Color - is slightly darkest than white. Very beautiful color. I want to make on a forward part of a sweater an inscription - a name. First I wanted to make name - Natalya. But now I want to make a name - Natalya. And I do not know that you want. The name will be not big. You have 3 days to make the decision - what name you want to see on a breast. If you do not write to me, I will take the decision by itself, but I will not tell you. I will give you this sweater at the Airport. Do you like my idea? Soon we will be together and it will be wonderful. If we fated to become single whole, I believe that it will be. Our hearts are like two great oceans. They are vast and very deep yet calm an peaceful on the surface. Our feeling run very deep and they are very strong. Sometimes we get afraid we will be pulled under by the current. I dream that our two oceans will meet in a powerfull wave that will shake the very earth. And when all is done there will be one vast beautiful ocean, beautiful, powerful and forever...one heart, one ocean. Jim you have given me much more than you can realize. You are my prayer, my shelter from hopelessness and despair, only you can keep the spark in my soul burning bright. Write back as soon as possible. I'm waiting for your letter. And I'm thinking about you. Kiss you. My question to you. What do you not like in yourself? Your Natalya.

Letter 4

Hi my beloved Jim. This letter is from the almost lucky lady. Why is ''almost''? As today after my work I went to visas firm. I was told that my visa was ready at last, (I send you it's SCAN). I was most happy the person at that time. But this firm not only makes visas, it also reserve tickets. I decided to use their service again. I was told that the flight to Washington costed 901.70 USD. It was too expensive for me, and I asked them to find the cheapest variant. And they offered. It would be on the 23 NOVEMBER and cost 850.50 USD. I wondered if it was possible to reserve a ticket and to pay for it a part of the money this time and the other part later. But they refused and I was in despair. I asked them to help me so long that tears came to my eyes. And they agreed. I wasted all my money, but it wasn't enough. So I went to pawnshop and pawned silver and gold embellishments which I had from ANASTASIYA. I got 200 USD and that was enough for initial payment. I have paid in whole 450.50 USD. It was my last money. The number of the flight on which I resevered the ticket is 1:05 pm Depart Moscow (SVO) Air France 2145 / 26 Connect in Paris (CDG) Arrive Washington DC (IAD) 6:55 pm. It is very difficult for me to tell you about it. But I have done everything I can. I paid visa. I have bought the ticket on a train up to Moscow. I paid a part of the ticket. But this money is not enough. I don't want to burden you. I want to reach you with my own money but unfortunately I have failed. Now I have to pay the remaining part. It is only 400 USD. I must pay this money before NOVEMBER 13, Otherwise I will lose my money. If you love me, if you trust me and if you want to see me soon, please, send the money for the ticket before NOVEMBER 11, tomorrow morning. I understand that it is a difficult decision for you, but we must trust each other. Any union without trust is impossible if it is a union of wife and husband or a union of boy-friend and girl-friend or a union of business partners. I don't want to be hypocritical. That's why I want to tell you following: I do not think that you would like to give the love to the woman whom you don't trust. So I am. It's a first check for us. And much depends upon it, may be everything. We must trust each other. That's why I was the first who made first step. Step to you. Of course if you don't want you can not help me. It is bad but not fatal. I will lose my money. IT IS TOO BAD BUT NOT TOO FATAL . I speak so because I am in despair and confusion. Now, when we are divided only with one step, I am afraid. I am afraid that you will not help, and all my diligence will be gone. I love you and I want to be with you and the word of honour, your help is necessary for me. I have not calculated my forces. But together we are much stronger. It is much easier to go through difficulties and barrier together. I want to present you all my infinite love and fidelity. I did not want to ask you. I thought, that I can make all itself. The loneliness has made me strong. I have got used to live without the help, and to rely only on myself. I very seldom address to somebody for the help, but now I ask you to help me. I have made a step forward. Make also you a step towards to me. I hope that has not offended you. I love you and I trust. I know, that you will not throw me now when there is only one step. Tell me Jim, can you help me? If you have an opportunity please help me. I wonder how it is possible to do. There is an International Western Union (by the way, they have a website, called www.westernunion.com). You may send me money using Western Union according following data: TRANSCREDITBANK LENINA, 242A SEROV , 624991, RUSSIA. For Natalya Grozkova. To get the money, I should tell the employee of bank your full name, full address, exact amount and some confidential numbers (Money Transfer Control Number), which will be given to you, when you send the money. I love you very much! I think about you Jim every time. Forever yours Natalya.