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Letter(s) from Ilfira Natfulina to Michael (USA)
I have got your letter. Thank you, that you have found time for the reply. First of all I want to apologize for non-answering sooner. Past time I have been really busy, also I do not have a computer at home. But now I have some free time and we can talk. OK, let's go. So, my name is Ilfira. I have hazel eyes and blond hair. My height is 168 cm (probably it's about 5 feet and 6 inches). I was born on March 21 (Astrological Sign is Aries) 1976 in city Arzamas, the Nizhniy Novgorod area, Russia.
I have lived here all my life and I never was outside Russia. But I like the USA because it is the great and beautiful state. I want to find out more about this country and about people who live there. Though I never visited the USA, but I much watched TV about this country. Americans are Great Nation. I was familiar with group of the American students, who have trained for one month in Russia, at the university where I studied. I liked American people. One American girl from this group has helped me to register a profile on a Dating Site. I was not able to do it myself, because I know a computer at the lowest level. Yesterday she has left for the Japan to continue her training. And I would like to find a new friend or may be even a husband on all my future life. For this reason I began to study the English language strenuously. But I still know English not so superb. Nevertheless I study it constantly. Also I almost do not know American slang (sleng?). I'm dated through the Internet for the first time, therefore I apologize, if I have made something incorrectly. If you have any questions, you can ask me. I will try to answer them. I thank you beforehand.
I wait with impatience for your reply.
P.S. I have attached my pic as I promised.
Hi, my dear friend Michael
I waited for this minute with impatience to answer you.
Your letters have become so close to my heart that I am glad to them like a baby.
you write so beautiful letteres, I have never heard such words in Russia. I think that Russian men don't know such words at all. Your words are so pleasant that I feel myself on the heavens. Please, write me every day at least two words, then I will know that everything is OK.
I will be calm for you and won't worry.
About love at first sight, if I didn't believe it then I would not be talking with you.
Every ones in a while you see a light peaking through under a door. It acts as an invitation. Your first email was a small light, when I opened the door on the other side was a whole new world that I have never seen with you as the sun. Beautiful,amazing, and full or wonder.
This relationship we have started via email is the begining of a life long friendship that might blossom into some thing more? Love is such intoxicating narcotic, which makes do mad, but sometimes funny actions.
Only person in love can fill the whole bath with champaign, only person in love can present the million of scarlet roses or stand whole night under balcony of the loved woman singing serenades.
Answer me one question. You the quick-tempered person?
Yesterday I talked with my boss, I asked him to use Internet at least 30 -45 minutes a day. He promised to think about it. I cant let him deprive me my private live how much it cost me.
May be today after work I will go home by foot. I like to walk along the street and to breath fresh air, especially when the weather is warm.
As a matter of fact I don't want to go home. It is very boring and lonely at home. Sometimes I don't mention it, but sometimes when I come home with good mood, I want to talk very much, to share thoughts with anybody, to have fun. But my flat is empty and I have to be in full solitude. And my good mood disappears. I simply sit down in an arm-chair and look at the window. And when the silence deafen me when I hear as My blood flows in my veins, I hear movement of my eyelashes, at that moment becomes unbearably and my heart compresses.
I don't know how to struggle with it. I can listen to music or read a book. But in some moment I understand that I just deceive myself.
In fact I want a beloved person to be near me, with whom I could spend evenings, to meet morning, to speak about yesterday and to dream about tomorrow day. I want to walk and to feel a strong man arm holds me. I don't want to cook meals only for myself. I want somebody to appreciate it. But enough about it.I should finish the letter. I having not enough time.
Hi Michael, again. I began writing the letter in the morning. Now it is 5 p. m. already. Can you imagine? I have just trained a little boy's.
I asked him: What do you dream about? He answered that he dreams to become a grownup. It was so funny. I often remember childhood. I always dreamed to become a grown up as soon as possible. As every child I completely believed that grownups don't have problems at all. I dreamt in the childhood and I dream now. Of course, the world of dreams is an illusive world. We live in a real life, so we can't to sink into the world of dreams and phantasies for long. When a dream becomes obsession, it can bring only pain and disappointment. Practically dreams do not always realize. It happens that you use all power, all aspiration to make the dream come true. But as much you try, not all in this life depend on us. When the dream for a long time does not come true, as though you did not try, dream ceases to be that star, which was for you lighthouse in ocean of the life, which illuminated your way.
But anyway, I think that it is impossible to live without dreames and hopes. When there is a dream, the life is filled with sense. The dreams are those things that do us people that distinguishes us from the whole rest alive world. The dreams contribute variety in ordinary and grey life.
The dreams force to think, analyse, choose and come to a conclusion. The Faith and Hope - an eternal satellites of our lifes. And regardless of what waits you at the end, joy of the victories and subordinated tops we remember better, than disappointment and pain of the defeats. You agree with me?I am surprised that I write you all this. I have never had a person, with whom I could share my thoughts. But now I have found you, and I am very glad. Forgive me for my frankness. If I said something superfluous forgive me please. Do you like when your friends come to your home? What clothes do you like the lady wear? I will wait for your letter with impatience.
Hi my heart and my soul Michael! I have a friend Michael, and I always think of him, I want to know all about him. Absolutely all! (Smile). Tell me about your thoughts and dreams. And now I'll do it.
Yesterday my boss informed me that I would have a vacation approximately in 2-3 weeks, but I wasn't pleased. I didn't expect that I would receive a vacation. But schedule, that constituted by boss canOt be change. I have begun to cry, because it means that I can't write to you, I can't use a computer. I was so frightened that I can lose you. I imagined that I should spend this vacation in my apartment, between four walls. I should sit in loneliness and think of you. I should aimlessly wander on streets and fall asleep with tears on eyes every night. I have been waiting for my vacation during long 3 years and now I receive them but they don't bring pleasure to me. I imagined that I should spend some weeks without you and awful emptiness had appeared in my heart. All world around became uninteresting for me and I told myself:" NO! It is not for me!" Last night I thought of us. About you and about me-about us together. I couldn't fall asleep. I had been crying for a long time because of despair. My thoughts were mixed, like inking waves during a storm, and I, like a small ship was sank in the sea of despair. With the rising of sun I calmed and hold on myself. And I have put a hard aim, the aim of all my life-to be with a man who loves me and I love him by all my heart. I thought what I can do to see you. I decided to spend this vacation with you. I thought what I can do to meet you. Simply to meet. That's all what I want now.
I have passport, and also I need an American visa. Today I have addressed in firm where the visas are made.To me advised to use tourist visa B1/B2. My visa will allow me to be in the USA 6 months. I wondered how much it would cost for me. They told me that this service would cost 335 USD. I said it was very big money, and visa couldn't be cost so much. They told that I could make all directly in Moscow where an American consulate was. But I have considered that if I shall make directly in Moscow, I will squander more money. The way to Moscow and back also residing there will cost much. I shall squander more money than 335 USD if I go there. Besides if my application isn't approved, it will turn out that I squander all money for nothing. I have been explained that it will be necessary to visit set of various departments, state and medical institutions both in Nizhniy Novgorod, and in Moscow. I must wait for a long time the queue.. This agency allows to avoid many problems and to make all for faster term. I asked how long it would take to make the visa. I was answered that it would take about a week or may be 2 if there were some troubles because of the terrible terrorist acts in USA and the conflict with Iraq. And in this agency I was told, that they need information about me from the police. If I am a law-abiding citizen, I shall get the visa. I have never outraged the law. And I have never done anything unlawful. I shall have preparation for interview. It will help me to receive the visa. I understand that our relations are not long yet, but I trust you. And I very hope so you are, as I love you. Many years I ask myself a question:O Why everything depends on money? I think that the money is not main thing in life. The main is when the people can and want to understand each other. I have some savings. And I think thatOll be enough to come to you, my sweetheart.
Our love will overcome any distances. Live for LOVE! When you Love, do it with all your might, all your Devotion and for all eternity! I really think it's better to love and fail and not having fallen in love at all. Since I started talking to you, I just can't stop thinking of you Michael.
YA CELUYU TEBYA.
I KISS YOU.
Hi my heart and my soul Michael!
How are you? I'm wonderful! Excuse me, that my letter will not be so long(smile). I have not enough time with official registration of papers. I spend all my lunch time for this purpose. To begin carry out our meeting I'll be engaged in the international documents, passage of a medical commission and other things to prepare the document of travel in your country.
Last night after my job I went to the church. I put a candle for ours with you happiness. I think that God will help us.
I'm thinking about you. I'm thinking about you constantly. At my job everybody are surprised why I'm so merry. They don't know that I'm corresponding with you. Do you believe in love? One love and forever till the end of life. I believe.
I believe in love. There are no the barriers for love. The age and distance are not important. When the people love he doesn't notice it. Do you know the name of the highest mountain of America? So I will climb this mountain and will shout: Michael! I love you! And the mountains will answer me: love-you-love-you-love-you. I believe that the day will come and our hearts will join. And the people will envy our happiness. Because we will come ourselves to our happiness. Nothing will happen if you sit and do nothing. And I believe that we will build our happiness. We will build it of the small bricks as Egyptian the Pharaones built their pyramids. And we will build our pyramid. And we will call it the love pyramid of Michael and Ilfira. I love you, my prince Michael.
I have written this letter and recalled. I have forgotten to send you my kiss. I'm kissing you my love. KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS. Your love forever Ilfira.
Hi my love Michael!
My working day has comes to an end and I am writing you now. My mood is very good. Soon we will be together. Tell me that this is true. Now I have the most intense days in my life.
I shall make the visa for the sake of you. It will be my gift for you Michael. Ok?
As a rule from 10 applicants only by one received the visa. I have paid big enough sum of money to not stand in long queue and to not wait for consideration during several months. I never thought that the commission will ask such unusual questions. Me asked about my sexual life, me asked about children, about work, about patriotism, about the attitude to America, about my conversance and awareness of events which happened in the world and in America, about my religion and belief. I have told about all my life in detail. I spoke about everything fairly as is really. To me have told that my answers are unexpected and as a rule applicants do not answer so directly and openly such questions. They have not got used to hear such answers, but they have told what to hear fair and truthful answers it is much more pleasant than word which come not from heart and reason. Children from the orphanage also have made the big impression and rendered the big influence on the commission. I have given characteristics from work.
I have shown the document on my apartment which me was left by Anastasia.
I have told the commissions directly and openly, that I dreamed to see your country, but I am sure that everything dream of it, even those who speaks that does not dream. I want to use chance, but not to remain in America. They have been surprised, because nobody spoke so openly. I have shown them all my documents testifying that I all my life lived without the father and mothers.
I have told that I all my life lived for other people and gave pleasure and happiness to another's children. What bad in that that I once will visit other country, once to receive really big pleasure in a life? They did not expect that I will tell such words. But I really spoke in all sincerity.
I simply wanted that they have understood what in my heart. And as you can believe I could convince them.What my intentions? I simply want to meet you, and to spend some happy days.
It does not oblige to something. It only will help us to learn more each other. I simply want to spend my vacation with you, and for some happy days with you I am ready to give much. But the meeting cannot spoil our relations. On the contrary. I want to be your visitor some happy days.
I will arrive to you not for one year and for a month.
I think that you also will be happy as I. All people meet. But there is no such law what to meet is possible only after you know about the person all. On the contrary, as far as it is interesting to learn about the each other being face to face. It is much more essential than letters.
You will see my eyes, I will see yours. You will touch my hand, I will touch yours. We will talk and laugh, whisper each other on an ear pleasant words, we will tell about thoughts and feelings, we will dream together and enjoy joint pastime. It so miraculous. It is such big chance to learn more about the each other. It simply a meeting of two very much close friends but as far as pleasant and long-awaited this meeting, you only think. Now I wait for the messenger and it a to me will tell, that my visa is ready.
I think that you are a honest, understanding and kind person. From my life I have understood, understanding and respect the most important in Relations between the man and the woman. It so is important for understanding and respecting not only The opinion, and even opinion of other person. I studied psychology, and the main mistake Married couples is that everyone proves the correctness and does not want to recede from The opinion. Each person can be mistaken. In most cases because of Such trifles there are quarrels and scandals. In fact it is much more convenient to discuss a problem in To quiet conditions and together to find the best exit. We in Russia have saying One head well, and two is better (smile). I am right?
Still I very much appreciate a true friendship. When I shall come you should acquaint me with yours Friends. I do not want to stand across you and your friends. The man should have The right to communicate only the man's company, without women. But not all time (smile). Friends should so to meet, drink in a bar beer and messages man's conversations.
I will love you in the future and I love you now. I am waiting for the moment of our meeting very much. It so excites me. Yesterday when I went to bed I was thinking about you so much that I felt a little trembling in my body.
I don't know why it happened to me but anyway it is something good. I have strong embraced a lion Michael, and have fallen asleep. I am finishing writing. I am thinking of you and writing you these words. These words are coming from my heart. My heart is beating faster now because of you. I reread all your letters and love you more and more. I love you very much, I need you very much and I hope that our meeting will be very very soon. I will write you later. I am still waiting for you letters!!!
I hope very much that our love is forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The love of Ilfira and Michael is eternal !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
With all my love,
Hot and passionate kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss for you.
Hi my love Michael!
I'm wait the moment when we will be together, I think I would give back all for being with you. My hear beats faster when I think about this thing I mean our meeting. When it happen I will be very happy. I want to kiss you, I want to take your hand and to feel the heat of your hand, I want to to glance into your eyes and read the love in it, I want to feel your breath and to hear the knock of your heart. I want to listen to your voice and to see your smile, I want to see you when you happy. I want to learn you... because I LOVE YOU!!!
I think you know about it. I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!!!!
The love of Ilfira and Michael is eternal !!!!!!!!!!!!!! With all my love, Hot and passionate kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss for you.
Yesterday I began to knit a sweater for you. It will be my gift. I knit a sweater of Angora wool. Do you like a sweater? Do you like wear a sweater when in the street cool? But I am absolutely sure that you will like this sweater. I make it with such big love. I make it so studiously. It will be the best sweater in America. Color - is slightly darkest than white. Very beautiful color. I want to make on a forward part of a sweater an inscription - a name. First I wanted to make name - Ilfira. But now I want to make a name - Ilfira. And I do not know that you want. The name will be not big. You have 3 days to make the decision - what name you want to see on a breast. If you do not write to me, I will take the decision by itself, but I will not tell you. I will give you this sweater at the Airport. Do you like my idea?
Soon we will be together and it will be wonderful. If we fated to become single whole, I believe that it will be. Our hearts are like two great oceans. They are vast and very deep yet calm an peaceful on the surface. Our feeling run very deep and they are very strong. Sometimes we get afraid we will be pulled under by the current. I dream that our two oceans will meet in a powerfull wave that will shake the very earth. And when all is done there will be one vast beautiful ocean, beautiful, powerful and forever...one heart, one ocean. Michael you have given me much more than you can realize. You are my prayer, my shelter from hopelessness and despair, only you can keep the spark in my soul burning bright.
Write back as soon as possible. I'm waiting for your letter. And I'm thinking about you.
P.S. Write the full name of the airport closest to you.
Hi my prince from a fairy tale! Hi my king from a real life!
Hi my Michael!
Thanks for your letter. I am very glad. I now always cheerful because I think of you. The thought about you warm me.
I should tell to you what happened today at night. Today there was an awful night. At night when I already slept, I have heard some squeak. Someone tried to open my door. I have heard that someone tries to open the lock in my door. I very much was frightened. I did not know what to do. I have risen, but could not pronounce any word. I very much was frightened and afraid to approach to a door. Legs did not obey me. Me as though has paralysed. Then this sound has disappeared, but the one who was behind a door apparently began to try to break a door. The tree crackled and crunched. I have begun to cry and did not know what to do. I always counted myself courageous, but during that moment I have become puzzled.
The door already has almost opened, because the door-jamb has already broken. But then suddenly all has stopped. Probably he was frightened off by someone. I sat on a bed and have been very much frightened. I have included light. I knew that if someone will want to penetrate into my apartment, I cannot call somebody to the aid at all because I at all have no phone. A door in my apartment very old and not strong. In our city very much frequently plunder apartments. And not only when owners are not present a house but also when an at home somebody is. It is enough to open a door. Plunder in masks. It do the young guys, which 16 - 18 years old. A bulk from them - addicts. They at all do not choose is it rich apartment or not. Take away everything, that it is possible to sell. Even old things. They have special metal mounts which insert between a door and a jamb and break a door. By radio constantly warn, that people did not open a door not to familiar people.
I very much was frightened. My heart beat with mad speed. You do not represent, as it is terrible to live, when anybody beside is not presentand nobody can protect. I have felt completely defenceless. I thought of you. Thought, that you now there, far, and at all do not know, how to me it is terrible now. I lain in a bed with included light and thought of you. I could not fall asleep more this night. It was bad night. But now everything is all right.
I shall finish my letter. I need you and I dream to be with you Michael.
I send you all my tenderness and love.
Kiss you 1000 times.
Hi Michael. I can't still believe and I am afraid to whammy but it seems to me that my dream is beginning to come true. That's why I say:
Hello, my long-awaited Michael!
Now I think all the nights that soon I will see you. I have already imagined for thousands times this meeting, but even now I can't describe what our meeting will be. I am sure in one thing that it will be one of the most beautiful days in my life.
Now, when I think about it my heart begins beating strong in my breast and I feel a nice trembling in my body. I can't wait for the moment when I sit into the plane which will take me through thousands kilometres to you Michael, to my dream.
Here in my town last time the days are so long and boring. But I think that nothing can spoil my mood, because I am far away from here in my thoughts, because all my dreams are about you Michael and about our meeting.
I want to close my eyes and open them only at the moment when you meet me at the airport. I imagine how I go down on stairway and you are coming to me. And I want to rush to your embrace hear your voice, feel your smell and tell you in both languages what I will feel at this moment. I so really imagine all this. I am full with feeling that all this is happening now. And I feel for the first time that I am a beloved and desired. And I am ready to thaw in your embrace. I am thawing already now.
My day was wonderful.I want to tell you my sleep-dream this night. It was something. It was greatful.
Everything began in the morning(It already my dream). I didn't understand what day it was. But I think it was a weekend because you did not go to work. We woke up, took a shower, had breakfast and you offered to spend the day on nature. I didn't refuse your suggestion. We have gone to garage. But there were no automobiles in garage. There there were two big, beautiful, magnificent horses. They were so wonderful. You have sat on your horse and I sat on my. You said: Well, horse of cowboy Michael, let's go. I loved and said: Well, little horse of lady Ilfira, let's catch up cowboy Michael. We went out of the garage and we shouted - LET'S GO!!!!!!!!!!
I looked back and understood that I saw the house for the first time. It was a wonderful building.
We were riding for a long time. We overtook each other and then we reached a forest. The trees greeted us making noise with leaves. The grass near the road bended down as if it greeted us. I was surprised. It seemed to me that we got into a magic forest. The road on which we rode led to the river.
We stopped. You offered to walk. I agreed with you. We went along the river and saw a water-falls.The water was falling very beautifuly. But then I saw that there is a stone in the middle of the water-fall. We came nearer and notice that the stone looked like a heart. Then you said: Darling Ilfira, even the nature greets you. Then I answered you: No, the nature greets you, Michael. We argued and laughed. We decided that the nature greeted both of us. We were happy. I stood and watched the water falling. Suddenly I felt that something laid on my shoulder. It was your hand. I turned to you. I wanted to kiss you very much. And only I prepared.............I heard some ringing. I woke up. It was my alarm-clock. It was time to get up. I was so disappointed. How is it?
So pity that it was only a dream. But soon we will embody all our dreams in a reality.
Your love forever Ilfira.
Today's my letter contains two news. The first news: My visa at last is ready, and I send you its scan. When I've got my visa, they have told me, that I am very lucky woman and that it is very big success, that I got my visa so quickly. Also they have told that I'm very successful and lucky lady. I was so glad. But now I have no any pleasure. Only tears. Why? One moment, I will explain to you below. And the second news: My visas firm can reserve tickets, and I used its services again. I asked them how I can reach Seattle and how much it costs. They have answered me, that the ticket costs $2,013.00 USD. I asked them to find cheaper tickets, because this price is expensive for me. They answered that they had a cheaper ticket but the beginning of the flight is 27-Jul. It costs $1050 I asked them to reserve a ticket. But they refused. I tried to convince them, but they did not agree. Then I wondered if it is possible to pay a part of the money now and the other part later. They have not agreed again. I spoke with them for a long time and I managed to persuade them. They agreed. We agreed that I would pay a part of the price today and the other part later. I have been compelled to pawn my jewelry which I have from Anastasia. I have pawned it in a pawnshop for 120 USD. It has sufficed for an initial payment. I paid $650 USD. It was my last money. The number of the flight on which I reserved the ticket is:
1:30 pm Depart Moscow (SVO) Delta 31
Arrive Seattle (SEA) 10:10 pm American Airlines 289
It is very difficult for me to tell you about it. But I have done everything I could. I have paid for my visa. I have bought the ticket on a train up to Moscow. I paid a part of the ticket. But this money is not enough. I didn't want to burden you. I wanted to reach you with my own money but unfortunately I failed. Now I have to pay the remaining part. It is only $400 USD. I have to pay this money before Tuesday morning. Otherwise I will lose my money. If you love me, if you trust me and if you want to see me soon, please, send the money for the ticket before Tuesday morning. I understand that it is a difficult decision for you, but we must trust each other. Any union without trust is impossible if it is a union of wife and husband or union of boy-friend and girl-friend or union of business partners. I don't want to be hypocritical. That's why I want to tell you following: I do not think that you would like to give the love to the woman whom you won't trust. Also I would not like to give my love to the man which I won't trust. This is a first test for us. And much depends upon it, may be everything. We must trust each other. That's why I was the first who have made the first step. Step to you. Certainly, if you do not want, then you may not help me. It is bad but not fatal. I will lose my money. It is bad too, but not fatal too. I speak so because I am in despair and confusion. Now, when we are divided only with one step, I am afraid. I am afraid that you will not help, and all my diligence will be gone. I love you and I want to be with you and the word of honour, your help is necessary for me. I have not calculated my forces. But together we are much stronger. To pass through difficulties and barrier it is together much easier. I want to present you all my infinite love and fidelity. I did not want to ask you to help. I thought that I can make all myself. The loneliness has made me strong. I have got used to live without the help, and to rely only on myself. I very seldom address to somebody for the help, but now I ask you to help me. I have made a step forward. Please make a step towards me. I hope that I have not offended you. I love you and I trust. I know that you will not throw me now when there was only one step. Tell me Michael, can you help me? If you have an opportunity you may help me. I wondered how it is possible to do. There is an International Company, which deals with money transfers. Its name a westernunion (by the way, they have a website www.westernunion.com). It has Offices in many cities and countries. There is an Office in my city. If you want and if you can help me, you may send me money using westernunion according following data:
REVOLYUTSII PLOSCHAD 7A
NIZHNY NOVGOROD , 603950
For Ilfira Natfulina
To get the money, I should tell the employee of bank your fullname, your address, exact amount and some confidential numbers (Money Transfer Control Number), which will be given to you, when you will send the money. I love you very much! I thought about you Michael every time. I never cease to think about you!
Right now I'm in Moscow and I write you this message from the Cyber Cafe. And I have one trouble. I have paid money for my visa. My ticket we have bought together with you. But it was insufficiently for our meeting. The men from Airport Service has told me, that I should have extra money not less than 500USD to get to USA. I have answered, that I haven't extra money, and it was the truth: when I've left my home I've had American visa, air-ticket up to Seattle, the train-ticket and a little money(about 800 Russian rubles for a meal and other charges) They have explained me that extra money is necessary to convince the American Government, that I'm a decent(right) girl, and when I will get on the American territory, I shall not become the tramp or the prostitute, and that I should have money for the hotel as any tourist. I have told them, that I really am tourist and I have shown them my tourist visa. But the man has smiled and has told me that he never saw tourists without money. These words have offended me very strongly. I have told them, that in Seattle I will be met by my beloved man, and that I fly directly to him. I wanted to give them your address, but they have refused call to you. Unfortunately your address was for them not too convincing argument. He has demanded from me to show him at least 500 American Dollars. And I have answered, that I have no such money. I was confused. I for a long time swore at them. But in any case I should pay 500 USD. Otherwise I will not get aboard the plane. But you should not worry, because I will get this money back, when I arrive to Seattle.
RUBLEVSKOE SHOSSE, 22 KORP 1
MOSCOW , 121615
For Ilfira Natfullina.
My love Michael as soon as possible send me 500 USD