Letter(s) from Natalia Vedernikova to Tony (USA)

Letter 1

Hi Tony! I'm Natalya from yahoo. First of all I want to apologize, that I did not answered you for a long time. Please do not be angry with me. Unfortunately I had no opportunity to write to you sooner. Please forgive me for a delay. I hope you are not offended. I hope you will write me and will not hold evil. I am very glad that you have answered my letter. Thank you that you have found time for answer. I do not know what to write to you in my first letter because I never wrote letters and did not get acquainted on the Internet before. But I think will be correct if I will start to tell about me from the very beginning because I was first, who has written first letter. I really do not know as far as my life is interesting to you, but I think, if something will be not interestingly for you, you will tell me about it. Probably I should begin my letter with the most important thing as I have not told to you about it in my first message to you. Probably you will be very much afflicted when you find out that I live not in your state(country). But I very much hope that it does not frighten you, because I the same lady like many other ladies living in the different countries. I the same person with heart and soul. And if your interest is not limited by distance or borders, I really will be very glad. My country is Russia. Our country is located on continent named Eurasia. Russia is very big state(country) and occupies very big area. Capital of Russia is Moscow. I was born and I live now in village(little town) Panino. In Russia the village is a small settlement in which just a few thousand, or a few hundreds inhabitants. My village is village of town type. We have the same houses as in large Russian cities. But in comparison with the big cities, our village is considered as very small village of course. Probably if you want to have the best representation about where I live, I should tell to you that my village is located close to the big city named Woronezh. It's our regional center. Very big city. Woronezh is located on distance of 550 kilometers from Moscow. In the childhood I dreamed to be a ballerina or figure skater. But at conscious age my interests have changed. When I has appeared before a choice - where to receive higher education, I have understood that I want to be a economist(bookkeeper). I always showed big interest to knowledge of this area. On this, at that time I already knew absolutely exact that I will be bookkeeper, and I do not regret about my choice. My education consist of three steps. School - College - University. I began to get education in the comprehensive school. After I finished it I entered the college. I finished it with excellent results and entered the University. At this time I work in small building company. I work as a bookkeeper. Very interesting work though many my girlfriends disagree with me. I already spoke you that my name is Natalya. But in Russia actually each name has some forms, for example such as - the reduced form or the diminutive-caressing form or pet name. On this also my names is - Natasha. Tony I promised to share with you my picture, I fulfil my promise with worry and with pleasure. In addition to a picture I want to tell that I am blonde. My height is 5 feet 6 inches. My weight is 115 pounds. And of course you should know that I am 25 years old. My birthday - on March, 23, 1979 I understand that all people have various tastes and interests, but I sincerely hope that my picture and my appearance will be pleasant for you. But if my appearance doesn't conform to your tastes and interests, I will understand you, of course. I the optimist at heart and it's frequently helps me in my life. I already adult woman, and I look at a life with a philosophical shade. But as though I did not try to inspire myself that I absolutely happy woman, I cannot do it. I have good friends, I have work and an apartment. But there are things without which people cannot be happy. And for me it's not material things, but spiritual. I have written to you the first and it means that I am ready to share with you my thoughts. I am very glad and grateful to you for that that you have answered me because I have decided to take only one chance in dialogue through e-mail. And if my letter to you would remain without your answer, I think I would not use this way second time. Anyhow, I hope that you, as well as I, have interest in our dialogue, and I will wait your answer. In the end of my letter I want to ask you the most banal questions. I want to ask you what music you like, what movies you prefer and have-whether favourite movie. These questions are really interesting for me because I like American movies and American music very much. I with pleasure will tell to you about it in my next letter if you really want to learn more about me. Do you like your job, Tony? Have you ever had experience in correspondence with a friend from other country? Maybe you more skilled in this plan than I'm? I thank you for your answers beforehand. If you do not want to answer these questions, please do not answer. It simply my female curiosity. I will be very grateful to you also if you share with me your pictures. I thank you beforehand. I am sorry once again that I did not answer your letter for a long time. Forgive me, but I had no opportunity to take advantage of a computer. I will explain to you later - why. With the best regards. Natalya

Letter 2

Hi, Tony (English) Privet, Tony (Russian) Today I had so much work that I was afraid that I wouldn't have time to get your letter. And I have to say that this frightened me. But now I have found free time and very glad. Thank you for your kind letter. My last letter was sad. That's why today I will try not to write about sad things. Then now I am smiling and have a good mood. As a matter of fact today all the colleagues have a good mood because today we found out that On Wednesday The Moscow Zoo would come to Woronezh for touring. This is a great news because The Moscow Zoo Is the biggest zoo in the country. So everybody discuss only this news. Everybody wants to visit the ZOO because the tour will last only for several days. I like animals very much and I have never seen Moscow Zoo. I like horses very much and think that these are the most beautiful animals in the planet. As matter of fact I have always dreamt to have some pets - a cat or a dog. But when I think that a little puppy will wait for me at home alone I feel pity. That's why I don't have pets. I always wait for weekends with impatience, because I get tired mentally and physically at the work. That's why weekends are the only possibility for me to rest and to get new forces. Weekends I spend differently. Sometimes I want simply to rest in my apartment. I like my apartment - little and cosy. On weekends I always clean the apartment properly. I like purity. And though I always try to keep my apartment clean, there is always something to do about the house on weekends. But when I want really to relax I listen to music or read books. I like to read books especially historical novels about ancient Russia or other countries. I like to spend time in nature in the open air very much. The camping is very popular in Russia. I adore to go to the forest and to live in a tent though now I have seldom such an opportunity. I like to look at night fire. I like to look at the stars very much. In August the sky is strewed with stars. It is incredible beautiful. I like to cook on the fire. There is no more wonderful when in the air the fragrances of forest, river and smoke mix together. I am romantic undoubtedly. I really like cooking. I know that I do it well, because I started cooking from childhood. My mother taught me many things including cooking. She said: "Lady who can cook well don't have disadvantages and demerits, because tasty food is a way to the man's heart. May be she is right. I like Russian dishes and my favourite dish is hodgepodge ( in Russian we call it okroshka). I am not sure if you know such dish. This is a Russian national dish. What dishes do you prefer Tony? Looking back at your life would you like to change something? I have to finish. I hope my letter was not stodgy and uninteresting. I will wait for your letter with impatience. I wish you peace and kindness. Natalya. P.S This picture was made on Black sea.

Letter 3

Hi my friend, Tony!!!! I am very glad that you have written. Many thanks. You have again raised my mood and have placed a happy smile on my face. By the way Tony, today I went to job being absolutely confident that you write to me today. Earlier I always went with an thought that you probably yet have not written, but today for the first time I went with an thought that your letter waits for me already. I went on the street and I smiled. I could not hide my smile. People which passed near to me looked back on me. Ladies in Russia smile rarely, because life is filled with different problems, cares, difficulties and obstacles. All this prevails over little fortunes which the lady has in her life. In Russia the lady stands on the same stair as the man already for a long time. She can do the same work as the man can. Very often In Russia the lady does the man's work - the heavy physical work. In the 19th century one Russian poet wrote about Russian woman: "Russian woman can enter in the burning house and she can stop frightened horse running towards her". The only thing she lacks is simple warm and caress, which she wants to receive from a man. This is the problem of Russian men. The Russian lady does everything for the man but doesn't get anything from him. All what she needs is at least a couple of tender words and gentle touching of his hands. Is it really so difficult? Is it really difficult to present your lady a romantic evening and a supper with candles? In Russia as a rule such gift give lady for a man, but not a man for lady. When a woman carry heavy bags in the street no man will help her, he will only turn his look away and go farther. That's why the Russian lady never feels happy at her heart. You say that I am beautiful. In Russia I am not considered like a beautiful lady. Russian men, practically all of them, usually treat to ladies disrespectfully. They consider that woman only have to work, to cook, to wash cloths and entertain the man when he wants. For the Russian man it is a usual thing to offend a woman. I like to cook and to wash cloths but sometimes I would like to receive simple caress, love and attention. I don't want to offend all the men. Of course there are good men in Russia, but there are few of them. Men frequently speak dirty words (not normative lexicon) when speak with lady and consider that in it there is nothing bad. I had boyfriend. We had good time together. He was kind. But he liked to drink. When he got drunk he became an absolutely other person. He talked with me with bad and dirty words. The time passed and his love to alcohol became a habit. He became another person - rude and evil. Has taken a great interest in beating me, frequently struck and knocked me by hands and the next day he smiled and talked with me as if nothing had happened. I began to be afraid of him and and I have left him. My soul was wounded very much. After this I couldn't make myself get acquainted with another man. Now I don't trust Russian men. I am afraid to give my love but get in lieu thereof the roughness. If you have disagreements with lady, you can apply roughness? Do you capable to transform quarrel into the peace, pleasure and a smile? Your.Natalya

Letter 4

Hi, my far, but dear friend Tony. Many thanks for your letter. It was the long-awaited letter. I am really madly glad to receive your letter. I am really glad that I have found you. I should tell to you that I have ocean of emotions and sensations which I had no in my heart before. And on this, my reason and my heart say me that I should answer by sincerity your constant sincerity. My heart and my reason says me that I should tell what I feel now because it is a part of our friendship and I should share it with you.I didn't want to offend or upset you in anyway, and it really bothered me that saying something wrong may do that. I normally speak directly from my heart, and I am right now, but sometimes, words must be carefully chosen. I feel somewhat lost when I have no opportunity to use a computer to read your letter. In my soul, I feel contentment and joy when I think of you. I have never done this in my life, (tried to initiate a relationship halfway across the world), and I might have much to learn about how to proceed, but I am more than willing to learn whatever it takes to succeed if that is your desire as well. I also believe that couples should be the best friends possible, which trust and share with each other everything that they feel. I do not know if my word and thoughts make sense to you, and I try very hard to put them in typed words that you will feel and understand. I believe in God, and I believe that I have been put through trials to prepare me for meeting a man with whom I will spend the rest of my life loving, to better appreciate him, respect him and cherish the love, that he would give; only asking that I return the same. I hope that my words and letters are not boring to you, but they are much more than mere words, they are my thoughts and feelings, and I send them out to you. I very much desire that you find it in your heart and are comfortable with sharing your personal feelings with me, I wish to know you on a more intimate level, I would like you to share your dreams, your hopes, your feelings of the heart with me, I truly wish to connect with you on a level that goes way beyond mere friendship. Please do not think me foolish for thinking these things, I believe that in order for anything to succeed, you have to be honest, and that is what I am doing with you. Could you close your eyes for just a minute, and think and dream of what a life we could share, what it would be like, the fun of learning each other. I really believe that dreams do come true for people which dare to believe in dreams, because if they believe in them hard enough, dreams could become in reality. I guess that you are shocked that I feel this way, but here, where I was raised, the gift of true love from a man is something that is more similar to a Mirage or self-deception, rather than mutual feeling which two enamored people can give each other. I hope that I am not rambling on with my words. I have so much that I wish to share with you, and each time I write to you, I feel there is never enough time to say everything that I want to say, and I always feel that I have forgotten something important that I wanted to share with you. Tony, when I speak of you and I think of you, it does not matter for me what anyone else thinks. I want to tell that you are very beautiful for me. I mean, I find that you are not only attractive as a man, I also speak of the beauty that is within you, beauty of your internal world, and alas, this particular type of beauty is very special and rare. Most men have only appearances, but not have beauty inside, and this is where true beauty is. This, is that for me is the most important and significant in all limits of my character, my soul and my consciousness. Your words spoken to me with so much kindness and care, they express the beauty within you. I think that you are truly handsome, the essence of what beauty should be, and there is nothing that anyone could say to me that would compel to change my mind even a little bit. I want to reduce essence of all my letter only to one thought. I do not know if I could clearly explain all my thoughts and feelings, which overflow me now, or not. I want to tell that I feel, we become very good friends and I really enjoy our friendship. I aspire to learn you more and I dare to hope that you suppose a thought that our relations can develop more than it enough for simple friendship. It is that way which I feel. As always I hope that my letter finds you in good health and spirits, and I hope that every yours wish you have comes true one day. I will look forward to your reply as always with anticipation and impatience.... With tenderness, Natalya

Letter 5

Hi my Tony! How your mood? Any your mood today I want to try to make even better. This morning I didn't go to my job, because this morning I flew to my job. Today I came to my job beforehand. And I was first who came to the office. And I was happy all the day. My colleagues were surprised. They have asked me why I'm so happy. And I have simply answered that I have good mood. I have understood long ago but was afraid to admit to itself, that I have found to you feeling which did not feel before. I want to understand what in my heart. I want to feel your breath. I don't know, what's happened with me. Likely I can be named strange lady, but I have grown fond of your soul and heart. The rest is not important for me. For me the material world is not important. Only the world of calmness, fidelity and pure heart. It didn't happen to me before. The weather is sunny today. The sun brings joy. I'm glad that I have friend Tony, and Tony has me, Irina. Tell me about your thoughts and dreams. I want to know all about you. Absolutely all! BUT! Yesterday my boss informed me that I will have a vacation approximately in 2 or 3 weeks. Last night I thought of us. About you and about me. About us together. I couldn't fall asleep.I thought what I can do to see you. I decided to spend this vacation with you. I thought what can I do to meet you. Simply to meet. It's all that I want now. I have a passport, but I don't a visa to your country. Today I have addressed visas agency. I wondered how much it will cost for me to make American visa. They told me that consideration of the application on reception of the visa costs 100 dollars. This sum does not come back even in that case if my application will not be approved. And for getting a visa is necessary to go to Moscow where there is an American consulate. They have told that I will must visit set of various departments, state and medical institutions both in Woronezh, and in Moscow. It is necessary to wait for a long time the queue. It is a usual way of getting a visa and procedure of reception can be delayed for some weeks or even months. Besides if my application will not be approved, it will turn out that I squander money all for nothing. I said I can't wait so long. To me have told that is possible to avoid set of problems and to make all in faster terms if to use full package of service. Full package of service includes additional payments for a category of the visa, consular services, preparation for Interview with commission, interview. The full package of service costs 335 dollars, but the visas agency remove all problems and thus increases the chance of getting a visa without excessive delays. I asked how long time it will take to get a visa If to use a full package of service. They have answered that it will take about one week. Maybe 2 weeks if there will be some troubles. I have told that this variant satisfies me and I agree. I have asked, whether there will be troubles with visa, because there were the terrible terrorist actions in USA and the conflict with Iraq. I was answered that they will request information about me in the police. And if in the police they will be answered that I the law-abiding citizen, I will get the visa. I have never outraged the law. And I have never done anything unlawful. I will have preparation for interview. It will help me to receive the visa. And I really have registered the visa application with great belief and with great hope that you will be glad to meet me, with belief and with hope that you want to meet me. I really want to give you a gift - our meeting though I am not sure if you really want to meet me. Can you imagine that if everything will be well, in two weeks we can meet? If it would happen, would be it as a gift for you? Would be you happy if we could spend some days together? I understand that our relations are not long yet. Many years I ask myself one question: "Why everything depends on money?" I think that the money is not main thing in life. The main is when the people can and want to understand each other. I have a wild desire to meet you, to embrace you. I have some savings. I do not want to cause you a monetary outlay. I will make all myself. I know that you did not expect that I will tell all this. But it is possible to wait eternally. But in fact nobody knows that waits for us tomorrow. Maybe such opportunity will not be presented any more. I have opened to you my heart and soul. I speak what I feel. I am not confused by my feelings. I speak straight and openly. The loneliness has made me courageous. You can think that I hurry events. But I have found new feeling which never had. I am happy right now. I seem I has found what searched for long time. In Russia speak: "under a lying stone the water doesn't flow ". It mean that it is necessary to do a step onward to achieve something. I am afraid to lose an opportunity to communicate with you because I cannot eternally use office computer. But I will receive soon a vacation. During all my life I spent my vacation in my village. But now I can spend my vacation with my friend, with you! It is big happiness. I should use this opportunity. In my heart never was such confidence and feeling. And I am afraid to lose it. May be I hurry events, but I am afraid that all will be terminated, and then I will go mad. You my dear friend, and friends meet sometimes. I shall receive a vacation, it's my vacation and I want to spend it with my dear friend. I think it will be wonderful. I apologize, if have offended you. I hope, that you do not regard my words as impudence. I simply want to meet and spend some happy days with you. What will be after, I do not know. But all people meet. The distance does not frighten me. But without a meeting there can not be a continuation. I hope, that your feelings to me have not changed after that. But I want to see you to slightly becalm my tormented heart. Tell me please, can you meet me? Tell me please, you will be glad to meet me? You will be glad if I will arrive to you? I believe and I hope that I have not angered and have not offended you. I believe and I hope that you have feelings to me. I believe and I hope that you want to meet me. It can be outlined in advance by destiny. I sincerely hope that my letter has brought pleasure to you. And I sincerely hope that you want to meet me to spend some time together. And I sincerely hope that you would be happy to meet me. Would you be happy? Much tenderness from Natalya!!!

Letter 6

Hi my dear Tony! I started to do the visa. Today fine day. But only for one reason - I have received your letter. And all the rest become unimportant for me. Today I really have no opportunity to write much. Please forgive me. But I have enough time to tell to you that I thought of you and waited when the opportunity to write to you will appear. But I have time to tell the main thing. I do not know why, but today I have woken up earlier than usually. I could not fall asleep again. In the street already was sunlight. I sat near a window and began to look at street. Unexpectedly the small birdie sat down on a window and began to sing. She so beautifully sang. She looked at me and sang. The birdie at all was not afraid of me. I looked at this birdie and thought that you now somewhere there, far. I have thought that maybe you sleep and see me in your dream. And I have thought, if I was a birdie, I too would sit down to you on a window and began to sing my song. I have told to a birdie: " Fly off, my small birdie, and sing this song to my far but close friend Tony. Tell him that I think of him". And in this moment the the birdie flinch and fly off , as though she has heard my words. And I have thought, maybe this birdie really will fly to you and will sing her beautiful song. So if you Tony will see near to yourself a small birdie which beautifully sings, know that I have sent this song to you. Forgive, but I should go. I want to send you my kiss if you do not object. Your Natalya

Letter 7

Hi my Tony! I received your email. I want to tell thank you for all your emails, it gives me power and feelings. It's wonderful when in this world I am necessary to someone and someone it's you Tony. The people on any other business find the destiny,I want to trust that I has found the destiny also, I trust you Tony and I want to be yours forever. I don't want to lose you and I think you don't want to lose me also. We have feelings to each other, I don't know what you are think now, but I know for sure that I love you Tony. Today is not very warm here, but I warm by ideas and thoughts about our future, I want to be with you very much and I want it now, at this moment. I know that we are not together still, but I'm sure we will be soon if we want it. Sometimes I think that it's a nice dream which I saw, but I understand that it's not dream it's reality and I thank the destiny that I found you Tony. My girlfriends says that it's truly love, because I told them about us and about you Tony. I told them that you are the man which loves me. They say that it's great and we must don't lose our feelings. I agree with it. Many times I think about our first meeting, I want to see your eyes very much and I want to see it in reality, not in picture, I want to hear your live voice. My heart is yours and I will do all for our meeting. I love you Tony! Natalya

Letter 8

Hi my love Tony!
How are you today? I'm fine and dream a lot of our meeting. When my dreams comes true? I don't know but I hope it will be soon, do you know how beautiful when dreams come true, did you have it already? I think that if the human want something and do all for it, it will achieve the purpose beacuse if do nothing, nothing will be. I very happy because I found you in my life, I'll do all for our meeting, I want it all my heart. Did you ever think about connection of souls? I don't know but I feel that we approach each other very much. I love you Tony please write me soon, I'll wait for your email. My surname Vedernikova. I do not search Citizenship I search for love. If we shall not grow fond each other I shall come back..
I have written to you a verse.

Bright, eyes
like heaven's stars,
Lips so full
I need to know -
when will be he mine
for all of time?

His name is Tony
He is my Prince
I shall take him to the ball
to dance in front of all.
Midnight will come
though he will not run.
He will be mine
to the end of time.

I've prayed so long
for one as this.
With him beside me
we will have bliss.
Natalya

Letter 9

Hi my prince from a fairy tale! Hi my king from a real life! Hi my Tony! Thanks for your letter. I am very glad. I now always cheerful because I think of you. The thought about you warm me. I should tell to you what happened today at night. Today there was an awful night. At night when I already slept, I have heard some squeak. Someone tried to open my door. I have heard that someone tries to open the lock in my door. I very much was frightened. I did not know what to do. I have risen, but could not pronounce any word. I very much was frightened and afraid to approach to a door. Legs did not obey me. Me as though has paralysed. Then this sound has disappeared, but the one who was behind a door apparently began to try to break a door. The tree crackled and crunched. I have begun to cry and did not know what to do. I always counted myself courageous, but during that moment I have become puzzled. The door already has almost opened, because the door-jamb has already broken. But then suddenly all has stopped. Probably he was frightened off by someone. I sat on a bed and have been very much frightened. I have included light. I knew that if someone will want to penetrate into my apartment, I cannot call somebody to the aid at all because I at all have no phone. A door in my apartment very old and not strong. In our city very much frequently plunder apartments. And not only when owners are not present a house but also when an at home somebody is. It is enough to open a door. Plunder in masks. It do the young guys, which 16 - 18 years old. A bulk from them - addicts. They at all do not choose is it rich apartment or not. Take away everything, that it is possible to sell. Even old things. They have special metal mounts which insert between a door and a jamb and break a door. By radio constantly warn, that people did not open a door not to familiar people. I very much was frightened. My heart beat with mad speed. You do not represent, as it is terrible to live, when anybody beside is not present and nobody can protect. I have felt completely defenceless. I thought of you. Thought, that you now there, far, and at all do not know, how to me it is terrible now. I lain in a bed with included light and thought of you. I could not fall asleep more this night. It was bad night. But now everything is all right. I shall finish my letter. I need you and I dream to be with you Tony. I send you all my tenderness and love. Kiss you 1000 times. Your Natalya.

Letter 10

Hi My Dearest Love Tony! Today I have made the order for an iron door. I think it will be more reliable. Your love gives me force and bravery. You always in my consciousness. Your love is the air that breathes life in my body. It is the sunshine in my soul. The rain that creates rivers of emotion, that flows within me from head to toe. Your love is the warm hand that lifts me out of myself and into a world unknown till now. Leaving past sorrows behind, we will awaken in our dream together. A new beginning, a new world, with limitless possibilities. All things we thought were valuable are meaningless now. For in our love, we have found the treasures of the heart and soul. Our ways and means that had guided us well, no longer serve two hearts that are now one. We will be as innocent children, needing to taste, touch, and smell all these new things. And as adolescents, we shall taste the fruits of the flesh as if for the first time, like Adam and Eve once felt in the Garden of Eden. It will be a paradise we have never known before. With gentle caress', and kissing of lips, our passions will grow. Our hearts will beat faster, and the heat of our bodies will cause sweat to flow. And when time stands still, we will unite mind, body, and soul. In the darkness, calm and still, we will hold each other tight, and our hearts will beat as one. It is then we will truly know, that we have finally found each other, and our love will forever grow. I love you so much Tony. You are My One and Only True Love. Many hugs and kisses.