Letter(s) from Julia Egoshina to Ed (USA)

Letter 1

Hi Ed!
How your day? I hope you are glad to receive my letter because when I have received your letter I really was delighted. Many thanks.I am very glad that I have chosen you from all the others who was at the site. I had no a lot of time to look all profiles on a site. I have chosen the first profile which has liked me. Probably my hand was directed with success. It was experiment. I was not confident, in anything. I have caught fortune for its tail. Smile!!! Also I have written to you because I am admired with America. I would like to know more about this Country(State) and about its people. Also I want to study the English language better. I study the English language during 9 years and I want to know the English language in perfection. I can write and speak English, but not so is fast, as you. (Smile) Also I have one more problem: As any other woman, I have not enough dialogue with the man. In the past I had awful experience with young the man. After that I have become reserved. Therefore I have very few friends. I could not to communicate with anybody. It is now difficult for me to communicate with Russian men. But dialogue is necessary for me. And I have decided, that through e-mail with the man from other Country it will be easier to find common language. Also I am extremely shy when I first meet someone especially with men. Actually e-mailing like this is very comfortable for me. I do like to talk but sometimes is difficult to the words out when you are face to face with someone for the first time.
I hope, that you are not disappointed with our correspondence? I already adult woman, and I want to have my own family. I want to love and to be loved. I want to have children. Therefore I like adult men who can seriously look at a life and be respectful to the woman. Therefore I prefer men who is older than I. I am sure that men of this age are good husbands and fathers. I need in adult serious man. I do not want to repeat experience of my mother: We were thrown by father when I was 1 year old. Mom spoke, that he was frightened of difficulties and was not ready to home life. I know, how it is difficult to not have a close people. I am ready to give everything for my future husband and children. They won't be lonely, because I will encircle them with warm and love. People without love cannot be happy. But when near there is a close person whom you love, life becomes fine irrespective of where you live and what you have. But the loneliness fills a life with sadness. But I do not want to speak about sadness anymore. In the rest, I the usual girl. I like to listen to music, to look cinema, to dance, ski, walk in the forest. All it distract me from everyday problems. Can I ask you why you are lonely?
I wait for your Ed letter. GOOD LUCK!!!
Yours friend Julia.

Letter 2

Hi Ed!!!!
Since I started talking to you, I just can't stop thinking of you. I have a very warm feeling inside from all the things you said about how you feel when you think of me. My day brightens tremendously whenever I see an e-mail from you. My heart and soul are now connected with regardless of where you may be. When I come back from work home, I involuntarily think of you. It is much more pleasant to me to go home now. I in general like to walk along the street and to breath fresh air, especially when the weather is warm. As a matter of fact I don't want to go home. It is very boring and lonely at home. Sometimes I don't mention it, but sometimes when I come home with good mood, I want to talk very much, to share thoughts with anybody, to have fun. But my flat is empty and I have to be in full solitude. And my good mood disappears. I simply sit down in an arm-chair and look at the window. And when the silence deafen me when I hear as My blood flows in my veins, I hear movement of my eyelashes, at that moment becomes unbearably and my heart compresses. I don't know how to struggle with it. I can listen to music or read a book. But in some moment I understand that I just deceive myself. In fact I want a beloved person to be near me, with whom I could spend evenings, to meet morning, to speak about yesterday and to dream about tomorrow day. I want to walk and to feel a strong man arm holds me. I don't want to cook meals only for myself. I want somebody to appreciate it. But enough about it. Otherwise I shall sad again. I have just cured a little boy's teeth. I asked him: What do you dream about?
He answered that he dreams to become a grownup because grownups don't have problems with teeth. It was so funny. I often remember childhood. I always dreamed to become a grown up as soon as possible. As every child I completely believed that grownups don't have problems at all. I dreamt in the childhood and I dream now.
Of course, the world of dreams is an illusive world. We live in a real life, so we can't to sink into the world of dreams and phantasies for long. When a dream becomes obsession, it can bring only pain and disappointment. Practically dreams do not always realize. It happens that you use all power, all aspiration to make the dream come true. But as much you try, not all in this life depend on us.
When the dream for a long time does not come true, as though you did not try, dream ceases to be that star, which was for you lighthouse in ocean of the life, which illuminated your way. But anyway, I think that it is impossible to live without dreames and hopes. When there is a dream, the life is filled with sense. The dreams are those things that do us people that distinguishes us from the whole rest alive world. The dreams contribute variety in ordinary and grey life. The dreams force to think, analyse, choose and come to a conclusion. The Faith and Hope - an eternal satellites of our lifes. And regardless of what waits you at the end, joy of the victories and subordinated tops we remember better, than disappointment and pain of the defeats. You agree with me?I am surprised that I write you all this. I have never had a person, with whom I could share my thoughts. But now I have found you, and I am very glad. Forgive me for my frankness. If I said something superfluous forgive me please. Do you like when your friends come to your home?
I will wait for your letter with impatience.

Letter 3

Hi, Ed
I cannot explain to you in words on how you have made me feel inside over the past weeks. You have made my days sunny, the colors I see brighter, and the thought of you has made me happy. It seems like nothing bothers me now. I just think of you and my problems go away. I know we have only know each other for a short time, but I feel a connection to you. I hope that you feel the same. I can be a little eccentric at times especially when it comes to describing my feeling.
I am very glad that you have written me. Thank you very much. I like your letters very much and wait for them every day. It is very pleasant for me, to answer your letters.
Yesterday the rain with a snow was. And I was thoughtful. Sometimes, me to like, such weather. But do not think, I like all seasons. We have all 4 seasons. I like autumn in Smorodinka. Yellow leaves, gold trees. It is so wonderful to walk in the park and to listen how leaves rustle under feet, and to feel in the air the smell of arriving winter. And clouds floating in the sky; and birds are departing to the warm grounds. And at night the sky begins to cry. The rain knocks on windows and roofs.
A lightning illuminates for shares of second the empty streets. It is fine. In such weather it would be desirable to appear in a small room with a warm fireplace. Weak light and singing of a cricket. And if near there will be a beloved - it will be paradise. How you think Ed? What can be finer than romantic evening in rainy day? I at all do not know what season I like more. As well as all people, I wait for the summer in the winter, and in the summer I wait for the winter. But all the same Siberian winter is delightful. All the world around is white. Only fur-trees with the green clothes heat a look. And falls of snow bewitches. Especially in the evening.
Flows of light from a window, and on a background of black sky, small snowflakes are similar to stars. If during this moment for a long time you look at the sky - it seems that you flies through these wonderful snowflakes towards something unknown.
I like spring in Smorodinka. The world as though is born again. Air is filled with freshness. All troubles and failures thawed together with snow. The sounds of the baby birds chirping for the first time. Summer is a fine mood, the desire to learn the world, to have a rest and enjoy life. I feel that I rambling on. Forgive me. Simply now I have romantic mood.
Now, I will go back to thinking about you in my mind and in my heart and wait impatiently until I find you again in my mailbox (SMILE)! Excuse, if not receive my letters every day. I not always, have an opportunity to use a computer.
Sincerely, Julia.

Letter 4

Hi my long-awaited Ed! I waited for you, all my life.
Today I have news. Good or bad (you to decide).
Yesterday my boss informed me that I will have a vacation approximately through month. But I have not been pleased. I did not expect that I will receive a vacation, very soon. But schedule constituted by accounts department not change. I have begun to cry, because it means that I cannot write to you. I cannot use a computer. Then I have found out that lady which gives me to use her computer, maybe will receive a vacation right after me, and if it will take place I can not use a computer some months. I have imagined that I should spend my vacation in my apartment, between four walls. I will sit without an opportunity to read your letters, I will sit in loneliness and to think of you Ed. I did not take my vacation the last year, and now I shall have 2 months of a vacation, but it do not bring to me pleasure. I have imagined that I should spend some months without you and in my heart has appeared awful emptiness. All world around became uninteresting for me. And I have told to myself: "NO! It not for me!" I have told to myself- "I should be realist, cease to live in fantasy".
I thought what I can do to see you. I decided to spend this vacation with you. I thought what can I do to meet you. Simply to meet. It's all that I want now. I have a passport, but I don't a visa to your country.
Today I have addressed visas agency. I wondered how much it will cost for me to make American visa. They told me that consideration of the application on reception of the visa costs 180 dollars. This sum does not come back even in that case if my application will not be approved. And for getting a visa is necessary to go to Moscow where there is an American consulate. They have told that I will must visit set of various departments both in Krasnoyarsk, and in Moscow. It is a usual way of getting a visa and procedure of reception can be delayed for even some months. I said Krasnoyarsk it is far from me (300 km), and Moscow further away(about 4 000 km). I said I can't wait so long. To me have told that is possible to avoid set of problems and to make all in faster terms if to use Full Package of Service (FPS). FPS includes additional payments for a category of the visa, consular services, preparation for Interview with commission, interview. FPS costs 345 dollars, but the visas agency remove all problems and thus increases the chance of getting a visa without excessive delays (I can get a visa in a 2 or 3 weeks). I shall have the tourist visa. Which allows to be in America till 6 months, as the tourist. It is the most convenient visa to me. I said that this variant satisfies me and I agree. I have been thinking a lot about what it will be like to finally meet you and to have you near me. I am also a little nervous, not for any bad reason, it is just that I want so much for things between us to work out. I have only known you for a short while, but in that time I have had many days to reflect on our letters, on our desires, and on our mutual need for eachothers love. I am hopeful that the time we spend together will give me the opportunity to show you how much I have grown to love you. I never thought I would feel the way that I do after only a short time. I think there is what that cosmic connection between us, I also feel that there is something about our meeting that must be designed by fate. I have been consumed with the thought of you. I imagine us living our lives together and I am excited from head to toe. I feel that I have found somebody that can understand me and love me for it. Somebody that wants the same things in life and is not afraid to achieve it. Somebody that can see my soul and wants to join it. That's how I see you. I must get rid of the self doubts and move to our future. We are separated by boundaries, by an ocean, but our souls are linked. The link is through a simple thread of the Internet. It could be so simple to cut, but this thread is just the start of a stronger and deeper link that must follow. We will cross the boundaries the ocean, and be linked by touch. You might ask yourself what does this letter mean. It's simple, I have made a leap of faith to you. Your are in my soul. You can think that I hurry events. But understand that until we look into each others eyes we will not truely know what the heart feels. For in order for us to fill our hearts and souls with joy we must first sooth the eyes with the sight of each other and know in our hearts and minds what we say is true. You are truly the type of man I would love to meet. We cannot change our past, but we can hopefully make a brighter future if we have made poor decisions or if fate has just given us not so good beginnings.
And I really have registered the visa application with great belief and with great hope that you will be glad to meet me, with belief and with hope that you want to meet me. Tell to me Please, you can meet me at this time? Tell me please, you will be glad to meet me?
You will be glad if I will arrive to you?
Much tenderness from Julia.

Letter 5

Hi, my far, but dear friend Ed.
Many thanks for your letter. It was the long-awaited letter. I am really madly glad to receive your letter. I am really glad that I have found you. Please, READ ATTENTIVELY THIS LETTER, and try understand me as it is possible better.
I should tell to you that I have ocean of emotions and sensations which I had no in my heart before. And on this, my reason and my heart say me that I should answer by sincerity your constant sincerity. My heart and my reason says me that I should tell what I feel now because it is a part of our friendship and I should share it with you. I should tell that it was required some days to think over this letter, because I wanted to say just the right things to you. I didn't want to offend or upset you in anyway, and it really bothered me that saying something wrong may do that. I normally speak directly from my heart, and I am right now, but sometimes, words must be carefully chosen. I feel somewhat lost when I have no opportunity to use a computer to read your letter. In my soul, I feel contentment and joy when I think of you.
I have never done this in my life, (tried to initiate a relationship halfway across the world), and I might have much to learn about how to proceed, but I am more than willing to learn whatever it takes to succeed if that is your desire as well. I also believe that couples should be the best friends possible, which trust and share with each other everything that they feel. I do not know if my word and thoughts make sense to you, and I try very hard to put them in typed words that you will feel and understand. I believe in God, and I believe that I have been put through trials to prepare me for meeting a man with whom I will spend the rest of my life loving, to better appreciate him, respect him and cherish the love, that he would give; only asking that I return the same. I hope that my words and letters are not boring to you, but they are much more than mere words, they are my thoughts and feelings, and I send them out to you. I very much desire that you find it in your heart and are comfortable with sharing your personal feelings with me, I wish to know you on a more intimate level, I would like you to share your dreams, your hopes, your feelings of the heart with me, I truly wish to connect with you on a level that goes way beyond mere friendship......Probably it is love? All in comparison with you is insignificant, that it is practically impossible for me not to fall in love with you. Please do not think me foolish for thinking these things, I believe that in order for anything to succeed, you have to be honest, and that is what I am doing with you. Could you close your eyes for just a minute, and think and dream of what a life we could share, what it would be like, the fun of learning each other. I really believe that dreams do come true for people which dare to believe in dreams, because if they believe in them hard enough, dreams could become in reality. I guess that you are shocked that I feel this way, but here, where I was raised, the gift of true love from a man is something that is more similar to a Mirage or self-deception, rather than mutual feeling which two enamored people can give each other. I hope that I am not rambling on with my words. I have so much that I wish to share with you, and each time I write to you, I feel there is never enough time to say everything that I want to say, and I always feel that I have forgotten something important that I wanted to share with you. Ed, when I speak of you and I think of you, it does not matter for me what anyone else thinks. I want to tell that you are very beautiful for me. I mean, I find that you are not only attractive as a man, I also speak of the beauty that is within you, beauty of your internal world, and alas, this particular type of beauty is very special and rare. Most men have only appearances, but not have beauty inside, and this is where true beauty is. This, is that for me is the most important and significant in all limits of my character, my soul and my consciousness. Your words spoken to me with so much kindness and care, they express the beauty within you. I think that you are truly handsome, the essence of what beauty should be, and there is nothing that anyone could say to me that would compel to change my mind even a little bit. I want to reduce essence of all my letter only to one thought. I do not know if I could clearly explain all my thoughts and feelings, which overflow me now, or not. I want to tell that I feel, we become very good friends and I really enjoy our friendship. I aspire to learn you more and I dare to hope that you suppose a thought that our relations can develop more than it enough for simple friendship. It is that way which I feel. As always I hope that my letter finds you in good health and spirits, and I hope that every yours wish you have comes true one day. I will look forward to your reply as always with anticipation and impatience....
I hope that your reply is not of a harsh nature, and I look forward to its arrival.
With tenderness, Julia.

Letter 6

Hi my unforgettable love Ed.
I miss you so much that my patience is on a limit! I'm dreaming of our meeting when sleep! Yesterday I had so wonderful dream as you and I walking at the field full of blossoming camomiles! We pick them together and made the great a bouquet of them. I'm so happy to find you my only love!!! I found that all my thoughts are of you and no more else. I have a nice mood when recalling your pics in my mind. I can't wait for the time of our meeting in reality. that's will be the most wonderful and happiest moment of my life at this world!!! I can notice at me to be always in good mood when thinking of you even if something wrong around. My soul singing the song of love in expectation of our meeting. I'm dreaming it so: as I running down the a gangway and begin kissing you as insatiable. The first our night will the most romantic night in my short life!!! We'll walk and speak as much as we can. We'll kiss as yongest lovers under the calm shining of Moon. The stars will shine only for us!!!! They will smile looking as two people can't find a word to describe such a great feeling arisen between us! You know I'm crying sometimes with tears of love in to my a pillow by nights!!! Is it a love as great Shakespire describe?!!!I believe in this love and do you my love? I think you know about it. I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!!!!
I give you many kisses for good day for you. I want to see your email as soon as it is possible. I must go now because I must work for our future.
Write to me as it is possible more in detail about the closest airport.

What code has your airport? For example: SVO-Sheremetyevo Moscow Forever loving you Julia!

Letter 7

Hi My Dearest Love Ed!
Soon we will be together and it will be wonderful. If we fated to become single whole, I believe that it will be.
Today I have received the conclusion of medical survey. I am completely healthy. I have passed check, on AIDS and a HIV of illness, I am completely clean and healthy. Today I shall carry these documents in firm of visas. Now for reception of the visa, remained formal international details which will occupy still some time. As soon as something will be known still, I shall inform you at once. Do you are glad to news? I think what yes.
Your love gives me force and bravery. You always in my consciousness.
Your love is the air that breathes life in my body. It is the sunshine in my soul. The rain that creates rivers of emotion, that flows within me from head to toe. Your love is the warm hand that lifts me out of myself and into a world unknown till now. Leaving past sorrows behind, we will awaken in our dream together. A new beginning, a new world, with limitless possibilities. All things we thought were valuable are meaningless now. For in our love, we have found the treasures of the heart and soul. Our ways and means that had guided us well, no longer serve two hearts that are now one. We will be as innocent children, needing to taste, touch, and smell all these new things. And as adolescents, we shall taste the fruits of the flesh as if for the first time, like Adam and Eve once felt in the Garden of Eden. It will be a paradise we have never known before. With gentle caress', and kissing of lips, our passions will grow. Our hearts will beat faster, and the heat of our bodies will cause sweat to flow. And when time stands still, we will unite mind, body, and soul. In the darkness, calm and still, we will hold each other tight, and our hearts will beat as one. It is then we will truly know, that we have finally found each other, and our love will forever grow, in pleasure or grief, in health or illness I always shall be near to you.
I love you so much Ed. You are My One and Only True Love. Many hugs and kisses.
Julia.

Letter 8

Hi my love Ed!
Every day I thank the God that I found you in this crazy world!!! I never tired to say you Ed that I love you all my heart and I'm waiting this beautiful day when we'll be together and can speak hug and kiss. It will be the best holiday in my life. I want you in my life Ed I want to lie down to sleep with you and wake up with you Ed and everyday. I want to be yours! Today all the day I think only of you. I can not concentrate at work. I today am bad to sleep and to think of it. I dream both I dream and I dream. It is impossible to present as I shall take You for a hand also I shall tell to you these three words. My heart is beaten very much frequently when I think of it. I cried from pleasures that we have found each other.
I truly love you and want to be with you, it's my dream now but it's realizable. This day comes nearer, I feel it and I think you feel it too.
I have gently kissed you, you felt it?
I love you Ed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bye, yours Julia.
I LOVE YOU...
AND I CAN'T STOP TO TELL IT TO YOU...

Letter 9

Hi my love Ed!
This letter is from the almost lucky lady. Why is ''almost''?
As today I went to visas firm. I was told that my visa was ready at last, (I send you it's SCAN). I was most happy the person at that time. But this firm not only makes visas, it also reserve tickets. I decided to use their service again. I was told that the flight to Portland costed 1,681.30 USD. It was too expensive for me, and I asked them to find the cheapest variant. And they offered. It would be on the Fri 14-May and cost 985.00 USD. I wondered if it was possible to reserve a ticket and to pay for it a part of the money this time and the other part later. But they refused and I was in despair. I asked them to help me so long that tears came to my eyes. And they agreed. I wasted all my money, but it wasn't enough. So I went to pawnshop and pawned silver and gold embellishments which I had from my mom. I got 190 USD and that was enough for initial payment. I have paid in whole 610 USD. It was my last money. The number of the flight on which I reserve the ticket is:
10:20 am Depart Moscow (SVO) Aeroflot-Russian International Airlines 319 Arrive Portland (PDX) 5:24 pm Alaska Airlines 409 It is very difficult for me to tell you about it. But I have done everything I can.
I paid visa. I have bought the ticket on a train up to Moscow. I paid a part of the ticket. But this money is not enough. I don't want to burden you. I want to reach you with my own money but unfortunately I have failed. Now I have to pay the remaining part. It is only 375 USD. I must pay this money before May, 7, Otherwise I will lose my money. If you love me, if you trust me and if you want to see me soon, please, send the money for the ticket before May, 7, morning.
I understand that it is a difficult decision for you, but we must trust each other. Any union without trust is impossible if it is a union of wife and husband or a union of boy-friend and girl-friend or a union of business partners. I don't want to be hypocritical. That's why I want to tell you following: I do not think that you would like to give the love to the woman whom you don't trust. So I am. It's a first check for us.
And much depends upon it, may be everything. We must trust each other. That's why I was the first who made first step. Step to you.
Of course if you don't want you can not help me. It is bad but not fatal. I will lose my money. It is too bad but not too fatal .
I speak so because I am in despair and confusion. Now, when we are divided only with one step, I am afraid. I am afraid that you will not help, and all my diligence will be gone. I love you and I want to be with you and the word of honour, your help is necessary for me. I have not calculated my forces. But together we are much stronger. It is much easier to go through difficulties and barrier together. I want to present you all my infinite love and fidelity.
I did not want to ask you. I thought, that I can make all itself. The loneliness has made me strong. I have got used to live without the help, and to rely only on myself. I very seldom address to somebody for the help, but now I ask you to help me. I think, both of us want this meeting, means also charges we should divide for two. I have made a step forward. Make also you a step towards to me. I hope that has not offended you. I love you and I trust. I know, that you will not throw me now when there is only one step. Tell me Ed, can you help me? If you have an opportunity please help me. I wonder how it is possible to do. There is an International Western Union (by the way, they have a website, called www.westernunion.com). You may send me money using Western Union according following data:
Rossiya. Lesosibirsk,
United Bank- Eniuseisk, 114 Gorkogo street
For Julia Egoshina
To get the money, I should tell the employee of bank your:
1 full name
2 full address
3 exact amount
4 some confidential numbers (Money Transfer Control Number), which will be given to you, when you send the money.
Without this information, I shall be not capable to receive money.
I love you very much! I think about you Ed every time.
Forever yours Julia.

Letter 10

Hi Ed!
All is correct. How I can be in lists of passengers if I have not paid, full cost of the ticket?
As soon as I shall pay the rest for the air ticket, me will enter into the list of passengers, and I shall send you flight confirmation. I thought, you are capable to understand such simple details. I am surprised and upset with your letter. Why you think, that all this game for the sake of money. For me, money have no big value.
I was not rich, and I do not aspire to this. Money do not rule the world when it come to being happy or all the money in the world I would like to be happy first and that's with a good true men that loves life and me. Why you believe other people, instead of me? I asked to help, only because I has spent all my money. I are making such an effort to come to you. It would be almost rude of you not helped me. Anyone loving the man, should look after and help the lady. You saw my visa. It also for the sake of money, eh? I spent all my money, only for game, you so think? Your words offend me and I do not understand you. What for I do all what I do? What for I so try? I have decided to meet you. I the usual woman and I have no a lot of time for games and jokes. I have opened my soul and heart to you, and my choice is based on my feelings. I have decided to meet you, and to spend with you some happy time. And now you ask to tell me if I am not real? I do not understand you. I have decided to meet you and I do all what in my forces. But it is not enough for you to believe me? What else should I make? If I cannot meet you I will tell to you about it with hope that we will continue dialogue prior to the beginning of my vacation, because now I do not imagine a life without you. If I not can arrive to you for any reasons you again will think that I in something deceive you? Forgive me, but I cannot believe that you trust me. Now I in doubts. I shall wait your answer. If you will change your opinion, I shall try to find money itself. But if, I was on your place, it would be very a shame to me. If I, cannot find this damned money? You will be very happy, what you have kept yours 375 dollars, instead of me and our love? You love money more, than me?
Julia.