Letter(s) from Maria Marinova to Stuart (New Zealand)

Letter 1

Hello Stuart, thank you for that letter. I was expecting to receive a letter from you and now I'm happy because I've got one! You know from all that I know about you I understand that you are nice man and maybe we could know each other better and create something more from our correspondence. I would like to get more pics from you, please send if it's possible. And of course as a woman I "like" handsome and good-looking men. It would be a lie to deny that. I'm a woman and you are a good man, which again makes me dream, but it's a long way from dream to reality.
"The external-appearance" definitely looks OK, but to me (and hopefully to most women) our husbands needs more than to bee "nice looking". In the long run, the beautiful exterior gradually disappears and than, it's important that also the "interior" is OK. Well now a little bit more about myself. I myself wish for my relationship, that is build upon love and honesty, honesty is very important in my life, as trust is the main key in a relationship. I do not like lies, even though I know that some times a little white lie can be necessary. I believe that we should treat our fellow people in a way that we expect and want them to treat us. Respect towards others is also a big issue in my life. I hope and wish that I would be able to build up a relationship with these words as a main factor, with both my future husband as well as my future kids. Basically I am an ordinary woman, looking too find my "twin soul". The man I can share the rest of my life with, knowing that we are friends, lovers, wife and husband, etc, and bee there for each other in "good and bad times".
I'm really looking forward to meet you. It's much easier to get a mutual understanding "eye to eye". But in the meantime, technology will bring us "half the way". Even if I haven't got computer at home, but I'm able to use one in Internet cafe, so it's possible for me write you everyday.
Stuart your life sounds good and interesting. And I really would like to know you better and then to meet you some day, but at first we need to know each other better I think. I learned English in school and then in University. And I don't use any translator, just write myself. But I usually speak Russian and I don't speak English in my daily life and I write quite better than speak, but I hope I'll be able to speak better. So I don't think that we will have any problem with language...I also haven't ever been abroad, but maybe some day I will be able to visit foreign country. I just trying to find nice man, I don't know why but I wasn't able to found the one here. And when one friend told me about Internet dating I decided to try it... I'll also tell you "a story about myself": It's not easy to put this down on paper, and especially since it's not my native language, but I'll give it a try. Please excuse me if I'm using too many words, or "unclear phrases", but it's difficult to find the "right words" etc. And just ask if something is unclear. Both of my parents got cancer (leukemia) when I was 17, my father died two years later and my mother when I was 22. Those years were a constant struggle with the cancer. I was extremely tired and both mentally and physically exhausted when mom died. Unfortunately my destiny was still not finished playing with me. When I was 24, my old brother became sick and died. Then two years later my husband started talking about divorce. When that "nightmare" was over I was totally worn out. The main reason for the divorce was basically that I wanted to "talk" about all the "sorrow and pain" which was inside me, and he didn't. I was deeply unhappy and disappointed by my x-husband which didn't want to "help me" handling my sorrow, and in many ways I was disillusioned with men and life in general. After that it has been hard work "getting my life together again", until I now finally is in a position where I dare thinking of the future. In hindsight I have to add that even if I then, was very very unhappy with my ex-husband, I understand that the situation definitely wasn't easy for him either. To get my life together I had to partly get the "pain out" partly laugh and smile to a lot of "ordinary daily life" difficulties.
Describing my future experiences with relationships is easy, except for my x-husband I haven't had any relationships. We married when I was 19 years old.
I know only "bits and pieces" of my future. I want to give my children a happy childhood, I want to tell them all the stories my parents and grandparents told me when I was a kid. I want to learn they to ski, and to enjoy nature, etc. And I want to show them all the amenities of our world, because I have never seen it myself...I want to take care of both my body and my soul, by doing sport and by reading and listening to good music. I want to take care of good friends etc. Basically I want to smile, laugh, "make love not war", I want to LIVE. If I want children just now...is a tricky question. I love children, but I have to admit that my first priority now is to find my second half, and to enjoy life together with him.
When, or if, I will be ready for child is difficult to say, but I hope the scars from my divorce will disappear and hopefully I soon will realize that its time for child.
But to do all this I need and want that "special someone" which want to become my second but LAST husband. I want to shear both good and bad-times with him, raise the children together and explore the world together. I want him to be my "best friend" on those occasional nights when my "old ghosts are haunting me". I want to be his lover and best friend. And I want to give this person the same unconditional love which both my parents and my grandparents gave me. And sometime in the future I will walk into the sunset together with him.
When I was young I read "A dolls house" by the famous Norwegian author Henrik Ibsen, it's stated, "The worst wound is the ones without blood". I confirm that, when I had mother struggling with cancer, it was very very tough having a husband which didn't want to be my best friend. I wanted to talk (and cry) about the pain and sorrow inside me, but he didn't want to listen. This is a long answer, with a lot of words, but I do hope you get the message.
I really hope I haven't "scared you" with my past, but that's the way it is unfortunately. But remember I'm NOT a depressed woman, yes I have some "old ghosts" but I feel WELL even if I have more "experience" than the average person of my age. Yours
I just tried to tell the truth...

Letter 2

Hello Stuart, thank you very much for your letters and these very nice pics. However it always very pleasant to hear from you, really...I'm also glad to hear that it's the same with you... You know this is really mine photos, and I'm glad you think I look better now ;)
I hope that this is the beginning of better things in the future. You express yourself and your desires very well, you know what you want and I respect that. I see that we have many things in common and we are very much alike. I am a mature woman. I know what I want in a man and I know what I want in our lives. I can and I will bend for my husband because I think if I want to live with man from another country I need to prepare to change a little to suit for him. I will compromise for my husband and perhaps I should not say this, but since I am very flexible, my husband will have his way all of the time. This is why I am very cautious to not fall for a man who will use me. I do like to cook. I like to learn recipes from my friends. As for music, I like all kinds expect for Rap and Country. Well I guess I should say that there might be one or two songs of Rap or Country that I like. The type of music I listen to depends on my mood. We have many clubs, theaters, museums and many other kinds of entertainment in Kirov. And of course here a lot of cinemas and I like to go there as much as possible and I usually go to see nice movie something about two or three times at month.
I was born here. I live alone and I am not dating anyone at this time. Stuart, if you would like to ask me about anything, feel free and ask, I will answer with pleasure. Just I think if we both want to know each other better we need to know more. And also feelings, thoughts, desires etc...
I really, truly wish to have a man who has inner beauty, a warm and loving heart. I need a man I can hold and hug every day and every night. I want to look into his eyes and tell him I love him and I want to make him the happiest man on Earth. I will always work to keep him the happiest man on Earth. My husband will always come first in my life. My husband will be everything to me. My husband will be my life; he will be the air in my lungs. I know that life in another country may not be easy for me at first. But life isn't easy at all...very fast, sometimes you may think that time always don't enough, sometimes I think if I could not sleep I could do everything in time ;) I want my husband to be with me during these times and I want him to hold me and help me to feel better. A blind man can see that you are a good man Stuart. I hope that you have the inner beauty I search for in a man.
Pleas write me soon Stuart and take care.
PS: I think the best Beatles song is "yesterday"

Letter 3

Hello my dear I'm so happy and excited now! I feel that my dreams are coming true! At least I feel that someone need me and I need someone! Stuart you are the most close person on the Earth for me! It's like I've just found my family and now I wish to meet my family so badly! You know I've been thinking and trying to found out what will be better me coming over there or you coming over here...And I think it is still dangerous for travelers, so I would choose the way when I come to visit you. Also I heard a lot of things about your place and I would really love to see it by my own eyes. That way I will be able to see your casual life style, because it's very interesting for me. So I offer that way. I also appreciate your intention to help me dear! Really! I was a little sad when I thought that it's impossible to come over there to meet you. But then you offered your help and then I realized that if we will work on it together nothing in the world will be able to hinder us I belive!!
I talked to my boss about my intention to visit New Zealand he travels a lot and he explained me that it would be much comfortable to arrange all the documents here with the flights together. He advised me to use one travel company and he was right they seem very professional. Well my boss said that usually to get a visa without problem you must have return flight tickets on hands. He said that for such laws is quite popular at the moment. Also he said travel company give some discounts when person use the package of cervices so it's easier to use their cervices. So I want to ask you to use them. I would feel more confident that way. So tried to find out all the details about coming to Auckland. And they said that they offer some discounts and if I will fly around the end beginning of April all the trip with airplane tickets and required documents will be about 1700 US dollars...The full cost of the return flight Moscow-Auckland-Moscow is 1436 US dollars...I think I can afford to pay for visa, passport, insurance and all the documents involved myself but cost of tickets is impossible for me..so tell me Stuart if you are able to help me with that. I also have already filled the blanks of getting international passport and paid for that so if you will say yes I will fill visa application blank. The company said that I will be able to fly about . So tell me my darling if you are able to help me with that amount. Dear I know that it's a huge amount and I feel ashamed to ask you for money, but I just can't pay myself, if I could I would just take a first plane and come over there and you would be woken up by the knocking to yours doors....Aslo I've been thinking about the way for you to help me and I think the best will be for you to pay directly to travel company using their bank account. So please tell me if you are Ok with that and also could you tell me when you will be able to help me...I think we should hurry up...I will pay for all the documents so you shouldn't worry about that...so I need your answer soon. Dear I will rather go home to sleep, however I think I can't sleep tonight ;) I'm very excited about our meeting! Love you! Your Masha

Letter 4

Hello Stuart, darling! Thank you my darling my sweet my only Stuart.
First of all I want you to know that I want to meet you so badly and I'm so glad that you are going to help me with my coming over there to you my love. So please make a transfer of 1430 USD to them as soon as possible. Here goes the travel company's bank account:
BENEFICIARY ADDRESS: Kohtla-Jarve, Estonia
BENEFICIARY BANK: Hansapank, 8 Liivalaia Str. 15040 Tallinn, Estonia
IBAN account number: EE322200221021066129
They explained that you have to go to your bank and make wire transfer from your account to the account of the company. Then please send me the copy of the paper you will get from the bank confirming that the transfer was done, I will show that paper in the company. Also they have informed me that there is the flight open to 5th of April with return flight at 3th of May please let me know dear if this will be all right with you.
My dear Stuart, well you wrote me about your life and I'm glad that there everything are going well with you, I'm glad that soon I will be able to see you, your life style. By the way I think after our meeting if we will decide to spend the rests of our lifes together I won't need that flat I live here and maybe we will sell then, it's not much but it will help us I think, by the way do you think I will be able to work in New Zealand dear? I just want to earn something for us too ;) I have Russian diploma form the University I have ended so maybe it will help...OK I understand that it's too early to talk about that..but it is so nice to dream about us together...you know when I read that we will spend a lot of time together walking and doing a lot of things(good and bad ;))together I feel that I want it so much and wanted all my life before!! And I'm happy that soon I will be there and see you my angel with my own eyes! You hopped that it's important for me as well as for you...well I think to meet you is my life point and until we meet I do not need another one, and I really enjoy reading your letters, because you are the most closer man on the Earth for me, and now I want only to meet you and I believe that everything will be all right with us.
Your Masha
I will go home now because I'm tired today...I will write you tomorrow morning..

Letter 5

Hello my darling Stuart, thank you for your letter and thank you also for your help. So now we only need to wait and count the days till 07th of April, it's only 20 days till we meet!! Can you believe it! I'm happy I'm really happy to know that my dream will come true soon!!! I love you Stuart! Well you know I have so much things to thank you for...And I will try and do my best for thank you when we will be together...And don't worry I understand that you have a just that has to be done...But I hope we will have enough time to spend to each other anyway.
Aeroflot Flight:
Departure: April, 05, 14:49, Sheremetyevo Arpt
Arrival: April, 05, 16:50, Los Angeles Intl
Class: Econom
City of change: Los Angeles
Airline: United
Airlines Flight: UA9549 Departure: April, 05, 23:29, Los Angeles Intl
Arrival: April, 07, 07:15, Auckland Intl Arpt
Class: Econom
Time in a way: 32 h. 25 m.
Airline: United
Airlines Flight: UA9550
Departure: May, 03, 21:45, Auckland Intl Arpt
Arrival: May, 03, 14:39, Los Angeles Intl
Class: Econom
City of change: Los Angeles
Aeroflot Flight: SU322
Departure: May, 03, 18:30, Los Angeles Intl
Arrival: May, 04, 17:49, Sheremetyevo Arpt
Class: Econom
Time in a way: 28 h. 05 m.
Tahnk you, thank you for everything that you are doing for me, I'm ready to thank God for giving me you. My friends thinks I'm crazy ;)
But some the most closest friends are sincerely glad for me.
Your Masha

Letter 6

My beautiful Stuart. You are truly a special man. You are beautiful. I am so lucky to meet you. I understand your very well. I hope our loneliness will end soon, when I will be in your tender arms. The travel company let me know yesterday that everything is fine and I will fly to you in time!!! I will go and hug my pillow and dream it is you. Keep smiling. Stuart. kiss, kiss, kiss, hug, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, hug, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, hug. and a gentle butterfly kiss on your sweet cheek.....I think you know that it is my greatest wish to fill your days with love and happiness. If I make you happy. Make you feel loved. Then I am succeeding in that. Succeeding in making you feel the way I want you to feel for the rest of your life. Succeeding in making you feel how much joy I want to bring to every day of your life. Stuart, my sweet angel, when you said your "You have no fear, I will look after you and care for you when you are here. You will have a great time and we will be closer than ever.", I am so happy. For I feel the same way. I never really knew that all my life I was missing something until I met you. As you say, we are now complete. Like two halves that were carried to distant parts of the world, now reunited. Now whole again. Back where they were always supposed to be - together. Stuart, you said " can't wait to hold you, hug you, kiss you and make love to you also." Do you know the passion those words fill me with? How much I want to be there with you! I think you would be the most wonderful lover. For the heart of being a good lover is loving someone. Wanting to make them happy in every way. Wanting to bring them immense pleasure. Ecstasy. I want to give you that pleasure. Want to learn from you. Learn every place you like to be touched. Caressed. Want to know where and how you like to be kissed. Want to know how you like to make love. Want to feel the rythm of your body as it moves with mine. I want to bring you so much pleasure that you can never get enough. Yet every time we make love, I want it to feel special. Even when it's wild and hot and passionate. I never want you to feel that it has ever become "just sex". I always want it to feel wonderful. Want you to feel it in your very soul. Feel that when we love it's as much a spritual thing as a physical one. I know making love with an angel will truly be a heavenly experience and I don't doubt that I will become an addict for your love. For your touch. For your kisses. I just know that we will be the most in everything!!! I love you so much, that I think I'll can't stay alive, without you...I'll go home now, but I hope I will hear from you soon...Your Masha

Letter 7

Dear Stuart,
Today I was in agency to confirm all the details about my coming to you because I have to travel tomorrow morning, so...we will be together at 07th, I'll go to Moscow tomorrow to go to New Zealand embassy to get visa. And I will be there till departure. ANd I have a bad news.. In company they said also I would have to show about $1000 ...USD for every month I wish to stay in NZ......
you could arrange some documents confirming that you sponsor this for me..but it would raise suspicions for NZ Immagration ..that I may not return to Russia after the my holidays days ... As if a NZ man Sponsors a Russian Woman ...it is usually for romance ..not holiday .
.. There was a policy change in NZ law in November last year ..to make it very difficult for overseas people to come there for holiday. SO in agency they said that I'll need money to show in the embassy that I have accommodation to live in NZ because I'm coming as a tourist...And I even don't know what to do...ask you...but you already helped me...I don't know what to do...so I haven't another ways...So my love Stuart I need to ask you again, and I hope you'll understand that I really need it my love....So I need money again...I need to bring with me amount that at least will be about 1000USD per month of sojourn.
But as I have to show that amount I will be able to return it to you when I'll meet you. So in my tickets it's already noticed that I will come to you for 3 month so I have to show them 1000 of American dollars.. I'm sad that I didn't know about it earlier...But I really didn't know...I feel myself so silly...But I can do nothing! Please my love help again and I promise you that I will return you this amount as soon as you'll meet me in airport! Because I'll need it only to show. Please! I have to go to Moscow tomorrow and my train at 11:00 AM. SO darling I will be here in internet cafe for 3 hours and if I won't get your reply. I will be here tomorrow morning. My love I'll be waiting your reply....I miss you sweetheart and I'm so happy. I want to make you feel like you never have before, with all the love and passion you can desire. I smile when I think about you Stuart, rather it's thoughts of your just holding hands with me, or we are naked together. I just love the moments I have with you and love you more than anything. You are now a part of my heart, and I think I would die inside as well if you didn't turn out to be real. You have given me the hope and love I've always desired and I never want to be without it. When I'll be there, can we just make love for the first week non-stop ;) I can't wait to touch your skin and feel your breath, and know your facial expressions. I think about this so often with you. You have a personality that inspires me with your love and sincerity. I need to kiss you every day, and always look in your eyes and find your soul. Your eyes are so beautiful, and I love you so much. I really understand your love so well now, and I promise you are so deeply in my heart. I feel sometimes I'm not worth your love. I just want you in my life every second of the day Stuart. I think about finally starting my life. It feels like it starts here with you for the first time in my life, I'm really HAPPY !!!!!!!!!! I want to make you happy as well and please you with every fantasy you have as well. I would do anything for you too Stuart. I love being sexual with you, and there are so many fantasies I have. I just felt so deeply that I wanted to share my thoughts with you. I love you and always will. All My Love Angel, I can't wait to see NZ - mysterious country where lives my wonderful prince. I love when you talk about our future. Your words and emotions I agree with 100% and that's the truth.
The truth is, I'm laying here upset that you're not here and I'm very lonely without you! Please hold me tight, and kiss me with all of your heart, and tell me you really love me. I need that so much from you Stuart. I need to tell you that today I was really flying with you in my heart, and couldn't take my mind off of you. I hope you write me back early in my morning as I need to read more of your positive input. I'm just so down right now, and I'm sorry if I've upset you with my day's events. Just know that I love you so very much. Good Night my guiding light and love.
Love You Always,