Letter(s) from Tatyana Vapnyar to Wayne (USA)

Letter 1

Greetings my dear Wayne,
Hope that everything ok' with you! Thanks God that I have the chance to write this my letter to you. For me it was rather important to make this contact true. From what to start? Just I'd like you to know my name. My name is Tatyana. I am rather mature woman and being 28 years old I know what I want from life and I know what I want from my man.
Frankly speaking I am tired from these Ukrainian "bull sheet" and their thoughts that they are "macho". Hate them, I suffered a lot and I don't want them to be the part of my life. It is my position and I hope that you will understand it clearly. I don't want to play games,
I don't want to offend someone as I don't want to be offended as well.
So I have the proposition - to start the easiest way of communication that grounds on trust and sincere thoughts. Hope that you will accept this my offer to you. If not....so may be we have no the simple thoughts and we shouldn't waste each other's time... ( if it is so I wish you good luck) I know that may be you have a lot of opportunities to communicate with another persons but...I want to be unique for you... how? Everything is simple... I think that it is not a usual thing to meet frank and open persons, especially women, don't you think the same? As for me, I'd like to tell you that here in my place of living as for to men, it is even impossible. I hate to be the lonely woman and may be it is the trivial phrase but my heart wants to love and of course - of course my heart wants to be loved. And there is another proportion to you....may be we will meet each other? If you agree, let make our first meeting at this address:
Till the time when our word meet each other again, I ask you to take care about yourself and be safe.
With all my heart,

Letter 2

Greetings, my dear Wayne!
And again we are together... thank you for the respond to me. I was a little bit sad after sending my previous letter to you. Why? I thought that may be I was too strict with you or something like that... but I want you to know that I can't pretend and so I was sincere from the first my words. I tried everything to be simple.. I am a human being and so I wanted the simple human happiness... I am sure that you want to have the same.... Now I want to write you my thoughts after reading your letters. First of all I want to tell you that I have read carefully your profile and I don't see any reason for you to bother about my age. I think it'd be better for us to know each other better.
And then I think you'll understand that it isn't important for you that I am younger! Your heart will prompt to you and then you'll make a decision! What do you think about this? You asked me about my full name. So, my name is Tatyana, and my surname is Vapnyar. Dear Wayne,
thank you for your sincere letter. I understand that you had a bitter experience with our Ukrainian ladies in the past! But it doesn't mean that any lady from my country is the same and everybody have selfish ends. I completely agree with you that you can not fall in love with someone after 4 letters. People must know each other, understand each other and the most important is that they must feel each other!!! Love cannot be built in a day! It's impossible!!! My dear Wayne, Yes, I am completely comfortable being nude in the presence of my partner! I am not from that women who feels shy at the presence of their partner. I think that if people trust each other, they haven't any reason to be shy and withdrawn! What do you think? Wayne, I asked here about internet cafe and they said that the only chance to communicate for us was through these letters! I hope that this sad news will not make you to feel upset and you'll continue to correspond with me. But everything is in your hands and it's your choice... But you should know that I have a great wish to become closer to you and I want to know you better. So now I want to continue my life story and I hope it'll be interesting for you... As for me I had the sad story of my life. Don't want you to be upset but we had the agreement at the beginning of our correspondence...truth and only...do you remember?
Hope that my little story about myself will not be boring but I think that it is the important details in our acquaintance. I was born in a little place that at the Eastern part of that poor country Ukraine. It calls Stakhanov. But I didn't see even the piece of happiness there.
For this time I live with my grandmother, she is retired pensioner and I have to help her. She feels not good but it is age and there is nothing to do with it. Life is life and one day all of us will be at the same age. She is 75 and for her it is very difficult to take care about herself. I love her for so much. She was my "mum", she was my "dad" and at the same time she was my grandma. May be after this my simple phrases you will understand that there is something that happened with my real parents and you will be right. Can't tell you about it right now, there are a lot of tears in my eyes. And as usual my heart is beating faster. But I am strong woman and I am here because I am strong woman and I still have power to fight for my happiness and hope for our... I have to rest a little... Till the time when our word meet each other again, I ask you to take care about yourself and be safe. I will wait for your respond with great impatience.
With all my heart,

Letter 3

Greetings, my dear Wayne!
As usual I am happy to get the letter from you. I think that we became closer and closer to each other, and it makes me feel better, I feel that from this time I am not alone and again my heart is beating faster. Wayne, first of all thank you for you photo with Bubba. You are both very attractive, but I prefer you, my dear! What about denim skirts,of course I have some of them and I like to wear it! I hope that you'll like this my photo too. I think that my photo is more revealing. What do you think about this? And I want to tell you beforehand that with my next letter you'll receive my photo that deeply touch you, I'm sure. But now it's a secret. Be patient, my dear!!! Wayne, you are mistaken, because my last photo is me too. The matter is that I like to change something in my appearance. I dislike when there is no any difference in my photos. You'll understand it when you receive my next photos. I don't know exactly, but I suggest that may be my hair confused you? But, it's me and you have no any reasons to doubt! My dear Wayne, do you mind my sending mailing address with my next letter? I have a very important reason for this and I promise I'll explain you everything later! I hope for your understanding now! Sorry, but unfortunately I have not my own telephone number! That's why it is impossible for you to call me now.
May be in future I'll find the way how we'll be able to talk to you by phone! Be sure, I'll find the exit from this problem! I have a great wish to hear your voice. I think it'll be very exciting for us. Wayne,
frankly speaking, I can't understand what do you want exactly? At first you write me "I am not comfortable using an agency. I would rather write to you directly." Then I receive another your letter where you write me "If you wish to continue a correspondence, I would like to suggest that you register with an agency in Lugansk". So, I want to ask you what kind of difference is between my agency and this agency in Lugansk? My dear,please understand me it is not very suitable for me every time to leave my town and job and to go for your letters to another city, because then I'll have to come back again and to bring my letters in reply. It'd be much better for me to use this translation agency. I don't know English at all and I don't understand any word in English. So I have to use this agency if I wan to correspond with you, my dear. I hope, it'll not make you to feel upset. Please,understand me,it's very important for me. Now, my dear,
I'd like to share with you my thoughts about intimacy. Yes, of course intimacy is very, very important for me. And I'd like intimacy with my partner as often as possible. For me it's like an ocean where I can relax and feel myself desired and loved. And I want to confess to you,
that I like passion in these love games. I'd like to test something new every time ( may be some new poses). It's very difficult to describe, because theory is nothing here, the most important is practice... Do you agree with me? Wayne, what do you like to do in the bedroom best of all when you are intimate with your partner? Please,
write me more about your dreams and desires? Do you have the best dream of your life? Oh, and also I'd like to know do you like dream up and improvise ( I mean intimate side of your life)? My dear Wayne, you can share with me all your thoughts. I'm always ready to listen to you and to understand you. If you have some interesting episodes from your life I'd like to hear about them too. Now I'd like to continue the story of my life, hope that you will not mind about it. Of course if it is not interesting for you, you have the right even not to read about it. I think that person always has the right of choice and so do you. Just I remember that I had father when I was little, little girl.
I saw him rare, even at that time he had another woman. I remember that he gave me toys and one day he presented me wonderful doll. (
Tell you my secret that I still have that doll and it was the beginning of the collection of dolls that I have till these times) I still like to take it and to try to remember about the past, you see that I don't hate him. I know that there are such kind of men that can't take care about their children and about their wives. I love him, he is my father, just another side that he doesn't love him. We don't see each other....from the time when my mother is dead. Yes, you read everything correctly... my mother is there at the Mother's Heavens. I miss her and even time can't give me the relief, but may be I don't want... I think that the relief means that I began to forget about her...but I don't want... so you see that I have no one who can help me in my life, only grandma, but I think that it is high time to help her... Just when you are alone there are a lot of men here that think that it is possible to offend the woman who is alone...no one can defend her and even I had such bad experience and I am sure in it...so you see that I hate our Ukrainian "macho". I know that I have to try, to try to find my man and frankly speaking I still believe that it is possible. I want him to be loyal and gentle, I want him to be strong, brave and willing to support me, to help me... You know the reason. So, hope that you will understand my problems and you will understand that getting good education was even impossible for me,
just not because of my willing not to have it, just because of my soul condition. Don't want to be alone. I know that I had to make that step, I watched the program about people that happy even from other countries and I went to the bureau of translations in order to ask them to help me... they agreed. They cheered me up, they told me that they saw a lot of people that became happy together. I know that it is expensive, I know that may be it will be unreasonable, I know that may be you will disappointed by my nit knowing English..( remember that at the very beginning I promised you to tell the truth and only). I know everything, but I need to try, it is my nature, I need to try. I know that may be I will spend my last money in order to send you my letter or in order to send you my photo, but I need to try. Hope that you will appreciate it, I think that you will not find Happiness if you will sit at the same place...
Just I have reread my letter to you, it is like confession, don't you think so? Hope that you will understand me and my efforts, if not - I will repeat the same...everyone has right of choice and it is up to you to answer my letter or not... ( but I'd like to..) I will cross my fingers and I will pray to get the answer from you. I ask you to take care about yourself and be safe.
With all my heart,

Letter 4

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