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Letter(s) from Irina Sirenko to Brian (USA)
Hi, my new friend, Brian!
I am very glad that you have answered my letter. Thank you that you have found time for answer. I do not know what to write to you in my first letter because I never wrote letters and did not get acquainted on the Internet before. But I think will be correct if I will start to tell about me from the very beginning because I was first, who has written first letter. I really do not know as far as my life is interesting to you, but I think, if something will be not interestingly for you, you will tell me about it. Probably you will be very much afflicted when you find out that I live not in your country. But I very much hope that it does not frighten you, because I the same lady like many other ladies living in the different countries. I the same person with heart and soul. And if your interest is not limited by distance or borders, I really will be very glad.
My name is Oksana as you know. I am 30 years old. My birthday is on the June 10, 1974. My height is 168 cm (5 feet 6 inches). My weight is 61 kg (135 poubds). I live in the village of city type Zatsarevo. Zatsarevo is located in several kilometers from the city of Astrakhan, Russia. Astrakhan the big and known city. In the childhood I dreamed to become a film actress as all girls, but it were children's imaginations only. My education consist of three steps. School - College - University. I began to get education in the comprehensive school. After I finished it I entered the medical college. I finished it with excellent results and entered the Medical University. Till now I worked in a small polyclinic. I worked as a assistant to the surgeon. Very interesting work but unfortunately for me it was necessary to leave from this work. There paid a very little. Now I work as the manager in a bureau of registration of a marriage. This small bureau in our village. It is very interesting work. I love the work, is especial when I look at happy persons of a newly-married couple and you speak to them " now you the husband and the wife ". I have a small house with a small garden. I live one, I have no children and the boyfriend. I already adult woman to me 30 years already, and I look at a life with a philosophical shade. But as though I did not try to inspire myself that I absolutely happy woman, I cannot do it. I have fine girlfriend, I have work and house. But there are things without which people cannot be happy. And for me it's not material things, but spiritual. I have written to you the first and it means that I am ready to share with you my thoughts. I am very glad and grateful to you for that that you have answered me because I have decided to take only one chance in dialogue through e-mail. And if my letter to you would remain without your answer, I think I would not use this way second time. Anyhow, I hope that you, as well as I, have interest in our dialogue, and I will wait your answer. I with pleasure will tell to you about it in my next letter if you really want to learn more about me. What your job and do you like your job, Brian? Have you ever had experience in correspondence with a friend from other country? I thank you for your answers beforehand. If you do not want to answer these questions, please do not answer. It simply my female curiosity. I send you my photo. I understand that all people have various tastes and interests, but I sincerely hope that my picture and my appearance will be pleasant for you. But if my appearance doesn't conform to your tastes and interests, I will understand you, of course. I will be very grateful to you also if you share with me your pictures. I thank you beforehand.
I am sorry once again that I did not answer your letter for a long time. Forgive me, but I had no opportunity to take advantage of a computer. I have no computer of a house and consequently I shall use a computer on work. But I shall try to write to you every day if you want to talk to me in the future. I very much hope for it.
With the best regards.
How are you today? I hope at you all well. I also feel well because you have written to me. I am very glad to this. Now I on work also write to you the letter. I spoke you already that I have no computer of a house and I shall write to you from job when I shall have a free time and a working computer will not be borrowed.
Likely you want to know why I do not search for destiny in Russia. I have collided the big cruelty and disrespect. There is one very weighty circumstance because of which I have no the friend here, and do not want. The young and beautiful guy has acted with me very much cruelty. I am not ready to tell about it yet. It is difficult and hurt for me. Can be later. But I can tell that first I could not find to myself the friend in Russia, and now I do not want. I do not believe Russian guys. I cannot go to travel across Russia in searches of prince. But I have decided to try to find my destiny through the Internet.
I am looking for a man to share lifelong love. To share with him all pleasures. For the sake of him I will be ready to pass through all misfortunes and misery. For love there are no barrier and borders. If I will find love, for me also there will be no barrier, borders and distances.
In the last letter I have no written about my family and I want to make it now. I was born and now I live in Zatsarevo. I do not remember the Father because he did not live with us. I was brought up by mum since the childhood. She was very good woman and we lived with her very well. She was for me my best friend and the most close person on the Earth.
Unfortunately now she is not present with me. She for a long time had a cancer of a stomach and in 2002 has died. To me there were 28 years, but I felt like the unprotected child whom has remained alone. I very for a long time grieved for her death and could not believe that I have remained without my most favourite person - without my mum. I felt emptiness in the soul. I till now recollect her kind eyes, a soft voice and caring hands. I had very happy childhood because near to me there was my mum. Many people do not remember the childhood but I remember the childhood very well and I am grateful to mum for happiness which had in the childhood especially remember one case. Up to school I visited a kindergarten. Once I played with other children and have casually twisted a foot. To me rendered medical aid and have called my mum from her work to tell about happened. She has come to me and wanted to conduct me home. But it was hurt for me to go. Mum has taken me on her hands and to bear on hands up to a house though it was very far. This case has remained in my memory for all life. Then I have especially felt love of my mum when on her hands I felt heat of her body and her care of me. There can be you will think that it is a trifle, but for me this case is very important. I think that with you in the childhood there was something similar. I am right?
Now I live one in the house. It is the small house but very cosy. After death of my mum I feel very alone. I have no brothers or the sisters, close relatives at me are not present also. Now the relatives for me is my friends. I have many friends but only two girlfriends for me close. It Olga and Elena. I to be friends with them since the childhood. Girlfriends of the childhood the most reliable and I can always address to them for the help and support in a difficult situation. Unfortunately now Olga has left to live for other city. She has married and husband has taken away her from our village. But we frequently write each other letters. Elena lives near to my house and we meet with her every day. Her care and support for me are very important now. I think that the friendship is important and necessary for each person. How you think? You can tell to me more about yourselves and about your close people? If it will not be difficult for you. You can ask me about something also. I shall answer your questions with pleasure.
I will hope you will send me a picture. Please I want to have your picture on a computer to have an opportunity to see it every day.
It is very a pity, but I have a little time for the letter. I wanted to tell much more about myself. I hope you be interested in me, my life and my hobbies.
I shall try to tell to you all this in the following letters. You will be patient? (Smile).
With the best regards.
How your mood? How is weather? I hope all well. I feel perfectly also.
Today I had difficult day on work but now I have a little free time on work and have decided to write to you the letter.
Many thanks for your picture. Very pleasantly. You such strong and handsome man. You really have a nice face.
Certainly I not always dress up for photos, but I wanted to look beautifully. Now I have no full body picture of me in a computer. But next time I shall load into a computer other pictures of me and then I shall send it to you.
I travelled in Russia, but I never was in the United States. Likely to visit America would be interesting to any person. And I very much would like sometime to visit your country.
I want to tell to you about my interests and hobbies. I hope to you it will be interesting to read it. (Smile) I like various music. All depends on mood. I like to listen classical music. I like Dunaevski And Chajkovsky. I like to listen simply instrumental music. Such music allows to relax and have a rest. Under such music I like to think. I like to listen to guitar masterpieces of Joe Satriani. I very much like group Dire Straits. I like Pink Floyd. They are not similar to anybody. It is great group. I like Madonna, Robbie Williams and George Michael and many others. In America many great musicians. I like many Russian musicians. For example Philip Kirkorov, Valeria or groups: Chaif, Splin. But you likely do not know them. I very much like cinema. In Russia create few good films. I like works of such directors as Tarkovsky, Konchalovsky, Mikhalkov. My favourite movies - Siberian Barber and Tired by the Sun.
It's masterpieces of the Russian cinema. The American movies in Russia use huge popularity. The American movies is considered the greatest. I very much like the American movies and I like many American actors. For example: Gladiator, Brave Heart. Mel Gibson - good actor. I like films - The Sixth Sense, the Rainman, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Gone with the Wind, Magnificent Seven, the Godfather, Groundhog day, The Scent of a Woman. My favourite actors - Bruce Willis, Al Pacino, Kevin Costner, Samuel L. Jackson, Julia Roberts, Tom Hanks, Demi Moore, Kevin Spacey. I have some favorite shows. For example - ''Wildlife'' from BBC. They show extremely beautiful views of the nature and animals. I very much like to look programs about nature and animals. I like to watch games of NBA very much. It's a fantastic show. But unfortunately NBA games practically do not show. I like to look games NHL. Especially when show the best pucks. Likely to watch this in real life is much more interesting than in the TV. I am glad that our Bure and Fedorov have big popularity in your country, I'm right? I know that in your country is very popular the American football. It is magnificent show as well. The biggest ratings on TV have Criminal Programs where tell about crimes occurring during day and week, leaders and authorities of criminal Russia, juvenile murderers and rapists, addicts, maniacs, etc, because the crime level in Russia is extremely high. These programs like to watch the majority of people, but I do not like. I prefer to watch some musical and entertaining shows, but as a rule it is our programs and you do not know them of course. Now you likely think that I all days only sit in front of TV-set with full mouth of popcorn (smile). But it's wrong at all. Actually I watch TV-set only at free time and in weekend. I have no time and forces to watch TV-set. My health is the supreme class. I do not brag. I really have good health because I always support me in the good form. I every morning jog, I try to spend time in the air as much as possible. I get contrast shower. I do not smoke and I do not drink alcoholic drinks. I have no car and I use transport extremely seldom. I really like a healthy way of life. And I am proud of it.
My hobby if it is possible so to say, this sewing and knitting of clothes. I also like to spend time in my garden, to go to a wood for mushrooms and berries. In the winter I love a ski and skates. It is possible endlessly to speak that I like, but I want to tell that I do not like also. I do not like artful and envious people. I do not love lie and a deceit. I do not like cruelty and roughness. I also do not love people drinking alcohol a lot of. Also to not like me bad meal and cloudy days. (Smile)
I should finish the letter. I have no more time for letter. I shall write to you later still.
I shall wait for the letter from you.
Hi my Brian.
Today fine day and I have fine mood. How your mood? I hope all well.
I very much want to visit your country. But before I should wait a vacation. In Russia a vacation are appointed according to the schedule and makes by workers of accounts department. The schedule not flexible. We have not opportunity to take a vacation at any time. To us inform when we will have a vacation and to change it impossible. It is necessary to wait my vacation.
Yesterday I had bad mood. In last night was rain. I love a rain but yesterday it has not pleased me. I spoke you already I live in the house. My house beautiful and cosy, but old and in some places during a rain a leak a roof. It very much afflicts me, but I cannot repair a roof of a house itself. Man's hands are necessary for this purpose. I caused recently the carpenter and he repaired a roof, but has told that it is necessary for me to change all roof. Yesterday, during a rain I have decided to change a roof in the near future. It now is necessary especially. Already the autumn and in the autumn in Russia always is a lot of rains and consequently repair is obligatory. I probably have tired you with my small problem. Fairly to tell I want to repair the house completely. But it only my plans for the future. Elena has told that she will help me with repair. She always offers me the help. I am glad that I have such good girlfriend. She for me as native and we frequently spend time together. By the way, I spoke her about you and she is very glad, that we with you write each other. Elena speaks that is necessary for me good the man which would help me and loved me. Really frequently it happens me very alone by one, but I do not despair and I believe in the good destiny. I believe in the God and in his help. I do not remember spoke you whether or not but I have a cat. His name Barsik. He is very beautiful cat. I like to look after and play with him. Barsik very tender cat and loves me also. Every day he meets me when I come home and sees off me for work. You will laugh but for me it is very important to know that me someone waits for a house, even if it simply my kitten. You love pets? I hope that like. I heard that if the person loves pets and to care of them he the good family man. I believe in it. Elena also has a cat of a house and our cats like to play with each other. Forgive me I probably is tell with enthusiasm I about it, it is probable to you not interestingly, but I wanted to tell to you about most close and dear to me.
In the days off I shall be probably prepared for repair and search for people which can to help me. I in the ideas already present my house after repair. If at me all to be that it will be a fine and cosy house.
Forgive me Brian probably I has written the boring letter, but I thought that Brian it will be pleasant for you to know my ideas. Inform me that you are interested about me I shall tell to you necessarily.
I shall finish the letter and I shall try to write to you soon. By the way, Elena asked me to tell to you Hi from her. I have told to her about you, I hope you are not offended on me for it.
With the best regards.
Hi, my dear friend Brian! I hope you not against if I say so.
Thank you for your letter. From day to day I feel more necessity to get your letter. My mood has become better again when I have got your letter.
I never thought about being a model, but in the childhood I dreamed to be an actress, as you can see it there was only a dream.
The carpenter has told, that is necessary 2 or 3 days to repair a roof. I have found the persons who can help to repair a roof but while they is occupied in performance of other work and then they will engage in my roof.
I work in a bureau of registration of a marriage, you remember? Today there was an interesting case from one of young pairs. It is young nice pair. They have arrived to a bureau on five beautiful white automobiles together with friends and relatives. It was really the noisy company. When all were directed upwards on a ladder for an official part the bride has broken a heel on a shoe and has not fallen nearly. She was seized by the groom and by that has dropped him downwards on a stairs. First there was a silence among friends and relatives. Then all have started to laugh silently. People speak it is a good sign. Such cases happens seldom much. I understand them. Ceremony of wedding very responsible and many young pairs very much worries and happens many different incidents. Even happened as at movies - the young pair reconsider to marry directly ceremony of wedding. But basically all ceremonies pass easy and precisely. Therefore the majority of people are very superstitious. Especially it concerns to young generation. In Russia it is a lot of divorces and this parameter every year grows. I think that because of these adult mistakes suffer our children. Full families there is all less. To children it is especial at younger age is necessary caress and education of both parents. You agree with me?
I work here two years already, but my work seems to me same interesting as in the beginning. In our bureau an atmosphere always celebratory and consequently my mood always good also. The woman who is responsible for the book of registration of a marriage works 52 years already in bureau, to her of 78 years. Her name is the Aunt Vera. She very clever and the fine interlocutor, but she till now one. Many people who knows her are perplexed. The aunt Vera has worked many years in a bureau of registration of a marriage, but itself is single till now. It really is very strange, but in Russia many women remain lonely till an old age.
Brian in the USA many lonely people also?
I should finish the letter.
With the best regards.
Hi my Brian!!!
How you? How do you feel? I hope well. Now I have a little free time on work and I write to you the letter. I hope you like to read my letters?
(Smile). I think yes. Because your letters are necessary for me also.
Many thanks for your picture. I like the pictures you send.
Last night to me came the neighbour again. I promised her to call the master. I was very glad, when I have met the master on work. I asked him to help the old neighbour and he has not refused. He sacrifice working hours and has gone to my neighbour to make a door. I have told to him where it is necessary to go. After two hours he has returned for work and has told to me that he has repaired a door. I have thanked him for his kindness. He has told also - neighbour offered him a bottle of vodka for his work and the help but he has refused a bottle. It was even more pleasant for hearing for me. In Russia many people which offer vodka as a payment for the help, and our master likes to drink of alcohol but did not take from the old grandmother a bottle. Sometimes I am surprised about kindness of Russian soul. Russian are ready to help unselfish to other people and to not demand instead of anything. It very much high quality. I think my neighbour have remained is pleased door. She will necessarily thank me also when I shall come to her to make injections. Most likely I shall not refuse her tea with pies, which she a bake itself if she will offer it. I love her pies. These remind me my mum. My mum to bake pies frequently and as well my mum has learned me to this but if to speak fairly, I a bake pies in the days off and on holidays only. Girlfriends speak that my pies are tasty also. Women in your country to bake pies? Unfortunately I should finish the letter. Today I wanted to come home earlier. It is necessary for me to make some homework and to go to neighbour. I shall write to you later necessarily.
With the best regards.
Hi my Brian!!!
I have some free time on my job and I write to you with pleasure. I hope you waited my letter and you wish to receive my letters always (smile).
I really like cooking. I know that I do it well, because I started cooking from childhood. My mother taught me many things including cooking. She said: "Lady who can cook well don't have disadvantages and demerits, because tasty food is a way to the man's heart. May be she is right.
Do you like when your friends come to your home? I like very much when my friends come at my place. I like to cook and that's why I regale them different tasty dishes. Elena is a good cooker too and she often helps me. We often cook different dishes and regale each other.
My favourite dish to cook it Uha. Uha is a fish-soup. But this soup cooks on a fire in caldron. The fish should be just caught right before. As a rule it is the perch, pike or a ruff. In soup will put only a fish, a potato and onions; the salt to taste.
I do not know, that you mean under " the wildest thing " if you can explain it then I can answer your question.
I really have been never married, and I have no children.
I very much love children and I want to have their own. They should be loved. They raise mood. The wise man has told - the main thing that the person during the life should make - to build the house, to put a tree and to bring up children. If I will have children I will love them more than life.
Yesterday to me at last have repaired a roof. I caused masters from a municipal services. I have not cheaply paid for it but now I shall be quiet. And me any weather conditions will not be terrible (smile). I do not remember spoke to you whether or not about my former boyfriend. I have got acquainted with him when to me were 22 years. Certainly till 22 years I met with guys also, but with Sasha (so his name) I was closer than with the others. I thought that I love him. He liked to drink vodka frequently and roughly manhandle with me. In Russia such cases are very often also I thought that it should be and not differently. I suffered insults and humiliations with him for a long time when he was drunk. Elena and other my girlfriends frequently spoke me that I threw him and have found the good guy to myself, but I really trusted that he loves me. He frequently spoke me words of love when was sorry about me and I forgave him. I do not know as but I could dare to leave from him nevertheless. Now I do not regret about it. Really we with Sasha could not be named relationship normal. I cannot introduce myself Sasha as my husband and the father of my child. I would not like to give birth from such person as he. Certainly I do not want to tell that the Russian men bad everything, but basically it so. In Russia many men to drink vodka much and it ruins them. They become rough and badly address to women. Probably therefore I began to search for the destiny in the Internet and have written to you. Now I am glad to this and I hope for the happy future. Brian what do you think of it?
I should finish the letter and I hope you write to me soon.
With the best regards
Hi my Brian!
The day is wonderful today and the weather is good. The sun is shining all the day. To add to all this I have got your letter and my happiness doesn't have limits. And what about your weather? May be today after work I will go home by foot. I like to walk along the street and to breath fresh air, especially when the weather is warm. As a matter of fact I don't want to go home. It is very boring and lonely at home. Sometimes I don't mention it, but sometimes when I come home with good mood, I want to talk very much, to share thoughts with anybody, to have fun. I can listen to music or read a book. But in some moment I understand that I just deceive myself. In fact I want a beloved person to be near me, with whom I could spend evenings, to meet morning, to speak about yesterday and to dream about tomorrow day. I want to walk and to feel a strong man arm holds me. I don't want to cook meals only for myself. I want somebody to appreciate it. But enough about it.
In the 19th century one Russian poet wrote about Russian woman: "Russian woman can enter in the burning house and she can stop frightened horse running towards her". The only thing she lacks is simple warm and caress, which she wants to receive from a man. This is the problem of Russian men. The Russian lady does everything for the man but doesn't get anything from him. All what she needs is at least a couple of tender words and gentle touching of his hands. Is it really so difficult? Is it really difficult to present your lady a romantic evening and a supper with candles? In Russia as a rule such gift give lady for a man, but not a man for lady. When a woman carry heavy bags in the street no man will help her, he will only turn his look away and go farther. That's why the Russian lady never feels happy at her heart.
Yesterday it was warm enough, but within night weather has sharply become cold and now we have about 41-42 degrees Fahrenheit.
The climate at us rather warm and consequently is a lot of snow basically it happens only after new year. When the first snow drops out, he quickly thaws, and we have not time to take pleasure in this cold weight " white fuzz. " But already in the middle of January we have enough snow so we can take pleasure to ski.
I never made anything crazy is, I not posed nude for photos and not have sex with a another girl.
I have to finish my letter. I don't want but I have to. I wanted to ask you what makes you happy Brian? Now I am happy to get your letters.
I am also happy that I have friends. I think thank you are my friend too.
Sincerely and with best wishes.
How you? How your mood? I hope at you everything is all right.
To us has come winter, tomorrow to us promise a snow and downturn of temperature up to 19 degrees Fahrenheit. But by a weekend again will become warmer.
I go to ski at least once a week within all winter while we have a snow. We near have mountains therefore I ski sometimes downhill, but more often I ski cross country.
Today it was especially pleasant for me to read your mail and also to write to you. Now you will understand why. Today I have fine mood. My chief has called me for discussion of working questions in the morning when I have come for work. After discussion of working themes he has told to me that one of our employees soon leaves a vacation for work and I can take a vacation. He has added also if I shall not take a vacation now I shall already not have a vacation this year. I did not expect such news and at once have thought of you. I always hastened for work faster to look your mail and to write to you letters. Every working day was for me as a holiday for this reason. Thus, if I shall take a vacation I shall not have access to a working computer. I have been afflicted from these ideas. I have told to the chief I do not want to take a vacation for me. The chief has been surprised very much and has asked the reason of my refusal. I have explained to him all and have told about you and your letters. I have told also I shall not have an opportunity to write to you Brian. He has been surprised a little and has told that I can use the vacation as I want and to meet you. I silly also could not think of it itself. It is really big chance for us and our meeting. Why I have not thought of it at once? Certainly I have agreed with the chief and have been very much pleased with an idea on our future meetings with you. He has told that I can take the vacation (24 days) at of December when another will come the employee for work from a vacation. I hope you are glad to this also. But there is other problem nevertheless. I have the passport for travel abroad but I have no the American visa. For reception of the visa in the USA is required time and if I to gather to you to me is necessary shall be to prepare for the visa already. I have decided to not postpone it and have decided to address to agency of travel.
I believe and I hope that I have not angered and have not offended you. I believe and I hope that you want to meet me. It can be outlined in advance by destiny. I sincerely hope that my letter has brought pleasure to you. And I sincerely hope that you want to meet me to spend some time together. And I sincerely hope that you would be happy to meet me.
Today I send you pictures me as the small child, I hope, that you love them.
Hi my Brian!
How your mood? Any your mood today I want to try to make even better.
The first time I were learning to ski when was at school, me was then only 7 years, and it was very interesting for the first time, children always are interested something new, so for me there were no difficulties to learn to ski. I think, that it will not be difficult for you to ski, and I can teach to you it. Should warn you, that for the first time you will fall many times.
I yet do not know exact date of my vacation, but it will be approximately in 2 or 3 weeks. And when I shall arrive to you, I can remain the greatest only 3 weeks if certainly you will not be against. In Russia a vacation are appointed according to the schedule and makes by workers of accounts department. The schedule not flexible. We have not opportunity to take a vacation at any time. To us inform when we will have a vacation and to change it impossible. We receive a vacation once a year and it only 24 days.
Many thanks for your pictures. I very much like them.
Today I have addressed visas agency. I wondered how much it will cost for me to make American visa. They told me that consideration of the application on reception of the visa costs 100 dollars. This sum does not come back even in that case if my application will not be approved. And for getting a visa is necessary to go to Moscow where there is an American consulate. They have told that I will must visit set of various departments, state and medical institutions both in Astrakhan, and in Moscow. It is necessary to wait for a long time the queue. It is a usual way of getting a visa and procedure of reception can be delayed for some weeks or even months. Besides if my application will not be approved, it will turn out that I squander money all for nothing. I said I can't wait so long. To me have told that is possible to avoid set of problems and to make all in faster terms if to use full package of service. Full package of service includes additional payments for a category of the visa, consular services, preparation for Interview with commission, interview. The full package of service costs 335 dollars, but the visas agency remove all problems and thus increases the chance of getting a visa without excessive delays. I asked how long time it will take to get a visa If to use a full package of service. They have answered that it will take about one week. Maybe 2 weeks if there will be some troubles. I have told that this variant satisfies me and I agree. I have asked, whether there will be troubles with visa, because there were the terrible terrorist actions in USA and the conflict with Iraq. I was answered that they will request information about me in the police. And if in the police they will be answered that I the law-abiding citizen, I will get the visa. I have never outraged the law. And I have never done anything unlawful. I will have preparation for interview. It will help me to receive the visa. And I really have registered the visa application with great belief and with great hope that you will be glad to meet me, with belief and with hope that you want to meet me. I really want to give you a gift - our meeting. I understand that our relations are not long yet. I know that you did not expect that I will tell all this. But it is possible to wait eternally. But in fact nobody knows that waits for us tomorrow. Maybe such opportunity will not be presented any more. I have opened to you my heart and soul. I speak what I feel. I am not confused by my feelings. I speak straight and openly. The loneliness has made me courageous. You can think that I hurry events. But I have found new feeling which never had. I am happy right now. I seem I has found what searched for long time. In Russia speak: "under a lying stone the water doesn't flow ". It mean that it is necessary to do a step onward to achieve something. I should use this opportunity. In my heart never was such confidence and feeling. And I am afraid to lose it.
Much tenderness from Oksana!!!
Hi my Brian!
I am very happy that I have received time to write to you. I should inform you that I have deep feelings to you mine Brian. It is valid so. Today at night I could not fall asleep for a long time. I thought of you, about our future meeting. As it will be wonderful.
Couple of days back there was a snow , but he lie not a long time and soon melt, and now while we have no snow. I shall necessarily teach to you how to ski, but all over again I should arrive to you. You should be patient.
I store your pictures in a computer and I do not show their other people, except for Elena.
I have good news for you my Brian. Today I went to agency of travel and to me inform that they have submitted my documents for the visa already and it will be necessary for me to hand over various analyses and to wait for the special invitation for interview which is necessary for reception of the visa. I am sure that I shall receive the visa and I shall arrive to you necessarily. I believe in the God and I think that He will help me and our meeting. In agency to me have told also that I should bring to him the characteristic from my work. The chief promised to write me it.
By the way, I today saw dream. I saw the sky, and in the sky a bird. It was the big beautiful bird of blue color. When I have woken up I have thought that it is dream about me as I hasten to you. You trust in dreams?
I always dreamed to be near to the loved person. I hope that I am not mistaken also I have found such person to myself. (Smile) When beside the favourite person this big happiness. In Russia speak "with loved person it is possible to find paradise in a tent". It is valid so. Now I understand this saying. To me is necessary Brian beside. I always dreamed to look after the loved person, to be near to him every day and every night. Probably my dreams will come true sometime... I do not want to think of it.
I want to send you some pictures which have been taken in the summer when I was to Caspian sea. I only cannot send them to you all at once because our computer has low speed of sending of letters, and on it it is necessary a lot of time.
Forgive me, but I have no time more. I shall write to you next time.
Remember I always think of you and only about you my Brian.
With the best regards your Oksana.
P.S. 1000 kisses.
Hi my Brian!
How you today? I hope you have fine mood. Unfortunately I have no good mood today.
I really spoke, that I have for you a gift, but it not a thing, I had in view of our meeting.
I can remain only 3 weeks, but I cannot remain longer because I have only 24 days of a vacation, and I will need to come back back to Russia.
Today the automobile has flown near me in the morning when I hastened for work. This automobile had the big speed and has not had time to brake, when on road the dog has run. The rain in the morning was and road became wet. Probably therefore the automobile has twirled also it has brought down a poor dog. The dog has not had time even to begin to whimper and has died at once. I have been very much afflicted with it and have burst into tears even when stood and looked at a poor dog. Drivers in Russia very much frequently go with the big speed on roads and I sometimes even am afraid to cross roads. It happens even drunk drivers behind a rudder. And if on road instead of a dog have run out the person or the child? It would be awful … Really a life it is very short and never you find out for what reason a life can break. I believe in destiny and I think that to me the destiny has prepared not such terrible death nevertheless. Forgive me for sad ideas, it is probable you do not want to read about sad things. But I sometimes reflect on the further life. Suddenly my life will be torn off by any drunk driver? In Russia many such cases. Certainly I not so strongly am afraid of death, I am afraid that I shall not leave anything after me. And anybody is possible will not notice loss of me except for my friends. It is really terrible also I do not want to die in loneliness. I want to live with the loved man in care, love and caress and never to think of such things. Probably I have really bothered you with the sad ideas, but it was necessary for me to be uttered to you. I hope you will understand me. There are such moments in a life when it is necessary to state the ideas to the close person. For me such person YOU Brian. Many thanks for your picture.
You speak I is beautiful. I recollect sometimes the school days. Then I was not such beautiful as now. I carried braces on a teeth and was ugly. I did not like to look in mirror at myself and all children named me "sabreteeth" at school. Probably you are dared now, but I felt unfortunate myself at that time. Mum of me calmed and spoke that I shall grow the beautiful girl and I be happy. My mum was the most close person for me always. You recollect the school days? What you were a boy? You were happy at this time?
Forgive me. I should finish the letter.
With the best regards and kisses
Hi my Brian!
I wanted to write to you much. It is a pity, but I have no opportunity to write very long letters. But I am glad to acquaintance to you and we write each other.
Today I slept at night a little very much. Because the husband at one woman from our village has come drunk at home. He has banish from home the wife and children. They such small, boys of 11 and 9 years. He drunk not first time. He frequently beat the wife, but to she suffer him because if she there will be one cannot bring up children and have money enough. Same has the small salary and it will not suffice for feeding and clothing of children. For a long time, when I have found out about a problem of this woman I have told that she always came to me home and never there was one with children in the street when her husband expels. I am always glad to shelter them at any time. Today also. Approximately at 2:00 A.M. she was knocked on my window. She cried. I have passed her with children in my house and calmed for a long time. Then we drank tea and talked. Children slept already. She apologized, but I have told that there is no necessity for apologies and I understand her trouble. In the morning she left home. Her husband slept and has not recollected that was at night. People in our village abuse him frequently for it, but it without result. He drinks vodka nevertheless. It is a pity to me of his children very much. They come to me sometimes and help me in a garden even, but I do not allow them a tough job. They watering only and frequently play with water then. But I do not swear, on the contrary I also play with them.
I not spoke you about a monastery. I and my friends frequently visit a shelter for children and I help them. We bring toys we play with them and we teach them. Them there is more 40. government of Russia finds money to contain prison for criminals but does not find money for the contents of such children. It is insulting very much. Recently I and Elena painted for children a playground in a monastery. Many children tried to help us. It was amusing very much. Children are pleased to our arrival because we frequently play with them. But it is hurt to me to look at children. They have no parents. I never would throw the child. Many of these children have parents, but their parents are deprived the rights because they alcoholics or criminals. They require parental caress. Once one girl has named me the mum during game. I did not know what to tell to her on it. How to her to explain? It is a pity to me this girl. I understand her. Then I could not sleep as well thought of her. To her of 5 years only. But I hope that in her life all will be good.
Brian I am very much tired today, but I am happy that could to write to you. Now I shall stop and I shall go home. I should go to bed earlier.
With the best regards
Hi my dear Brian!
I talked to Elena about you Brian for a long time yesterday in the evening. I told her that I wanted to meet you. Elena supported me in my desire. She said that I could't miss a chance to see you. Elena is very glad that I have got acquainted with you. She wants me to be happy. I hope, Brian, that one day you and Elena will be friends. I believe that Elena will be as close to you as to me.
When I have free time I like to go to a movie, I like to be at home, I like to go to a friend's house, and I like to invite friends to my home. In the summer I was a lot of time spend working in my garden. Also I like to read books or to look TV. All depends on mood and weather in the street. The monotony oppresses any person. I think that is necessary to be able to enjoy everything.
Forgive, but I have not understood your question
>Do you have your ears parsed and do you anything els parsed if you do were are they at?
If you explain to me what exactly you wanted to ask I shall try to answer in next letter.
Many thanks for your picture.
Now I often think of you before sleeping.I think about our letters to each other. I often ask myself what will be then, when we will face. Brian, you know I have a flower Herbicin at home. It is very beautiful, and it needs much care. Now I call it Brian. I hope you are not against of it. Every morning I say to it "Good morning, Brian". It is pity that it can't speak to me. It is very interesting how long would we be able to talk when we met for the first time. What do you think of it? It seems to me that I want to tell you much and it will take me several days to tell all about myself.But I am shy and can be confused when I will meet you for the first time. But I think that we are more than friends that is why we will be able to speak of what we want.
I saw a plane not long ago. And I thought that these "Iron birds" allow to meet million people who are happy to see each other every day (for example Brian and I). But when I think about my future flight on board the plane I can't forget last catastrophe of two planes. It was terrible to see grief and tears of relatives of the dead people. Now our government is sure that terrorist acts took place here. I believe that guilty people will be severely punished. They have no right to prevent peaceful people from living. I hate terrorism and violence! You should know that fear of terrorists will never stop me. I will be able to fly on board the plane and to be afraid of nothing. I heard that passengers are very well served during the flight. I am interested to see it.
I should finish the letter. I want to tell to you that I think of you always and I love you my Brian. By the way, next week I can tell to you exact date of my vacation. About the visa do not worry also. I try to make all necessary documents. Also to me will give the characteristic from a shelter for children. It will help me.
With many kisses for you.
Hi my Brian!
Today I have fine mood and I wish you good mood also.
My girlfriend Elena knows from the very beginning about you and about me. She my best girlfriend and the only one person on which I can really rely. I trust her everything and she always helps me, gives councils, pleased together with me if I am happy, cries together with me if I am unfortunate. I am now happy, and Elena happy as well as I am. I tell to her about my visiting to you and she very much glad for me. She is very glad that I have found you, and she worries not less than I. She the remarkable friend. But I shall arrive to you one, Elena does not gather for visiting you.
I do not know, that we could make in America, but probably you can think up anyone plans for us, that we could make or see. I think, that probably we could go a professional baseball game or football game. Also I would like to see yours the zoo. And probably we could go to fish.
Now I every day think of you and about our meeting. I try to imagine it and always I present it differently. I do not know as there will be our meeting but I will be sure that it perfectly. You represented our meeting Brian? Now we are far apart but our hearts together. You believe in love on distance Brian? Earlier I thought that it is impossible but when I have to get acquainted with you I think differently. I think - the main thing in the person it his soul and heart and it is not important as far he to be. You Brian have fine soul and heart and it have subdued me. Now I sit and I look in a window when I write to you. Behind a window a sundown. It is a fine sundown, but it is one more evening without dialogue with you. I shall sit in the house one and to think of you mine Brian. But I see off the sun without a regret because it will shine now to you. I hope that the sun will give you safe day and happy mood. Sun will remind you of me. I dream sometime to observe a sundown together with you Brian. I think it would be romantic very much. You romantic, whether not so?
But dreams it is dreams only. Now it is necessary for me to go home and to be engaged in domestic affairs. On this week promise frosts, and it is necessary for me to collect cabbage, carrots and beet from a shed and to place all this in a cellar under my house, there it is warm enough for their preservation within winter and spring in a fresh condition. I would like to cook for you Brian fresh vegetables from my garden. Fresh vegetables have special aroma and taste and these are useful to an organism also. Later for me laundry is necessary. Usually I do it on Sunday, but now I have a lot of work in a garden and not enough time for domestic affairs. I know people to use washing machines in many countries. And in the big cities of Russia these use also. But we in Zatsarevo cannot use these because we have no a good waterpipe.
I should finish the letter and go home. Elena says "Hi" to you Brian. Many thanks for attachment to your letter, it has delivered to me the big smile.
Oh I nearly have overlooked to tell to you, that the agency of visas has advised me, to paint hair more dark color, it will be better for a picture on the visa, now I have dark hair, hope, that you love it.
With the best regards.
Hi my Brian!
How are you today? I hope at you all wonderfully.
In the beginning of the letter I want to tell to you "Hi" from Elena. She asked me to make it at once. She has told that I can forget it and Elena will worry. Be not dared only. She really speaks to you "Hi" but sometimes I overlook to write it and she takes offence at me.
I think, that when I shall arrive to you, I really could to stay in your house, I hope, that I comfortable shall feel in your house. If I cannot stay in your house, when I shall arrive we shall discuss variants of where I can stay.
Today is a very important day. I worry very much. Today I got a invitation on the conversation with the commission which deals with giving visas. It is the most important in the process of getting visa. The commission will make a final decision after the conversation - to give me visa or not. The conversation is very difficult but I am prepared. This is a difficult test which I have to pass. But I am ready. I want to meet you very much and my desire will help me. Where there is a will there is a way. Children from orphanages where I help already for several years, together with tutors have written letters for the commission to support of me, the petition and the characteristic. It will help me when the commission will make a decision. I am sure that all will be OK. I hope you will pray for me? (Smile) Also I have told to the chief about my possible reception of the visa. I have told that I need in a vacation especially when I receive my visa. I want to arrive to my Brian. The chief has understood me and has told that I did not worry. I shall have a vacation, but have not told exact date nevertheless. But you should not worries also. I shall arrive to you in any case. I am tuned on our meeting.
Today on work my colleagues began to ask me whom I write. I never spoke to them about you. Only be not jealous to me, colleagues - women with which I work together. They knew that I write to someone only. But they saw changes in me. They speak I has changed in the best party lately. I have good mood always, I smile. I began to come for work the first and to leave - last. And each free minute I sit opposite to a computer. I always hid my feelings to you from them, but today I have told them the reason. I have told them about you my Brian, about our feelings and about our future meeting. They were glad for me and for us. Also joked over me. They have told that I always made happy other people on work when I registered marriages, but never had the happiness myself. Now I have happiness - YOU Brian. Yes, you my happiness and my future, I hope. Probably I am naive a little but I want to trust in the our happy future only. I hope you also. I have ocean of feelings to you. My ocean of feelings is more, much more than Atlantic ocean which shares us. But I believe - distance between us not an obstacle and we shall be together. I am really happy, but my happiness will be full when we shall be together. You feel also?
I can eternally write to you words of love, but, to a regret, I have no so a lot of time for it. I should finish, but you remember - I ALWAYS THINK OF YOU MY Brian.
I shall wait the letter from you with your warm words for me. (Smile)
With the best regards Your Oksana.
PS. I need the name of the nearest airport where you can meet me. You will tell to me it?
Hi my Brian!
I write to you the letter and I smile. I am so glad. All time I think of you and I can not concentrate my attention to something else.
Many thanks for your other picture, I always like to receive them, do not cease to send them to me.
I never thought that the commission will ask such unusual questions. They asked about my sexual life, they asked about children, about work, about patriotism, about my attitude to America, about my conversance and awareness of events which happened in the world and in America, about my religion and belief. I have told about all my life in detail. I spoke about everything fairly how it is really. To me have told that my answers are unexpected and as a rule applicants do not answer such questions so directly and openly. They have not got used to hear such answers, but they said that to hear sincere and truthful answers is much more pleasant than words which come not from heart and reason. Children from the orphanages also have made the big impression and rendered the big influence on the commission. To me have told that I the first lady who have such support from children - orphans. Now I should wait the decision. Now I agree with expression: "Expectation of death is worse than the death " I cannot concentrate on anything. My heart so worry, I can't work. They have told that the decision will be accepted tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. I so worry. I so want that this small dream was come true. I simply want to see my lovely friend. I think the God will help me. I simply want to meet you. I already see us together and I sink in dreams. I want to construct with you the ship to float under sails in boundless ocean. I want to meet with you a dawn and to see off a sundown. We will float on our ship and our love will illuminate our way. We will look at night at stars, we will be pleased in the afternoon to the sun. If there will be a storm, our love will protect us. If there will be a calm, our love will be a wind. Our love will be a beacon for us. We will be floating at ocean of love and oblivion and nothing can separate us. We will name our ship - Dream. It will be the small ship, but very strong. Because we will make our ship from belief, hope and love.
It is impossible to wait, when your dream will fall to you from the sky. It is necessary to go to the dream. It is necessary to clear and build the road itself. If in heart there is a belief and dream, if in heart there is a love and hope, it is necessary to achieve the dream by all means. I always go to the dream. I do not sit on a place. In my life there were very few light moments. On this I try to make everything that my dreams have come true. I understand that now it's only dreams. But these dreams brighten my life. I hope that yours also.
I should finish my letter. I shall wait yours letter with impatience and with warm words for me.
With the best regards and with millions kisses
Hi, my Brian.
I do not know why the commission asked about mine sexual life, but I have answered them, that I had only 3 guys with whom I ever entered sexual relations. I have told them, that I have finished any my relations and have left mine ex boyfriend about which I spoke earlier, 5 years ago and more I did not meet him.
I well speak English, but probably I have some accent. I have loved English long ago, when I studied at school. In Russia the program of training necessarily includes foreign language, as a rule - English, German or French. I have entered in group of the English language and I am happy that I made it. I very much like your language. After school, I continued studying of English language at the university. It is a very soft and easily-memorized language. I want to know this language perfectly. And I shall necessarily bring my swimming suit.
And many thanks for your pictures.
I very much like popcorn look through a movie with the beloved. I did not look movie Titanic. I think we could to cuddle up on the couch with you and see a movie Titanic and eat popcorn.
I like all colors. I very much love a rainbow. Each color is fine.
There are millions various shades. But if you want to hear the concrete answer likely most of all I like turquoise color.
My birthday is on the June 28.
There is a fine news to me and to you - I have received the visa. I send you it. I shall have also vacation on December, 26.
Today I went to the company which reserves airway tickets. I asked them how I can reach Kansas City (MCI) and how much it costs. They answered me that the ticket costs $ 1854 USD. I asked them to find cheaper tickets, because this price is expensive for me. They answered that they had a cheaper ticket but the beginning of the flight 28-December-04. It costs $ 1196 USD. I asked them to reserve a ticket. But they refused, because they have a lot of clients at this time and they can't reserve my ticket without advance payment. I spoke with them for a long time and asked to reserve the ticket for me without advance payment but they didn't agree. Then I wondered if it is possible to pay a part of the money now and the other part later. They didn't agree. I spoke with them for a long time and I managed to persuade them. They agreed. We agreed that I would pay a part of the price today and the other part later.
I paid $ 604 USD. But it was little for an initial payment. Then I went to the pawnshop and pawned my silver and gold embellishments for $ 216 USD. It was my last money. The number of the flight on which I reserved the ticket is Aeroflot-Russian International Airlines 101.
The time of departure from Moscow is 10:05 am.
The time of arrival in Kansas City (MCI) is 10:50 pm.
I shall arrive in Warsaw (WAW), umber of the flight LOT-Polish Airlines 3.
I will change a plan in Chicago (ORD), number of the flight American Airlines 1973.
After this I will fly to Kansas City (MCI), to you Brian.
It is very difficult for me to tell you about it. But I have done everything that I could. I paid visa. I paid a part of the ticket. But this money is not enough. I didn't want to burden you. I wanted to reach you with my own money but unfortunately I failed. Now I have to pay the remaining part. It is only $ 376 USD. I have to pay this money 22-December-04 morning. Otherwise I will lose my money and ornaments.
If you need me, if you trust me and if you want to see me, please, send the money for the ticket before 22-December-04 morning.
I understand that it is a difficult decision for you, but we must trust each other. Any union without trust is impossible if it is a union of wife and husband or union of boy-friend and girl-friend or union of business partners. I don't want to be hypocritical. That's why I want to tell you following: I do not think that you would like to give the love to the woman whom you won't trust. Also I would not like to give my love to the man which I won't trust. It's a first check for us. And much depends upon it, may be everything. We must trust each other. That's why I was the first who made the first step. Step to you.
Of course if you don't want, you can not help me. It is bad but not fatal. I will lose my money. IT IS BAD TOO BUT NOT FATAL TOO. I paid $ 335 USD for making visa, and I paid a part of the ticket- $ 820 USD. It is big money for me, but I TOLD YOU ALREADY THAT MONEY IS NOT THE MAIN THING IN THE LIFE. But I trust you, and I know that YOU ARE A MAN OF HONOUR AND YOU ARE A GENTLEMAN.
I don't want you top doubt in my honesty and that's why I am sending you the view of my visa.
If you can help me I send you my coordinates. I give you necessary elements for sending money with the help of Western Union:
ASTRAKHAN , 414023
for Ushakowa Oksana.
To get the money, I should tell to employee of bank your full name, full address, exact sum which I should receive and some confidential numbers (Money Transfer Control Number), which will give you, when you will send the money.
Please forgive to me all my words. I speak so because I am in despair and confusion. Now, when only one step is separated us, I am afraid. I am afraid that you will not help, and all my diligence will have no use. I need you and I want to be with you and the word of honor, your help is necessary for me. I have not calculated my forces. But together we are much stronger. We will pass through difficulties and barrier, it is much easier to do it together. I want to present you all my infinite love and fidelity.
I understand that it is the big money for you. I did not want to ask you. I thought that I can make all itself. The loneliness has made me strong. I have got used to live without help, and to rely only on myself. I ask somebody for help very seldom, but now I ask you to help me. I have made a step forward. Make your step towards me. I hope that I have not offended you something. I need you and I trust you. I know, that you will not throw me now when there is only one step between us.
I am waiting for your reply.
Hi my Brian!
I have found money. I borrowed the loan at bank. But for this I had to leave my house under the pledge, I have told to people in bank that I shall to compensate money after returning from America. Do not worry. Soon we shall meet.
Today in the morning I ironed my dress. I was pensive about you, and have overlooked to remove an iron from a dress. I simply stood, looked out of the window, thought of you, I have ceased to ironing and have simply stopped a hand with an iron on a dress. You can imagine? I have burned my dress. Now in my dress the big hole. First I was upset and angry with myself. But afterwards I sat on a chair and have laughed. To me was so funny. It's a pity that you did not see me during this moment. I sat and laughed in the whole voice. It is really ridiculous. I laughed because i have understood, as far as strongly I love you. I constantly think of you. I am afraid, that if I soon will not see you my house will burn completely (smile).
I considered us. Our acquaintance can be named miracle. I never trusted and could not think that I can meet my favourite person on the Internet. I did not trust in the happiness and could not assume that I shall find to myself the beloved in my life. I have been disappointed by men and I did not trust that men can love and bring happiness to women. I looked on TV and read love novels as many women in Russia, but did not trust in these. In such novels all life in pink color and the happy end always. All such novels are similar each other. When I read these I lived of my soul a life of heroes from this novel. I was afflicted for these heroes and was happy together with them, but never thought that I can feel the love novel also. For me such novels were illusion only, but not a reality. My heart died, but I have got acquainted with you. And I HAVE COME TO LIFE. I feel a life in my heart. I know that I am necessary for you my dear Brian. And I am happy. This fine sensation when I know that I am necessary for someone. I hope that it you Brian. I speak now as the little girl. But my feelings to you are strong really and I cannot speak in other words about it. I hope you do not think of me as about the small silly girl? You have made me happy, but I hope for full happiness - when we shall be together. Probably you wait for our meeting as I also. And I hope the our future will be fine and happy. I am afraid to speak now about it. In Russia there is a bad sign - to speak about the future. Otherwise such future can not be. But I believe.
Many thanks for your pictures. I very much like them.
Forgive me. I should finish the letter. Probably I can tell it to you face to face soon. I shall speak you only the most good that probably between us. I shall write to you later again. Be patient.
The agency of travel have suggested me to make some very beautiful pictures for you which I send, I hope, that you like they.
With the best regards.
Your dear Oksana.
Hi my Brian!
I am happy to write to you letter again. It for me huge pleasure. How you could think that I aspire to use you to get in your country? For me it is not important where to live, Russia, America or other country. It not the main thing. The main thing that there was a love. The main thing - together with the beloved. Your country - the great and very interesting country with a high level of life. But I do not pursue benefit. In Russia it is possible to be happy too. I have written to you but not because you live in America. I have written to you because I know that the American men are able to appreciate love, able to concern to lady with tenderness and love. If I needed to prove sincerity of my feelings, I'm would prove it without doubts.
I never thought that lady aspire to arrive to your country to remain then there and to live own life. Likely really many ladies have the purpose to find a good life in your country using the American men. And I understand that you are inclined to think that I pursue the same purposes. I really want to meet you to spend with you some happy days. But I never will be solved to a marriage if I will not be sure on 100 %. For me a marriage - a sacred ceremony and an oath before the God. Once and FOREVER. If I have agreed to become your wife, it means that I am sure that for me there is only one man on this planet - you.I do not need your citizenship.
I want to confirm my flight. I fly from Moscow at 10:05 am. And I shall arrive in Kansas City (MCI) on flight American Airlines 1973 at 10:50 pm on December 28, 2004. I shall come back to Russia after New Year I want to spend this holiday together with you. And my return flight will be on January, 15.
I never flew in a plane before. And I should tell that I am afraid. I so frequently saw in TV-news about accidents, planes falling when all passengers perish. I really am afraid. And I am afraid that I will have feeling of a nausea. You should teach me how to not worry in a plane.
My vacation begin with December, 26, but I shall necessarily write to you at that day, I want that you wrote to me every day.
I understand, that you cannot take a lot of time from work to spend this time with me but when you will be on work, I could take walk and look around of that, where do you live. But when you at home, we shall have a lot of time, that to spend together.
You can take much my photos when I shall arrive to you, I at all there will be no against it, I very much would like to pose for you.
I so want that these days passed faster. I would like to close eyes for one instant. Then to open and see you. But as though I did not try, I see the same things.
I would like to give you Brian a song. But I am afraid, that it is hardly possible. I do not know such wonderful melodies and words. All in comparison with you is insignificant.
I would like to give you Brian dance, the most important on your life. But if music will cease to play, likely I at once will die.
I every day and every night call happiness. I have lost the way in a dark wood. Only you in my thoughts. All my hopes and dreams are connected only to you. I want to be with you.
I would like to give you Brian the sky together with the sun which is born in the East. There where dreams, not reducing flight achieve its purpose, and are embodied in a reality. There I and you will not be lonely.
I would like to lead you Brian in a garden, there where my good dreams ripen. Only hardly I can go beside you, because I will become transfixed with your breath.
I would like to give you Brian happiness, that nobody will challenge. But frequently my heart torn on parts, because between us ocean.
The God has give me a voice and I would like to sing a lullaby to you.
But the pain has captured my throat. This pain cannot be removed with hand, it is impossible to remove with prick. Only your kiss can relieve me of my tortures. I have gone mad for love to you. My life in your hands.
Whisper to me on an ear that you miss me. And I will be the happiest woman on Earth. For me you the Angel Divine. Without you it is terrible. Give me light in your window. And I will pay to you my fidelity and tenderness. Take my hand. Tell, that you will be always with me. For the sake of these words I am ready on all. I will give for you a life.
With the best regards
Your Oksana, only for you Brian!
Hi my dearest Brian!
I have bought to myself very beautiful dress. I think, that you to like this dress very much, but I nevertheless worry very much. You will see this dress on me when I shall arrive to you. Your love is the air that breathes life in my body. It is the sunshine in my soul. The rain that creates rivers of emotion, that flows within me from head to toe. Your love is the warm hand that lifts me out of myself and into a world unknown till now. Leaving past sorrows behind, we will awaken in our dream together. A new beginning, a new world, with limitless possibilities. All things we thought were valuable are meaningless now. For in our love, we have found the treasures of the heart and soul. Our ways and means that had guided us well, no longer serve two hearts that are now one. We will be as innocent children, needing to taste, touch, and smell all these new things. And as adolescents, we shall taste the fruits of the flesh as if for the first time, like Adam and Eve once felt in the Garden of Eden. It will be a paradise we have never known before. With gentle caress', and kissing of lips, our passions will grow. Our hearts will beat faster. And when time stands still, we will unite mind, and soul. Our hearts will beat as one. It is then we will truly know, that we have finally found each other, and our love will forever grow.
Forgive me. I should finish the letter. I always think of you my Brian! Many thanks for your picture.
With the best regards and kisses
Hi my dear and loved Brian!
How you? How your mood? I hope you think of me and take pleasure when receive and read my letters. I like to write to you, I do it with pleasure always and I present you, I recollect your kind and warm words of love. These are necessary for me. Do not cease to write to me about the love Brian. I like to read your letters and these bring to me happiness and confidence on the each tomorrow's day always.
Last night I have made a special calendar with your name on which I began to mark days which remain up to our meeting. I am excited very much, I think of our meeting every day and for me difficult for believing in the happiness. Really we with you shall together soon??? When I think of it my head starts make dizzy from happiness? This pleasant feeling very much. Probably you feel like also. Yesterday was rain in the evening. I sat alone at home, as always, watched TV and thought of you my dear Brian. I love a rain and during a rain I have lyrical mood. I like to dream, when it is raining. I think of the future at this time, I recollect the happy moments of my life. Basically, I had such moments in the childhood. But I am not upset also I believe, that I shall have the happy moments in a life many times still. Now I have you, my dear Brian and I can not already think of a life without you. Now I connect my and your Brian happiness in a single whole. I believe - you will make me happy. I shall bring to you happiness also. Believe, I can make it. Necessary between us the mutual understanding and love for this purpose only.
I should finish the letter. Remember, I love you and I wait for our meeting with impatience.
With the best regards and
With 1000000 kisses.
Hi my Brian!
This last letter for you which I write to you from the work.
The day today is so wonderful. The sun is shining. The weather is good. I wanted to be this day near to you. I have presented, that we sit at a little table, burn two candles, in glasses sparkles champagne. Silent music plays, and you invite me on slow dance. I snuggle to you, and put my head on your breast. You gently embrace me and whisper gentle words to me on my ear. I close eyes. You gentle - gentle to kiss me. I thaw in your embraces. Then we extinguish candles and we remain alone with our desires and feelings. I very much wanted it. I believe, that will be so. Get my kiss.
My dear Brian, you are everything that is beautiful in this world.
When there is Hate, you are the Love that conquers it.
When there is Sadness, you are the Smile that brings happiness.
When there are Tears, you are the Hands that dries them.
When there is War, you are the Peace that calms it.
When there is Pain, you are the Medicine that heals it.
When there is Suffering, you are the Joy that ends it.
When there is Love, You - heart which is filled with this love.
Now I will inform you very important information. I should arrive to Moscow beforehand to have enough time for arrival in the airport, registration of the ticket. Moscow is very big city and I should have enough time for this purpose. I will arrive to Moscow tomorrow the morning. I will try to write to you from Internet - cafe. I will tell to you about my trip. In Moscow I will stop in a waiting room. There I will spend night. I will write to you from Moscow. You do not imagine how I worry. I want to ask you prayed for me while I will be in road. Promise me.
I so worry.
With the best regards
Yours Oksana!!! I kiss you!!!
Hi my Brian! I cannot get registration and the sanction in anti-immigration committee. I have been informed that according to the law for Citizens of Russia who leave our country with visa without residence permit, if I go to your country I am obliged to have cash as confirmation that I possess monetary resources. I can't receive sanction to get registration at the airport. I am obliged to show them 300 dollars. If I have 300 dollars I will receive registration and the sanction of anti-immigration committee. The law obliges me to have money as confirmation, that in your country I will have money resources for existence and livelihoods during that time which I will spend there. I should show 300 dollars. If I will show money, I will receive confirmation that I possess monetary resources and I will get the official sanction to leave my country with the visa. Otherwise they have no right to let me go to your country. Please, as soon as possible send me 300 dollars. I will show this money and I will receive the sanction. This money are necessary for me only to show at anti-immigration committee. I will give you this money right at the airport Kansas City (MCI). I should not pay anything. I simply should show money and then I can leave customs house. Please, send me money as soon as possible because I have no money. Please, use system of Western Union because here there is several banks, which uses this system of a remittance and I can receive your money. I should tell to employee of bank your full name, full address, exact sum which I should receive and some confidential numbers (Money Transfer Control Number), which will give you, when you will send the money. Brian, my nerves on a limit. I got the formal notice, according to which I should have money to leave my country according to the law. I cannot write much because I use the Internet - cafe and I have no money for that. Here only three computers and so many people. I should spend night in Moscow in a waiting room. It is much more terrible than I thought. Tomorrow I again will use Internet - cafe to receive your letter. I cannot be in Moscow for a long time, because I have no money for a meal and a for the night lodging. I only have slightly of meal that I took at home for my trip in a train. Soon already evening. I should receive the sanction of anti-immigration committee as soon as possible because I cannot be in Moscow for a long time. I am nervous very much. With love.
MIRA PROSPEKT, 180
for Ushakowa Oksana.
Hi my dear Brian! I write to you this letter from hospital. There was a misfortune. After I have received your help, I have left bank and have gone to the underground. In the underground there was an accident. I went downwards on a big ladder. At this moment behind of me people began to shout. I have turned and have seen that a very big man tried to snatch out a bag from hands of a woman. He very strongly pushed a woman, he wrested a bag and run downwards on a ladder directly towards me. I stood like frozen and did not know what to do. As I stood on his road he very strongly struck me and have pushed me forward. I have very strongly fallen and began to fall downwards of stairs. I have flown by some meters downwards. It was so painfully. I could not rise. People which saw it, have called car of first aid. I have been taken away in hospital. I have a strong dislocation of a hand, a crack in an rib and damage of my spleen. It is very hurt. Each breath brings to me a pain. I am glad that that man did not withdrew my bag because all my documents were in my bag. In the morning to me came a policeman and took my evidence. I have addressed to him and have told that I should fly to America. I have shown him all my documents and have asked to help me. He has agreed. I have given him all my documents and he has gone to the airport officially to inform about my problem and officially to receive the sanction to renewal of my ticket on later time. At present the situation is that I should be in hospital for one and a half weeks, or for two weeks, because the spleen is very important organ of a human body and hospitalization is necessary. I cannot leave hospital because I have serious traumas. My stay in hospital will be paid by the Astrakhan Medical Insurance Company because each worker of our bureau of registration of a marriage has annual life insurance from accidents and death. Here, in hospital there are computers for general purpose, like a Internet - cafe, but I should pay money, and to get access to a computer I should wait in the big queue. Very many people. On this I hope you will understand me if some day I cannot write to you. After I will be let out from hospital, I will receive the new ticket and I will arrive to you. Now I do not need anything. I only ask your support. Do not throw me now. I very much am afraid to remain alone. I will write to you whenever possible and I will inform on what happen.I cannot write much because I have a strong pain at each movement of a body and because my time is limited. Many people wait a computer. I will try to receive your letter, but for this purpose I should find the person who will teach me as it to make because here other computers and I don't know how to receive from you the letter. I will write to you tomorrow as soon as I will receive an opportunity. Forgive me. I do not know why the God punishes me. Please do not throw me because I one in Moscow and only one person with whom I have connection - You. I will write to you later and I will tell in more detail. Now I should go because now I will have x-ray therapy again.