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Letter(s) from Maria Gorshounova to Charles (USA)
First of all I want to apologize for my delay with my answer. Please do not be angry with me. Unfortunately I had no opportunity to write to you sooner. I hope you remember me? I have written to you the short letter and you have answered me. I wanted to answer at once to not keep you waiting for my answer, but I got access to a computer only now. Please, forgive me. I am very glad that you have answered to my letter. Thank you that you have found time for answer.
Probably first of all I should write the most important thing. I hope and I think you are not very much afflicted that I live not in your country (I think you already know about it). But I very much hope that it does not frighten you, because I am the same lady like many other ladies living in the different countries. I am the same person with heart and soul. I very much am afraid that my nationality and my residence will disappoint you and you will not write to me more, but at the same time I sincerely hope that nationality and distinction of cultures for you is not the most important things in a lady. And if your interest is not limited by distance or borders, I really will be very glad. My country is Russia. Moscow is the capital of Russia. Now I live in village of Sovetka. It's a small settlement, where live a few hundreds inhabitants. Probably if you want to have the best understanding about where I live, I should tell you that my village is located close to the big city - Taganrog. It is a city located in Rostov Area - in a southern part of the European Russia,near to such known cities as Novocherkassk, Rostov on Don. In the childhood I dreamed to be a translator of the English language. I dreamed to work with our President to know all state and international secrets! (smile). But the destiny has disposed differently. I think our president doesn't need my services now because I am gynecologist, and I think that our president would not allow me to examine him (smile)! I began to get education in the comprehensive school with a medical bias. After ending school I entered the Medical University.Now I work in a clinic. I work as an gynecologist. I already said that my name is Mariya.
Charles, I promised to share with you my picture, I fulfils my promise with worry and with pleasure. In addition to a picture I want to tell that color of my hair is dark-brown, though sometimes I like to change color of hair. I hope you are not disappointed very much that I am a dark-brown, because I know that all men love more blondes? It is a question!!! (smile). My height is 5 feet 6 inches. My weight is 115 pounds. And of course you should know that I am 29 years old. My birthday is 01 May 1977. I understand that all people have various tastes and interests, but I sincerely hope that my picture and my appearance will be pleasant for you. But if my appearance doesn't conform to your tastes and interests, I will understand you, of course. I the optimist at heart and it's often help me in my life. I already adult woman; and I look at the life with a philosophical shade. But as though I did not try to inspire myself that I absolutely happy woman, I can't do it. I have fine lady friend, I have job and my apartment. But there are things without which people cannot be happy. And for me it's not material things. I have written to you the first and it means that I am ready to share with you my thoughts. I am very glad and grateful to you for that that you have answered me. Anyhow, I hope that you, just as I, have interest in our dialogue, and I will wait your answer. In the end of my letter I want to ask you the most banal questions: what music you like, what movies you prefer. These questions are really interesting for me because I like American movies and American music very much. I with pleasure will tell to you about it in my next letter if you really want to learn more about me. Do you like your job, Charles? Had you ever had experience in correspondence with a friend from other country? Maybe you are more skilled in this than I am? If you do not want to answer these questions, please do not answer. It is simply my female curiosity. I will be very grateful to you also if you will send me your pictures. I will be happy to have your pictures in the computer. With the best regards.
How your day? I hope you are glad to receive my letter because when I have received your letter I really was glad. Many thanks. At once I want to tell to you about my opportunities to write letters to you. I write letters on my job because I have no the personal computer. The computer is in an accounting department. Lady who works with a computer will allow me to use a computer in my interests sometimes. It depends not from me, unfortunately. I work from Monday till Friday. It is Russian standard. Therefore I will not be able to write you and to receive your letters Saturday and on Sunday. But sometimes I work Saturday and even Sunday. In fact any pain hasn't schedules(smile). Therefore, maybe I will be able to write letters in the Saturday or Sunday.
Thank you for your picture. It is a fine picture. You are a strong and handsome man. I very much like this picture. It is wonderful, when a man combines force and charm. It happens so seldom. Forgive me for my frank words. But I always speak what I think. I think there is nothing bad in it. You have pleasant appearance and it is wonderful.
It is wonderful, that you have children. Likely you are a very happy man. I read your letter and I understand how strongly you love your children. You are a true father and it's wonderful. I am sure that your children always bring to you pleasure, and love you by all heart. Well, I will tell you more about my interests. I like various types of music. I like to listen to classical music. I like Dire Straits. But my favorite is Pink Floyd. They are not similar to anybody. It is a great band. I like Robbie Williams, Madonna and many others. In America there are a lot of great musicians. I like Russian musicians but likely you do not know them. OK, movie! I like works of such Russian directors as Konchalovsky, Mikhalkov. My favorite movies are "The Barber of Siberia" and "Burnt by the Sun". It's masterpieces of the Russian cinema. The American movie in Russia is considered like the greatest. I like American movies very much. Brave Heart, the Sixth Sense, Rainman, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, the Godfather, Groundhog Day, the Scent of a Woman, Dragonfly. My favorite actors - Bruce Willis, Al Pacino, Kevin Costner, Samuel L. Jackson, Uma Thurman, Tom Hanks, Kevin Spacey. My hobby, if it's possible to tell so - the English language. I have loved English long ago, when I studied at school. In Russia the program of training necessarily includes foreign language, as a rule - English, German or French. I have entered in group of the English language and I am happy that I made it. I like your language very much. After school, I continued studying English at the university. I like this language. I have been studying your language for 18 years. Of course I speak English! I have been studying English for 18 years! I only hope that you would love my Russian accent that I have without any doubts. I want to know this language perfectly. I know that now I admit mistakes, but I hope you won't angry. But my biggest predilection that will be with me during all my life is the knitting! My mom has taught me to knit in the childhood, and now I knit sweaters, jackets and waistcoats for myself and for my friends. I like to knit very much, and I like woolen clothes very much. Basically all warm sweaters that I have, I have made by my own hands. I do not know if in your country the knitting is popular, but here it is very popular. What else to tell about me? I have no children and I was never married, though of course I was in relationship and even thought that it will lead me to the happy future. But now I haven't anything except of bad and painful memoirs. Charles, how you would describe your character? I never tried to describe features of my character to somebody. I live with a smile on my face and with hope in my heart. I think I can consider myself an optimist. And maybe it has helped me to dare to write you. I saw a great deal in my life, and for 29 years I have passed through a lot of vital tests. And I know that I do not need many things to be happy. All I need is a man, friend, soul-mate, love. And my life has led me to the fact that now I seeks it in such way. And I do not think it is bad. How do you think? I live honestly, and it brings pleasure to me. I know that happiness not requires many things. Likely the main thing that does not suffice me now is love. People without love cannot be happy. And I speak not only about love between a man and a woman, but also about love to a family for example. I have no family anymore and it really oppresses me. I always recollect my family. Charles, you meet your family often? I very much want to return that time when I had family. Are you looking for the soul mate or just a friend? What are you looking for in a soulmate, Charles, if you are looking for? I hope to receive your letter soon. Sincerely and with the best regards.
Hi Charles! Today definitely good day - day of dialogue with my friend Charles! (Smile). How it is wonderful to receive something that you really wait. And in a case with me it of course your letter! Thank you! Today was a difficult day, and dialogue with you removes my physical weariness. The quantity of patients has considerably increased for some last years. Here many people lives in the remote areas, impassable districts. They lives even without an electricity in absolutely unsuitable conditions for a life. And it certainly becomes the reason of a plenty of diseases. The sad fact. Sometimes I want our president Putin to live here instead of the Kremlin, simply to understand what life is. Maybe in this case all wars would end much faster? Forgive me that I tell you about our problems, simply I write all what in my head. If you do not like to read about it - simply tell me.
Thank you for new picture. I already spoke, that you are a handsome man. Your new picture confirms my words. You really very charming and attractive a man and to look at you is very pleasantly. When I have opened a file, I had sincere smile on my face. A wonderful girl, a small angel. I am very glad that you have a daughter. By reading your letter, I can understand as far as strong you love her. It is wonderful. I am sure that you are a happy man and father. You said that my profile says that I live in USA? I thought I have written in profile- Sovetka, Russian Federation. Am I wrong? If so I ask to forgive me. But as far as I remember, I wrote that I live in Sovetka, but not in America. But if I am mistaken, I am sorry. I have simply specified a place where I wanted to find a friend, and maybe that is why you thought that I am living there? Please forgive me, if I incorrectly informed you about my residence. I did not think of what will contain my profile because after I have written to you, I did not visit my profile anymore. I have no experience in it. Maybe I has confused something. Please, forgive me if so. I hope you don't become angry with me. I think that I could made something incorrectly in my profile, because I never did it before, and after I have filled my profile I even did not know how to check up all that I have written there. But anyhow, I created my profile only to find a friend of life, and I was not absolutely attentive because I knew that as soon as you will answer me, I will simply cancel my profile. I understand your request to call you from phone. I should tell that never so did not worry about presence of phone, as now. I never thought that the serious moments in our life can depend on presence of phone. But now I understand that the fact that I have no phone can deprive me an opportunity to learn a man who could become my friend. And it is really afflicts me. But not all in this life depends on me.
Unfortunately I have no phone. Please, not be surprising. In Russia many people have no phone. To get a phone it is necessary to write the statement, to pay the big sum and after to wait for a long time queue. Many people wait during several years. But I can try to call you from the international item of communication. Can you give me your phone number? If I can call you I will inform you. But anyhow, I understand that for you would be easier to talk by phone. But alas, the life in Russia is not similar to a life in America, and for the majority of people a getting of phone is very long process. If for you phone is the main criterion for the future relations, I of course will understand you. But I have decided to use the Internet because it is really accessible way for me. If nevertheless you want to continue dialogue with me, I will be very glad. I cannot promise to you that I will call you soon but if you will give me your number, I can promise that I will search for a way to call you and sooner or later I will call you. I haven't car and I never drove car. It seems that it so difficultly. Is necessary to have time to look at road, twist a rudder and press pedals simultaneously. You believe that I can learn? You have asked about flowers I like? I like all flowers. But my favorite flowers - lilies. You know such flowers? These are very beautiful flowers. But my favorite aroma is the aroma of a jasmine. I adore a jasmine more than all. I like jasmine aroma more than lilies, and more than all flowers taken together. It is the most delightful aroma. Though the jasmine is shrubbery-plant and to name jasmine by flowers hardly possible. But for me it is flowers, the most beautiful and most delightful smelling flowers on the Earth. Nobody and never gave me a jasmine. If it will take place I will go mad for happiness. Do you saw a jasmine? Do you know a jasmine? My favorite color - it's pink, though in general I like all colors, each shade is fine. Hundreds shades, tones. I like all colors of a rainbow. But you ask to name one, and it is pink. It is the most gentle and beautiful color. By the way Charles I have asked you about your family in my last letter because it really interestingly for me, as all my family has passed away. My parents were military, mom was the military doctor, father was the officer and we hadn't constant house because they very often got the notice about new place of service, in places with the military conflict. Therefore my childhood was not very cheerful. We lived in temporary habitation outside of zone of conflict, therefore sometimes I did not see my parents some weeks, and I was at home absolutely alone, being an eight-year girl. Therefore since the early childhood I am able to cook, sew, knit and do any heavy physical work. Now I absolutely agree that it's correctly said that:"Thing that does not kill us makes us stronger". Don't you agree Charles? When father got new place of service near to Kazakhstan, I have gone to study in the good medical university in Tomsk. I lived in student's hotel on distance of 600 kilometers from my parents. But we had meeting some times in the year. Later my parents got new place of service and have left to live in the Sovetka . And I saw my parents only once in one year. At university for the first time in my life I have found a true friend (it is Svetlana) who is my best and reliable friend till now. We have together passed through a hard time when have been compelled to study and work in the evening and at night,- just to support itself. After ending of university I was to get direction for intern in Tomsk area, but I have received the letter from mom where she informed that daddy has been killed in military collision. There is nothing worse than to find out about death of the parent from the letter. After that I began to live with mom because I was afraid to leave her lone at such difficult period. One and a half year ago my mom has passed away. I will not describe all pain and suffering which I had at that time. Simply I want to tell that all ups and downs, all pleasures and misfortunes that were in my life have led me to who I am now. The destiny was not tender with me, but I am grateful to my destiny for my parents, I am grateful to my destiny for my friend Svetlana, because it really a gift of destiny. And I hope Charles you are not angry with me that I talk to you about it? It is my life and it is a part of me. And how you would learn me more if I would not tell you it, really? And I as well would be glad to learn more about you. Your life is very interesting to me. Are you grateful to destiny for anything in your life Charles? How often you become tired on your work? Do you like the nature, rivers and lakes, woods and mountains? Are you religious person Charles? I will wait for your letter so please write me soon! Sincerely and with the best regards.
Your friend (I hope) Mariya.
P.S. Before I will start to knit a sweater for you we should agree upon the price.
Remember that I very mercantile and materialistic person. How about a kiss in a cheek?
I think it a worthy payment for my work? (Smile). What do you think?
Unfortunately I had no opportunity to write to you earlier.
Please forgive me for a delay. I hope you are not offended on me.
But better later than never.
Happy birthday to you!!!
Happy birthday to you!!!
Happy birthday dear Charles!!!
Happy birthday to you!!!
In Russia usually speak the wishes for hero of the day. I want all your dreams to come true. I wish that any troubles and misfortunes have forgotten road to your house. I wish for you only the enjoyment, only pleasure, only Love. Thank you for new pictures. Today I had so much work that I was afraid that I wouldn't have time to get your letter. And I have to say that it is distressed me. But now I have found free time and very glad. Thank you for your kind letter. My last letter was sad. That's why today I will try not to write about sad things. How there were your day? Now I am smiling and have a good mood, because today we found out that in two days into Taganrog will be coming big exhibition of rare breeds of cats and dogs. It is great news because at this exhibition there will be the best representatives of rare breeds, collected from all of Russia. Everybody wants to visit this exhibition because it will last only for several days. I like animals very much. Can you imagine that I never was in a zoo? It is my dream. But the last summer I visited an exhibition of fishes. This exhibition is in Taganrog and there many various fishes. All fishes such beautiful. Have you ever been in zoo? We have here several small menageries, but I dream to see giraffes and rhinoceroses, hippopotamuses and bears. I never saw tigers and elephants in real life. Have you ever seen a tiger or a bear? The biggest animal I saw in my life is a horse. I like horses very much and think that these are the most beautiful animals in the planet. As matter of fact I have always dreamt to have some pets. Unfortunately a horse hardly would be placed in my apartment (smile). I dreamt to have cat or dog. But when I think that a little puppy will wait for me home, alone, I feel pity. That's why I don't have pets.
Thank you for your diligence to write to me in Russian! It really has some sense, but I think similar translators are able to correctly translate sense only of elementary thoughts. Anyhow, when I read your thoughts written on your native language, it looks and perceived much more beautifully and easy! (Smile). I can give you my address, but you should not send anything with the exception of letters. Please do not send any parcels. Our Territory - the center of terrorism where concentrated a lot of terrorists from Northern Caucasus and Chechen Republic, and their supporters, and getting of mail from other country is unsafely for Russian people living in Rostov area , because some supporters of terrorists can cause me physical harm if find out about sending from America. Russian custom house checks everything, and customs officers decide what to skip and what to confiscate or detain. If customs officer will sold or simply given your sending to any interested person, or simply would open it ostensibly for checking assignment of contents and simply would report to bad people my address. My life will undergo danger. It is unsafe for me. For this reason I ask you to send only letters. If you want to send me letter, your package should have the minimal sizes and do not draw attention of custom house. Promise?
What else to tell about myself? I always very much get tired on work. And though my work is not heavy physical work but like any doctor, I am in constant concentration and an internal moral strenuousness, because the health of people depends on my attention. I am always waiting weekends with impatience. Weekends are the only one possibility for me to get a rest and to get new forces. Weekends I spend variously. Sometimes I want simply to rest in my apartment. I live alone in my apartment. I have the one-room apartment with a toilet and kitchen. I like my apartment - small and cozy. On weekends I always clean apartment properly. I like purity. And though I always try to keep clean my apartment, all the same, always in the weekends I find what work to make in an apartment. But when I want really to relax I listen to music or read books. I like to read books especially historical novels about ancient Russia or other countries. I like to spend time with my female friends. I have two best lady friends. When we meet, the air is filling with laughter. We like to walk and to talk; we go to cinema and walk in the park. If you want I can tell you about my friends. I like very much to spend time in nature in the open air. I like the sea. I live not very far away from the sea, but should tell that I have been there very seldom. I like woods, mountains, lakes and the rivers more. Camping in Russia is very popular. I adore to go to the forest and to live in a tent though now I have such opportunity seldom. I like to look at night illumination and cars headlights. I like very much to look at the stars. In August our sky abound with stars. It is incredible beautifully. I like to cook on the fire. There is nothing more wonderful than when the fragrances of forest, mountain rivers and smoke mix together in the air. I am romantic undoubtedly. I really like to cook. I know that I do it well, because I started cooking from childhood. My mother taught me many things including cooking. She said: "Lady who can cook well doesn't have disadvantages and demerits, because tasty food is a way to the man's heart (smile). May be she was right. We have In Russia many national dishes, such as an okroshka, uha, borsch, golubtsy. I am not sure if you know such dishes. These are Russian national dishes. Also I like dishes of Caucasian Georgia. What dishes do you prefer Charles? Looking back at your life would you like to change something? I have to finish. I hope my letter was not stodgy and uninteresting. I will wait for your letter with impatience. I wish you peace and kindness.
Hi, my dear friend Charles! I hope you not mind that I say so.
Thank you for your letter. Day by day I feel more need in getting your letter. My mood has become better again when I have got your letter. I should say that when I have good mood I hear gratitude from my patients much more often (smile). Therefore, now the health of a Russian women depend on your letters (smile again).
To my regret I could not visit an exhibition. Last days was a lot of work and I could not go to Taganrog. But it not death (smile). By the way, when I came to work today, my mood was bad, because my friend Svetlana fell ill and now she is in the hospital. The saddest thing is that she has birthday today. She is 30 years old today. Unfortunately she will spend her birthday in the hospital. But I have already talked with a doctor and I will be allowed to spend evening in her chamber. In the evening I will bake a cake, I will buy balloons and go to the hospital. I hope very much that she will have good mood on her birthday. She is my best friend. By the way, she works with me in the clinic.
Svetlana the doctor the otolaryngologist in our clinic. As a matter of fact I have only two real friends - Svetlana and Irina. Svetlana is a lady who is in the hospital. Irina is our friend already for several years. Svetlana and I are like sisters. We like to take a walk. Usually we walk in the park. But also we like to spend time in Svetlana vegetable garden. She lives in an old wooden house. I don't know if you have seen such houses. It is the houses which were built before the Second World War, in the fortieth years. These are very old houses which don't have bath and running water. So people have to take water outside in the well. In modern world such conditions seem very terrible, but this is really so. We like to spend time in Svetlana vegetable garden. There she grows the potato, tomatoes and cucumbers not to buy them in the market. Every winter Svetlana, Irina and I together build a big Snowman in her vegetable garden, using a big snow spheres. We put carrot instead of nose, and potatoes instead of eyes. It is very funny. All neighbor's children came to see it. By the way, if we want to fool about, we put carrots not only instead of a nose but also below..... (hint and smile) First time we made such Snowman 10 years ago. Since that time we do it every year. It is a tradition for us. We poured it with water to cover with ice. So it could stand for the whole winter. I like Sovetka. Almost all people in our village know each other. We have little buildings - maximum 2 floors. Svetlana says that she wants to live in a big city. I don't know where is better. Big city is a big traffic, fast rhythm of life, garlands of fires, lightning's of shop windows, high buildings, fountains, cinemas, parks, attractions, theatres. It is wonderful, of course I like it. But our village is a fresh air, a lot of trees and birds, silent and comfortable, cozy, quiet place, no hubris and vanity inherent for big cities. We have a lot of small and large lakes and rivers. The places are very beautiful. If there was no criminality, it would be paradise. But alas, the criminal in small cities, as well as in the big cities is an integral part our life. Unfortunately the crime in Russia is on a very high level. But I don't want to tell about sad things. Several times, Svetlana, Irina and I went to the festival of bard song. This is a place on the coast of the river where a lot of people come from all country. At night the coast is covered with thousand fires lights. The scene is a huge raft having the form of a guitar and established right on water and everybody who wants to sing together with famous bard singers, goes on this raft and starts to sing. And all thousands people become silent and listen to this singer even if he is absolutely unknown. It is the unique festival. I have to finish my letter. I don't want but I have to do it. Today when I will come to Svetlana we will talk about you. She likes to ask about you and I like to tell her. I wanted to ask you what makes you happy Charles? What was the best gift from a woman you got? Sincerely your, and with best wishes.
P.S. I have put a picture of a Snowman, but only the top part.
I think you can understand, that other part indecent. Smile.
Thanks for your anxiety about Svetlana. She has female disease. It is not dangerous, but demanded to place her in hospital to take small survey. Now doctors have found out everything and probably tomorrow or the day after tomorrow she will already leave hospital, but will be compelled to spend still some days home to provide a rest.
At once I want to tell that Svetlana sends you her greetings. I was in hospital and we have spent her birthday very well. I wanted to bake a small cake, but it has turned out on the contrary. The cake was huge. It weighed two kg. When I have brought it to hospital, we have divided this into set of pieces; and all doctors and some patients that were in this small branch are drank tea and ate a pie together with us and everyone was glad and happy. I have brought a lot of balloons. She was very glad and grateful to me. The day is wonderful today and the weather is good. The sun is shining all the day. To add to all this I have got your letter and my happiness doesn't have limits. So what about your weather? May be today after work I will take a walk. I like to walk along the street and to breathe the fresh air, especially when the weather is warm, even in the winter. As a matter of fact I don't want to go home. At home is very boringly and lonesomely. Sometimes I don't notice it, but sometimes when I come home with good mood, I want to talk very much, to share thoughts with anybody, to have fun. But my apartment is empty and I have to be in full loneliness. And my good mood disappears. I simply sit down into the armchair and look at the window. And when the silence deafens me, when I hear movement of my eyelashes, at that moment the hoop of loneliness compresses my heart. I can listen to music or read a book. I can go to my friends. But in some moment I understand that I just deceive myself. In fact I want a beloved person to be near me, with whom I could spend evenings, to meet morning, to talk about yesterday and to dream about tomorrow day. I want to walk and to feel a strong man arm holds me. I don't want to cook meals only for myself. I want somebody to appreciate it. But I think enough about it. Hi Charles, again. I began writing the letter in the morning. Now already 5 p.m. Can you imagine? Today was heavy working day. My working day comes to an end soon. But, one employee has brought here her small son, and she has asked me to look after him because she should leave urgently for some hours. The boy knows me very well. He already some times remained with me and spent time. As our clinic works till 22.00, we can be here up to the end of work day. His mom works in our clinic only a few months and she has no friends or relatives here. That's why I already some times helped her. Her son is amusing boy. He told to me that tomorrow he with mom should go to dentist to treat his ill tooth. I asked him: What do you dream about? He answered that he dreams to become a grownup because grownups don't have problems with teeth. It was so funny. I often recollect childhood. I always dreamed to become a grown up as soon as possible. As every child I completely believed that grownups don't have problems at all. I dreamt in the childhood and I dream now. Of course, the world of dreams is an illusive world. We live in a real life, so we should not sink into the world of dreams and phantasies for a long time. When a dream becomes obsession, it can bring only pain and disappointment. Our dreams come true not always. It happens that you use all energy, all aspiration to make dream come true. But irrespective of how strenuously you try, not everything in this life depend on us. When the dream for a long time does not come true, dream ceases to be the star, that was for you a lighthouse in the ocean of the life. But anyway, I think that it is impossible to live without dreams and hopes. When there is a dream, the life is filled with sense. Our dreams force us to think, analyze, choose and come to a conclusion. The Faith and Hope are eternal satellites of our lifes. And regardless of what waits you at the end, we remember joy of the victories better, than disappointment and pain of the defeats. Don't you agree? I'm surprised that I write all this to you. I have never had a man, with whom I felt conveniently in sharing my thoughts. But now I have found you, and I am very glad. Forgive me for my frankness. If I said something superfluous forgive me please. Can I ask some small questions? Do you like to sleep, or get up early in the morning? Do you like to kiss? (smile) Are you a good kisser? (smile) Do you like when your friends come to your home or you prefer to go to friends. I adore when Svetlana or Irina come to my apartment. What clothes do you like to see in a lady? I will wait for your letter with impatience.
I am very glad that you have written me. Thank you very much. You cannot imagine how much I wait for messages from you! Your letters became a part of my days! Now in my thoughts always only one question - "When I will get an opportunity to read your letter and to write my?"... And when I hear a favorite phrase: "Mariya, you can jump, you has received the letter!" (A lady who works with a computer says exactly this phrase) I really become joyful very much and start to smile involuntarily. Therefore thank you!!! Today is a good day and to clinic I have come already with good mood. Today at night there was a little rain. In the morning I have come out to the street to jog and I have seen that all footpaths and roads completely are filled with water . But I like such a weather. I like any weather. Many people do not notice beauty that surrounded them. In my soul such a weather wakens the big energy and fine mood. I like all seasons. I like autumn. Yellow leaves, gold trees. It is so wonderful to walk in the park and to listen to how leaves rustle under feet; to see the clouds that float in the sky, to see birds departing to the warm lands. And at night the sky begins to cry. The rain knocks on windows and roofs. A lightning illuminates for shares of second the empty streets. It is wonderful. How it would be wonderful in such a weather to appear with beloved in a small room with a warm fireplace; weak light and singing of a cricket. How you think Charles? What can be finer than romantic evening in rainy day? I at all do not know what season I like more. Russian winter is delightful. The all world around is white. And falls of snow bewitches, especially in the evening. When you see flows of light from a window, and on a background of black sky small snowflakes are similar to stars. And if for a long time you look at the sky, then it seems that you are flying through these wonderful snowflakes towards something unknown. I like spring. The world as though is born again. Air is filled with freshness. All troubles and failures thaws together with snow. The sounds of the baby birds chirping for the first time. Summer is a fine mood, the desire to learn the world, to have a rest and enjoy life. I feel that I rambling on.
Thank you for your fine words. Thanks for your sincere and gentle words. Nobody spoke with me so gently, cautiously and sincerely before! Your thoughts and feelings are so beautiful and romantic. And I see me in your thoughts and it force me to feel that I especial lady. Your letters and your thoughts bring pleasure at my day and give calm to my soul. I think of you and I feel warmth in my heart. I really want to tell you what I feel. I get a great pleasure when you write to me. Your letters and your thoughts bring pleasure at my day and give calm to my soul. I think of you and I feel warmth in heart. You have such kind heart. Something inside me prompted me that you very sincere and true a man. It so is important for me. I always think about you and it is pleasant to me. I do not know where I go. But I am not afraid of it. Nobody knows what waits for us in the future, in one hour, or tomorrow, or in 20 years. I simply go there where directs me my heart. I’m listening what my heart says to me. When will come time to do the choice, to choose road, my heart again will tell me what I have to do now. So was always in my life. And now my heart is overflow with unusual feelings, and I do not know how to describe what I feel. I do not feel that between us thousand kilometers. I constantly think of you. I never feel such warmth in my heart. Oh yes! I like to kiss! (I want to intrigue you! I could?) I think that a kiss it in general the most romantic and sensual way of expression of the love, tenderness and desire. People allow to each other to learn a internal world and taste of each other; people exchange breath. It is very sensual moment and of course it brings pleasure to any person. Kiss it's display of feelings. By means of a kiss is possible to tell very much. It is very important part of relationship. Any displays of feelings, kiss or embrace are very important. It is the basic factor of relationship. I think the more, the better. I like to be kissed in a neck! It is my magic place! Also shoulders, hands, a stomach and of course lips!!!!! I like to be affectionate. It is a part of my character. I like to give tenderness and I like to get the tenderness. Therefore I hate a rage and roughness. I like to express feelings in all allowable ways. And I think that it's wonderfully. By the way, I jog for many years. I really have good health because I always try to support my figure and I jog every morning. I try to spend time in the air as much as possible. I have no car and I use transport extremely seldom. I get contrast shower - alternation of a stream of cold and hot water. I since the childhood lived in conditions of cold winter and damp autumn. Such climate is toughening health very well. I do not smoke and I do not drink alcoholic drinks. I really love a healthy way of life. And I am proud of it. I love sports very much. Though should admit that I never played golf, football and basketball, never boxed. But I could surprise you, if I had opportunity to compete with you in beach volleyball. By the way, when I studied at university, I visited section of swimming and have reached good results. Some times I participated in swim competitions. Swimming - till now my favorite kind of sports.
Charles, I have to finish.With the best regards and with thoughts of you.
P.S.I want to give you a small gift and I send a pictures of me.
I hope you will like it.
Hi my dear friend, Charles!!!!
You have not written to me already more than week. You are good?
You have received my previous letter with pictures of me on the sea?
By the way Charles, today I went to job being absolutely confident that your letter waits for me. Earlier I always went with thought that you probably yet have not written, but today for the first time I went with thought that your letter already waits for me. I went along the street with the smile on my face. I could not hide my smile. People that went past of me looked back and looked at me. Here already many employees know that I have found such a wonderful friend, and nobody is surprised that my friend lives in other country. Everybody only are glad. Nobody here is surprised if the woman searches for not Russian man. I think the cultural distinction is a wonderful thing. I don't understand Russian men and their culture of dialogue with woman. They are not able to appreciate woman's feelings, her fidelity, love. They do not appreciate sincerity and aspiration of woman to do for a man absolutely everything. The only thing she need - the warmth and caress, which she wants to get from a man. It is the problem of Russian men. Russian lady does everything for a man but doesn't get anything from him. All what she needs is at least a couple of tender words and gentle touching of his arms. Really it is so difficult? Really it is difficult to present for your lady a romantic evening and a supper with candles? In Russia as a rule such gift give lady to man, but not man to lady. You say that I am beautiful. In Russia I am not considered like a beautiful lady. I am usual and simple woman with usual appearance. Russian men, practically all of them, usually show disrespect to ladies. They consider that woman only have to work, to cook, to wash cloths and entertain a man when he wants. For Russian man to offend a woman is a usual thing. I like to cook and to wash cloths but sometimes I would like to receive simple caress, love and attention. I don't want to offend all men. Of course there are good men in Russia, but there are few of them. Men very often say dirty words (not normative lexicon) when they talk with lady and consider that there is nothing bad in it. I want to tell you about my ex-boyfriend. I feel that you will understand me. I had boyfriend. We had good time together. He was kind. But he liked to drink. When he got drunk he became an absolutely other person. He talked with me by bad and dirty words. The time passed and his love to alcohol became a habit. He became another person - rude and evil, even when did not drink. He has found the big interest in beating of me. He began to beat me very often and cruelly. He often knocked me in my face by fist and even kicked me by foot when I already was on a floor. And every time when I being on a floor looked in to his eyes, and with tears in my eyes asked him - WHY? - he just responded that any man is a King and a place of any woman - under foot of a true man. But the next day he smiled and talked with me as if nothing had happened. In public he was very delicate, polite. All people considered that he is a true gentleman. But when he found oneself at home, everything was on the contrary. I very much was afraid of him and I have left him. My soul was wounded very much. After this I couldn't make myself get acquainted with another man. I don't trust Russian men. I am afraid to give my love, but back to get roughness instead of love. I have told to you about it because I want you to know that I open to you my soul. And I want you to know about my ex-relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I feel that I can tell to you about this because I feel that you have very kind heart. By the way, today Svetlana leaves hospital! And though she will spend some more days at home, all the same it is much better than in hospital.
If you have disagreements with lady, can you apply roughness?
Are you able to transform quarrel into the peace, pleasure and a smile?
I hope my letter have not offended you in any way.
I have to finish. With all my kindness and tenderness.
How is your mood? I hope that up to my letter your mood was fine, but after my letter your mood became superfine (smile) Likely I am too self-confident. But I am happy again because I have again received your letter. I so waited for this minute,- when I can write to you. Our friendship became the important part of my life, and I hope that in your life as well. Sometimes I understand that the thread that connects me with you now is not most strong. But I do not want this thread to be torn. Right now I sit and I smile simply because I am glad that again I can to share with you my thoughts. Sometimes I so want you to see my smile during the similar moment because I think it is the most sincere smile! But sometimes my smile leaves me because I know that now the only thing that connects us is our thoughts, that we send to each other,- thoughts, transformed into a letters that are not able to show all depth of thoughts. But at the same time I understand that nobody knows what waits for us in the future. I hope my words do not offend you and maybe you even think just as I...
Thanks for all your words. I am very glad that you have expressed to me your opinion. It is pleasant for me to realize that I have a friend - a true man. I really do not understand how people can be very angry if they love each other. I do not remember when at last time I became angry. I do not like to be angry and I do not like to quarrel. I know absolutely precisely that any disagreements can be solved with a smile on the face. I try never to raise a voice. To force me to cry easier than to make me mad. I like to conciliate people and when my friends in the quarrel, I always act as conciliator. When I am upset, it can be understood on my eyes. Svetlana says that when I am upset, I have such sad eyes that after looking at me she wants to cry. Probably it is the truth because when I am upset, everyone notices it. I become silent and imperceptible. I as always talk with people, I smile, but all the same everyone see that something wrong with me. To carry quarrel into the bed or to leave problem on tomorrow 's day is wrong. I never would do that. I never can be in a disagreement more than several minutes. I feel very much not comfortably if I am in a disagreement. Therefore I always try to reconcile at once. If people love each other and respect feelings and interests of each other, I am sure that serious disagreements cannot be the case. I always take into account an opinion of other people; therefore I very seldom have disagreements with somebody. I respect any mind. And I am sure that any quarrel can be discussed simply in quiet conversation. It is enough to express your opinion and attentively and respectfully to listen to opinion of your beloved. And the decision will come. And what can be more pleasant than a soft kiss after a short disagreement? Really?
Tomorrow difficult day waits for me. Probably tomorrow and the day after tomorrow I will work outside of clinic. We call it - "the ride working day". It is difficult day. At this day several doctors and specialists of our clinic are going on the special medical bus to various remote small settlements, small villages in a thicket of the forest. These are poor villages which are located far away from the big cities and settlements. In these villages there are no doctors and clinics and people cannot visit clinic at any moment. In such villages there is always a lot of people who need the doctor but cannot reach clinic by self. Often it is a people who are not able to live without help of other people, - basically are small children or old and weak feeble people. We go in these villages on the bus with all necessary equipment. People in these villages love us and wait more than anything. But it is really the hard work if to take into account that we are going there at 6 am, and we come back sometimes even after 10 pm! But I will wait your letter because our friendship gives force to me, and our dialogue is a rest for my soul!
My dear friend Charles! I have to go! Sincerely and with thoughts about you.
Hi my dear Charles!
Today is a fine day. Already in the morning I knew that I today I will get an opportunity to write to you. And all the rest become unimportant for me. Today I really haven't opportunity to write much. Please forgive me. But I have enough time to tell to you that I thought of you and waited when I will get opportunity to write you. And I have time to tell the main thing. I do not know why, but today I have woken up earlier than usually. I could not fall asleep again. I simply sat near window and looked at the sky. Suddenly, a small birdie appeared on my window. It was very beautiful birdie. This birdie looked at me, and started to twitter. It was so unusually and beautifully. It was a beautiful song. I looked at this small birdie and thought, that you Charles now somewhere far away; maybe you sleep and see me in your sleep-dream. And I so wanted you to see this small birdie and to hear her delightful song. And I have whispered: "Fly off, my little birdie, fly to my friend Charles, and tell to him that one girl, that is so far away, thinks of him and sends to him this song. And at this moment the birdie has flinched and flew away as if this birdie has heard my words! And I have thought, if today you Charles will see a small birdie singing beautiful song, - be sure that it is my birdie I sent to you! Forgive me, but I have to go. I want to send you my kiss if you do not mind.
P.S. I have for you a surprise. But I have one request to you.
I have written to you one phrase in Russian. I want what you have tried to translate it.
Your letter means so much for me. Thank you. I so waited your letter and so wanted to find out what you will tell me. I regret that has taken place with you, but I hope that all will be good, I will pray for you. Thanks for your words and thanks for your feelings. Your words have touched my heart and have penetrated into depth of my soul. Thanks for your sincerity and tenderness. And thank you for your feelings! I never thought that in the world there is a man who can make me feel like flower only by means of words. Thank you that you have brought spring into my heart! Well, in Russian I wrote – I kiss you gently. Charles, today I write to you with special worry but as well with pleasure and hope. I really hope that everything that I will tell you today will make you happy. Last time when I wrote you my honest letter I had the big sadness in my heart, and even though I tried to not show it, I think you have noticed it. Charles, I was sad because the boss informed me that approximately in three weeks the accounting department will be closed for full re-equipment and repair. And when he have told me it, I thought my heart will stop, because when it will take place, I will not be able to communicate with you during several months! And it has brought infinite sadness into my heart. But after my boss informed me about close of accounting department, the accounting department informed me that approximately in two weeks I will get my vacation! When I thought that I can lose you for some months, inside my soul I at once have felt that I can't simply accept it. And I have felt that together with sadness in my heart has appeared an other feeling - feeling of confidence, desire to make new steps instead of simply waiting for something. I have understood that our relations are important for me much more than I thought. And it so wonderfully. I had no vacation for two years. And now I will have vacation. But a thoughts that I will not be able to communicate with you, to receive your letters and to write mine,- all these thoughts has brought a pain to me, pain that I can't endure. I talked with Svetlana and she has asked me what I think to do. And when she has asked me it, I have understood that inside my soul I already know the answer to this question. And I have told that I do not want to spend such a long-awaited vacation in loneliness. I can't accept a thought that I will not talk to you Charles during of month or two. And I have told that I want to meet you Charles! I have told her that I want to spend my vacation with you Charles! I can come to you, and we can spend time together if you want. And first I was afraid that if I will tell you about it in the letter, you will write me that you do not want to see me or can not meet me. And it would hurt my heart. But Svetlana have told, that you Charles and I are such a good friends, our relations are built on sincerity, therefore Charles will be happy to spend time with me. And I really think that it would be delightfully. So, what you will say, Charles, if I will offer you a meeting? Would you be happy to see me and to spend with me several days? I cannot imagine at all how it would be wonderful. You would show me your life, we would learn each other in a real life. We would look into the eyes of each other, we could hold our hands, tell each other silly stories, laugh and tease each other, watch the stars in the night sky and have romantic evening, go to the movie or we could simply sit on a bench in the park, and who knows what else we could do together... I would be happy to do all this together with you, instead of again be lonely without you and our friendship. I simply want to meet you. I already knew and I have been told earlier, but I have found out again all I need to do to come to your country. I already have the passport. And I will avoid usual procedure of visa's approval. Being the doctor, I can ask the visa on behalf of our Ministry of Health, because if the applicant have good official support from official bodies, if the applicant have official recommendations and directions to various sorts of conference, seminars, - it will relieve of necessity to wait for some months the decision of the commission, and will remove all problems connected with necessity to prove that the purpose of travel is not emigration. Being the doctor I will have support and guarantees from Ministry of Health of Russian Federation, and it is certainly the best guarantor. Of course I must visit improbable quantity of the departments, to collect improbable quantity of documents, to find as many as possibly of other official legal persons, institutions and people for support; to get petitions. But if I will quickly collect all necessary documents, I will get the visa in one or two weeks! So I have filed an application for the visa, Charles, with happiness and with hope that you will be happy to spend some days with me! I do not ask you about anything. I will use my monetary savings and I will make everything by self. It is my vacation and I will not be a burden. Would you be happy to spend some days with me soon, Charles? Anyway, we must meet. It is possible to wait eternally. But I believe that I will get my vacation not accidentally; and I believe that the accounting department will be closed at the same time not accidentally as well. It is not coincidence! It is time to make a choice, to make the decision, to take new step. Maybe such opportunity will not be repeated again. I so long waited my vacation and I want my vacation to be especial. What can be better than a meeting of two friends? The first meeting. It is simply delightful and I thank destiny that I have got such an opportunity,- an opportunity to meet my dear friend, the opportunity to learn each other in real life, the opportunity to enjoy time which we can spend together. And I believe that it can become the beginning of something new in our lifes and in our relations. And I am really happy to get a vacation because it is time which I can spend in any way I want, and I want to spend this vacation with you Charles! So what will you tell?
Would you like to spend time with me? Would you be glad to meet me?
Would you be happy to have the first meeting at your airport?
I will wait for your answer with pleasure. Your sincere Mariya
Hi my Charles!
I still wait your answer very much. I do not know why you have not answered me. Maybe you simply have no time. Maybe my letter has not reached you. Every day I wait your letter, but you do not write. My heart is broken off from uncertainty. I do not know what me to think. Can be with you there was something or you do not want to meet me. I will understand you, but your silence kills me. I think that you inform me about your decision. It is better than uncertainty. Forgive me magnanimously if it looks like absence of patience. I did not want to irritate you. Simply I am not sure if you have received my letter. Sincerely and with expectation.
Hi My Charles!
My dear ! I so worry. I so hoped to receive your letter. Now I need your moral support more than ever. I so worry. I have to do so much. I ask you write to me. I am so happy that you want to meet me, but you have not written to me and It frightens me. I put so many forces to meet you. Please, do not leave me now. How I wish you saw how Svetlana is happy that we will meet! She is sure that our meeting will make us happy. It is simply impossible to talk to her now! (Smile). She has now only one theme for conversation - you Charles! She constantly asks about you, asks - what I will do together with you, she asks - what I will do at the airport, she asks - what I will cook for you. She asks how I am going to impress you, to intrigue! She even asks how I will tempt you! (Smile). She say that I do everything correctly and I should not be afraid of anything at all. To conquer the road can only one who goes on this road. Svetlana is very glad that I have found you, and she sends you her friendly greetings and a wishes of happy expectation of me! (Smile).
Charles, please, don't be angry with me if I cannot write you much now. I hope you understand that I even after my working day in clinic must do too much for our meeting. Today I will go to Ministry of Health. I think this is one of the most important deals for me right now. Today I will give them the all my medical documents and tomorrow I will probably get all documents and forms of petitions which I must fill out as soon as possible. Then I will go to Army Garrison where were working my parents. They must collect for me all the information about my parents, about history of the death of my father and mother. I must have data about work of my parents not only in this Army Garrison, but also in all others Garrisons where my parents worked during all life. To make it extremely difficultly, if to take into account that my parents worked in Army Garrisons in various points of our huge country. But I am sure that I will get the information because here many officers who remember my father, and I hope they will be glad to help me. Charles, today I feel that I start to worry more than I even could imagine. I am very glad that I do all this. And I think of our meeting every minute. The meeting at the airport...
I don't think that many people on our planet have an opportunity to enjoy such a delightful moment - the moment of the first meeting at the airport. It is so beautiful. I feel that it will be very touching moment for each of us. I never travelled so far away. And I worry very much. But I imagine us together and it calms me down. I see us together, I see us walking in the park; I see us speaking about serious and about silly things, or playing cards or a checkers (and the one who lose will execute any desire of the winner (smile)), I see wonderful dinners at home and outside! I see you sitting on a sofa with a juicy peach in your hand and I see me dancing in front of you beautiful dance, or maybe even erotic dance (smile), how about Belly dance? (Smile). I do it stunningly!(Smile).
I see us swimming; I see us on a roof of a house, watching the full moon; I see us fighting by pillows; I see us in the evening at home, with romantic light of candles; I see us cooking together Russian pelmenies and American pizza (smile); I see me in your embraces. All this waits for us in the near future; and I enjoy, anticipating this delightful time together! Do you feel the same, Charles? Charles, would you like to give me massage of my back? I would like to give you massage! But I must warn you, that if you want to give me massage, you should not touch my ribs!(Smile)
The reason - I the most ticklish woman in Russia(smile).
Charles, I madly am afraid of titillation! If someone tickles my foot or ribs, I begin to laugh loudly, to kick and to scratch, to squeal and to jump! Therefore if you will give me massage and you will tickle me, you will feel like a cowboy on a wild undomesticated mare on the rodeo! (Smile).
By the way, Charles, are you ticklish? Do you snore?
(Forgive me for this question. Do not answer, if you do not want.
Maybe one day I will find out all this all the same! (Smile)).
Will you sing serenades for me? I would be happy if you would sing serenades and songs for me! I would remunerate you by kisses! (Smile).
Charles, I should finish the letter. I must do much so that you had an opportunity to give me massage and to get the massage from me! (Smile).
Please, write me because now I need you and your letters very very strongly, because I worry so much...
P.S. When I studied at university, I once acted at a university concert and I danced belly dance. I hope you will enjoy these pictures.
Hi my dear Charles!
Thank you for your letter! Every morning I wake up with a pleasant thought of our meeting! And each new day reduces distance between us! Every new day makes us closer to each other. I so hope that we will meet. Charles, I the doctor, but I cannot think of anything except of our meeting! (Smile). Even my patients have noticed it! I think it is good that I the doctor of gynecologist because if I would be for example the dentist and would think only of you instead of work, my patients would run out from my cabinet with horror in the expanded eyes! (Smile).
My dear, I can tell exact date of my trip only when I will get the visa. I cannot tell to you right now. I still do not know an exact date of beginning of my vacation. I said to you approximate date, but anyhow I will plan my travel beforehand and when I will know exact dates, I will inform to you.
Charles, Svetlana say that last time she saw me such a happy many years back - when I was the student girl! She asserts that you have changed me absolutely! I began often to get my hairbrush and to correct my hairstyle! (Smile). I began often to sing songs aloud! (Smile). I began often to immerse into the world of fantasies so, that sometimes I at all don't hear someone talks to me or asks me about something! (Smile). It is so amusingly, pleasantly and unusually! She is very grateful to you and very glad that we will meet! She helps me by all possible ways. Charles, do you remember in my very first small letter I have told that I want to find a man who will compel my soul to blossom? I want to tell you, that my soul blossoms! You have brought a spring into my soul and now I feel like a flower blossoming under long-awaited beams of the warm sun!
Thank you Charles! Charles, you cannot imagine what tense time I have now. I actually haven't even one free minute. I already was in Ministry of Health and I got all petitions! It is great! In the Ministry I have been told that I must visit all patients which I visit on a "Trip Day"- they must fill up forms of petitions for me. Of course they will be happy to do it. These people love me and all doctors who visits them! It will be a big support for me. The Ministry will make the report about my work in the difficult places where not each person is ready to work. I also will get the report and the characteristic from my clinic. Tomorrow I and Svetlana will have our own "Trip Day"! We will go together to those settlements. Probably we will go there not only tomorrow but also the day after tomorrow because the one day is not enough to visit all people who knows me. After that I must legalize all documents at the notary. Svetlana will help me to get the full report about my biography in Municipal Department. If Svetlana will be able to agree with them, they will get for me the information about me and my family from all Municipal Departments of those regions where I and my parents lived during all life. By self we would never get all this information. I get tired very much not only spiritually, but physically as well. And when I come home, I simply fall onto a bed, and I simply lie on a bed some time looking at a ceiling. But if we will do everything quickly, I will have interview with the commission. After this interview the commission will inform me if my visa is approved or not. Tomorrow I will have also consultation - preparation for interview. It is very important point for me as well! Maybe I worry too much, but I cannot calm myself! Forgive me that I write to you about my cares. But I really worry. I knew that I must do much for our meeting, but I at all could not assume that I will worry. Svetlana says that if she would be on my place, she would become confused and simply would not know what to do. She says that she envies my endurance and the power of will. I never told her,- but actually I often feel fear, I often feel like weak woman. I really need moral support. I since the childhood make all decisions by self, and my parents taught me never to show weakness or confusion. And I always tried to do without anybody's help or advice, even though in my heart I often feel like very weak woman. Charles, are you the leader in relationship with woman? Do you like to make the decision by self?
P.S. Charles, please tell me again the name and the code of the International Airport up to which I must fly!!! I must be sure, that I have the correct information.
Hi my Charles!
Thank you for your letter! Charles, I so waited for this opportunity to write you, because I wanted very much to tell you that today has happened something bad, and this time it is not a joke unfortunately. Maybe I shouldn't tell you, but I was so frightened, that I cannot hold it inside. Today at night when I slept, I have suddenly heard a terrible sound of a breaking glass! I at once have woken up but I could not understand anything absolutely. And at this moment, right into my room has flown a brick; and having broken the window-glass, this brick has fallen in several centimeters from me. I so strongly was frightened, I could understand nothing and simply instinctively I have rushed onto a floor and have hidden under my bed. And at this moment other stones has flown into my room, breaking windows and glasses in my apartment. I shouted and cried. I at all did not know what to do. Stones could not strike me because my bed protected me. But I have been frightened so, that I simply has closed my ears by my hands and cried. In absolute darkness several stones broke windows and fell near to me. Then everything has stopped. But I continued to lay and cry. I was afraid even to look out from under a bed. We haven't here even militia and phones. Never in my life I was so frightened. After some time I nevertheless have risen from under a bed. I have looked thru the broken window but of course I haven't seen there anybody. I do not understand who did it and why. I have run to Svetlana and I have seen that her windows are broken as well. And not only in her house, but in some other houses as well. We have cleaned her apartment and than have returned to my apartment together. But I could not fall asleep this night anymore. I do not know who did it. Svetlana say that probably it was young addicts who simply had a fun, because if someone would really want to cause to us physical harm, they could simply enter our apartments. But I really don't understand why someone did it. Now I am ok, Charles! I do not want to finish my letter with bad thoughts. I write to you the letter and I smile. I am so happy.
I think that everything most difficult has remained behind us! I had the interview! I knew that it will be difficult conversation, but I could not imagine at all that I must answer to so many questions. And prior to the beginning of interview I have been so frightened, I so worried. But as soon as they have asked the first question, I at once became absolutely calmed down. I have ceased to worry absolutely. I simply sat, and, looking directly into eyes of the commission simply and straight answered to questions. I spoke everything what I think, in all sincerity, as always. They asked me actually about everything! They asked me about my life, about my childhood, about death of my parents, about terrorism, about my work, about my last relationship. They have read all documents which I has collected. They asked me why I work voluntary in such a difficult places. They asked me about my belief in God. And often I saw on their faces that they expected from me not such the answers, but I didn't want to speak beautiful things which pleasantly to listen to. I simply spoke sincerely all what in my heart. They have told that such the answers are the big rarity for the applicant. Because usually applicants do not answer so sincerely. Usually, applicants think some time and try to answer so that the answer was most convenient for the commission. And first I thought that my answers have not satisfied them, but they have told that to listen to my answers very pleasantly and unusually. They have told that "bitter" sincerity always better than "sweet" flattery. Besides, they really have been impressed with fact that I had such a great support from many people living in different regions.
Charles! Maybe in some hours I will find out the decision!!!!! I can't believe. I feel that I did all correctly. Today I saw my parents in my sleep-dream, and they smiled to me. I know that it is their approval. I see my parents in sleep-dream very seldom! I always knew that dream will never simply fall into hands from the sky. I always knew that if you want the dream to come true, you must do for this purpose all what in your forces. I know that it is necessary to believe, hope and struggle. And I really struggled, I tried to do all what in my forces. And I hope God will help us. After all difficulties, after all efforts I believe that everything will be fine! I really feel that I did everything well. I worry very much, but my heart say to me that I should smile. And I smile today. I feel that I will meet you. I feel that the meeting at the airport will be beautiful and romantic. I will tell you everything what I will feel at that moment, and you will tell me. And then we will leave the airport and we will chatter and laugh. I will tell you how I endured the flight in the plane and what I was thinking about. You will tell me how you waited for me at the airport. And then we will have a wonderful time together. We will walk, spend evenings, to watch funny and scary movies, - and I will hide under your hand at the most scary moment... We will meet together the first beams of the sun and will see off a magnificent sunset. We will sit near a window and to drink hot tea while in the street will be a strong rain. How I want to have a breakfast together and a supper with candles. How I want to shout together with you at the baseball stadium; or simply to lay on a bed, and to tell each other about a life. How I want all this - simple things which will bring to us so many joy. If everything will be fine, I will start the most difficult process - preparation of my suitcase! (Smile). Right now I talked with the boss, and he has told that probably today I will find out an exact date of beginning of my vacation!
But I have to go! My legs shiver as if I the schoolgirl! (Smile).
Wish me luck and think of me!
Hi, my Charles.
I even do not know what to tell first. I simply hope that you will be happy!
The most important, finest news - I did it! I got the visa! I am very happy!!!!
I as well have found out that I will get vacation December, 23, 2006.
I have been to the company that reserves airway tickets. I asked them how I can reach San Francisco (SFO) and how much it costs. They have offered to me the roundtrip ticket that costs $1974.80 USD. I asked them to find cheapest ticket, because this price is expensive for me. They have answered that they have a cheaper ticket and the beginning of the flight December, 27, 2006. It costs $1,548.06 USD. It was the best variant for me. I asked them to reserve a ticket. But they refused, because they can't reserve the ticket without advance payment. I must pay full cost. I have asked if I can pay a part of money now, and the other part later. They have told that it is possible, but I will be limited by term. And if I will not pay the full cost of the ticket within of this term, I will lose already nested money. I have agreed because it is the only chance for me, because I must give to anti-emigration committee a data about my payment. By this moment I had only the concrete sum of money which I had after all my expenses.
I paid $ 1100 USD. But it was not enough for them. In a panic, all what Svetlana and I could do - we pawned our gold earrings and rings and I got $ 155 USD.
That is all I could do. The number of the flight on which I will get the ticket is 881 British Airways.
The time of departure from Moscow is 5:50 am. The time of arrival in San Francisco is 1:15 pm.
I will change a plan in London, number of the flight 285 British Airways.
After this I will fly to San Francisco, to you.
I know that probably I simply must tell that I can't come to you because I haven't the remaining sum. I know that I promised to do all by self, and I was sure that I can. I did not want to ask you. But after I did everything I did, I cannot simply tell that I will not come to you. I have passed through so many difficulties, and I have overcome the most difficult. But all the same I have disgusting feeling that I could not fulfill the promise. I am always ready to do all what is possible,- to fulfill my promises, but at the same time I understand that any person could get in such a situation. To get the visa I have spent much more money than I expected. But people were ready to help me only if I will pay them. I paid more than 500 dollars to get all documents, I paid in municipal committee, in the ministry. Even officers in army garrison have compelled me to pay for their help. I did not expect all this, but up to the last moment I was sure that I still can make everything. I expected that I can get a vacation payment. We get a vacation payment after ending of a vacation. I asked to give me this money now because I need this money urgently. But, at the last moment I have got the answer that I can get this money urgently only in case of serious illness or for example in case of death of the relative. I feel so guilty. I was sure that nothing can prevent our meeting. But I must pay remaining sum. It is $ 293 USD. And I must pay money before December, 21 evening. Otherwise I will lose my nested money and our jewelry will be sold out simply in vain. I know that I should not ask you, and I am very ashamed to do it. And maybe I really simply had to tell you that I can't meet with you because I could not provide my travel completely. But I cannot simply refuse our meeting because then all my diligence, forces, nerves, means will be spent in vain. I understand that for you it is too big sum to lend me. You are not obliged to help me. And 500 dollars which I have spent to get the visa, and 1255 $ that I have given for the ticket are huge money for me. But I want you to know that I have given everything not for the sake of myself, but for the sake of us, for the sake of you and me. And I was happy all this time. If you want to meet me, to help me to make our meeting, please, send money to the help before December, 21 evening. I want you to be confident in my sincerity, that is why I send you the view of my visa. I want you to see the result of my efforts. If you can help me I will tell you what I have found out. Svetlana said that you can help me with the help of remittance system. So I have addressed to the nearest bank. I have been told that they use the system ’’Western Union’’. They have told that it is very convenient office for me; and this system works always and reliably. I give you necessary elements for sending money with the help of ’’Western Union’’:
The name of bank:
TAGANROG , 347900
But all my documents are in anti-emigration committee now.
Without ID I cannot receive your money. Therefore I ask you, please, send money for my girlfriend Svetlana. Her name - Svetlana Maslennicowa .
I will go in bank together with her. Send money for her name because my ID and visa are in anti-emigration committee now.
In bank I have been told, that to get the money, I must tell to employee of bank your full name, your full address, exact sum which I should receive and some confidential numbers - Money Transfer Control Number. You will get this number in your bank if you will send your help. Only with presence of all this information I can get your help.
I do not know what answer I will get from you. I very much am afraid that you will not help me. But I want to tell, that I really need you, and I simply can't endure the thought that I did almost everything, but I will not meet you. I understand that it is big money. I have given all my forces, but together we are stronger. I really ask you to help me. I will give you back all your money at the earliest opportunity.
I have written you honestly and sincerely. Are you with me?
Hi my Charles! When I waited your letter, I was so tense. I have read your letter and have begun to cry. I really cried because I have understood that now we will be together. Any difficulties only strengthen relations. I do not know how to express my feelings during this moment. I am very grateful to you! I really was afraid to ask the help because people in Russia do not like to help each other. Svetlana always helps me as well as I help her. We never ask something in exchange to the help. Now in my life there are two people who I can rely completely on. Now in my life there are you and I feel itself as behind a stone wall. I am afraid of nothing. Now I know that we will be together and I can thank you not by words but my feelings. I can prove to you that you are worthy of most best in this life and if I can give you the best, I will make it. I will make all what in my forces to prove that you the star which illuminate my way. I am so happy now. And deal not in that, that you have decided to help me. The reason of my happiness and pleasure that you understand me. I ask you the help, which is really necessary for me. Your words gave calmness to my heart. Your words have convinced me that now I meet you and I will be happy as never before. Today I together with Svetlana went to bank but in bank to us informed that there is no help from you. I hope it not your joke? Can you gave to me the wrong information. Your help yet can has not achieved Russia. You have written that you have sent your help, but you have not written me your full name and your full address. You should write to me your full name, your full address, the exact sum which I should receive. In bank I have been told that without this information I cannot receive your help. In Russian bank system for receiving money I should know your name, the address and number, which you have already written to me. So, all I need right now is your full name and your full address. It is what I have been told in bank and I cannot argue with them. They have such rules and I can change it.
Once again I will write to you exactly what I have been told in bank!!!!! I should know:
1) Sender’s full name;
2) Sender’s full address;
3) Money Transfer Control Number (you already written to me, so I know this number)
4) Exact sum that I should receive.
The Russian system obliges me to know a full name of the sender, the full address of the sender, Money Transfer Control Number which you have already written to me and the exact sum. ID is not enough. They have such rules and I can change it. Please write to me as soon as possible your full name and your full address in accuracy as you have written it in the form. You sent your help and it's very big money. You a true man and I am very grateful to you. But I want you to know, that I would be grateful to you in any case. I am grateful to you already now. Many thank you for your heart. Any your help - the big support for me. I think I nevertheless should explain why I have addressed to you. I want you to understand that I really did all what I could. I expected that I can convince my boss to give me vacation payment now. If I could receive this money now, I would pay my travel completely. But I was refused. Also I have been compelled to buy new windows in my apartment. I have prepared this money for the ticket. But I cannot leave my apartment with bad windows. That's why I have bought a glass and have employed the repairman to fix it. I could not make it by myself. And of course I have been compelled to pay for his work. In Russia nobody will make it free-of-charge. I did not want to tell to you about all this. But I want you to understand that I did not want to ask you. I really tried to make everything what in my forces. But I did not expect all these unforeseen circumstances. I did not want to cause you inconvenience. I have no digital camera therefore I can make to you a picture within 2 weeks. Please forgive me. I really want to be with you. I understand that I should make all by myself. But I could not and I leave my destiny in your hands. Once again forgive me. But I so want to thank you. I'm so happy that I will see you. Simply know, that I am sincerely grateful to you and I will prove to you it when I will arrive to you. I so want to thank you. I'm so happy that I will see you. Now I am sure in it on 1000 %. And it so calms me. And when we will meet you will understand that my gratitude for everything that you already did for me is much greater than I could express by the words! Together we are much stronger, and to go thru obstacles together is much easier.
Your yesterday, your today, your for ever - Mariya!
Hi my soul Charles.
Merry Christmas my love!
Today Svetlana again went to bank, but to her have again told that there is no help from your name or wrong MTCN. I do not know what i will to do. You can go in bank and find out in what there the reason? Yesterday I have saved my and your letters and have show them in agency. I have shown them your letter that they were convinced that you want to help me. I asked them to give me some more time. They have told that they agree to wait some more time. I cannot arrive to you on December, 27, but to me promised to change the ticket for December, 29 or 30. But I should pay till December, 27. I cannot write much. I have received your letter for a long time ago, but I only have come for some minutes here, and I have some minutes to write to you! You cannot imagine what occurs in my heart and in my soul! Thoughts about our meeting make me happy! I even am happy when I alone in my apartment! Do you know why?
Yesterday I began to knit a sweater for you. It will be my gift. I knit a sweater of Angora wool. Do you like a sweater? Do you like to wear sweater when cold in the street? But I am absolutely sure that you will like this sweater. I make it with such big love. I make it so studiously. It will be the best sweater in America. Color - is slightly darkest than white. Very beautiful color. I want to make on a front part of a sweater an inscription - the name. First I wanted to make name - "Mariya". But now I want to make a name - Charles. And I do not know what do you want. The name will be not big. You have 3 days to make the decision - what name you want to see on a chest. If you do not write to me, I will take the decision by myself, but I will not tell you. I will give you this sweater at the Airport. Do you like my idea?
Soon we will be together and it will be wonderful. If we fated to become single whole, I believe that it will be. Our hearts are like two great oceans. They are vast and very deep yet calm an peaceful on the surface. Our feeling run very deep and they are very strong. Sometimes we get afraid we will be pulled under by the current. I dream that our two oceans will meet in a powerfull wave that will shake the very earth. And when all is done there will be one vast beautiful ocean, beautiful, powerful and forever...one heart, one ocean. Charles you have given me much more than you can realize. You are my prayer, my shelter from hopelessness and despair, only you can keep the spark in my soul burning bright.