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Letter(s) from Irina Pirogowa to Lone (USA)
Hi Peter! I was very glad to receive your email today. I waited to receive your email, and when I got your letter, it was a better time. I was working with lots of stress today. Today we had to receive medicines and all pharmaceutical materials, including anesthetics. But for some reasons the bus with medicines again has not come to our clinic. Of course I have declared to all patients that I can work but only without anesthetics. But there were many people who were ready to cure a tooth even without anesthesia because there is no guarantee that the bus will come tomorrow. Therefore today was the twice difficult working day because not each person is able to endure a pain, especially children. Anyway, I took a break and I have been informed that you had written. I forgot about all my worries with work. I wanted to write back instantly but I could not because of the flow of patients wishing to cure a tooth. So, thank you for your letter, Peter! Forgive me that I speak about a teeth and about my work. Probably the process of reading about it is unpleasant, just like to sit in the armchair in dental cabinet... (Smile). I know that many people are afraid of dentists, but I assure you that as the woman I am absolutely not dangerous and harmless! (smile).
I am still waiting for your pictures! I too want to have your pictures on a computer so to have an opportunity to see it every day. I think it would be fair. I always send you my pictures and I will be very glad to get your pictures as well. Please, do not reject my request. Can you do it for me? I also want to tell you, that I have asked you in my last letter about your family because it was always important for me. I think many people don't understand completely that family it is a big riches. Many people understand value of family only when lose it. I always loved my parents and now I miss them very much. Both my parents have passed away. Daddy has died when I was the small child. He has been killed in a military conflict. Mom has died when I was 16 years old. After daddy's death she always was sick and spent a lot of time in hospitals. That is why I, being the little girl was able to do everything by self, I cooked a meal, sewed clothes, etc. I have been compelled to study and work in the evening to support us. It was a hard time but it only made me stronger. At this time I have found the friend - her name is Olga. She helped me in any ways she could. She is my best friend now and the closest person in my life. When mom has died I was frightened very much. I could not imagine that now I am absolutely alone. But my mom dreamt to bring me up so that I become a honest and decent lady. And I tried to do everything to be the worthy daughter, to be worthy of her love. Together with Olga we have finished medical university, we together got the specialization and worked as interns. And I hope I became a person, lady that my parents wanted me to become. I think that those pleasures and griefs, successes and difficulties that were in my life have made me who I am now. Now it seems to me that I was saying to my mom about my love too seldom, and now I so regret about it. Peter, forgive me that I write about it. It is my life and it is a part of me. Simply I want you to learn me more, because I as well would be glad to learn more about you. Your life is very interesting to me.
I wanted to ask, what is your religion? Are you religious? How you spend your weekends, Peter? Do you like spending time with nature - the outdoors, taking walks, hiking? Peter, did I tell you that I have a dog? She is very small and funny dog, but I love her. When people see my dog, they start to laugh. May be I will send you some pictures of my dog, and you will laugh as well...
I understand your request to call you from phone. I should tell that I never was so worried about presence of phone, as now. I never thought that the serious moments in our life can depend on presence of phone. But now I understand that the fact that I have no phone can deprive me an opportunity to learn a man who could become my friend. And it is really afflicts me. But not all in this life depends on me.
Unfortunately I have no phone. Please, not be surprising. In Russia many people have no phone. To get a phone it is necessary to write the statement, to pay the big sum and after to wait for a long time queue. Many people wait during several years. But I can try to call you from the international item of communication. Can you give me your phone number? If I can call you I will inform you. But anyhow, I understand that for you would be easier to talk by phone. But alas, the life in Russia is not similar to a life in America, and for the majority of people a getting of phone is very long process. If for you phone is the main criterion for the future relations, I of course will understand you. But I have decided to use the Internet because it is really accessible way for me. If nevertheless you want to continue dialogue with me, I will be very glad. I cannot promise to you that I will call you directly tomorrow but if you will give me your number, I can promise that I will search for a way to call you and sooner or later I will call you.
Peter, today was really good day, and right now I sit, write this letter and I smile. And I hope that right now you read my letter, and you smiles too. By the way, my friends know that I am talking to you, and they start to ask many questions about you! (Smile). I must tell that all my friends it only two ladies - Olga and Tatyana. But if to take into account that with one of them I work together in clinic, to avoid interrogation about my new friend with a name Peter is more and more difficultly! (Smile). Peter, I have to go. But I will wait your letter! I send you my pictures! I hope you you like them. I hope you can find me in my pictures. If is not, I will help - I am the one in brown boots.
And I hope you will write me soon. And then I will have again a smile on my face.
Your friend Irina.
P.S. I hope that right now you have smile on your face. I want you to smile, smile, smile, smile
Hi Peter! All I can say is "what a wonderful evening after the hard day!" I am so glad to receive your letter, because I thought that I will not be able to receive your letter today, because right now already evening, and I only now has returned to clinic. And your letter is a true surprize! We had "the outside work day". Peter, it is a day of a hard work. Every week some employees of our clinic - several doctors of various specialization and laboratory assistant who takes all analyses, are going all together on the special bus to various remote small villages which are located far away from big cities, usually in a thicket of a forest. Here a lot of such a villages. The public transport is not going to such a villages and people living there have no opportunity to visit clinic at any moment because there isn't own doctor there. And these people cannot go to big cities and settlements because these people have no personal transport. In these villages always there are many sick people, basically are small children or old and weak feeble people, whose life completely depends on other people. Therefore we go on the specially-equipped bus directly to these villages, and we render the medical aid to all needy people right in their apartments or in the bus. All these people already know us personally, and love us very much. But it is really the hard work because we are going there at 6 am, and we comes back sometimes even after 10 pm! That is why now I have no forces even to smile. That is why I have told you, that your letter is really a wonderful surprise, even though now I hardly will come home earlier 11 pm as I write to you this letter! (smile). I feel that I began to say silly things? Likely I already have tired you? I am still waiting for your pictures! I too want to have your pictures on a computer so to have an opportunity to see it every day. I think it would be fair. I always send you my pictures and I will be very glad to get your pictures as well. Please, do not reject my request. Can you do it for me? Peter, I am afraid that I will be writing to you during all night, because for me our dialogue is a rest by soul and body! It is good that tomorrow I can sleep so long as I want, because after "outside work day" we can come to clinic after a lunch break. My favourite day of week is Friday, because two next days - days off (though not always) and I can restore my vital forces and energy. So the days off for me - a holiday! Though now I do not feel pleasure when I think of the days off because these are days when I maybe can't receive the letter from my friend Peter! (Smile). But you likely will be happy when the days off will come, because these are days when you will not receive boring letters from one boring woman whose name is Irina! (Smile). Am I right? Peter, can you imagine, while I write you right now this letter, Olga (I told to you about her) has fallen asleep right in the armchair opposite to me! She works together with me and we always work in the one group in "outside work day". She has told she will wait till I finish to write my letter to you Peter, and now she simply sleeps! She is a true friend. But I will not talk about her as I am not sure if you want to hear about my friends. But she is really now the most dear person in my life, like the sister. She waits for me because just as I, she lives in Terskaya, not far from me. Usually we spend the days off together. I like the nature very much. I always spend a lot of time on the nature though I have such opportunity seldom.
I like to read books, or simply to enjoy music and make various homework. I like to walk simply in the park or simply to be in my bed all day long (smile). I like camping, sunsets and sunrises, life in a tent, the smell of the river and bulrushes, a rustle of a small waterfall; night starry sky and amazing brilliance of a fish dissecting a water surface of a small lake under captivating moon light. It is very beautiful and romantic.
Peter, do you like to be romantic with your woman? I hope yes. I like fire and I am sure that there is nothing more tasty than a meal cooked on a fire or firebrands. And when air is filled with aroma of the forest and timber raspberry, river freshness and a smoke of the campfire, all this brings into my soul the feeling of freedom, and untamable desire to live. I know I already talked about my liking to cooking. I know many recipes and I like our national cuisine. ''Uha'', ''Okroshka'', ''Golubtsy'', ''Borshch''(soup), ''Gribovnitsa''(mushroom's soup)! My favorite is ''Okroshka''! I like peppery meal, meal with seasonings, Russian Georgian cuisine. Here it is very popular. Peter, do you love a tasty meal? What kind of meal you like? Does the way to your heart lay through the stomach? (smile) If so, I think I have good chances! (Smile).
Have you ever tried Russian Cuisine?
Peter, I must go, because the darkness has already covered all around and if I will miss the last bus from clinic, I will need to go on foot some kilometers in absolutely deserted terrible places and through a forest, and it is very dangerous. Certainly I together with Olga, but just as I, she is simply the woman. What is the funnest thing that you like to do, Peter? What event in your life you till now recollect with laughter? Oh, I have promised you to finish my letter, but instead of it I write again and again. Please, forgive me. I will wait for your letter with hope!
I send you pictures of me with Olga and Elvira. Olga is my best friend.
Olga is a lady in a black sweater and jeans jacket - in a black-and-white picture!
Elvira is a very good comrade and friend. Also I send you another picture of Terskaya. I hope you love my pictures!
I hope your day will be filled with sun warmth and human kindness!
Your friend Irina.
Hi my dear friend Peter!
I so waited for your letter and I'm so glad that you have written to me!
Thank you. Every new day brings to me stronger desire to communicate with you and to receive your letters. And now my mood depends directly on your letters! My mood in your hands Peter! (Smile). I hope my letters do not spoil your mood?
Thank you for your picture. It is a fine picture. You are a strong and handsome man. I very much like this picture. It is wonderful, when a man combines force and charm. It happens so seldom. Forgive me for my frank words. But I always speak what I think. I think there is nothing bad in it. You have pleasant appearance and it is wonderful.
Peter, I want to tell that I am really glad that I have found such a friend as you. And I am very glad to talk to you about everything.
In my life I had always only two true friends - Olga and Tatyana; and they always gave me their support. But now I have three friends, and I am very glad. Today I have been a little alarmed, because Olga has not come for work. It is a little strange because only the serious circumstances could become the reason of that. She loves work very much and does not like to stay at home. I simply worry that she got ill or has some troubles. Yesterday we have spent evening together and everything was normally. Olga and Tatyana live not far from me. And if we spend evening here, in Terskaya, it means that we sit at home because as a whole Terskaya for us it is simple a place for spending nights. It is a very small place. We have here only one small grocery shop - the only one our pride (smile). There is not anything more here. I cannot tell that I do not like this place. The air here is very good and clean, very silent place and beautiful nature. But here a lot of Chechens and it always frightens people. But I like Terskaya all the same. And I am even not sure if I like more the small place in the middle of the forest, or I like more the big city. Olga does not like Terskaya and dreams to live in the big city, with cinemas, museums, parks, with beautiful houses and shops, with attractions. She likes cars roar and hum of people's crowd. And I love it as well, but I like as well our river and our forest, our air, our silence, singing of birds behind my window. I never could make the choice between of fast life of the big city and silence of small village.
Peter, what you like more, the big city or the small village?
By the way, my apartment is in the wooden house. It is the old house but my apartment is cosy. I have a bedroom, kitchen and a bathroom with a toilet. I have a kitchen garden where I cultivate vegetables (carrots, tomatoes, garlic and an onions), berries. Therefore in the winter I do not buy a potato in the market at all! If Olga and I have a lot of free time, we go to the big settlements or even to Vladikavkaz or Nalchik or Pyatigorsk. We like to go to movie, we like simply to walk in the parks, we like to swim in small lake with turquoise water. Tatyana is 26 years old and Olga is almost 30 years old, but sometimes we simply turn into children. In the winter we often ride sleigh from huge snow hills together with children. Believe me Peter, it is very funny and I am sure that if in your soul still lives "a little boy", you would enjoy it as well.
We like to ski and ice-skate. Every year in the summer we go to festival of guitar songs. It is named ''Grushinsky Festival'' and it happen very far from us - on the known river - Volga. It is a very beautiful festival.
Thousands people lives in tents on a coast of the river. And during several days the most known guitar players and singers of Russia together with simple people, who even does not know each other, all together sing own songs for each other. Everyone cook a meal on campfire and everyone invites each other to test their own meal. Delightful atmosphere of kindness and peace.
If we spend time here, in Terskaya, we like to sew and knit together. We like to knit and sew clothes. And usually we sew clothes for each other!
Peter, are you able to play a chess? I like to play a chess and checkers.
I think you would not have chances in game with me! (Smile). I very much love sports. I jog every morning since the childhood. I like to support my figure and I really have good health. I lived in various climatic zones of Russia.
I have no car and always I spend a lot of time at the air. I do not smoke, and sports in my life always takes a significant place. I like to play football (not the American football), I like to skate and a ski, I adore swimming!
I am a fine swimmer! And if we would swim together with you, you would have the big problem if would try to catch me in the water! (Smile). I equally well swim on a water surface and under water, not with an aqualung of course, simply having detained breath. But my favourite sport - volleyball! I adore to play volleyball and sometimes I go in Mozdok to play with similar amateurs.
Volunteers who likes to play various sports comes there, because there are various sports-platforms out there- a for volleyball, basketball, hockey and other.
So I always go there to play volleyball with them. The only I want to learn to do - I want to learn to box! It would give me biger courage on the dark street!
Could you give me some lessons? (Smile). Peter, I have to finish my letter though I really do not want to do it. Right after work I will go to Olga to find out if she is ok. She will be glad when I will tell her that you again have written me! (Smile). Peter, do you have any regrets about anything that you did in your life, and would you like to change it? What make you happy? What brings pleasure to you? What is one thing you could not live without?
I send you pictures of me playing volleyball, and pictures of Festival. I hope you will like these pictures! The picture where I cry has been taken when I have fallen by face and could not continue to play. It was very painfully.
Please, don't think that I am cry-baby. I can endure pain, but at that time my tears dripped by self, so I simply went away so that nobody saw that I cry.
But nevertheless they have caught the moment! (Smile).
I will wait your letter again, and I hope you will write me soon.
Your Lady-Friend Irina.
Hi my dear friend Peter! I hope you are not offended that I said Dear?
Simply I think this word will help you to understand how I am glad and happy that I have you as a friend! It has already changed my life, and I want to tell that I very much appreciate and cherish our communication!
And of course I always hope that you cherish our friendship as well!
I waited for your letter very much. And I am so glad that you have written.
As only the woman who works with a computer in laboratory can inform me about your letter, I already some times visited her, and again and again I asked if she received a mail or not, but I heard the negative answer because our Internet works only during receiving of service mail. That is why I could not receive your letter for so a long time. And I felt that absence of your letter afflicts me. But now she told me that I have got the letter and I am very happy! Thank you Peter! By the way, when I has come to Olga I has found out that she got food poisoning. That is why she hasn't come to clinic. Do not worry, she was not been poisoned by neighbours (smile).
She cooked dried mushrooms, and, being a bad expert on mushrooms she has not noticed among good mushrooms couple of poisonous!!! So she has cooked a mushroom soup with several poisonous mushrooms and of course eaten it! I have spent all the night in her home, helping to clear her stomach. By the way, she asked to tell that she sends you her HELLO!!! She is very glad that I have such friend as you! Peter, I am really happy that we write to each other and that I can share with you my thoughts. Sometimes I really need it. All people think that I am always "ok" and that in my life everything is all right. But the loneliness is a heavy cargo, invisible to other people. And sometimes I feel this cargo so hard, that all surrounding ceases to bring pleasure.
And if you know what loneliness is, you of course will understand me. When I come home, I want to share with someone my pleasure, my thoughts, I want to cook a supper and to see dear man opposite me. I do not want to have a supper in loneliness, I want to hear laughter, but instead of all this I hear silence. And it oppresses me, the empty house saddened my mood and I feel itself as a loneliness captive. And I do not know how to get rid of this. I can share my joy with Olga, I can take the walk, or to dispel a sadness by music. But soon I start to understand that it simply self-deception because I understand that actually I need something other.
I want to spend evenings and nights with a man, dear to my heart. I want to feel hands of my beloved in my hair, I want a man near to me so that I could put my head onto his strong shoulder; I want a man near to me to see off the sunset together, and to meet the first morning sun beams of new day. Forgive me that I tell you about it, but I hope you understand me.
Simply sometimes I feel grief in heart and the talking with you destroys my grief! But I think enough about these sad things.
You asked me if I ever traveled to another country. My knowledge of other countries is limited by television show. Unfortunately outside Russia I was not. Likely it is very interesting. When I leave somewhere from city even if it is not far from my city, I am glad very much. Hardly this can be named travel. But, for me is so. But Russia is really the huge country and I really have been in many places. I saw many beautiful and old cities, I saw the various nature, and it is really interesting, because Russia is very long country and we have 11 time zones and many climatic zones with the various nature, vegetation and animals.
Peter, can you imagine, now already evening! I began to write some hours back, but could continue only now because I had some patients.
Peter, I just thought to ask you a silly question,- do you ever go to a forest for mushrooms and berries? Here it is very popular.
Every summer we go to the forest to search for mushrooms and berries. Once upon a time we even have lost the way and have found road already almost at night. And first we talked and laughed, being sure that soon we will find the way home. But when finally the darkness has covered forest, we have become scared so, that we could not talk at all. We shuddered because of each rustle and crunch. I remember we have stopped in front of the big bush because it seemed to Olga that someone has hidden there. We have become numb, and we simply stood and looked at the quivered and rustled bush. We thought that it is a bear and now he will eat us. And at this moment from the bush has jumped out a small dog. It was so suddenly and unexpectedly that first we simply stood and shouted for some seconds, and then have rushed off with such a speed, that likely we could make a new world record! (smile). Of course the dog has been frightened of our shout not less than we, and this dog, hiding a tail, has rushed away in opposite direction. It was so funny. I do not know what this dog was thinking about at that time, but I think this dog remembers us till now. (Smile).
When we have become calmed down, we have seen that we are in several meters from our village. I will never forget it. I feel I should change the subject.
Peter, I believe in destiny, because many events in the life are simply inexplicable. So often happens that the hope has already left us, but suddenly happens something that changed everything in our lifes; and everything that was in the past becomes simply unimportant and insignificant. And you understand, that it is destiny. I already spoke Peter that I am grateful to destiny for the many events in my life, - for events that I did not expect but which have changed my life and me. And now I am grateful to destiny that I have found a good friend with whom I can share my thoughts, pleasures and sadnesses.
It is so wonderful! His name is - Peter. I hope my words doesn't offend you, Peter? I have to finish, but I very much want to ask you something.
What clothes you like to wear? What kind of clothes you like to see on a woman at home and at the street? What physical features in the woman you like more?
Do you like to kiss and to be kissed?(smile) Do you like to embrace your woman at the street? How you like to celebrate holidays? How you celebrated your last birthday? Peter, Olga has forced me to send you these my pictures! (Smile).
These pictures have been taken in Sochi. Other girl in a picture is Tatyana's young sister. We had together a rest in the Sochi - city on a coast of Black Sea. I hope you like it...
Respect these pictures! It only for your eyes! (Smile)
I will hope to receive your answer as soon as possible. Write me please.
I already wait for your letter! Think of me. Your lady friend Irina.
How you dare to offend me?
I believe that to offend woman, who is thousand miles away from you, the big wit and boldness is not required! I do not know why you so aggressive. But I think you will understand sometime that the kindness is the best that is possible to present to other person. You give me your rage. It is your right. But rage never will bring you the happiness. Think about it. I wish you luck though I regret you. You are skeptic, and it deprives you of happiness and success. It is necessary to hold heart open to other people but to not wait when happiness will fall from the sky. I believe that sometime you will meet your second half and will begin to believe in miracles. I do not need your money.
But you should be gentleman even if you have any mistrust. The gentleman is gentleman always, not only at restaurant or on public.
Hi Peter! If you only knew how I am glad to receive your letter! I am very glad that I can write you. I cannot write much today. I have only a few minutes. But it will be best minutes of my day because I devote these minutes to you Peter!!!!!
You asked me about a possible meeting. I with pleasure will answer - Of Course! I would not start such a relations if I were not sure in it. If my heart will prompt me that I should go in your country, I necessarily will go. Of course all is possible. And if I will feel that time to meet have come, I will make all to organize this meeting.
If you will come to Russia, you will be my dear guest! Moreover, I think for you will be much more safe if I will meet you. Simply you have to be cautious a little. After last war in the Chechen Republic in many cities there were some cases, when Chechens kidnapped foreigners with the purpose of the repayment. Terrorists - awful people. Especially - after war in the Iraq. We border on Chechen republic and all Northern Caucasus; and through the Northern Caucasus comes here the basic stream of Chechens and those who supports actions of terrorists. In our region every month happen acts of terrorism. Therefore if you want to visit Russia at present, you should be cautious. You should show as small as possible to people that you an American. Therefore, I can help! I can find lodging for you!
Please, don't be offended with me that I do not write much today.
I send one winter picture and one picture to tease you! (Smile). I could? (Smile)
You know Peter, right now I listen to radio and I hear a beautiful song of the Sting - ''When We Dance''. And right now I am smiling, because I imagine us dancing... Peter, who on the Earth can win your heart? (Smile)
How to win your heart? (Smile) What is the way to your heart?(Smile)
Do you miss me? (smile) Do you think of me right now? (smile) Probably you are sleeping now... Sweet dreams, my dear friend Peter! I have to go.
It saddened me. But I will wait your letter because it again will bring a smile onto my face. Please, write to me! I will wait your letter more than anything!
Your friend Irina!
Hi dear Peter.
Thank you again for your letter! Today I can write and I am very very glad! Now the main moment of my day is expectation which eventually changes to sincere joy because my friend Peter has written me his letter! Thank you Peter! Each time I have small feeling of worry - "What if Peter have not written me today?" But when I receive your letter, everything becomes simply excellent, the smile does not leave my face and already nobody can overpersuade me that this day is a good day! I hope Peter your day as well is filled with pleasure and nothing will sadden your mood!? It is really wonderful, when in the life appears new aspiration, new purpose, don't you agree? Without it life would lose any sense. Everyone has the purposes and dreams, small and big, some of which are easily accessible, some are beyond reach. Some dreams are like stars that so beautifully sparkle that you want to touch them by your hand, understanding at the same time that it is impossible. And how often happens that you give years, you give all your forces to reach your purpose; but all what you get is disappointment. And the thought, that your dream already never will come true, brings a pain. But I think much worse if you at all have no dreams and purposes. The life without dreams and purposes is empty. Dreams and the purposes force people to rise onto mountain top or to sink to oceans bottom, to conquer North Pole or to land on the Moon, to build family and to win on Olympic games. And when your dream comes true, when you reach your purpose, you have tears of sincere joy in your eyes, and it is much more important than many things in our life. And you will always remember these tears of joy, because these tears will tell you that you really lived, dreamed, aspired and struggled.
Peter, what dreams you have, what are you waiting from the future?
What sort of life you are looking for now? I have noticed, that I often start to ask myself these questions. 30 years old is not a lot, but it is not young age also. I often begin to think of what I have done in my life, what purposes I have reached, what mistakes I made. I start to think of the future more often, I began to estimate my past. Probably this age - time to look back and to draw the certain conclusions, time to think and analyze a life, time to put new purposes and tasks. I begin to understand that I already hardly will able ever to touch amazing stars, I understand that many things in the life are not so simple as I thought; I understand that great deal in my life will be otherwise than I thought. It is a time of reassessment of values. And probably it is high time to dream about simple human happiness. You agree with me Peter? Enough about it.
Right now, behind window, the rain like a tap-dancer beat off a rhythm.
The window glass, deformed by water trickles, reflects like old mirror a gloomy sight of the grey sky. And the wind scornfully whistles among leaves of old trees. And everyone here, glancing through window by indifferent empty eyes silently grumble about bad weather that spoils their mood and changes their plans. And I do not understand these people.
How they can be so querulous? It is simply small rain - the gift of the nature, gift filling the air by delightful freshness, bringing an amazing, almost imperceptible smell of coming autumn. So many people in the world who dreams about rain; how many people who never saw a snow, who is deprived an opportunities to play the snowballs with friends. I always liked snowfall and rain.
Peter, do you like a rain? What season you like more, Peter? All seasons are magnificent, don't you think? The winter covers all around with a delightful white carpet. Trees and roofs wear fluffy snow-hats and a frost draws by invisible tassel amazing inimitable images on the windows glasses. And when you, Peter, hear snow crunch under your foot, and the sky slowly showers you with sparkling snowflakes, don't you want to take a slow walk with your woman? Or when the delightful gold autumn begins the most beautiful phenomenon in the nature - a fall of leafs? When the leaves, chased by a cool breeze, dances a waltz in the air and slowly fall downwards, undressing trees. And when you, Peter, hear rustle of leaves under your foot, and when in the sky you see a flock of birds flying away with sad song, don't you want to take a slow walk with your woman? Or when you hear behind your window an autumn thunder, or groans of blizzard, would you not enjoy being at home with your beloved, to enfold each other in a warm plaid, and telling each other ridiculous and funny stories? I think it is a big happiness when people are able to value such things. And I think, if the couple are able to enjoy such things in a life, it only strengthens feelings. How do you think, why people are divorcing? I am sure, now you think that I am rambling on. Forgive me please, Peter. I do not know why I write you this. Probably because I feel conveniently in talking to you about such things. I will better stop, because I am afraid that otherwise you will simply cease to write me. (Smile)
Forgive me please, my letter has turned out silly. I have read all what I have written and I see that my letter is deprived of any sense.
But you know what, I simply wanted to share with you my emotions, my romantic mood.
All what I have written are my emotions you create inside me.
So I only hope you will find in my letter something that will make you smile.
The pictures of me and Tatyana. Only for you!!!(smile)
With thoughts of you I will wait for your letter!
Hi my good kind friend Peter!!!!
How I am glad to receive your letter. Thank you very much. I must admit Peter, I feel truly comfortably only if I have received your letter. Our dialogue is a new energy source for me. I often begin to imagine - what you do right now, where are you right now, or with whom you are right now... There is a lot of kilometers, some hours between us, but I always think that maybe right now you as well think: "What does Irina, where she is?". And maybe we think of the same things at the same time. I like to think of it. Olga always asks about you. Here already several people know that I have found such a wonderful friend, and nobody is surprised that my friend lives in other country. Everybody only are glad. Everyone understand that such relations means greater mutual understanding, greater interest, greater respect. And I am sure that it is really so. Nobody here is surprised if the woman searches for not Russian man. I think the cultural distinction is a wonderful thing. I don't understand Russian men and their culture of dialogue with woman. They are not able to appreciate woman's feelings, her fidelity, love. They do not appreciate sincerity and aspiration of woman to do for a man absolutely everything, wishing to get from him only the love, respect and fidelity. I do not want to speak about bad and sad things.
WOW! I enjoyed your picture. You are a very handsome man. I think I am successful lady. I look at you and I smile, because you are really handsome and have a rare charm. You are a most attractive man I saw!!!
Peter, can you believe, right now into cabinet of medical analyses has come the boss of mine and has told that even if I have a free time I should sit in my cabinet but not in the laboratory. Of course he is not right in the given situation because I work very tensely and I do my work with the maximal concentration and attentiveness. And each doctor or the nurse here deserve many kind words of gratitude, but nobody heard such words from our boss, never. And I think I have right to spend my free minutes in any way I want to do it. And earlier I did not pay attention to his words. But today, right now, when he has told it, I have felt a shame, and it made me blush! And I don't know why! Probably you have again woken inside me those inherent to any woman emotional characteristics, which once upon a time I have hidden in the depth of my soul. Are you a shy man, Peter? What make you redden, Peter? Peter, actually when I began to tell you about Russian men, I simply wanted to tell you about my last relationship.
This relationship is not an example of good relations. But I really tried to do everything so that we were happy, I gave my feelings, I was sincere and gentle, I washed clothes and cooked meal, I cleaned the house and I worked, I gave all my kindness, I was devoted and I always cared for my appearance. And first he was good and kind man. But afterwards he became rough, cruel. He began to visit other woman, he got drunk and beat me. Outside of a house he was a true gentleman, at home he was the tyrant. And I do not understand why. Why men talk to woman by dirty words, and think that it is norm? Russian men adore alcohol. But the alcohol makes their a cruel, spiteful, unguided, savage people. I am afraid of the Russian men, and I very much am afraid of drunk Russian men. I do not want to criticize and offend all Russian men. My father was good man. Everyone has merits and demerits and I always tried to find better qualities in the person, and I always appreciate all good in the person. I am not an ideal and just as any person I have merits and demerits. But as though I did not try, I couldn't endure disrespect and eternal ingratitude. He knocked me into my face even though I never argued with him and always tried to submit and agree with him. He kicked me by his foot even when I was on a floor. He spoke, that a man is a "predator" and all women are just a "trophys", a "prizes" to a man. Therefore a man can use his "prize" in any way he want! And I have found in myself forces and have left him. I want to hear gentle words instead of dirty abusive speech, to feel tenderness of hands of my man instead of rigidity of his fist. I want to feel that I am really a woman, that my man is my protection and a support. But how I can feel it if too often a man for a woman is one who brings to her a physical pain? I understand that bad men there are everywhere, in any country. But for the Russian men it is national feature since old times. There are women who are able to endure roughness and disrespect. There are women for whom happiness is reduced to a material welfare, for the sake of which they are ready to live in an awful atmosphere of roughness and disrespect. But I can't. And there are too many women who think just as I that it is wrong. And it is possible to restore fractures, scratchs and bruises very quickly, but to restore wounded and humiliated soul is difficultly. Now I am afraid of roughness, I am afraid of Russian men, I am afraid to give my love but one day to get knock into my face instead of his love. Forgive me Peter that I write you this. I really wanted to tell you about it because I have really felt conveniently in talking of it. And I feel that you understand me. And I am very glad that I have such friend as you. I wanted to ask you - how often you become cruel, Peter?
What makes you mad? Are you Peter able to be at quarrel for a long time, or you try to settle disagreement at once? I have to finish, but I will look forward your letter.
With tenderness and with thoughts of you.
My dear. Please, tell me that you are all right! I so worry. I do not want to lose you! I have written to you this letter several days ago. But you always answered quickly, but now I do not receive the answer from you for several days. And I do not know what to think. I hope you are ok! I worry. Please, do not think that I have no patience. I simply miss you so much. I think of you and I need your words and thoughts. I hope you are safe and happy. I am so sorry that hurricane has destroyed some cities in America. I hope hurricane have not brought misery and grief into your life. I pray that you are safe and that you still think of me. I ask you, tell me that you are ok and that our friendship will live eternally. Please, tell me that you still with me.
You became the important part of my life.
Hi Peter! How are you my kind dear friend? I hope you sit now, read my letter and you smile just as I sit and smile right now! How it is wonderfully - to receive the letter that you wait during day and night!
Peter, you cannot imagine at all how our friendship has changed me and my days. Each new day is new expectation, expectation of the letter from you. And when I receive your letter, I so hasten to answer that I start to write everything what in my head. And of course I feel that sometimes I write much unessential things, and even if you will try to over-persuade me now, I know that I am rambling on quite often (smile). But all what I write to you are my thoughts, are my nature, and I am very happy that I can share my thoughts with you. Therefore, I thank you Peter for our friendship. It is so important for me.
Thanks for all your words. I am very glad that you have expressed to me your opinion. It is pleasant for me to realize that I have a friend - a true man. I really do not understand how people can be very angry if they love each other. I do not remember when at last time I became angry. I do not like to be angry and I do not like to quarrel. I know absolutely precisely that any disagreements can be solved with a smile on the face. I try never to raise a voice. To force me to cry easier than to make me mad. I like to conciliate people and when my friends in the quarrel, I always act as conciliator. When I am upset, it can be understood on my eyes. Olga says that when I am upset, I have such sad eyes that after looking at me she wants to cry. Probably it is the truth because when I am upset, everyone notices it. I become silent and imperceptible. I as always talk with people, I smile, but all the same everyone see that something wrong with me. To carry quarrel into the bed or to leave problem on tomorrow 's day is wrong. I never would do that. I never can be in a disagreement more than several minutes. I feel very much not comfortably if I am in a disagreement. Therefore I always try to reconcile at once. If people love each other and respect feelings and interests of each other, I am sure that serious disagreements cannot be the case. I always take into account an opinion of other people; therefore I very seldom have disagreements with somebody. I respect any mind. And I am sure that any quarrel can be discussed simply in quiet conversation. It is enough to express your opinion and attentively and respectfully to listen to opinion of your beloved. And the decision will come. And what can be more pleasant than a soft kiss after a short disagreement? Really? No, I do not play tennis. Today was really wonderful day, firstly - because I has received your letter; secondly - because today I have again met the guy whom I love already for three years! I did not see him for the whole year! Peter, I am wondered, are you worried right now or you are indifferent? (smile). I hope you are worried!(smile) Well, it is time to explain everything! This guy - the boy of 6 years old! His name is Seryozha. Three years ago into our clinic has come some woman with the little boy in her hands. She has told that his mother has died long time back, and he at all does not remember her. She have told that she cannot care of him any more and she has come here to give this boy to us so that we have taken care of him. She has simply put him into my hands, has told that his name is Seryozha and then she simply has gone away. Seryozha constantly asked where is his mom. I have told that his mom will come to him very soon. To be short Seryozha for some weeks lived with me or with Olga, in dependence of who had an opportunity to take him home. So we spent with him days and nights by turns. All the working days he spent in the clinic, because we could not leave him at home. But soon the manager has forbidden us to come into clinic together with boy, and we have been compelled to leave him in a boarding school. It was very difficult decision. Nobody of us could adopt him, because Russian legislation allow to adopt children only to married couples. To put it briefly, we was visiting him some times in a week and sometimes even every day. We became the best friends. The last year I and Olga had a rest in Sochi and there accidentally we have met the girl we together studied at university with! Her name is Nastya. And she has told that she has married a man from Canada, but she cannot have children. And they have together decided to adopt the child in Russia. And she has arrived to Russia together with husband to find in any boarding school a good boy. Can you imagine Peter? When she said this, Olga and I began to jump with happiness! They was a fine married couple, and I have told them that I know one delightful, beautiful, kind, healthy boy that waits for his mom every day. This couple has come to Vladikavkaz together with us; we have told them "history" of Seryozha, and when they have seen him, they have loved him at first sight. They have adopted him. And today early in the morning, when someone has knocked into my door, I thought that it is Olga, but when I have opened a door I have seen Olga, Seryozha and Nastya! I was so happy to see Seryozha again! They arrived to Russia only for some days and Nastya has found us,- just to tell us thanks and simply to show us Seryozha! She has told that they are a wonderful family, and they are very happy that in that day they have met us in Sochi. Peter, I was so happy, and I have wanted to share my happiness with you! My dear Peter! I have to go. I hope I have brought joy into your day because that is what I wanted to do! You have to know that I think of you! You are a wonderful man and I am very glad that I have you in my life! Your Irina.
P.S. My dear! I have one request and it is very important for me. I hope you will understand me and make a favor for me. I ask you to send me once again your pictures that you sent before because I have casually deleted a folder with your pictures! Please, forgive me. I am silly woman and I have pressed the wrong button. I ask you, send me pictures once again, I beg you. I was so grieved when I have deleted a folder, and now I cannot smile. Please, send me your pictures once again. I will be the most grateful woman on the Earth.
Hi my dear Peter!
Today is a fine day. Already in the morning I knew that I today I will get an opportunity to write to you. And all the rest have become unimportant for me.
I only want to answer your questions briefly.
Today I really haven't opportunity to write much. Please forgive me. But I have enough time to tell to you that I thought of you and waited when I will get opportunity to write you.
Thanks for the picture. You are incredibly handsome and attractive a man. I am sure that any woman get unimaginable pleasure looking on you. I am not exception.
My religion is Orthodox Christian. I go to church as a rule some times in a month. It not often, but I think it not the main thing if in the heart there is belief. My mom since the childhood tried to impart to me the belief in God; but my belief has come into my heart at conscious age. I cannot tell that I very pious person. I believe and my belief comes from my heart. I think each person believe anyway; but someone goes to church every day and reads Bible every day while someone goes in church only when the soul really need it. And everyone believes in God's fairness. And I think any belief is right, if it helps the person to remove pain from soul. Not important how often the person goes to church and reads Bible. The main thing is what in your heart. The main thing is to live in the consent with laws of conscience and honor alongside with Laws of God. And has no value how the person believes. The main thing if belief brings the peace in heart of the person.
And I have time to tell the main thing. I do not know why, but today I have woken up earlier than usually. I could not fall asleep again. I simply sat near window and looked at the sky. The sky was dark, but incredibly beautiful. I looked and thought that you now somewhere there, far. I have thought maybe you sleep and see me in your dream. And I have thought that if I could become a small cloud, I would fly over the ocean, only to be scattered onto small beautiful crystal raindrops above your house, with the only one purpose - to peek into your window, even if only for one instant and to whisper:"Good night Peter!"
And in the morning when you would wake up and would look at street you at once would understand that this night Irina was there, near to your window;
it is she protected your night rest, and has sent to you sweet-dreams...
You would understand that it was she who has left for you this small part of her soul,- fleeting reminder - some fine crystal-clear raindrops sparkling on the glass of your window...
And at this moment millions of beautiful crystal raindrops began to fall from the sky, millions of amazing raindrops have filled all around, falling onto my window. It was incredibly beautiful, as if the sky has heard my thoughts. And I have thought, if today you will see a small rain in the street; or some drops of water at your window, know, that it was my raindrops I have sent to you...
Forgive me, but I have to go.
I want to send you my kiss if you do not mind.
Your Irina Pirogowa.
I am sincerely glad to receive your letter. And I am very glad that I have had an opportunity to write you because I want to tell you today so much.
I want to share with you today so many things.
Peter, I always was sincere with you and I want to be sincere now because from the very beginning we built our friendship on the sincerity and openness. It is difficult to write about it because those emotions that now I try to transform into words are new for me, and for the first time in my life I try to explain things that I feel for the first time in my life. And I feel that I should be very exact and accurate in my words. I understand that at such moment is necessary to think over each word because even though I simply want to tell the truth, even though I simply want to tell sincerely everything what now is in my soul, I understand that the truth and sincerity can sometimes offend the person, bring disappointment. And I want you to understand all my thoughts correctly because I do not want to offend you or to put you by my words into awkward position. Peter, you are very dear to me, and I do not want to lose those relations that we have, because these relations are important for me. And all main emotions that often visit my heart, - pleasure and even happiness, disappointment and sadness, now depend only on one thing - presence of your letter. I for the first time in my life tried to start relationship with a man who so far away from me, relations where thoughts and feelings of each other take the main place as these are the only things that unite us together. And it is a best opportunity to become first of all friends, best friends,- with the open hearts, ready sincerely to share with each other all feelings and emotions. I try all this for the first time in my life and I do not know what waits for me and you in the future, but I would be happy to have relationship with you, friendly and more, regardless of the fact what waits for each of us in the future. And I would be happy if you have such desire as well. And even though I for the first time in my life try to start such relationship, I already thank God for what I feel right now. It is very valuable for me and I believe that all that was in my life,- all ups and downs, all tests and losses are the way where God has put me to learn to appreciate life and to be wise, to learn to make decisions and to make a correct choice when the time of a choice will come. I believe that I had to pass through this way,- to be ready to meet a man who will become my soul and heart, with whom I will build the small world of love and tenderness, giving to him all my care, fidelity and infinite respect; with whom I will be up to death because he will give me the most important things in a life - the sincere love and care, These are an only things most important for me. And I am sure that these are things you appreciate as well. The beauty and external attractiveness are main thing for many people, but my life has shown me that the main thing in the person - internal beauty, beauty of his soul and heart. Not a lot of people really possess internal beauty and not a lot of people really understands that it is most important and most unique quality,- quality helping to believe in a miracles and in a fairy tales, quality that makes people sincere and kind. This is what I was looking for in a man, it is what I put at the first place, it is a feature that could open my heart. And I want to tell Peter, that you are beautiful man, beautiful first of all as must be beautiful everyone true man. I speak first of all about beauty of your soul and heart. You are beautiful for me and that is why I already now thank Destiny that I has come to this crossroads of a life where I have met you. Here people forgot about many important things, and words "love" and "fidelity" here have lost sense, became simply words. I am not sure if you understand everything I try to tell, but I hope that my words do not offend you in any way. My words are not simply words, it is a part of my soul that I open to you because I feel that I can and I want to do it. And I hope you feel in the same way. And I really wish to develop our relations, to go further, to learn each other at a new level, where friendship is only the first step. I want to go on the way that will not be limited only to friendship. I see new horizons, and I feel that I want to try to promote our relation further than it enough to be simple friends. And I hope my words do not disappoint you because I always wanted to be sincere with you and I think that sincerity is a best thing. Could you ever relax your eyelids, allow your eyes to close, and to imagine a life we could share? I really dare to dream and imagine us together as man and woman,- people that can brighten a life of each other, fill life with sense and variety, with aspiration to learn each other more and more. And I think everyone should believe in dreams; everyone should believe that dreams can really come true! I know that I can lose you at any moment. I thought of us and I wanted to tell you everything I think; so that you know that I feel we becomes very good friends and our relations make me happy. I wanted to tell you everything what I think, so that you know that you are dear for me. And even the one day without you, without your letter is equivalent to eternity, therefore I even cannot imagine months without you at all...
And I hope that our relations are important for you just as for me.
I dare to hope, that you at least allow itself to think, that our relations can be promoted further than simply friendship.
I hope now you have really smile now! I will wait for your answer.
I hope I have not offended you.
Your letter means so much for me. Thank you. I so waited your letter and so wanted to find out what you will tell me.
Peter, today I write to you with special worry but as well with pleasure and hope. I really hope that everything that I will tell you today will make you happy. Last time when I wrote you my honest letter I had the big sadness in my heart, and even though I tried to not show it, I think you have noticed it. Peter, I was sad because the boss informed me that approximately in three weeks the cabinet of medical analyses will be closed for full re-equipment and repair. And when he have told me it, I thought my heart will stop, because when it will take place, I will not be able to communicate with you for months! And it has brought infinite sadness into my heart. But after my boss informed me about close of cabinet of medical analyses, the accounting department informed me that approximately in three weeks I will get my vacation! When I thought that I can lose you for some months, inside my soul I at once have felt that I can't simply accept it. And I have felt that together with sadness in my heart has appeared an other feeling - feeling of confidence, desire to make new steps instead of simply waiting for something. I have understood that our relations are important for me much more than I thought. And it so wonderfully. I had no vacation for two years. And now I will have vacation. But a thoughts that I will not be able to communicate with you, to receive your letters and to write mine,- all these thoughts has brought a pain to me, pain that I can't endure. I talked with Olga and she has asked me what I think to do. And when she has asked me it, I have understood that inside my soul I already know the answer to this question. And I have told that I do not want to spend such a long-awaited vacation in loneliness. I can't accept a thought that I will not talk to you Peter during of month or two. And I have told that I want to meet you Peter! I have told her that I want to spend my vacation with you Peter! I can come to you, and we can spend time together if you want. And first I was afraid that if I will tell you about it in the letter, you will write me that you do not want to see me or can not meet me. And it would hurt my heart. But Olga have told, that you Peter and I are such a good friends, our relations are built on sincerity, therefore Peter will be happy to spend time with me. And I really think that it would be delightfully. So, what you will say, Peter, if I will offer you a meeting? Would you be happy to see me and to spend with me several days? I cannot imagine at all how it would be wonderful. You would show me your life, we would learn each other in a real life. We would look into the eyes of each other, we could hold our hands, tell each other silly stories, laugh and tease each other, watch the stars in the night sky and have romantic evening, go to the movie or we could simply sit on a bench in the park, and who knows what else we could do together... I would be happy to do all this together with you, instead of again be lonely without you and our friendship. I simply want to meet you. I already knew and I have been told earlier, but I have found out again all I need to do to come to your country. I already have the passport. And I will avoid usual procedure of visa's approval. Being the doctor, I can ask the visa on behalf of our Ministry of Health, because if the applicant have good official support from official bodies, if the applicant have official recommendations and directions to various sorts of conference, seminars, - it will relieve of necessity to wait for some months the decision of the commission, and will remove all problems connected with necessity to prove that the purpose of travel is not emigration. Being the doctor I will have support and guarantees from Ministry of Health of Russian Federation, and it is certainly the best guarantor. Of course I must visit improbable quantity of the departments, to collect improbable quantity of documents, to find as many as possibly of other official legal persons, institutions and people for support; to get petitions. But if I will quickly collect all necessary documents, I will get the visa in one or two weeks! So I have filed an application for the visa, Peter, with happiness and with hope that you will be happy to spend some days with me! I do not ask you about anything. I will use my monetary savings and I will make everything by self. It is my vacation and I will not be a burden. Would you be happy to spend some days with me soon, Peter? Anyway, we must meet. It is possible to wait eternally. But I believe that I will get my vacation not accidentally; and I believe that the cabinet of medical analyses will be closed at the same time not accidentally as well. It is not coincidence! It is time to make a choice, to make the decision, to take new step. Maybe such opportunity will not be repeated again. I so long waited my vacation and I want my vacation to be especial. What can be better than a meeting of two friends? The first meeting. It is simply delightful and I thank destiny that I have got such an opportunity,- an opportunity to meet my dear friend, the opportunity to learn each other in real life, the opportunity to enjoy time which we can spend together. And I believe that it can become the beginning of something new in our lifes and in our relations. And I am really happy to get a vacation because it is time which I can spend in any way I want, and I want to spend this vacation with you Peter! So what will you tell?
Would you like to spend time with me? Would you be glad to meet me?
Would you be happy to have the first meeting at your airport?
I will wait for your answer with pleasure. Your sincere Irina.
Hi my Peter!
I waited for your letter with fear and with pleasure at the same time!
And I am very happy to receive your letter! I am ready to jump and dance, laugh and sing songs! And the reason - you Peter! Thank you for your letter and your thoughts.
I am so happy that we will meet. Now I have the ocean of emotions and I at all do not know what to say. I am worried very much.
I very much hope that we can perfectly spend time together. I only am afraid, that if we will meet, I will asks so many questions and to chatter unceasingly, that you soon will escape from me.
I get my vacation once a year. My vacation will begin approximately about October, 9. At this time I can arrive to you. But unfortunately the schedule of my vacation is not flexible. Therefore I hope you will be glad to meet me at this time. If you have not enough time, I will be happy all the same. I will be happy in any case. It is better to wait when you will come from work, than to sit in my apartment and to know that nobody will come!!!
Duration of my vacation is 24 workdays. But quantity of days which I can spent with you depends on when I will get my vacation and when I will order the ticket. How many days you want to be with me?
I have submitted the visa application. It will take about two weeks I think. Complexity of approval of the visa will be reduced to a minimum as I will have petitions and characteristics from a work place, from respected organizations and legal persons; guarantee documents and a various sort of the information and inquiry, which will give to commissions the confidence, that my intentions is not emigration. I will get the petition and a testimonial from Ministry of Health of Russian Federation! It is a respected structure and any person working in the field of medicine is under care of the Ministry. Except of that I will pay for preparation for interview with the commission. Every day I think - what my friend Peter will tell me today, what mood he will have today? And as soon as I get free minute, I rush to analyses's cabinet to find out if you have written to me or not. And when I receive your letter, I start to smile from ear to ear anticipating the best time of my day - time when I read your letter and when I write to you the all my thoughts. These are the most important minutes of my day. And these minutes I don't hear anything and I don't see anything except of lines and paragraphs which in my mind will be transformed into small movie, movie about you, my dear Peter. And you cannot imagine at all how it wonderfully! Sometimes I think, what would be if I have not found the boldness in myself to write you? What would be if I didn't believe that I can find a man in such a way? I always want to think that I the courageous woman, but I feel that actually it is not so. I am ready to give my life for the sake of person who are close and dear for me, I am ready to donate my well-being for the sake of well-being of other person but when I think of myself, I often become timid and all my boldness disperses like the fire's smoke. I am often afraid to make something, to take some step simply because of fear that it will be an incorrect step. I am often afraid to ask people about anything simply because of fear to get the negative answer. Not always, but it happens. What would happen, if you have not answered my first letter? Nothing would happen! And grey monotonous days again would lie on a way of my life by infinite impenetrable veil. Do you want to know what I did today? First off, I should tell that I slept with a smile on my face! At least when I have woken up and have looked at the mirror, I have noticed that I smile! Then, I cleaned a teeth and I had smile! Then, I jog and I smiled as if actually I watched funny movie. Then, I have cooked a breakfast and drank a coffee with a smile on my face! Then, I have come to clinic, and I could not hide my smile. I was ready to laugh and I at all had no desire to work! It is a very bad symptom for the doctor! (Smile). Everything around have seemed to me a beautiful and wonderful. And even the severe boss, when have seen that I look at him and I smile, he began to survey himself attentively and even have come near to the mirror to see if anything wrong! He has thought that something wrong with his clothes! All the day I work with smile on my face! Olga looks at me and smiles as well. Of course she understands the reason, and it makes her happy as well! And when time of sleep will come, I will lie in my bed with the same smile on my face! And if you till now have not understood why I smile, I will tell you! I smile because I think of you, Peter! And it brings joy! I am so happy that I have in my life such a man as you! Thank you that you are in my life! I have to go. Now I will not have a lot of time after work because after work I will have one more working day! (Smile). You may ask what I mean? The preparation for my trip! You cannot imagine at all how many deals I must do for our meeting! I even have asked the boss to reduce my working day or to allow me to take some hours off in the middle of day to make some things, because after 5 pm not all departments works! Of course now I should work in the days off to have more of free time at week-days. But thoughts about our meeting give me force and energy! I am sure that everything will be perfectly!
I will wait your letter! Please, write me because I need your letters and support more than ever!