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Letter(s) from Julia Breslavceva to John (USA)
Hi John! How I am glad that I have an opportunity to write you now. My dear John! I have bad news! I became the drug addict! And my drug - you John! :) I have a little time. I has come here only to write you some lines. I haven't even one free minute. Now the each minute of my day is devoted to you John! Every minute of my day I use to make our meeting come true. Every minute of my day I think of you and about our meeting. I give off all my diligence and forces to meet you. I read your letters and cried, because you have touched my heart and soul. You have hit me in the heart. I cannot find the words to express all my feelings to you. I cannot find the words to explain what I feel. You have won my heart. It was not possible to anybody. I am happy, that I have found you. I have already found happiness. Likely if I will see you, I will go mad. I think, yes, I think that in my heart was born the new feeling, which people call...
No, I will not tell it now. I will tell it when I meet you. I will tell it when I will see your eyes and when you will see my eyes.
Today I finally got almost all papers! ! I shall go to Moscow!
It is the most important point for me. I prepared to this for a long time.
After I will have conversation in embassy I will find out the final decision! I don't want to say "IF", but it is really a very difficult and tense moment. And I am simply not sure if I will have confidence and self-control. But I have to calm down myself. My worry - our enemy. I think I am ready. I feel that I can do everything correctly, and we will meet! You should be with me in your thoughts. Without you I so am afraid! Be with me in your thoughts. I so worry. I so want to put my head onto your knees and to feel your warm hand on my face. For the sake of it I am ready to give off all my forces! And Family and girlfriends gives all her forces for our meeting.
Last night Olga has come to my home and she have suggested to bake a cake,- simply to relax after difficult day. We have together invented the new recipe and have started to make a cake. I wish you saw this cake! There is not on the Earth any cake with such a quantity of components! :) Between of layers of a soft gentle biscuit we placed mush of kiwi and bananas. The sour cream with a strawberry and juice of fresh lemon have turned into a magnificent cake-cream. We have decorated a cake with a cherry, and when we already wanted to try our cake, we have suddenly understood that we forgot to give a name for our pie. I do not know if is in your country such a tradition, but in Russia each cake have the name, like - "Cinderella", or "Ant Hill" or "Autumn Waltz". So we began to look attentively at our cake, and to think,- what name this cake must have. Olga began to offer various names - "Palette" or "Rainbow". But I said that all this is banal and too ordinary. There is millions cakes with similar names. Then she has offered the name - "Flying Hippopotamus" or "Drunk Fakir"! I have asked her - why "Drunk Fakir"? And she has answered that it is unusually, and in any country of the world I never would find a pie with the similar name! :) But I said that it is too foolishly! Olga offered tens of names, but to each her offer I answered that it is too foolishly, or too banal, or too ordinary, or it is not interesting. Finally Olga has told: "All right Julia, if you are so clever, maybe you will offer anything not banal, unusual, not foolish and interesting?" And then I have told: "Look at this cake! This cake is appetizing just as John!!!! I want to name this cake - John!":) I wish you saw Olga during that moment! She has fallen onto a floor and began to laugh loudly! I could not stop her at all! She has told: "Nady, you are absolutely crazy Russian woman, but I love the name John!!!!" :)) We together laughed loudly all the evening, we drank tea and ate a delightful cake with the name John!!! :) I hope you are not offended that I have named a cake by your name? It is a beautiful, sweet, gentle, and very tasty cake!!! John, I have to go. I hope you dream and think of me as often as I think of you! :) I shall write to you before departure to Moscow Please, write me the letter! I beg you, do not forget about me now! :) Please, tell me that you wait for me with impatience :) Please, tell me that you are dreaming to embrace me at the airport! :) John, if some lady would want to be with you while your beloved woman don't see you, what would you tell that lady? Forgive me, I have to go. But only because I want to meet you as soon as possible!!!!:)
Your Darling Julia!
Hi my prince John!!!! How I am glad to receive your letter. Thank you very much. Your letters is good support these days, it is necessary for me, To me is difficult because of the past events. Now I live in an house of the Dmitriy's while restore door. I must admit John I feel truly comfortably only if I have received your letter.
I have got some news, Police has cought 3 men, who stolen everything from my apartment. They are all married and have children.
Everything will be returned to my apartment, but little later, I borrowed funds to pay for door and now it is fix. I asked police to let them go and not to write any papers, one of those man asked me to forgive them and cryed. Do you think I make anything wrong? I am get stuff back and I do not want their children to be without father's, yes, these fathers may be not very good, but anyway, I know how it is hard to be without parents. May be every thief shoul be in prison, but I can not allow to myself to put in prison those man which has children I am better now,I see that you are so kind, I am sure that you are able to support me in difficuld situation! I wanna to kiss you right now so you can feel my sweet lips ;) The weather here is so fine, here a snow now! What about your area John? How is the weather there now? Oh, John at once I want to tell that Besides prowhose I have collected almost all characteristics and petitions from people. Now I will have a meeting with the notary at notary office to legalize all documents. Dmitry was able to agree with municipal department. Now he must get all documents about my family and me. Of course contrary to my expectations not all people are unselfish, but the main thing is that we will get these documents. The rest is not the most important.
You know I live at the brother and I spend some time with Dmitry's children now. Children are our future and we need to put everything we have to make them ready for living. My relatives are very happy, you know they like that we comunicate with you, My brother and girlfriends say to you Hi! Today in dreams I saw my parents. My parents were very good people and Mum always gave me "free of choice" mum told me in the past: "Julia it is your life, you can try everything you want, you can find love, just know that I and your The father in heavens want you to be happy" I loved my parents. So sad they are not with us now.
Well, we walk all the time now and enjoy already winter season. I think it is very important to spend time on the open air. And we took fishing in at grandmother with Dmitry Irina and his children then had picnic:) wich calls "shashliki" here in Russia :) I like fishing, and you ? We caught a fish and cooked it in forest on fire.The weather was very fine and not cold , well, do you know who was catched by Dmitry's little son in forest, playing with a dog of the grandmother? :) It was young hedgehog :) Have you ever seen hedgehog? Wow, it walked close to us and Dmitry's son run to him, he just looked, did not hurt hedgehog, but it was afraid of people :) Kolya (Dmitry's son) asked us to let him to take his new friend to apartment, but we told him that the best way for living of hedgehog is in forest. Well, my mood is very fine now, I know that soon we will go to "shashliki" together, it would begreat John :)
This poem I wrote for you my darling :
Walking under blue sky,
Waiting for present of god,
Looking at you my love, smiling, kissing,
Smiling :) when I fell your cary hands on my body,
Looking in your yeyes,
Kissing you all the time,
Just let me know when our imaginations come true :)
I am ready to be with you forever
Looking forward to be with you this night In my dreams :)
With Love and Kisses
PS I made for you pics.. hope you like it!:)
Good afternoon mine dear and loved John, for me it is very happy day to see your letter. I'm in Moscow! You can't imagine how happy I am because I already started my trip to you! Moscow is a really big city! I've been told the population of Moscow is about 15 million of people! From the Perm I went by train... it was so long way... about 23 hours. When I got off the train in Moscow, policeman asked me about passport and he looked at me like I am an enemy ))) I think all people here are a little crazy. Everything here is very expensive, not like in my city... and everywhere are big crowds of people! Everywhere is so many people! I feel uncomfortable because of it but I hope I will be OK soon. I couldn't find a cheap hotel, everything is so expensive in Moscow. I managed to find number for $80.. but I have counted it also very expensive. I managed to find my girlfriend, Irina... We studied at university. She has allowed me to stop in her house. We had many conversations, spoke about you much. Irina it is very glad for me! Today she has carried out all the day long with me..
And by the evening accompanied to the Internet of cafe.
And has gone for work.
John I think that everything most difficult has remained behind us! I had the conversation in embassy! I knew that it would be a difficult conversation, but I could not imagine at all that I must answer to so many questions. And prior to the beginning of I have been so frightened, I so worried. But as soon as they have asked the first question, I at once became absolutely calmed down. I simply sat, and straight answered to questions. I spoke everything what I think, in all sincerity, as always. They asked me actually about everything! They asked me about my life, about my childhood,, about terrorism, about my work, about my last relationship. They have read all documents which I has collected. They asked me about my belief in god. and often I saw on their faces that they expected from me not such the answers, but I didn't want to speak beautiful things which pleasantly to listen to. I simply spoke sincerely all what in my heart. And first I thought that my answers have not satisfied them, but they have told that to listen to my answers very pleasantly and unusually. They have told that "bitter" sincerity always better than "sweet" flattery. Besides, they really have been impressed with fact that I had such a great support from many people and establishments. And maybe in some hours All papers will be in my hands !!!!!
I can't believe. I feel that I did all correctly.
John I should also ask you the very important question once again.
When I'll arrive to you, there is a place, I however can be stop at your home? Or however I should live in the hotel? But I dont want stop in the hotel. dont like hotel. But I have found some variants.
Just in case. And dear, dont forget send me all information.
1. Your full name.
2. Your full home address.
3. Also once again nearest airport .
John today I saw my parents in my sleep-dream, and they smiled to me.
I know that it is their approval. I see my parents in sleep-dream very seldom! I always knew that dream will never simply fall into hands from the sky. I always knew that if you want the dream to come true, you must do for this purpose all what in your forces. I know that it is necessary to believe, hope and struggle. And I really struggled John, I tried to do all what in my forces. And I hope god will help us. after all difficulties, after all efforts I believe that Everything will be fine! I really feel that I did everything well. John I worry very much, but my heart say to me that I should smile. And I smile today. I feel that I will meet you. I feel that the meeting at the airport will be beautiful and romantic. I will tell you everything what I will feel at that moment, and you will tell me. And then we will leave the airport and we will chatter and laugh. I will tell you how I endured the flight in the plane and what I was thinking about. You will tell me how you waited for me at the airport. And then we will have a wonderful time together. We will walk, spend evenings, to watch funny and scary movies, - and I will hide under your hand at the most scary moment... We will meet together the first beams of the sun and will see off a magnificent sunset. We will sit near a window and to drink hot tea while in the street will be a strong rain. How I want to have a breakfast together and a supper with candles. How I want to shout together with you at the stadium; or simply to lay on a bed, and to tell each other about a life. How I want all this - simple things which will bring to us so many joy. If everything will be fine, I will start the most difficult process - preparation of my suitcase! :) .
John and probable by next week we shall be together:)
SOON WE WILL BE TOGETHER!!!!! But now I have to go! My legs shiver as if I the schoolgirl! :) . Wish me luck and think of me!
PS: has attached for you some pictures from here..
I hope you like it..
Hi, my John! I even do not know what to tell first.
I simply hope that you will be happy! The most important, finest news - I did it! I got the visa! I am very happy John!!!!
My prince I have not stopped on it and later we with my girlfriend at whom I have stopped in Moscow have gone to office of this airline, company that reserves airway tickets. I asked them how I can reach San Francisco and how much it costs. They've told me that the roundtrip flight to your airport cost 2187 united states dollars. It was too expensive for me and I've asked them to find the cheapest variant. And they've offered. It would be on the December 23 I have learned, that cost of tickets up to in one party will make 685 dollars, I was wondered if it was possible to reserve a ticket and to pay for it a part of the funds this time and the other part later, because other people can buy the cheap ticket and I'm not. But they've refused and I was in despair! I've asked them to help me so long time that tears have come to my eyes! And they've agreed! I have learned, that return tickets are necessary for the proof of that I independently can return to Russia. But there is an opportunity to change return the ticket on money in your country, or to change date. To me have told, that if will take return tickets the discount at a rate of 5 is given, it turns out that 685+685=1370 dollars and will subtract 5 these are 68 dollars that will make 1302 dollars, but still it is necessary to add to this sum of 10 from cost for registration of tickets and meal, it will turn out 1432 dollars, The dollar exchange rate has very much fallen in our country and it is the cheapest tickets of an economic class, is cheaper a way to arrive to you I is not present. It was the best variant for me. They have told that I can pay a part of money now, and the other part later. it is possible, but I will be limited by term. And if I will not pay the full cost of the ticket within of this term, I will lose already nested money. I have agreed because it is the only chance for me, because I must give to anti-emigration committee a data about my payment. By this moment I had only the concrete sum of money which I had after all my expenses. I paid 670 USD. But it was not enough for them. In a panic, all what and I could do - I pawned my gold earrings and rings In a pawnshop and I got 174 USD. That is all I could do. I know that probably I simply must tell that I can't come to you because I haven't the remaining sum. I know that I promised to do all by self, and I was sure that I can. I did not want to ask you. But after I did everything I did, I cannot simply tell that I will not come to you. I have passed through so many difficulties, and I have overcome the most difficult. But all the same I have disgusting feeling that I could not fulfill the promise. I am always ready to do all what is possible,- to fulfill my promises, but at the same time I understand that any person could get in such a situation. To get the all papers I have spent much more money than I expected. But people were ready to help me only if I will pay them. I paid more than 500 dollars to get all documents, I paid in municipal committee, in the ministry. Even officers in army garrison have compelled me to pay for their help. I did not expect all this, but up to the last moment I was sure that I still can make everything. I expected that I can get a vacation payment. But I have received only a part. We get other part a vacation payment after ending of a vacation. I Tried asked to give me this funds now because I need this funds urgently. But, at the last moment I have got the answer that I can get this funds urgently only in case of serious illness or for example in case of death of the relative. Besides, you know, the part of funds was stolen from my apartment, and it yet have not returned to me. They Have subscribed in police to transfer to me funds to your country, in three weeks. I feel so guilty. I was sure that nothing can prevent our meeting. But I must pay remaining sum. It is 581 USD. And I must pay funds before December 21, morning. Otherwise I will lose my nested funds and our jewelry will be sold out simply in vain. I know that I should not ask you, and I am very ashamed to do it. And maybe I really simply had to tell you that I can't meet with you because I could not provide my travel completely. But I cannot simply refuse our meeting because then all my diligence, forces, nerves, means will be spent in vain. I understand that it is big sum to lend me. You are not obliged to help me. And 500 dollars which I have spent to get all documents, and $844 that I have given for the ticket also I restored a door in an apartment before departure. It all are huge funds for me. But I want you to know that I have given everything not for the sake of myself, but for the sake of us, for the sake of you and me. And I was happy all this time. If you want to meet me, to help me to make our meeting, please, transfer funds to the help before December 21, morning. I do not know if you want to help me or already not. But I have no other exit. I need you John. If you can help me I will tell you what I have found out. You can help me with the help of remittance system. So I have addressed to the most convenient bank. I have been told that they use the systems "WesternUnion.com" and "MoneyGram". They have told that it is the American systems. And there I can receive your help very fast and I will be absolutely safety. You should transfer them into any office(bank) here in Moscow for Julia Breslavceva. For an example, near there is a bank: MDM-bank; Profsoyuznaya St. 104; Moscow, 117485. My registration address : Russia; Perm; Kalinina st 58-11(Kudymkar) code:619000. I send you the view of my passport. If the additional data will be necessary for you. There I have been told, that to get the money, we must tell to employee of bank(agent) your full name, your full address, exact sum which I should receive and some confidential numbers - Reference Number. You will get this number in your bank(office) if you will send your help. Only with presence of all this information I can get your help. And I will give you back all your funds at the earliest opportunity most likely in three weeks, when to me will return funds from an apartment. I think about you John all the time! I think about a meaning of funds, and I'm very sad if these papers can prevent people to meet each other. In most cases the funds play a main role in the life but it's not right! I do not know what answer I will get from you John. I very much am afraid that you will not help me. But I want to tell, that I really need you, and I simply can't endure the thought that I did almost everything, but I will not meet you. I have given all my forces, but together we are stronger. Are you with me?
Write to me soon!
With love, Your Julia.
Hello my prince!!! I cannot write much. I have received your letter for a long time ago, but I only have come for some minutes here, and I have some minutes to write to you!
My dear, you know now I have all necessary papers.. and tomorrow in the morning I shall go to Moscow :) To me informed that probably next week I can be with you :) I can write to you from Moscow in three days... As soon as I shall find out in Moscow the Internet of cafe I shall write to you. John, You cannot imagine what occurs in my heart and in my soul! Thoughts about our meeting make me happy! I even am happy when I alone in my apartment! Do you know why? I know that we will meet John, and I simply I have no words. My heart completely obeys you! You are my man! Yesterday I began to knit a sweater for you. It will be my gift. I knit a sweater of Angora wool. Do you like a sweater? Do you like to wear sweater when cold in the street? I am absolutely sure that you will like this sweater. I make it with such big love. I make it so studiously. It will be the best sweater in country. :) Color - is slightly darkest than white. - Very beautiful color. I want to make on a front part of a sweater an inscription - the name. First I wanted to make name - "Julia".
But now I want to make a name - John. And I do not know what do you want.
The name will be not big. Probably male's sweater must be with male's name.
Or maybe you want me to not make any names at all? I can make simply a sweater, without any inscriptions. You have 3 days to make the decision - what name you want to see on a chest. If you do not write to me, I will take the decision by myself, but I will not tell you. I will give you this sweater at the Airport. Do you like my idea John? I assure you, you will admired! :) . We several times knited similar sweaters; and we used for a base the pictures from modern magazines of clothes. But your sweater will be the best! Because I will do it with special love. It will be one of my gifts for you! Olga helped me so that I have time to finish it before my arrival to you! John could you tell me the volume of your chest, and the length of your hand from a shoulder up to a wrist? Or simply a size of clothes that you wear? It will help me! By the way, I as well will bring for you a small Russian souvenir! And some other souvenirs for other people who are dear for you! I hope you will be glad! I do not know how to thank you for everything. You have changed my life John. I am so happy.
Now I should finish the letter :( Wish me of good luck :) I wish to you successful day. If you know how it is lonely here without you...