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Letter(s) from Melodie Spencer to Newton (USA)
My love, I can not stand this. It is just too hard to be away from you. I am usually okay, but at times like this (especially tonight) it just becomes too much to bear. I can not sleep tonight from thinking of you.
I just have to tell you, Cam, to share with you that sacred part of my inner, secret life, the thoughts I think that everyone has but does not always say. I know that sometimes pride gets in the way of expressing emotions. I believe that is the cause of my reticence in telling you how I feel sometimes, that and the fact that passion in an extreme state can be scary, you almost just want to shut it away for fear that it will eventually destroy you. I think of my feelings, my love for you not with craving or with hope or even desire, but just with a kind of wonder that such things could be. You have opened my eyes to how love should feel. I can promise you this, I will never again settle for less.
But, at this time in both of our lives, we are surrounded by possibilities of choice, open doors and wide horizons, which I know, may come between us. But I also know and hope that they could eventually bring us together, with both of us being better people for the time we spent apart. And so for now I function between maybe and maybe not. It's a strange mixture of love and sex and sorrow and hope and longing and faith. And even though you are far away, you're all that I can see, I carry you with me through all my days and I miss you more than I can say. Also, Cameron, remember this - I love you no less than if you were right here now.
I know I have a tendency to be impetuous at times - thus the reason for this letter. I think I will mail it now, before I consider what you might think of it. I love you and am waiting for the day when I can feel your arms around me again.
Thank you very much for your reply i am so greatful that you are so serious and i am here to let you know i am also serious hope you gonna take good proper care of me these is making me really wanna be with you so badly couse life is so unpredictable. Changes always come along, in big or small ways. I don't know what happened that this sudden change has turned my world upside down. I don't know exactly what it is, it just hit me, but there is something really special about you and the email u just sent to me . That no other men on earth have done or say to me.
So my love, Our love started over the net and everything seemed almost perfect then. We had never met but the love we felt was so big and true already, and could only become complete by meeting each other, hunny am very happy for all the love you have been given to me and i wil always be there for you in all things in life you need my king. The very first day I'm going to met you in person, we are going to hold one other so tightly. we wont want to let any one go, and time will stood still. We had a perfect day and we knew it could only get better and better if we only stood by each other, held, kissed and hugged. After that moment we never went through a day without saying how much we love and need each other for the rest of our life, Being far away from you is killing me rite now, not sharing every day with you and not being able to hold you whenever I want, hurts so much but I know that at the end of all this pain I will find you.
So babe i need to stop hear now and try to finish what am doing and then email you back when u reply this mail.
Thanks for the mail, Immediately i got your email my feelings turn over on you and it seems you are the right man which i have been searching for to bring back the smile which i use to smile when my dad was still alive, For a good relationship to grow we need to trust each other and be honest with each other to achieve what we want to achieve well I am seeking for man which will be the flesh to my flesh and also the bone to my bone, It’s true I have never seen you and we have never met, Never shaken Hands or even truly hugged and yeti know for sure you care for me by the kindness that you give. And our keyboards keep us together doesn't matter where we live. So I am emailing you to put a smile on your face and to let you know in my heart you have a special place. The sun is always shining just above the cloudy haze, as we share friendship across an online maze. We express love and kindness without a face. It comes from deep inside our hearts from a special place. Within our lives we share special dreams, unusual and unique, and it is with our keyboards that we speak. You are a friend of mine from the emails we exchange, I wouldn't know you on the street and it doesn't even seem strange. You have brightened my life with the thoughtfulness you show. Your words encourage me more than you could know. As people change and times keep changing too, one thing stays the same ~the way I feel for you. For this friendship we possess we owe a world of gratitude and debt, because we would not know each other if it wasn't for the net, I will want you to tell me your feelings about me and what you think we can do to achieve our goal. Hope to hear from you soon
How are you doing today, since When I met you I feel alive. You bring to me a happiness that no one else ever could. You bring to me a love I have never known before. I could not imagine what my life would be like without you. You have touched my heart in ways no one could ever comprehend. I love being with you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Every day I wake up thanking God for you. You have given me so much, and I don't know if I will be able to give back all that you have given me. You have been my guiding light when I was lost. You have been my comforter through all my trials and sorrow. You have been my rock.
Sometimes I feel lost and out of touch, but when you’re there, I feel safe. Your voice soothes me. I could sit here and try to tell you just how I feel, but I can't find the words other than I am ecstatic we met and have gotten together after all we've gone through.
I want to tell you that the love I have for you is undying. It is a love that is strong and enduring and will stand the test of time. I truly feel blessed that you have become a part of my life, and I cannot wait for the day that we can join our lives together. I want to lie next to you at night and fall asleep in your arms. I want to wake to your beautiful smile. I want to share in your joys and sorrows. I want to be your everything, because you are everything to me.
I promise to always love you and always hold you in my heart. I will always be here for you when you need me, and I will love you no matter what life brings us. You are my soul mate, and I vow to love you all eternity. I love you, baby.
Thank you for loving me no way anyone has ever tried. Thank you for knowing all the little things that mean so much to me. Thank you for understanding that you and I need to take time together for fun, making love, talking and just spending time together. Thank you for everything you are and mean to me, and everything I am becoming, because you are in my life... thank you!
How are you doing? Sorry for getting back to you late, i've been busy with my masters and projects here...Well am looking for a caring, honest, trustworthy man that'll love, respect and be faithful to me with all sincererity,so have you got all that? That really matters to me a lot coz i've been through a lot and have had both bad and good sides of relationship, so i know and i wanna be sure, coz i don't wanna get hurt anymore...Am seeking for a very serious relationship, not here to play games..Hope you know what am saying?
Talk to you soon
You are a blessing that my entire being is very thankful for. I feel that we were made to love, listen, understand, and work through all times in our lives together and individually. ;)
I feel that we have shared more time together than we ever will and I know there are many more special occassions and moments in our lives that will surprise and bring us closer.
You are my soul mate and nothing, and no one else feels more right than you!! I love you eternally and unconditionally. God's love has answered this prayer I've wanted and been almost too anxious for so long. I miss you more than words can say and my love will reach any distance and fly to be in your dreams and heart each evening that we can not be together. I physically long for you each night and will see you in my dreams until we find ourselves wrapped in the love that grows stronger and deeper each day, into our future together. I believe and have faith in you.
I am in bed lying here listening to the sound of the rain gently pit-pattering on my window as if it wants to come in. My CD is on with calming music blending into the sound of the rain. It is so calming, relaxing. My mind is free of all that troubles me. I lay here in a dream-like state, my mind wondering where ever it wants, daydreaming in a world that is mine alone.
My thoughts turn to you and my mind reaches a new state, another dream, another wish but alas I am only dreaming, my mind listening to my heart. In my daydream, I see the way you look at me clearly, no misinterpretations, with a knowing feeling. Am I dreaming? I MUST BE! My mind turns again arguing with the heart, both trying to understand, wanting the answer, the truth. The mind telling me, "You will only get hurt again," The heart saying it doesn't matter, the mind wanting to give up, the heart not wanting to let go. I close my eyes and I see you. The sound of the rain reminds me of your smile, and like that day in Fairfield, a strange feeling rushes over me. I smile, the heart and mind at peace, once again calm and happy, all knowing the truth - what is real and what is just a dream!