Letter(s) from Nadezhda to Holger (Germany)

Letter 1

Hello Holger. I very much would want to get acquainted with you.
My name is Nadezhda and your name(as I have understood) is Holger. I give big attention to the names of people. It is very important. People hear their names so many times in the day and certainly it influences on them and on their life. I like your name - it says that you are good man. I am 39 years old my birthday on November, 12 and I am not married. I was married 7 years ago, we were living together for about 6 years, but my husband began to drink a lot. And we divorced.
It was a very sad story. And are you married and do you have children? If you have them, please tell me more about them: what are their names, how old are they, what do they do in their life and do they live with you or not? Unfortunately, I don't have children. I regret about that. I didn't have the great happiness to be a parent. I love children very much. I adore my favorite nephews - children of my brother. My brother with his family live in the village. My mother lives there too. And I live in the town Novocheboksarsk. (Oh, I am sorry I forgot to tell you that I am from Russia) And Novocheboksarsk is placed in the north of Russia. The village is placed a little far from the town I live. I was born in this village and spent my childhood and part of my youth and then I went to Novocheboksarsk to get the pedagogic education. I passed the exams in the Pedagogical Institute and finished it with good results. I had a dream to work a teacher. But dream didn't come true. I tried to work a teacher, but unfortunately it turned out the very unthankful job. I was paid very little money, but at this time I need money because of the disease of my mother. And I had to kill my dream and to choose the job which could give me more money. I began to work a seller in the sausage pavilion in the market. And now I work there too.
It is not easy job. I spend all work time on the legs, standing up for a counter. I must be polite with all buyers, though it is difficult to do it very often. I am very tired after work. Please tell me about your job. Do you like it?
I live absolutely alone. I rent the small room in the center of Novocheboksarsk. Oh, I don't know what to tell you any more about my self. I want to write about things which would be interesting for you. Probably the question: "how do I look?" is very interesting and important for you: I am blonde with beautiful gray eyes. My weight is 71 kg and my height is 173 sm. And what about you? I will send you my pictures. I hope you will like them. And if you have pictures please send them. - It will be very great if I see your photos. I am going on to end the letter, because I want you not to be tired from reading of my letter. I was very great that you have answered me. Thank you very much for that. I hope to get your new letter very-very soon. Bye-bye! Your Nadezhda.

Letter 2

Hi Holger, nice to write your again! I missed you. And what about you?
Yesterday I was in the village and saw all my family. It was very great! I am so happy! It was the birthday of my niece Nastya. She is a very nice and good girl. She became 13 years old. She has a wonderful brother Oleg, he is 9 years old. It was so wonderful to see all my relatives!
I like holidays very much, because on holidays all our family (it is not big: my mother, my brother, his wife and 2 their children) gets together. We see each other very rarely, because I live in the Novocheboksarsk and they live in the country. And we get together only on holidays. I arrive to them on birthdays, on New Year, on Christmas and other family holidays.
Sometimes when i have possibility I visit them on weekends. In the next weekend I am going to go to village to see them. If you are not against I can tell them about you. Only if you are not against. It is so sad when your close and dear people are far from you. I so need their support and help. Please tell me more about your relatives, your close and dear people, people who are around you, who help you to live, who support you. It is very important in our life to have such people! i think you agree with me. And that's why I so regret that I have no children. If I had them I would live for them and they would be with me, help me, support me and I would have the purpose of my existence. Well, it means I have such destiny. I feel myself very lonely, that why I try to find dear and close man. But it is difficult, especially in Russia. I am disappointed in Russian men. A lot of them are ill by the disease of my husband. I have experienced what it means to be a wife of man who drinks. It is awful! I don't want to feel something like that any more. I was married and maybe I was a little happy, but it wasn't long. We lived 4 years together and everything was fine. My husband drinks at this time but not a lot. It seemed to me that tomorrow everything would change and he wouldn't drink any more. I talked with him a lot. I tried to explain to him that he had to give up drinking, because it could destroy all his life, it could damage him, but he didn't listen to me. Then he began to drink more and more with every day. He began to lose the control of himself. He became aggressive, irritable and possessed by only one thought to drink.
We began to quarrel, to swear. We had scandals. So we spent about 2 years. It was very awful, it was very unpleasant period of my life. He couldn't overcome this dependence to alcohol and he lost everything in his life: at first, he lost the job, then he lost the family and he lost me, and at last he lost self-esteem... He couldn't recover from this awful disease, though I tried to do everything I only could to help him, but all that was useless. He began to take our general money and to spend them on alcohol, then he began to sell things from our home to find money on drink. Probably you can imagine my condition in this time. I did everything to save him and our family's happiness, but... I couldn't... I feel my guilt in everything what has happened with him. I couldn't help him. I hope you have never seen such in your life.
I don't believe that it is really possible to find a normal man who doesn t drink in Russia. Maybe it is possible but I am just afraid that the story will be repeated. I am really afraid that. But I want to be happy. And I decided to try to find my happiness abroad. My friend advised me what and how to do and.... I wrote you!
And I am so glad that I found the forces to do it. I think that my choice was right. I have no doubts in that. I like you; differently I wouldn't communicate with you. You are very interesting and good man. Thank you that you have answered me and gave me the pleasure of communicating with you, made my life more joyful!
May be you will be very surprised that I am telling you the story of my life and sharing my feelings, emotions and impressions with you, though you and I don't know each other. It is so because I am very open person. My familiar reproach me for that, they tell me it is so easy to hurt, to offend such person as I. They prevent me, ask to be more careful, but I am such as I am. I was educated so by my parents. I hate lie. I don't understand people who lie. I don't respect such people. I think that the trust it is the main and the basic thing in human relationships. I hope you have the same opinion. It is very important for me!
Oh, I am so sorry, but I need to stop writing because the cafe will be close very soon. I am waiting for your letter very much. Have a good mood and take care of yourself.

Letter 3

Hi again. I'm so glad write you. Today was very nice day. All day was snowing. Have you a snow in your city?
When I was going from my work to Internet cafe I saw that everything was covered by a snow. It was wonderful. All trees, houses, ground - everything was covered by a fluffy white snow. It was like a fairy-tale. Why I didn't see all this earlier. I saw a lot of children on the streets and who were playing with snow. They were so funny and nice and I saw them and began to be upset of having no the child. Oh, how it is sad to look to the children and understand that probably I will have no my own child, I will have no the great happiness to be a parent, to take care of child, to love him or her, to feel the love of the small but very pure heart and to feel a great support and warmth. Oh, how I dream about it. But it can be dangerous to be a mother in my age, but... I have heard a lot of stories about women who to give birth in 40, 50 and later. And I think the age is not a very big problem, if the worthy man was with me I would dare doing it. I would find the forces to do it. But I couldn't meet the normal, responsible man. And it is one more reason: our medicine is not on a high level, it is a little dangerous sometimes to give birth in our hospitals. But all these reasons will be not important if it is the worthy beloved man near with me. I find forces to overcome all difficulties. In fact, it is so sad not to have children.
Well, let's not to talk about sad things.
I so little know about you.... I would like to know more information about you if you want it. What is your favorite color? What flowers do you like? What pets do you like and do have you a pet? What do you do for fun?
How do you spend your free time? What are you looking for the women? What women do you like? What do you value in people? What is your the most treasured dream? And what do you wait from our correspondence? I would like to ask you more and more but I am afraid that you will not be able to answer me.
And as for me, my favorite color is blue. I like roses and simple field flowers. I like flowers very-very much but unfortunately I have a big allergy to all flowers. It is so bad. But... I can change nothing in this situation. I don't have a pet at home. I like animals very much and especially I like home animals. In the childhood our family always had a lot of animals, because we live in the village and had a house. But now I live in the town in the flat, which doesn't belong me. And I don't think that the owner would have a great delight if I had a pet. But I would like it very much, because the pet would help me not to feel alone. The most favorite home animal for me is the dog, because dog is very tender, open, thankful and devoted. And in people I value the openness, sincerity, gratitude and devotion.
I have written you what I like to do for fun earlier. I’d like to tell what I am looking for men. Some things attract me to man. They are understanding, care, sincerity, tenderness, respect, soul support an ability to love sincerely with all my heart. I dream that my beloved man will have all this. My most treasured dream is to find the real love… the love of all my life.
And what about our correspondence, I like to communicate with you. I think that we will have very fine and happy future and our relations can be more serious and deeper. I hope that the God will help us. Maybe it is our Destiny. Do you believe in Destiny? – I believe in it. And now my destiny is to be far from you, to wait for your letters with great impatience and to hope that you will answer very soon. I send you one more photo of.

Sincerely yours, Nadezhda.

Letter 4

Hello Holger.
I am sorry for that that I so for a long time did not write to you. I very much want to communicate with you but the matter is that I have no such opportunity at I get very little for the work and almost all money leave on that that I would buy food stuffs and payment of municipal payments. At me would not remain money for that what to pay the Internet of cafe. I do not know that with it to do. You very much like me and I would like to continue dialogue with you but for me are necessary money for that what I could to use the Internet of cafe. I shall be very very glad if you will help me money. There can be we those people which were born the friend for the friend and there can be we shall the husband and the wife.
I very much wait for your answer.
Yours Nadezhda.