Letter(s) to Jeff (USA)

Letter 1

I saw your photo in Internet and I've read about your searches of future soul-mate. I would be happy if you'll answer my message. My name is Ann. I have one daughter, because I was married but now I'm in divorce. I am 27 years old. I live in Russian town Ushaki. I wish you all the best and I'll be waiting for answer. Ann. mailto:ants0441@list.ru
PS Are you writer-humorist? Very interesting.
I can narrate you about my life here, in Russia.
It's one big joke, you know.

Letter 2

Jeff, hello, honey. Thanks for your answer!
I've just came back home from St-Petersburg, safe and sound. I'm alive. It's good news. So, we with my girlfriend met each other, and few hours we have pottered along the city center and Nevsky prospect, haunting thresholds of different shops and staring at show-windows. Certainly we chattered unceasingly, shaking out from ourselves all collected news of last century. After that we have very nearly fought, arguing about best cinema, and a film which we should look. The girlfriend wanted to look "Gangs of NY" ( very good historical movie, I didn't know America looked like today's Russia formerly), but I saw this movie already, and I wanted to see movie "Kill Bill-2". Finally we saw some science-fiction movie. I forgot name. A brief plot - in the London underground some blockhead have found a huge egg, and the dragon hatched out this egg (who writes all these scripts?). This dragon has bred, and all this gang of dragons began to devour the English inhabitants. And after that, when Englishmen were ended, these creatures began to eat inhabitants of the European union. I think, by then, the Russians have eaten each other already, without any participation of dragons. And when the hope for the happy end has disappeared practically, gallant inedible American guys have arrived by helicopters and have destroyed all bad dragons. Amen. :) After a film, we disputed - we should go to what restaurant? We for a long time argued about advantages of the Mexican, Japanese and Indian cuisine, and have gone to Russian restaurant eventually. We ate pancakes with different stuffings - caviar, honey, sour cream. We ate some pancakes also, which appeared in the menu as "Colombian pancakes"(?). We tried to recognize a stuffing, but alas. And we have decided together - it were pancakes with cocaine.:)
We drank special old beer. It known as "Medovuha". This beer not of hop, this beer of honey. ("med" - Russian word "honey"). After this drink you'll walk like a paralytic, who get about on crutches. But with a clear head. All evening long without break we sat at girlfriend's flat and had fun, gave a neighing laugh like a horses and have played the fool.
Yes. It's a report of agent KGB Ann on done yesterday's work. :) I kiss you and wait for your answer.

Letter 3

Hello, my honey-bunny! Everything is all right. Visit to dentist was successful! He lost only 3 fingers in mouth of Karina. It's good! I was ready to worse.:) Jeff, I send you my private secret picture! :)
I'm very sad :( I can't open your movie :(
I get your messages with attached file "winmail.dat" but I have no idea how to open it :( Try to send me file with ".avi" ok? Listen, Jeff, I'll tell you about my young years a little in this letter, ok?br> And you can tell me about yours too. In two words.
My childhood was probably difficult, I did not realize it.
Because all of us remember the good and pleasant moments of our childhood only. I remember the sea, and a lot of jellyfishes. I remember I searched a place for swimming every time without jellyfishes. I lived in a Chukchi settlement and I remember, how hunters carved pictures on tusks of walruses. I remember how we collected cedar nuts, we had beat trees by the big sticks and selected falling cones. I remember improbable a great lot of mosquitoes. For example, we should watch open cuts and cushy wounds on our bodies, on dogs and on deers. Because, it was dangerously enough. Because of blood losses because of a great lot of these mosquitoes.
I know how to dress skins, how to catch squids with luminous hooks. We ate only meat, a fish, nuts and some verdure. I have seen an apple the first time at 5 years old. In those territories the winter last the most part of year, but I remember summer basically. Winters were very monotonous and I badly remember them. I remember, how we fished in ice holes, frosts with 50-55? degrees below zero. Did you see how the birds die during flight? And when they fall down to earth, they are like a stone statuette. This life in the different countries and different cultures since the childhood, has taught me to respect any culture and style of a life. And never to compare different cultures and way of life. Because they are not comparable. I do not like when people are bragging of the values of their way of life, they subconsciously want to tell - "we go to a correct direction, means others go to opposite." But where a correct direction? It looks as end in itself - one kind of animals tries to breed and occupy other natural niches at any cost. In this connection, I realize some good features of my nature - I respect, but I do not admire the different countries and cultures. I easily adapt to different conditions of a life, but I do not become the foreigner. I respect the rules of other cultures. But these rules never become mine. I have my own, philosophical concepts of a life and a rule. Something like my own bible precepts.
I am not interested in public opinion. I never did efforts in this direction. I do not want to litter my head with this senseless rubbish if people see in me something interesting, they will see it and without a colorful cover. Both career and public opinion are easily destroyed concepts, easily changeable concepts which steal a lot of time from a short life. I gamble on more firm concepts and advantages.
I do not live in the world of things. It only some things live in my world. It is ridiculous - I have recollected as we, I and girlfriends were visiting a disco during our youth. It was in Northern Korea. We had no stockings, but wanted to show our legs in short skirts for guys. We drew for each other longitudinal lines from heels up to ass by black pencil, imitating fashionable nylon stockings with black seam at back of the leg. So funny!
Wow! My hand was tired to write such long text.
OK, honey pie, I kiss you and I look forward to your answer!

Letter 4

Hello, my honey! Sorry, yesterday my phone connection did not work and I sat in deep silence and without Internet. Yes, it's a little demerits of Russian reality in country-side (to tell the truth in big cities too). Nobody can tell me when I'll sit without phone connection, or hot water, or electricity (or without money). :)
Jeff, my address is
187000 Stanislavskogo st. 4-41 Tosno Leningrad reg. Russia
Listen, I have one wonderful idea. Let's write for each other our good and bad opinion and ideas on our nationalities and countries, ok? What do we think about our society? I think it would be very interesting to hear our national self-appraisal, by our eyes. The point is that, people abroad have a lot of stereotypes and cliches concerning Russia, but my own opinion is not completely correct, because my opinion is preconceived a little bit too.
Of course we should search for explanations for Russian mentality in the long period of total isolation off other society and the long stay in communistic society.
I'll not analyze it, but I'll write most typical results, which we have now. 1. Russian people totally and completely do not believe any governments and rules. Average person is sure all rules were written to cheat him, all governments write rules to get own advantage, as a result - Russian person is sure he should think about himself on his own, to try to evade all rules, to try to find own advantage, cheating government and rules of society.
If Russian person live abroad, he is able to find weak points and "to find the joint in the armour" very quickly. Russian person see and try to break any rule and custom of foreign society, which are constant and it is beyond doubt, but for Russian person there are no unshakable rules.
2. Russian person have specific opinion on all other foreigners. Soviet government was telling us that all another world is enemy quite long time. A lot of people didn't believe it in past years and nobody believe that now, but anyway as a rule Russian person do not think about all other foreigners as about the same people. Therefore, often Russian person have no moral and human feelings to foreigners.
It's like the cats, which know that dogs are animals too, but anyway cats do not like dogs, and cats knows that dogs are not cats.:)
3. Russian people like to deride Russian style of life, Russian illogicality and we like to joke about Russian people. It's some mix of self-criticism and strange pride. Something like - "Hey, World! Look at us!
We are so bad! Cool!" :)
4. Russian people are very illogical and do not like to count and to think about tomorrow's day.
They are able to do very strange things only because of momentary and sudden outburst.
Jeff, of course I write with exaggeration, overstating all these things. For better understanding.
It were bad characteristics of Russian people. I try to recall something good but I can't. ha ha ha ha
I kiss you honey!

Letter 5

Good evening, my dear Jeff! Thanks for your answer!
Listen, I had the terrible day. Holy mackerel!
I've just come back home. I wanted to take days off because of my decision to be ill a little at home during couple of days, but alas. I had a very good feeling concerning my relaxation and idleness. But I was in city today with my colleagues and we were visiting hospital. We should be helping our employee who is very sick, and doctors have asked to help with blood for surgical operation.
It was so scary!!! I sat in special chair (I'm sure it was electric chair), and very frightful doctor with the very frightful looooooong needle three - four millimeter in diameter, I'm sure). Doctor transfixed my hand by this needle (all the way through, I assure you). After that I do not remember exactly...but in 5 minutes the doctor said - "OK. Everything is over." I was sure absolutely that "everything is over" and hospital nurse may drag my lifeless cold body to the mortuary. I was very surprised that I can breathe, I can stand up and I can go wherever I chooses.
Well, this doctor have cheated me. He told me he'll take 200 grams of blood but he took 2-3 liters. I swear on my honor - he took not less than 3 liters. OK, it was real thriller, you know. And should condole with me, yes? So, Jeff, your information about our travel agency and their bank account is not correct information. I called to Evgenia, she told me she offered such way, but her friend never used this way, he sent money by WU-bank. But she had problems (? ha ha ha) and she had no chance to come to Helsinki. I do not want to ask you about her correspondence and problems in detail, it's not my business. First, I call call to agency again and to ask them to send you information about possible trip again. Also I send you my passport and my information for WU-bank, if you prefer such way.
Well, Jeff, my full information -
Full name is Anna Zareva
Address - 187000, Stanislavskogo street, 4-41, Tosno, Leningrad region, Russia.
Passport number - 41 00 242015
If you want to meet in free-visa mode country - I agree. I'll need ticket only. But I have one request only - I was not expected to correspond during months without real short meeting. Therefore I search for any way of our date in August, ok?
OK, I kiss you!!! Write to me soon!
PS Jeff, can you write me address of site when you found this information about Evgenia and our agency, I want to read it too. OK?