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Letter(s) to Chris (Spain)
I am so sorry for having told you about that! I didn't mean at all to put this problem on you and make you think how to resolve it. I've never even thought of using the money you sent me for the tour. But now I really don't see another way out. I will try to borrow some money from my friends but if it is not enough, I will have to use yours. So, that is the situation. I am really perplexed. I hoped to have happy holidays but instead I will have to go to hospital. I cannot do anything else but pray you to try to understand me and to wait till I get better. I don't imagine the conditions there, but sure, internet will be lacking. I pray you to think of me and not to forget me during this time. I hope it will pass quickly.
I understand how terrible is all this and how bad I am making you feel! I myself have a feeling that I am betraying all our hopes and dreams. It is a challenge everyone has to overcome in life. Maybe it is necessary, all this, to make me stronger and mature.
Tomorrow morning I will go to the hospital. They will try to make the tumor disappear. If it doesn't help...I am afraid of thinking about it... Please, don't get worried and sad! Just try to understand and accept me as I am, with all my problems. I am sure we will be together but maybe a bit later than we hoped.
I guess, I will ask a friend to write you about me, if you don't mind. Oh, i only ask you not to worry about me. because if you have negative thoughts, they may influence me and make me worse. Just keep thinking, I will be all right very soon and I will overcome everything. I need to be strong. I love you, i'll be thinking of you, my honey, my sweetie, my dearest friend!
Sorry but i have to leave you for some days. I got up this morning feeling terrible, a splitting headache, running nose, sore throat and high temperature. I visited the doctor and she said, I have a flu and must not go out for 4 or 5 days and better if i stay in bed. I bought a lot of medicine, and now writing to you to ask you not to worry about me. Now I am going back to the dormitory, I will write to you in some days, as soon as I get better. I will be thinking of you,
Kisses from Natasha
Can you explain to me how someone, so far away, can occupy my brain and my heart so much like you do already....? Which kind of marvelous magic did you send to me in Ukraine...? How strong this could be when we meet in reality.... Anyway, you make me feel strong and warm: And whatever will come out of this fantastic virtual relation (at least this is my impression, what is yours?) I can say: I am so happy that I know you: You show me how warm a relation can be even just by exchanging letters... I did not expect this before... Did you? I send you my sweet kisses,
I read your letters with joy. You are a kind, nice, honest and handsome man. You are a part of my life in the meantime. I hope so much that we will feel our love in our eyes when we meet. I dream to hold you in my arms for a long time so that you feel the warmth of my love for you. I then would look into your eyes deeply and tell you, you are the man I have looked for. I hope that I will get all beautiful feelings from you.
I dream to be your wife and give you a daughter or a son, who will be so nice and beautiful like her (his) parents! You must know, you mean much for me now. How I would like us to have a beautiful life with each other. Every day would be much more beautiful than the day before. The joy would always accompany us. Everybody would know, that we found and we love each other. And we would sing together the song of the life and the song of the love. My dear, I want so much that we give each other our feelings and our love.
Thank you for all you warm and tender letter, when I read your letters I can feel your sincerity and your tenderness, nowadays it is difficult to find a romantic person and with a good heart like you are. I am sure I've known you from inside, I know what you feel and I am anxious to be by your side, I want to hold you tenderly and be able to whisper in your ear very beautiful things.
If you knew how I miss you and how I want to be with you! You know, I'm a one-man woman. I have found you and I'll never want somebody else! It is raining outside.......
I am dreaming about the rainy day which I'll spend with you! We'll be sitting together, cuddling, kissing, joking, listening to the sound of the rain, staying in the bed till late morning... I dream about our meeting and count days before it. I am dreaming about our candlelight Christmas dinner, only you and me, my eyes are looking into your eyes and in this sweet moment we understand each other without any word, I want to feel your tender touches and your sweet kisses!
You'd better never show up as my sponsor, because if they find out about you they may think in the embassy that I am planning to stay illegally and I won't see my visa. Let's wait. It is a normal process, a month. Don't worry. Sweet kisses only for you,
Don't worry, all OK! Tomorrow I will go to the travel agency!!!!!!! YOU ARE GREAT!!!!
Your words were beautiful and I read them over and over again! Each time they warm my heart and make my soul feel secure! Your tenderness, your loving desires of a beautiful life together is exactly what I have always wanted but only with the right man. I have been very patient in looking for you! You have been very hard to find. But I knew that if I was patient and only looked for that one and only special man that was somewhere in this world, I would be blessed and we would find each other. I often wondered how, when and what special reasons would bring us together so that we could began this journey together. But now I know!
Knowing when one is "ready" in life can be a very difficult decision. One must know all the qualities they are looking for in not only their lover, but also best friend, life partner, mother or father of their children, everything! I believe you know what you want and that gives me confidence in us and a future together in happiness and love!
A kiss from Natasha
I enjoy your letters very much. It let me escape from this world into your world. I feel relaxed and comfortable there. Feel safe in your arms. Strong enough to protect me from all harm and diseases.
Tell me about your day, what you do from the time you get up in the morning and the time you go to bed again... I want to know how my sweetie spends his day, it will give me an idea of what you are doing when I think of you, of course everyday is not the same but a few things are.
I think, the best way of wiring money is Western union, as I live in the hostel it is dangerous if others know i have a foreign friend who sends me money. So, you will inform the control number by e-mail and nobody knows, OK? Natasha Goncharenko, Lugansk, 91052 Ukraine. I need 120 USD.
I didn't speak to my friend yet.
I cannot be long because I have a lot of things to do.
Kiss for now,
Your answer made my day seem brighter. I hope you're feeling alright and having a good day.
From the moment I got your first letter, I thought this may be it. I always thought my true love, my soul mate or prince will cross my path sooner or later, but I had to use the Internet to find him.
Now I have a feeling this is it.
People are attracted to different sorts of people, when speaking of outer appearances. I like to look into my man's eyes, there's such a depth there. I'll admit I find you attractive, but that is just one of the necessary things, I'll explain more in detail further down the letter.
Why am I doing this, searching abroad for the man to be, to share my life. Well, I find the men here superficial and I have got burnt a couple of times. I think that I have different values than the most men. I'm searching for a man that could be everything to me, bring up the good stuff from within me, making me feel complete and content. In return he has unlocked the hatch to my heart and will find love, passion, care and tenderness. It's like a harvest, "you get what you harvest", if you take care of the field of emotions, my heart, you'll get more magnificent and bigger crop in return. Do you understand what I mean by this?
But the thing is to make this work the man got to have the right heart for it. It doesn't matter what he looks like, if he doesn't have the right heart.
Hugs and kisses,
I got your letter but was not sure if it is right to answer you because i feel like betraying Natasha. I told you something that she did not want me to tell and now I feel uneasy. That is why I cannot tell you all you ask.
I don't know much about her private life and I was not aware she had serious relationship with you until she asked me to write to you and tell you not to worry about her. It means she does not want you to know about the operation. I guess i told you too much. I do not want to interfere into your relationship. I think, she will write to you herself when she is out.
So sorry, Olga
Natasha's mother informed the university that Natasha had tried to poison herself because they had cut her breast. I was afraid to say it to you because I am still in a shock. She is very weak and her mother decided not to pressure her with the study and she took her documents off the university. I suppose now she is deeply depressed. I am so sorry for her, I don't know what to do. Mother took her back to Rostov.