Letter(s) to Mike (Australia)

Letter 1

Dear Michael,

Thank you very much for your interesting letter. I like your point of view and I feel your are a very good and honest man. As for gay marriages, maybe you're right, I didn't think much about all the aspects. And by the way, you may even not worry, I'm not a bisexual or lesbian... By no means.

Michael, I hope we both dream of the same things and I want to believe that this is the first stage of our relationship and we'll get closer more and more. I want us to keep on exploring all the spheres (not only romantic/sexual fantasies I've started... By the way, I've received nothing similar in return, it'd be very interesting to learn some of your fantasies) about each other and of course I want to meet you one day! I want to believe everything will work out successfully in our relationship, but I have a big problem now and I have to tell you this, although I'm afraid and hate to do it... The thing is that we correspond not directly, but through an agency. I'm very sorry I didn't say it in my first letter.

I am registered in the agency (called "ALTVERSA") that specializes in search of foreign men seeking Lithuanian women for long time relationship and marriage. I came to their office and I got all necessary information on how this is going to work. I signed an agreement, so I had to observe the rules and I still have to. I asked them to send you all information about their service, so you'll understand all the details from their letter and I think there's no need to try to explain everything in my own words. I just want to say that we don't know each other's true e-mail addresses (I come to a cyber cafe, write a letter for you, send it to the agency and they forward it to your real address; when you send a letter to me, it goes to the agency as well and then they forward it to my real e-mail address). We'll be given each other's true e-mail addresses only if the agency gets a payment for their service.

I don't know what to do, my dear Michael. I don't know what your thoughts are now after all I told you. I'm very afraid that you may get angry with me... You may stop emailing me... I don't want to lose you, Michael! (I'd been corresponding with two men before I wrote my first letter for you, but I didn't like them, so I broke up with them soon; when I started corresponding with you, I felt that you might be the one I need and that feeling's been getting stronger and stronger with every day...)

The payment for their service is 200 dollars. It seems a huge sum to me and I don't know if I can expect your help, dear Michael... I don't know if you understand me right...

My life is really hard now. You already know that I am unemployed and so I'm in difficulties (and it's going to be this way until I find a job). I have nobody to borrow those 200 dollars from, 'cos no-one of my friends and acquaintances earns enough to be able to lend me the whole sum. I'll be able to collect only a little part of this sum, I have no idea where to get the rest of it. (I didn't tell you about the agency in my first letters, 'cos I thought I'd be able to manage without your help, I thought I'd be able to collect the whole sum before reaching the limit of my letters allowed to send you and wouldn't have to bother you about this problem, but I failed... So I have no choice but to tell you this now.)

I really wouldn't ask you this normally (asking for help - especially financial - is one of the least wanted things for me, 'cause I'm used to doing everything by myself), but I have no other choice... I really want to keep on corresponding with you and I have big hopes for our future, that's why I'm ready to invest in it as much as it takes...

I just can't relax and think about pleasant things while I have on my mind this concern - I just want to leave the agency as soon as possible and get your direct email address so that we could correspond directly and continue getting to know each other deeper. In fact, I'm thankful to the agency 'cause it was them who found you and I just chose you from the list. If I'd been searching for men by myself, it's highly possible that we would have never met... So I'm thankful to them that they helped me to meet you - a special man who could fulfill my dreams and fantasies!.. I'm just so upset that I don't have money to pay the agency and release myself. Now you might get angry with me and start telling I was supid and unresponsible to register with the agency that charges so much... And you'll be right. I didn't expect that I'd lose my job and wouldn't be able to pay for agency's service by myself... I should have been thinking about it from the start... But I didn't. I'm really stupid... stupid dreamer...

Dear Michael, I'm worrying that you may consider me some kind of a stupid girl who wants too much... I'm worrying you may lose an interest in me and don't want to talk to me anymore... And if it happens - probably I don't deserve you...

I'm very sorry I've disappointed you with this letter. I think I should be preparing for the worst... I already feel ruined... Maybe it would've been better if I hadn't written you, 'cos now you can say I've just been wasting your time... Forgive me if you can. I feel very guilty...

Always yours,
Kristina