Letter(s) to Felix (Serbia)

Letter 1

good day!
What if you meet a person and know that no matter what you do not want him to pass by, you cannot really explain that feeling wether possibly you can be friends, wether lovers, maybe just people who understand each other, maybe just for discussions, maybe for watching sports on Tv together, maybe.... for life, you never know for sure, but your intuition is talking in its annoying whisper, and then what should u say, somethign brief, sharp, yet he will stop and think, what if it should be just one word, what could it be?
STOP- no, WAIT- no, Maybe- am not sure:) would you- no, maybe should i? LOOK-??
Indeed, it is a dilemma, what about "nice to meet you"? "How are you"?" Would you like to join me for a cup of coffee"? i think all this is too banal:(
I guess that would be FEEL, strange, yes, it maybe be, but i would tell the person to stop and listen to his own feelings, you know, so many times we neglect this and do what is supposed to be done or what is right to be done, or what somebody told us, but there is no right, and there is no standard when it comes to human beeing, we all have an amasing ability to feel, to sence- pain, sorrow, joy, happiness love, excitement, so many feelings, and i want to live a full life, yes, making mistakes, sometimes feelign disappointments, yet to feel this life, and i want to share this feeling with someone who will find the real me in the crowd, so here you are well, not you, but your profile, a part of you, small one as profiles are too short to let u know who you are, yet here you are, and i don't want you to pass by, so i will put all of m,y courage together and scream
FEEL!
Hey, you stopped and reading this, it means it worked, i chose the right word, so what should be the second one, i guess here i will let you decide, don't think for too long, life is too short, let us enjoy that, i am waiting for your thoughts, and i guess i will give u my address heavenineyes@rambler. ru, as this way i can say my third word juch faster, and what's next, 4th comes after the third one, and then there is no need to count, as it is floating, and hopefully making your life different,
So i leave u now, but just for a little while
Waiting,
Anastasia

Letter 2

Hello, too bad you never sent me any photos from you, but i hope you will next time:), still for sure, thanks for your note, even though,yes, i won't be shy to admit that i would really like it to be a longer letter, not just curiousity, well, in a part it is, so let it be this way, i am really curious to get to know u better, if you don't mind of course, but somethign tells me you don't, since i got your attention somehow, right?I appreciate youe compliments, it has nothing to do with what i study,m i just express what i feel sometimes it hurts, but oh well, that is the way i am, as for your concern, i mean age difference, does it really matter, do not get me wrong, i am not a careless person but i believe that biological age doesn't really matter, at least it has always been this way for me, i have seen many couples even in here where partners do have that age gap yet they are so happy, it depends on the personality as well, i do consider myself a mature person and i am not that young anymore, i mean here there is a tendancy of ladies getting married at the age of 18-20, i am not one of them, maybe was waiting for the right one, if people have a harmonic relationship than who really cares about the age, right
So tell me how is life, wish i could ask what is new, but since i am not sure even about the past, you can tell me everything and it will never be boring, right, i do hope for a nice conversation, did you sleep well, i know u might be surprised with that question, but still do you see dreams, black and white or in colour, yes, i am a little weirdo, but was reading a book saying that u can learn about someone if he tells you his dreams, would u tell me yours? And goals, what in your current life you enjoy the most, do you like beaches, i do, really, and i long for some sunshine, just a run away to enjoy the nature, too bad, the sea is kinda faraway from my place, but in my dreams i am there every night:) i hope i didn't make an impression of being totally insane, tend to hope i am not, just a normal lady, trying to get your attention, so if u want to know me, write, ok, tell me everything, and u may ask questions, u may always count on my honesty, and i hope it won't scare you off:)
have a great day, sweet dreams by the way:)
anastasiya

Letter 3

Hi, thanks for your photos, it is almost a memorty album, i am impressed u have been to so many places, so you think i am brave, well, maybe, indeed,it is very nice to hear from someone who is so far away yet might be so close. What i mean, well, we might live in different countries, which may seem strange, different backgrounds, education, culture, language, but yet we are all humans, and somehow it seems to me we might share more in common than it seems from the first sight, am i right? You may say who knows and would be right, but i tend to believe we do since we are talking right now, even in this strange way, it is not easy to write letters, let me admit, oops, sorry, stil not used to the words e-mails, electronic letters, what is so electronic in them:)?But yet i agree somehow it is a miracle, you type something on computer then press the button and in a minute your thoughts could be read by someone who lives world across, fantastic indeed, sorry i might sound like a little child, but i am not so used to this so-called modern technology:), i guess ukraine is still far behind, but we are catching up, just a few years ago, internet was a weird word used by people who had a chance to travel to bigger cities, internet? and the exlcamation mark after it, yes, mysterious word indeed, i thought that was similar to space ship or..well, but now it is easier, even though it is still something new for our small town yet i learnt how to use it and now we are communicating, isn't it great? Why you got an impression i never heard of yyyyyy, i heard about it, it is not that far from ukraine, oh yes, i think u asked, i live in Balakliya ukraine, it is a really small town yet nice, since all of my family lives in here, yes, i stay with my parents and younger sister, oops , almost forgot we also have two cats and no computers:)
I guess now u got an impession of me like a teenage girl who is excited about everything, well, in a point u are right, i am excited about our communication, and about world in general, i am trying not just to leave every day behind, but to live, what would it mean, i guess stop and smell the roses, i guess u do have that expression, right, i mean i am a curious creation, i love exploring world and life, trying to cherish little things:) Do we have that in common:)?And yes, i hope you do not mind, but i will ask questions, maybe cause i really want to get to know u better and since we do not sit next to each other, and even if we would i guess asking questions helps to understand personality, sure, sometimes words are not in need, and things are tacit, yet since we are not in the same room i guess it would help, otherwise what would we do, stare at each others' photos and try to read the answers in the eyes?:)Partly i guess it is the matter of a habbit, i am a psycologist ( future one, i am still studying:), did i tell u, or maybe u know already, i mentioned that in profile, though can u really describe and express yourself in a short profile, i tried, though they left little space for that, or maybe i couldn't really figure out how it worked, hope you would forgive me for that, i am still learning, i told you, maybe u could be my teacher, though can u really teach a person to express himself so he coud be understood and accepted, in a way, it is so, but can u teach him to express himself so he could be loved, if you really know how to do this, i would appreciate if u teach me, as i am longing to be loved, well, i do not lack attenton, i do have friends, true ones, so i am lucky, i have a lovely family, nice and friendly but it is different, i guess u know what i mean, it is different to having a special person to share your life, just simple human happiness, someone to wait when u 're getting back home, someone to go shopping for groceries, to cook for, to laugh at your jokes, bring hot soup when u got a flue, someone to tell u that tomorrow will be a new day and u can leave the worries to today, someone to go fishing with or to the movies, well, u can share many things, and what is really special that feeling of togetherness, of tenderness and well, i miss that, to hold someone's hand and to be proud u have that person, not for something he does for you, but just for the kind of person he is, for his funny smile, witty sence of humour, eyes, hands, it is the way he walks, you can recognise him in any crowdy place even from the back, for the way he worries about his favourite team...Sorry i guess i got carried away, but i really miss that, one thing for sure, i have always been claimed of not being afraid to express what i feel and think, mom says it is not the best trait, but that is the way i am, so people have to accept me this way, don't get me wrong, for someone i love i can change, but should i, really?
Yeah,indeed, it is hard to support a conversation in a mail, i hope you don't think i talk too much, i can be quit, just sit and listen, i am sure u have your own story to tell and i really want to hear it, so tell me, ok, and i would be here to listen, no boundaries, just be yourself, as things that make you you, are the ones that really matter I hope i haven't missed any of your questions, if so it was not intentionally, just let me know:)
so write me and yes, even though your thoughts would tell me alot, i still want to see some of your nice photos, and sure, here is mine for u to see the person who has been taking that much of your time to read her crasy ideas:)
Nastenka( that is a sweet way to call me, for close ones:) Anastasia i like my full name, yet it is too official somehow, mom used to call me this way when i was naughty:) so yes, do u have any nick-names, promise won't tell anyone:)
sorry have to run:)

Letter 4

Hello, so how are you in there, i am so happy you managed to find some time to write me an e-mail so i guess it is the right start, i enjoy our communication, even though it is just a start, but i hope it will be a long journey indeed, i am glad we are trying to open up to each other, as it does matter, i know, this life can be cruel, can be indifferent, still if you never open your heart, if you never let a person inside, then it means you can ever love him fully, you can never trust him fully, you can never have a 'FULL AND MEANINGFULL" relationship, relationship for love, and that is what i am longing for, not a one night stand, not just a short flirt, not just fading romance, yet something really deep, and i believe it does exist
Oops, sorry enough of that stuff, i am afraid you can think i am boring and i do not want to make this impression, as my friends say i am fun to be around, not that i make a fool of myself, but i do appreciate a good joke, nice sence of humour, i am smiling to the world and the world is smiling back to me
well, let us test if this really works right now
So I AM SENDING MY SMILE TO YOU RIGHT NOW? Did you get it, yes? then now send me a smile back:) See it worked:)
You know I am an optimist, by nature or created, am not sure, but even though it can be hard i am still trying to stay positive, and smile, maybe my job helps, i did tell you i work with kids, oh well, almost, i mean i am not a teacher, neither I work in the kinder garten, i work in the kids department, and maybe it is not my dream job, i mean i did tell you i am working on my degree in psycology, yet i love what i have to do, the working hours are long, the store is open from 8 till 10, yet i feel i am doing a good thing, i am brining joy to the kids, well, too bad now i am not giving it but selling, well, one day for sure i will change it, yet wish you could see those eyes when they get the toy they want, it is simply amasing, so i talk alot at my work, with adults as well, but we have a much better understanding with kids, you know, you may laugh watching us, i mean sometimes i forget how old i am and just get carried away, we start testing cars with boys, and changing outfits for dolls with little ladies, i love kids, yes, i do adore them, their purity, sincerity, their independance, and wow, i am fascinated, indeed, i did tell you i have two sisters, i was almost raising my younger one, and now my older sister also got a beautiful baby and i am helping them as well, so i live in two worlds, kids's one and adults', which one i prefer, oh well, they both have their advantages, so I am lucky one, hope you do not think that now i need to see the specialist
Sorry i missed your questions, actually, i deleted my profile, but are you sure, you want me to send all of my profile info to you, i think it is boring, i mean just syandard fact, my birthday is June, 28 by the way:) When is yours? I live with my parents and yoinger sister, oh yes, two cats, you shoud, add this also, i don't have computer, sorry, i hope this is not a problem, well, it can cause some delays but i am trying, cause i like getting to know u
Why i am telling you all this, am not sure, it is easy to talk to you, why is that, maybe cause you will let me say what i want without interruption, so i think u are a good listener, are you the same way in real life? I mean for sure right now it is easy, yet when we next to each other, who will be talkign all the time? I am teasing you, as i said i can be quite, and listen and hopefully not just listen yet hear and i want to hear you, real you, sometimes it happens in the total silence, just remembered when i was little my sister and i were playing, we made a house out of old blankets and chairs, so anyways, when we heard mom opening a door, we decided to shut up and pretend like we are not there, and i remember like the time stopped, really, we were just sitting there in half darkness, staring into each other's eyes, hearing the heart beats and the breath, you know, it was really amasing, i mean i was lookign into her eyes and thinking that we are not just bounded by blood yet by some type of a soul-relationship, i knew that no matter what i will always be there for her, as she has a piece of me, well, the piece of my heart, we didn't need words, we didn't need to swear, with the silence came the realisation, and hearing her heart beat i could feel what is within her mind and heart, yes, it is funny, i said time stopped, and it really felt this way, did you know that in order to feel the time u have to break the clocks, i think it is true, also they say that happy people do not watch the clocks, and hey maybe because of this i do not wear a watch, i guess i am happy, well, no, i am happy, it comes from within, do you think you are? For sure we lack alot of things, like.....let us think together, i say first and then you add yours, maybe it will be our special game, just between me and you
so in your letter i hope you would continue...
So yes..... i lack romance
yeah, i do, i mean you know and this is i hope also would stay between you and me, but i am a hopeless romantic, it doesn't mean that i live in my own world, denying all the standards, no, but i admire the sun sets and the dawns, wild flowers at the sunny meadow, kiss on the cheek, little Valentine card left on my pillow, well, i can continue for long, but i lack this and i miss this, i mean i want to share that beautiful dawn with someone who can understand and feel the first sun rays breaking the sleeping sky symbolsing a new life, a new era, a new beginning, maybe one of many, maybe the last one, maybe the most unique one, i miss someone next to me, who will wake me up in the morning with his bag packed and let us rush into the woods just to watch the butterflies, am i crasy, i guess, wow, that is a good combination, crasy hopeless romantic havign two worlds, sorry, well, you may ignore what i've just said, it maybe my crasy mood, but if not, then i am waiting for you to continue our game, i mean
you lack.....
once we know all that we lack, we will accept and change it, and then we will share what we have, what we enjoy, then maybe we will know real us and ...maybe we will find something in common we couldn't even guess before
So back the the earth, sorry, i did get carried away and i hope you are still here, listening, and thanks.. to internet and distance ...not even interrupting:), so how was your day, anything new, hope so:)
i have to run right now, but i will be back, as my curiosity is longing to get to know you,
Nastenka:)

Letter 5

HI!!! And i loved your pictures of you and Mr.cat-wow, he is amasing, i love cats:) well, u know that already:)Amasing, isn't it, i mean to get attached to someone in such a nearest period of time, but i am attached to your e-mails, or addicted, or any words you say, sure, i do not mean that e-mail is maximum i dream about no, sure, i realise it is just the first step and then well, who knows, but i would like to melt in your eyes, if this is possible for sure, i am not a snow queen but am melting from your words, you know how to make a woman feel special ,you do, and i admire that in you, from early years i learnt not to take things for granted so i wanted to let u know that you are appreciated, can you feel this, yes, one more thing, to make you feel this for sure, i am sorry that i cannot answer your mails at once, actually, i would love to spend hours talking to you in e-mails, realy, yet it is not so easy, as my schedue won't alow me to stay in internet cafe for hours, cause i have my job, well, i could do this at night, i mean i would gladly give up my sleep for talkign to you, yet the internet cafe is closed, yet i just want u to know that i am sorry for some delays, and hope we can overcome it, well, maybe one day we won't even need e-mails any more, phone, yes, i also think it is a great idea talking on the phone.So here is my number
+380958377620
So then pictures, thougts and voice, all come together to a very tempting picture, and hey, be ready , that i am perfectionist, in a good meaning,so after i put together that' full picture' i would long for more, like making this "picture" alive, you know i am writing all this right now, and dream at the same time, well, almost dream, i mean i am trying to imagine you sitting next to me and us talking, or why exactly sitting, yes, you can feel comfortale sitting in a nice arm chair, sipping on a warm cup of cappuchino( by the way, do you like it? or maybe you prefer latte? though to be honest, i cannot figure out the difference, i mean when they explain i understand, but do not really taste the difference, oh well, maybe not cappuchino, it could be a fresh squeezed juice, like pinapple, i can make it for you, or you could be jogging next to me:)...- yeah, right, a nice first meeting, exercising together:), though why not? , or you could be even...swimming next to me. U know, it might sound crasy yet not so bad of an idea, original, healthy and i think it is lovely, just somewhere close to the sea, or a lake, for instance, warm water, sunshine, the horizon, and me and you swimming, and talking, cool, what colour do you like.. sorry i know i jump from one topic to another, yet i cannot hold on my thoughts and emotions,and dreams , they run so quickly, trying to get to know you, so yes, what would be your favourite colour, if you promise to tell me, then i will promise to get a swim suit in this colour, actually i like terquoize, but i think pink would also look nice on me, what do you think? Wait, stop, back to earth, again, see, u will need to do this from time to time or i will talk your ears off, i am not just a bubbly person, i think actions tell more than words, so i am trying to keep my promises, what is about you, do you think people can call you a man of his word, we have a saying here" A man said- a man did", i often use it though i am not a man but like this trait of personality
So how was your day, did you get some sunshine? U know, i miss that, i mean i have been trying to get a full vacation last year though it never happened, had to stay the whole summer, working, passing exams, again working, so i guess i am a bit tired, i mean would love to have a vacation, i cannot imagine doing nothing, and since i like active rest, i guess i would get myself exausted even on my vacation, running from place to place,reading all the books i can find, trying to see as many places as i can, and meet as many new exciting people as i can and yes, always dreamt to learn to ride a bicycle, and yes,now i should add swimming with u in my terquoze or pink swim-suit, sorry, you never said you would love that, so have to wait on this one, why i am telling u all this, am not sure, maybe my crasyness is contagious:) and u woudl also like to try new things, or help a crasy woman to learn how to ride a bycycle
Are you good in it, who taught you, oh yes, now you will say you did this on your own, and i would be impressed again, i never thought i could be impressed so easily, but somehow you can do this all the time, i mean for that short period of time we know each other, oh yes, we just met, and i am starting to make plans how to seduce you in my pink swim-suit, sorry, that is a joke, i hope you understand my sence of humour, you noticed i am in a good mood, and partly it is your fault, oops, sorry i mean it is your influence, positive one, really, you make me so happy with your letters, so keep writing, not paying attention to my crasy jokes, i am normal, i mean i hope so, ok
so take care, write me soon, and maybe u won't mind to dream with me:)
Nastya:)

Letter 6

Well, hi back to you, you know i was a bit worried what would be your reaction after my last letter, i mean yeahm, i can be naughty sometimes, and hope you do not mind, i just write what i feel, somehow i get an impression that you are ok with that? Somehow i feel you do not mind my bubbly romantic, nauthty nature.. Do you? I am sorry you do not like mobile phones, but that is the only way i could hear your voice, by the way, your friend has a strange statistics, as i doubt it is true, also i live not in the city, but in a very small town, thanks for your offer with the gift, but i dounbt i can accept it, also i havce no internet connection at home, so it won't be of any use but still thanks it is sweet of you. Indeed, i enjoy our communication, sure i realise it is different than in real life, but i hope we will get to that stage one day, you know indeed it is nice writing letter, but i am sure it is different in real life, i mean i cannot touch your hand, cannot hug you, and cannot send you a kiss, oh well, i mean i can send you a kiss, but would you feel it, i mean would you feel the real kiss, the passion, the tenderness, the gentlness, probably you won't , and it is hard to kiss a computer screen, oh well, i hope you understand what i mean
My days are quite busy yet i do find time to think of you even though i cannot get to the internet when i want, and for sure, if i would have that chance i would be writing to you every hour, oh gosh, that your mail box would be full of my crasy messages, and am not sure you would like it, felix, would you? So you do not mind seeing me in my swim suit? Don't worry i am not trying to seduce you, or am i , who knows, maybe:)
How was your day? Anything new? anything exciting? what have made you smile? i hope my e-mail would, talking to you is nice, am glad we found this way of cimmunication, i mean through e-mails and phone as well:)opps, sorry forgot you do not like mobiles:(
You know i woke up early today actually I wake up early every day, i did tell you i have to be at work early though i go to bed pretty late, since it feels i am lacking time, really, i would like to have more than 24 hours a day, probably 48 would just work fine, then i will have time for everythign, work, studies, hobbies, family, and you, i guess now you are also a part of my life:)
am not sure where our communication, or talkign would get to, hope to the nice reality, but for now i guess i could just dream about, actually, they say i have a very vivid creative imagination, so it definetely helps, what about you, are you lookign forward to our talkign?- hope so:) So anywyas, i woke up early, and what was funny that i was awaken not by the alarm clocks, but with the sun rays playing hide and seek on my cheek, it felt like a real touch of a real human, and it made me smile, I guess i looked funny, with my eyes closed yet smiling, i love sunshine, i guess i am a sunshine baby, maybe partly cause i have been born in summer, nd yes, i like the tan on my body, do you think i look nice? Yeah, i am fishing for some compliments, am kidding, but yet, i would enjoy closing my eyes and when opennning them finding myself somewhere at the romantic beach, i am sorry i am coming back to this from time to time, i guess i really want to have a holiday and to share it with the special person, i guess now i even have in mind who that could be, can you guess, i am writing to him right now, oh well, one day we would make all of our dreams come true:)
i think it is important, what i mean, that yes, we have alot of responsibilities in life, we can enjoy our work, yet that is not the whole life, so yes, we can enjoy it, still it is a responibility, and still you should do something for yourself, i mean something that you do not nessassarily need, but simpy want to, i have lots of dreams, and goals, i guess i can call myself a pretty determined person, so i usually work hard to achive something, i mean like i started working when i was young, you see i come from a nice family, yet definetely not a wealthy one, since we live in a small town( a tiny oen withone even a place to go when you feel like partyign to simply havign a holiday:), so in a word it is hard to find a good job, my parents are trying hard, mom is retired right now, and she cannot work cause she has problems with her health, so she stays at home, she is doing some sewing, and that helps her to earn some money, my dad works at the coal mining, he has long working hours, we rarely see him, and three kids in the family that is alot, our parents brought us well, they made us realise that in order to achieve somethign we have to work, so we did, my sister and i started working in grocery stores when i was 12, yeah, it was illegal, yet since i looked older than i was, it was alright, so we went to school and then in the afternoon have been working in the shop till late, so this helped me to grow up faster, and to be responsible, well, i am blessed to have my job, as i can afford my education, by the way, i am graduating this year, i think i already told you, finally, i will have my dimploma, it would feel nice, i guess, am not sure wether i would attand the celebration, since really doubt my boss would appreciate me takign the time off, it doesn't matter but i guess i would have to organise a family dinner, me cooking, would you like to attand? they say i am pretty good in it, I mean cooking:) i always took pleasure watching mom doing this, even when i was a baby, can you imagine when i was 4 and was asked what would i like to get for my birthday, i said a cooking book, yeah, a real thick one, i could read pretty well, so it was not a problem, i still keep it, it has some of my favourite receipes, i enjoy cooking for my loved one, who knows, maybe one day we even an do this together, could that be somethign you enjoy?
i think there are alot of things u could share with your partner, yes, cooking together, why not, climbing trees, hiking, working, sleeping- yeah, that sounds nice, dreaming, my goodness, i really miss that, i think it is something i have alway been dreaming of, do not get me wrong, i am pretty independant person yet i would enjoy with all of my midn and heart that feeling of partnership, togetherness, passion, family, love... it is a long life adventure:) A life long journey.....
Are you ready for that?
Nastya

Letter 7

Hi back to you, thanks for your letter, i was hoping for a longer one and maybe u answerign some of my questions, oh well, i will answer your then, ok?
Ok, let me think.my surname - Varshavskaya
Your home Address maybe?Maybe? Sure i can give it to you
Anastasia Varshavskaya
62418
Balakleya
Yakira 77/37
Ukraine
my shoe size? my shoe size is 37
Best Perfume? - Christian Dior " Pure Poison" Deo spray?-am not sure:) Your favorite flower? -Tulip:)
Your relatives? i have 2 sisters, mom, dad and 2 cats, they are my best friends:) i will send u a picture of us, by the way all of my pictures are pretty recent