Letter(s) to Mahmut (Norway)

Letter 1

Hi, Mahmut!
My god, I missed you so much!
I know that that much time has passed since I wrote to you last time, but for me it seems that I'm starting to miss you at the very moment I send you a letter and leave the Internet cafe, and this might sound crazy or stupid, but I know that you will understand what I mean, because you should be feeling something similar, I guess, - at least I hope you are feeling something similar to what I'm feeling when you are getting my letters, this is joy and happiness and anticipation of something good, and when you check your mail and there is no letter from me, you might be sad or even disappointed, although believe me, I would never want to you be sad or disapointed, I want to make you happy, Mahmut, I want to come to you as soon as possible and be happy with you, my god, I'm dreaming about it all the time, there are few things I can think about now besides it, and though I do have to think about many other things, I have my job and my mum and my friends, I have Misha and my new status of a teacher, I have Kirill who comes to me to the library almost every day now, even if for a couple of minutes, and I'm used to it, and this is to pleasant for me to see his clear flowing black eyes again and again, he always puts a smile on my face, and he's really worth admiring.
But all my dreams and hopes are about you and about us, Mahmut. I dream about coming to you and living with you, happily and forever. I know that this is rather silly to have so many dreams and hopes when we haven't even met yet, and we definitely have to meet, and this is why I want to come to you so much, I want to see how you live, I want to meet your family and friends, I want to know if everything we have developed between us is real and not just a play of my imagination, I want to feel your touch and to hear your voice, I want to feel the warmth of your embrace, I want to forget about myself and about the whole world at the time of our first kiss... I know it will be very special. And I'm looking forward to it.
I'm a little bit afraid to tell you about all this, you know, Mahmut, I'm almost sure that you will understand, that you will support me, that you will welcome me, but still, you can never know, I can't see your eyes, I can't see your face expressions, and this is hard for me to know what you are really feeling towards me, I only have your letters, and I love your letters, and it seems to me that we have already shared quite a lot of our lives, of our dreams and hopes and views and thoughts with each other, well, at least I'm always trying to put as much of my soul into my letters as possible, and I'm glad that you like my letters despite their not always being consistent... Well, anyway, Mahmut, I truly enjoy sharing my feelings with you even if though a little bit afraid to - maybe I'm just afraid that my feelings towards you are stronger than your feelings towards me while I would like them to be mutual, I don't know, maybe I'm just afraid that this is not accepted in your mentality to talk about feelings so openly, to discuss such things in letters at all... You see, Mahmut, I feel I know you quite well, well enough to want to meet you in real life so much, but there is still so much to learn about each other, about your traditions and customs, about the way you are used to live and if you would welcome a change into your life, I mean myself, how we would be able to live together, if we are really compatible in all spheres of our lives, if we would be an ideal couple or have a lot of things to compromise upon - well, I think this is only natural that sometimes there are some things which should be discussed, on which we would not agree completely, as we are still different despite having a lot in common, but this is still pleasant to have a reasonable discussion, not turning into an argument, do you agree, Mahmut?
Well, anyway, I'm dreaming... You know that I'm a hopeless romantic, and I like paying attention to small things, and I wonder what you will tell me when you first see me, how you will say it, whether this will be a simple hello, or something more, or nothing at all... I wonder what your eyes will look like, whether you will dare look right into my soul through my eyes, whether you will dare open up for me as well, because I do think that eyes tell a lot about a person, they say that they are a mirror to your soul, and I think there is a lot of truth in those words - what about you, Mahmut? Do you agree? Do you like looking into a person's eyes when you talk to him or to her? You know, this is considered to be impolite to look into the eyes of an unknown person in the street for exapmple, for a long time, but I really like looking into the eyes of a person I communicate with, this establishes a certain link between you, a deeper and better understanding of each other, eyes can hardly lie, you know, and I like this feeling of complete sincerety and oneness, when you think there are only two of you with nobody around, when you look into each other's eyes for a long time, going deeper and deeper in them, forgetting about everything which is going on, knowing only one thing - those eyes in front of you, which you are ready to drown in, which you are ready to spend an eternity looking into, which you like so much, which tell you so much about the person who you are talking to... Do you think I'm crazy, Mahmut? :-))) No, I'm not. And I'm sure that I would really love to look into your eyes, and I hope that you will allow me to when we first meet, and I really hope that we will meet soon, really soon, I don't want to wait any longer, I just don't see the sense in it, I mean we have got to know each other well enough to know that we both like each other, and we want to see if we will like each other in real life a much, and I think this is the right time to go onto another level in our relationship, a real meeting.
Well, it seems to me that I'm repeating the same things again and again, and well, I know that talking about and only talking about it will not get us any further in meeting each other, and I believe that to achieve something we need to proceed with actions, and not only with words - do you agree, Mahmut? And I'm glad that you want to meet me, too, and I'm ready to do something to make it come true, actually I have found out what I need to come to you, I will need a passport, a visa and air tickets. I will also need to stay somewhere, but if you can let me live with you and promise to be a gentleman, I might not have to book the hotel or anything. The whole trip to Norway (with a flight to Oslo) would be around $910, and they say that for the passport, the visa and the tickets together this is not much, and I believe them, as I have heard that it's very expensive to travel, but I would never be able to afford it, I only earn around $220 a month, and this is hardly enough to pay for the apartment, food and some basic things, you know... I don't even have any savings, and this is frustrating, because they say you should never ask anyone for money, but it seems for me that this is the only possible way to make our dreams come true and meet in real life...
So I will let you decide what we should do next, and please, write to me soon, OK?
I will be waiting!
I'm already waiting for you!
I miss you!
I long for you!
Yours,
Maria

P.S. Sorry for making you wait, here is me with my mum ;-)