Hello my dearest and sweetest Stephen!!! It is already Friday and I cannot even believe that another week has passed. Ow, while being a child I loved May and the beginning of June.
It was the time when we had exams and after them we had 3 months holidays. Ow, that was the happiest time for every pupil :) I cannot say that I did not like to go to school but if I had the choice to go to school or have the holidays, I would choose holidays :) Somehow I still remember the day when I had Biology exam. Ow, it was definitely not the most favorite subject of mine and I was pretty worried how everything would be. The weather was so nice that after passing the exam and waiting for the results, I offered my friends to go to the shop and buy a lot of ice-cream. Ow I think that we have eaten 3 or 4 pieces of ice-cream within a couple of minutes :) And look I was 12 years old and still remember this episode :) And yeah I have got the excellent mark :) When you were a pupil did you also think that at least 50% of the subjects will never be used by you in the future? I know for sure that chemistry and physics were never really used by me.
Some common rules are maybe needed but for the rest not. Also we had to read so many different books and novels... Some of them were ok and some of them were totally not interesting. Who cared... The program was created for all the pupils in Ukraine we had to read what we had :) Anyway, I loved school and if I had very good relationship with the teachers I tried to learn the subject in order not to seem silly. It is again my perfectionism :) Ow, I am sorry I do not know why I started to talk about school. Sometimes I really like to share with you some of my memories as they are also a part of my life and thanks to some situations I have become the woman who you know now :) Do you think about your schooling years often? Do you still have some contacts from the past? It is always interesting how much the people have changed when you meet them after many years. Honey I think that it is the strangest beginning of my letter, don't you think? Haha, the women should be different and unpredictable :) Honey, I would like to thank you for telling me about your day. I am sorry to hear about the pain in your leg. Are you feeing better today?
I really worry about you, my dear man. My darling, I will try to call you and I hope that it will work. It is really interesting to know that you have the public telephones in UK.
In Ukraine we used to have them but now not anymore. I will anyway try to find the way to contact you. I hope that it will work. My darling I know your love for horses and I am feeling pity that right now you cannot buy a horse that you like so very much. May I ask you how much the house costs? I think that it can cost like a very good car, am I right? Maybe one day the life will change and you will manage to buy this horse or another one. Please, do not stress yourself too much about that ok? Honey, I want to tell you that I really love your personality. You are such a peaceful person, you are the one who always can make my mood better and happier. You are just my knight. I am so happy that we have found each other and I am so happy to be the part of your life. You mean the world to me, my dear Stephen!!!! My darling I would like to tell you that the sun has come back to Ukraine and I think that it is your present for me :) I always ask you to send me the sunshine :) And now this parcel with the sun rays has finally arrived :) I think that as soon as I write to you my letter I will just go to the center and just sit in the sun. I am sure that half of the town will be there :) The spring is a magical season and the couples usually have exacerbation and they express their feelings even brighter than usual. I know that unfortunately we do not have the chance to demonstrate to each other the feelings and emotions which are overwhelming our hearts and minds. We are very limited in the ability to express ourselves. But I know for sure that every single moment our hearts beat in the unison and they are glued to each other.
This invisible but very strong bond we have will help us to overcome all possible difficulties. I know that for sure :) Honey, as usual I want to devote my paragraph from my letter to the daily questions of mine. I am very curious to know how you are doing today and how your mood is. How is everything in your life? How is your Friday? Does it please you? Do you feel that your Ukrainian partner is thinking about you all the time? :) I am sure you feel that :) I am praying for you all the time and I really hope that my guardian angel is taking care of you :) Ow, how much I want to be in your arms now. I do want to feel your tenderness and your sweet touches. When we are apart every single day seems like eternity. There is the feeling that the time stopped and nothing can make it go further and further. At the same time the time is flying so fast that we even do not notice how one month is changing another one. This contradictory feeling lives in our hearts and minds since we meet don't you agree? On one hand, I really want the time to fly as every day that has passed makes our meeting closer. On another hand, as soon as my hand touches yours I want the time to stop and I want every single moment to last eternity :) I know that nothing from these silly dreams will not be realized but what I am trying to say is that I am very eager to fill every single moment spent with you with something really special, something meaningful. I want to learn the things which are interesting to you. I want to learn about the things which you like to do in your spare time. I just want to be involved into your life as much as it is possible :) I want to be a real second half for you. My darling, the weekend is coming and I do not have any special plans.
I do not know what kind of weather we have to expect but if it is not that bad, then I will invite my friend to go and walk. Maybe we will arrange the window shopping though as soon as the women start doing that, they want to buy something. As the wallet is empty and not ready for buying the clothes or shoes, the mood becomes worse :) Haha, almost every day would say: "What is the sense to go window shopping if you do not have the plans to buy something? Isn't it the waste of time?" In reality yes, it is the waste of time but I also like to call this "socializing". TO spend some time with the friends is always nice :) How long can you be in the shop if something interesting is sold there? I mean if you like the guns how many hours can you stay in the same shop while watching at different models? I know that if you are interested in something you do not notice the time. Is it the same for you? I cannot say that I have such kind of shop where I could spend an hour or so. I am getting sooner or later pretty tired of that all and I want to leave it as soon as possible. The same with shopping. If I need to buy some groceries I am trying to do that pretty fast. Are you the same? It is also typical for me to write the list of the things which I want to buy and then forget this piece of paper at home :) As I have told you before I can lose the concentration from time to time :) I am always flying in my own thoughts and dreams :) And in these dreams we are always together :) Today the pillow with your name was really tortured by me in the morning :) I woke up from the sound which signalized that the electricity was off and then I realized that I am not sleepy anymore but at the same time I do not want to leave the bed. So, I took your pillow and started to hug it :) I imagined you next to me. I tried to imagine us waking up in the same bed and being lazy enough to leave it :) I wish you knew how much i miss you!!! Honey it is time for me to finish my letter. I want to tell you that I really enjoyed our date and I really feel happier and much more positive after spending some time with you. My darling, I would like to ask you to take a special care of yourself while being far from me.
Be a good boy and never stop thinking of me more than it is allowed :) I send you my kisses and hugs
I love you very much
Your Natalia

Hello my dearest and sweetest Stephen!!! It is so wonderful that I can write to you my letter and to feel closer to you :) I would never have thought that Monday could become my favorite day of the week. I love it as it brings you back to me and it is when after a pause we can continue our communication. It is so nice that the weekend is over and it is so nice that I can just come and talk to you about everything that fills my heart, everything that overwhelms my mind. I just really love talking to you as along with the daily information I also send to you the piece of my heart and all my tenderness and care. I hope that you feel it :) Do you know that I missed you very much? Ow, these two days were like eternity for me.
Every single moment I was thinking about you. I imagined you sitting next to me on the couch, I was thinking about the nice things which we could do. I was thinking about the lazy mornings of ours, about the late breakfast which would be something very light but at the same time very tasty. I was thinking about many things which we could do :)
Yes, I am living and all my thoughts and dreams are about future, about the time when we are finally together :) My darling, I would like to thank you very much for your wonderful letter. I am a bit upset that all my efforts to call you on weekend was vain. There was no signal at all. I was calling and calling you but yeah, I heard only silence. Anyway, I will not give up and I will call you also tomorrow. I do not know what time as I try to do that very often in hope that it will work. Let us keep our fingers crossed and let us hope that I will get through. Honey, I would like to thank you for telling me about your expenses.
If you have to pay so very much, then your salary should be as big as all these monthly payments. The life in UK is definitely much more expensive than here, but also the level of salaries are higher. I know that you do not have so much money left after paying all these bills.
Do the bills stress you out of you are trying not to think negatively about all these money issues? I am sorry to hear about your car problems. It is very good that there is the service that comes and repairs your car. I understand that you need to pay for this service monthly, but it is actually not bad as in the extreme situations it is better if you have everything arranged and you do not have to worry if the car suddenly stops. Honey, it is a nice and warm day here, though I still have the cold feet and cold fingers. They are just waiting for you warming them up :) In general my whole body is longing for you and it wants to be warmed up by you every single moment :) While taking the shower yesterday I imagined you standing next to me. I think that there is nothing more romantic and exciting when two bodies unite under the water flow! Haha, I think that it will be the first fantasy which I want to realize with you :) I hope you do not mind :) And also I am dreaming of leaving the shower and then go to the kitchen or living room and drink very nice-flavored tea :) I am sure that such kind of pleasant moment will make us feel better than after spa procedures :) My darling, as you know I will not omit one topic which is also very important to me. I am very eager to know how your day is and how your health is. Will you tell me about your well-being? How is everything in your world? Are you happy today or your mood is so-so? Are you looking forward to getting my letter? Are you looking forward to hearing how much you mean to me? Be assured, every letter of yours is like the fresh air which I can breathe. I like every message of yours, every sentence, every word as it is written to me, it is devoted to us, to our relationship. I do treasure everything we have and I really do treasure this magical connection we have. It is like to be covered with the softest blanket than warms you up and also makes you feel really comfortable. The tenderness and the care you give me can be only compared to the most pleasant feelings that the person can experience. It is true that we can live alone, but then our heart fades gradually. Loneliness causes a lot of stress and produces the anger. Maybe the person does not feel it at the beginning but then, with the time, the person becomes more aggressive without any reason.
I was the same and I started to notice that and it bothered me. I think that the loneliness is like a curse for a person. I know that we are born alone and we leave this world also alone, but how much pleasure it is to find the person with whom you could enjoy every single moment, with whom you would share the happy and sad times! I was thinking a lot about this during the weekend. I am happy that we have each other. Weird that we are still physically alone but my heart belongs to you and yours belongs to me :) There is no anger or aggression in my heart. there is only love, tenderness, care and a lot of sweet feelings which I am giving to you every single moment. Yes, my heart is aching. It is aching as it wants to be next to you and for now the circumstances do not allow us to realize this dream. There are the moments when I just close my eyes and I feel you next to me. Your presence is so obvious that I almost can touch you. I am praying every day that Almighty gives us this chance to unite and to be finally not in two worlds, but in our own micro world, the world where you always hold my hand and where you always keep me very close to you :) Honey, this weekend we had Eurovision festival and I have to say that it was not really bad and I actually really liked some songs. The winner from Portugal was really exceptional and yes, this man really did not care about the victory. It seems to me that the only mattered to him was music. The song was really unusual and while listening to it I imagined us sitting on the terrace very close to the sea and just listening to the light music which is played by the band. I think that this very song can be a real Hit for lounge cafes. It is soft, very melodic and it helps to relax. It was lovely to see that I was not the only one who liked this man and his song. England was also exceptional and the girl sang very good. I liked her song a lot. Also the singers from Poland, Holland and Belgium were great. But of course, it would be not Ukraine unless something extraordinary happened. I was so shocked when I saw the man on the stage who just showed to the whole world his ***** ***... Jamala was singing the song and fortunately did not react on this idiot. He jumped on the stage so fast that the security people could not react fast enough. So, the ending of the show was really confusing. And now the whole world is discussing this incident and a lot of people consider this situation to be really weird. It is so ****** to do something like that. It only shows the narrowness of the mind of the person... But yeah, he has become very popular now. Again, while watching this contest, I imagined you being next to me. We would discuss every song, shared our impressions, just would have fun :) You are always with me, in my head and in my heart.
You are just living in me and it is amazing feeling, I must say :)
No worries, the time is coming and as soon as I touch your hand everything will finally change and the sparkles in my eyes will never disappear as there is nothing more pleasant than to look into your amazing eyes and to know that my dear man is by my side :) My dear man, it is time for me to finish my letter. It was my big pleasure to be with you today and to have this amazing date with you.
As usual I would like to ask you to take a special care of yourself and I really hope that you will never stop thinking about me more than it is allowed :) Be assured, you are constantly in my mind and in my heart :) I send you my kisses and hugs
I love you very much
Your Natalia

Hello my dearest and sweetest Stephen!!! It is my biggest pleasure to talk to you today and to write to you my letter. What a strange day I have today! It is difficult to explain what is going wrong, but I know for sure that because of my dream I cannot concentrate on anything today. The dream was definitely not the most pleasant one. I have seen one of my best friend dead in the coffin. I remember myself crying a lot and I remember a lot of friends being around me. I do not know what exactly happened in this dream with her, but the result was very tragic. I woke up in the middle of the night in order to check if everything was all right and if it was just a dream. And then after waking up in the middle of the night I could not sleep very well anymore. I think that this thought about my friend being dead really bothered me a lot. Finally morning has come and I just decided to leave the bed and take a shower in order to come back to my senses. To my regret the pressure of the water was very bad and instead of taking good shower I was feeling pretty miserable under this flow. I felt even a bit cold from that. So, after that everything was all right but somehow my mood is still a bit strange. Maybe tomorrow everything will come back to normal as I really do not want to bother myself with the sad dreams. I always try to keep positivity in my heart and mind :) And now when I am with you the world is changing for me, it is getting filled with many colors and it becomes my own world, the world which I always share with you :) How happy I am to be the part of your life and how happy I am to be the part of yours :) I do really hope to never disappoint you!! My darling, I would like to tell you that I really loved your letter.
I am happy that you are such a sweet and tender person. I also admire you for being so caring to the animals. It is not surprising for me to know that the horse is waiting for you as you are always treating it with love and tenderness. Honey, thank you a lot for the poem you sent to me. I liked it very much :) You have such great sense of humor and I like the way you describe the daily events of mine in such a poetic way. You are very talented. My darling, in your letter you asked me if you are attractive enough to my mind. My darling, you are the most handsome man for me and I really love how you look like. I tell you that seriously. I just love you with all my heart and I love everything in you. My darling, when you send the parcel back to me, do not place the price of 5 USD as the customs will not believe this price. Write that that the value of your parcel is 50-50 USD, not more. I think that it will be ok then :) Honey, you asked me about the series which are popular in UK. I am sorry, I have never watched them but I would love to watch them with you. I know that first of all I will need to learn English but I am not afraid of any difficulties which are connected with the language.
It is just a great challenge for me :) My darling, summer is coming gradually to Ukraine. It is still not very warm and and while leaving home I always have the jacket with me as sometimes the wind can create the feeling that it is still mild winter :) And while being the person who always has cold feet and cold palms, it is a kind of MUST for me to have the warmer clothes in my bag :) The most important thing is that the sun is shining. The sun is like the portion of happiness which you get no matter what kind of day you have. You get it and it charges you and makes you cheerful.
Strange thing but I often imagine myself hiding with you at home when it is raining. You know that I am not a big fan of rain but when I am in your arms I will probably want the weather to be very gloomy as then we will hide at home and maybe we will sit together under the blanket and cuddle :) I think it would be really fantastic :) The rainy weather I always associate with gloomy, almost half-dark day and thanks to that I would use some light in the room. In order to create the romantic atmosphere I would definitely use the candles and I would place them all around the room. Also I would make tea for us and some sandwiches. I would do that in case while cuddling we will feel some hunger :) (do you think it is a good idea?) Ow, as usual I am telling you about my dreams and about my great, almost overwhelming desire to be in your arms!!! Honey, I will never omit the paragraph which is devoted to my daily questions. In general it is not devoted to the questions, but it is intended to find out about your well-being and about everything that is happening in your life. So, please, get ready to answer my questions, my darling :) I am very curious to know how your mood and how your health are. Are you trying to take a special care of yourself? Are you eating well? Are you thinking about me a lot? Do you feel that my tender lips are touching now your cheek? Just close your eyes for a loment and you will feel that :) My mood, as you know, is not very good because of my nightmare but also along with that I am feeling a bit like a zombie. I think that the lack of sleep still influences me. Anyway, as you know such kind of small "misfortunes" never stop me from writing to you my letters :) To talk to you is something that I consider to be very important and very needed. It is like to have the dream and finally realize it. To talk to you means to fill my heart with the brightest emotions as you are actually a source of positive emotions for me :) You are my muse, my inspiration :) My darling, I do not know if I have to share with you this news that we got yesterday on TV but you know that if something bothers me I always share that with you. It does not have anything to do with you and me. It is just a very sad, tragical story from the war zone.
There are the places here that are much more dangerous than others.
These places are a kind of attraction for the soldiers and the battles there never stop for months or maybe years. One of these places is a small village Avdeyevka. Poor people live literally under the ground as the bombs fall everywhere, in the gardens, on the houses, in the middle of the streets - just everywhere. So, one family with two young kids relocated to Kiev as soon as the war started in Avdeyevka. They lived there for a year or so and suddenly they decided to come back in order to help the relatives to plant some vegetables in the garden. I do not know if it was actually possible to plant something there, but if they decided to travel from Kiev to the war zone back, then maybe they thought that it was a good idea. They were working in the garden and closer to the evening just decided to rest and sat all together around the table which was standing outside near the house. The kids were inside playing. Their parents together with some neighbors and probably some relatives were sitting outside and did not expect (probably) nothing like that. But yeah, do we call that Karma? The bomb landed next to this table and killed all the people who were sitting there. Poor girls (they are very young) who were in the house were scared from the horrible sound and run ran from the house to the yard where they saw horrible things. The bodies of their parents were torn into the pieces. The head of the mother was also somewhere pretty far from this place... So, these little girls have seen all this horror and I think that they will never forget that... In a second they have lost two parents. And what for? They have been living in a safer region and suddenly came back for a couple of days to their native village... Such a sad story that also does not leave the mind of mine so very easily. I am feeling so sad for the whole Ukrainian nation. We really did not deserve that all. Any nation in the world deserves having the war and nobody deserves to suffer and die from the hands of terrorists. What was the story for today, my darling. I am sorry that it was so sad.. I just could not keep me in my head and heart and not to say a word about this sad, tragical, cruel reality. It is actually very difficult to talk about something postiive after such an emotionally heavy paragraph, but i will try as I really do not want to leave you with the sad emotions after having the date with me.
My darling, I wanted to ask you if you have ever done something crazy, something that would help you to become another person? Did you even try to fight against your fears? I think that I am a coward in this meaning. If I am a bit afraid of the heights, I will not jump with the parachute, though I will gladly use the plane to come to you. If I have the fear to touch the spider, I would not touch it in order to get rid of my fear. I'd better continue living with this fear :) My biggest step I will have to make but I am not afraid of making it at all. I am not afraid of relocation as I know that in your arms I will always be protected and your love and your care will help me to overcome all possible difficulties which can occur during the process of adjustment. So, are you fighting with your fears or phobias or prefer (like me) leaving them alone and continue living with them? Honey, I have written such a long letter and I know that today's date of ours was like a roller-coaster. I am sorry for that. My darling, it does not matter what kind of news I am sharing with you, my biggest pleasure is just to be with you, to share this magical moment. I really appreciate you for spending some time with me. My dear man, as usual I would like to ask you to take a special care of yourself and I really hope that you will never stop thinking of me more than it is allowed :) I send you my kisses and hugs
I love you very much
Your Natalia

Hello my dearest and sweetest Stephen!!! I am so glad that I can write to you my letter and that I can just be with you no matter what is happening around me. I am happy that we can have this date and I am happy that the electricity problems do not prevent me from being with you today. How much I want to talk to you, how much I want us to become a single whole. When I write my letter and have yours in front of me, I have the feeling that two universes collide and turn into one. I do know that I am the one who makes this feeling appear in my heart, but if I do not have the chance to be with you physically, I want to be with you as close as possible emotionally and spiritually. My darling, I would like to thank you very much for sending me the money which will definitely help me to improve my health and which will help me to eat healthier. Thank you very much for supporting me the best way you can and thank you very much for making my life easier. Thank you for not allowing me to struggle and to starve. My darling, I would like to tell you that I totally understand that we cannot have more money than 700 USD. I really hope that the embassy will allow me to come to you for 3 months. It would be so great and so lovely. I miss you terribly and I would be more than happy to be with you as long as possible.... Honey, I would like to thank you very much for telling me this story about the woman's clip. It is a very nice story and very romantic. I agree with the conclusion that the beauty and the material things are not important. Only the inner beauty and the desire to sacrifice something for the sake of partner's happiness is important. Honey, you had some questions to me and I am very happy to answer all of them: 1) How are really feeling today from your cold. I am feeling a bit better though I am not 100% well. 2) Are you taking medicines. Actually not. I am eating honey and lemon and drink a lot of tea. 3) Are you happy and excited for us. Yes sure. I am dreaming of being in your arms!!!! 4) Have you told your parents of our plans in the next few weeks. Yes, sure. They know about every step we make towards each other. 5) I'm so proud of you I hope you are of me. I never stop telling you that I am very proud of you, dear Stephen. 6) Did you sleep better last night. Yes, I slept a bit better, fortunately. My darling, I want to tell you that I really feel peaceful today. I am still a bit sick and in the morning I wake up with the feeling that I am exhausted, but I know that it is just the consequence of the sickness of mine. In a couple of days I will be totally ok. I feel that :) In general the day of mine is nothing special except for this very moment when I am talking to you :) It is sunny and warm today. In general it is something that makes me want to spend some extra hours outside. Pity that I am alone. Pity that I just do not have you by my side. I do not want to dwell on this topic again and again as I do not want to frustrate both of us. I just wanted to tell you one more time that I miss you and that I am thinking about you. My dear man, I am sure that you are ready to hear the main questions which I ask you in every letter :) How are you today? How is your Thursday? Frankly speaking it is really difficult to believe that it is already Thursday...
The time is flying so fast... How is your health? And what about mood? How wonderful it would be just to turn my heart to the right and to see you standing next to me and looking at me writing my letter to you. How wonderful it would be to feel your hand on my shoulder and I imagine your glance - very kind and very tender. In my imagination I see your tender smile, your kind look which covers me with the warmth and a layer of incredible sweetness. I think that right now it is what my heart and mind long for. I know that some people do not need this very strong spiritual and emotional connection. They live together but in their hearts they are lonely.
They are closed for love, happiness. Fortunately I am not like that. I need my heart to breathe, I need it to love, to know that it is also loved. I am ready to suffer from the daily misfortunes but to be happy in my heart. The emotional peace is much more important to me. Very often I am thinking about the hurdles and very often I am feeling a kind of despair, but at the same time I know that if my heart was empty and if it did not feel what it feels now my life would be really gray and worthless. I am rich in my heart as I have you. My soul is in peace as I know that I am not alone and that our lives are connected.
Somehow it is really something that I do not treasure. Perhaps I just see the sense in life in something different. I do not have any right to judge the people who find the happiness in other things, though of course, I am sure that as long as the people are more interested in the material things and do not think about something spiritual, the world will be as cruel and as unfair as it is right now. Ow, again I am talking about the philosophical things and it is not something that we need to discuss daily. My darling, I am wondering if you are also thinking and analyzing your life as I am analyzing mine? Not in the bad way, just in the good way when I am thinking about the life, about the future, about the things which have made me stronger, which have made me feel a bit weaker for a moment. They say there are no coincidences in life. What person that wandered in and out of your life was there for some purpose, even if they caused you harm. Sometimes, it doesn’t make sense the short periods of time we get with people, or the outcomes from their choices. However, if you turn it over to God he promises that you will see the big picture in the hereafter. Nothing is too small to be a mistake. I am happy that now I can talk to you about the brightest moments of my life, I am not afraid of sharing with you my fears, my dreams and hopes. I know that the life is always a test for our feelings and emotions but everything that we experience makes us stronger. Do you have the moments when you just want to relax, to feel the peace around you, when you want to close your eyes and feel the harmony of your heart with your mind? I am trying to do that often.
Somehow this loneliness taught me to be strong no matter what.
Sometimes the life just tests you and if you stay strong it will reward you sooner or later. Do you think it is so or you think that there are just lucky and unlucky people on this planet? At the end of this monologue of mine which sounds pretty boring to me, I really wanted to share with you a wonderful thing that I have read in one of the books of Paolo Coelho. Maybe you have heard about that, but I find these quotes fascinating :) We love men because they can never fake *******, even if they wanted to.
Because they write poems, songs, and books in our honor.
Because they never understand us, but they never give up.
Because they can see beauty in women when women have long ceased to see any beauty in themselves.
Because they come from little boys.
Because they can churn out long, intricate, Machiavellian, or incredibly complex mathematics and physics equations, but they can be comparably clueless when it comes to women.
Because they are incredible lovers and never rest until we’re happy.
Because they elevate sports to religion.
Because they’re never afraid of the dark.
Because they don’t care how they look or if they age.
Because they persevere in making and repairing things beyond their abilities, with the naive self-assurance of the teenage boy who knew everything.
Because they never wear or dream of wearing high heels.
Because they’re always ready for ***.
Because they’re like pomegranates: lots of inedible parts, but the juicy seeds are incredibly tasty and succulent and usually exceed your expectations.
Because they’re afraid to go bald.
Because you always know what they think and they always mean what they say.
Because they love machines, tools, and implements with the same ferocity women love jewelry.
Because they go to great lengths to hide, unsuccessfully, that they are frail and human.
Because they either speak too much or not at all to that end.
Because they always finish the food on their plate.
Because they are brave in front of insects and mice.
Because a well-spoken four-year old girl can reduce them to silence, and a beautiful 25-year old can reduce them to slobbering idiots.
Because they want to be either omnivorous or ascetic, warriors or lovers, artists or generals, but nothing in-between.
Because for them there’s no such thing as too much adrenaline.
Because when all is said and done, they can’t live without us, no matter how hard they try.
Because they’re truly as simple as they claim to be.
Because they love extremes and when they go to extremes, we’re there to catch them.
Because they are tender they when they cry, and how seldom they do it.
Because what they lack in talk, they tend to make up for in action.
Because they make excellent companions when driving through rough neighborhoods or walking past dark alleys.
Because they really love their moms, and they remind us of our dads.
Because they never care what their horoscope, their mother-in-law, nor the neighbors say.
Because they don’t lie about their age, their weight, or their clothing size.
Because they have an uncanny ability to look deeply into our eyes and connect with our heart, even when we don’t want them to.
Because when we say “I love you” they ask for an explanation. My darling, I think that ti is time to finish my letter. I hope that my message was not too serious. Sometimes I have the feeling that I am missing some "lightness" in my messages, but all the time I am coming back to the same topics and discuss with you the things which were already discussed. I think that it is just my personality, my mood, my philosophical mood, I would say :) My darling, I would like to ask you to take a special care of yourself while we are apart and I really hope that you will think of me more than it is allowed :) I send you many kisses and hugs
I love you very much
Your Stephen

Hello my dearest and sweetest Stephen!!! Do you believe that it is already Friday? The time is really fast and it is really difficult to imagine that we cannot talk to each other the next two days. Sometimes I really want to remove Fridays (though no, I want to remove Saturdays and Sundays) in order to be able to write to you as many days as I want. I do not want to have the pauses in our communication, I do not want to have the feeling of emptiness which comes to me every time when I do not have the chance to write to you my letters. It is very important to me to be next to you, to feel your presence here, to know that as soon as I finish writing to you my letter you will read it and the smile will appear on your face :) You cannot imagine how much I am suffering when I do not get your letters and how much I am waiting for them :) But ok, enough about that. I am repeating myself very often and I do not want to bore you to death with my complaints :) Dear Stephen, I would like to thank you very much for the wonderful letter you have written to me. I really loved it. I want to tell you that the permission is issued and also I want to tell you that I have picked up the money and on Monday I will start arranging everything - insurance, tickets, travel cheques. I am really excited and very happy that we are making the last step towards each other. My darling, I would like to tell you that I was feeling pity for you and for your muscles. Please, do not overreact with training. You need to know the limits of yours. I am a bit worried about you. Honey, I would like to tell you that I really loved this poem "Have you ever". It is really touching and it is really sweet. You always share with me such tender and such special things. Dear Stephen, in your letter you asked me about the communication with my friends and parents. I hope that I will manage to call them from time to time. I am very eager to have this contact with them. My parents do not have email and the only option for me is telephone. I am just praying that I will get through while calling my parents. The friends can live without me for 3 months. I only need to contact my parents and assure them that I am safe and sound :) My darling, perhaps, it is better to start the letter with the usual questions of mine as I am very curious how you are doing today and how your mood is. I really hope that your day is going very good and I really hope that during the whole day you are thinking of me and you are dreaming of me as well :) I am sorry that my letter will come late but we have constant black-outs which just blocked me from being with you. I just pray that my letter will reach you and that you will have the pleasure to have the date with me. The whole day I was sitting and dreaming of you :) I do not know why. Maybe just because you are my life, you are my partner. The dreams are like the engine which brings us forward and do not allow us to look back. Sometimes it is nice to look back in order just to recall the pleasant moments and to smile how much bright days we have already had. But the people sometimes consider the future to be cloudy and scary. I am not afraid of the future. It is worse when there is no future at all and the person knows that the life is over. It happens to the people who are sick, who have put themselves into the invisible cage and just do not want to leave it. In my and your story the future will be brighter than the present and I am ready to make every day of your life a holiday :)
Maybe you will be bored with such kind of bright life, but I want us to be happy every single moment after all this time of being separated from each other :) I want this black-and-white daily life of mine to turn into the real rainbow for both of us :) My darling, do you know that very often I am dreaming of pretending to be a little girl. I really want to be on your lap right now and to complain how much my back hurts and to let you hug me and cuddle me as much as you want. Do you know that even while being a big girl I still want to feel the shoulder of the people who are very dear to me. Every time when I had the chance to visit my parents they were treating me like a little girl. 25 times a day I have to eat, I need to wear the warm clothes and I should not do anything at home at all. It is so funny though I am always enjoying that. It seems to me that the parents or grandparents are the only people who will always spoil the kids no matter how old they are. But to tell the truth, it seems to me that when we are finally together you will spoil me as well with your tenderness and attention. You know how to treat me in the way to make my heart melt within a second. You know how to use the right words in order to make it beat like crazy. You are an exceptional man and I have to tell you that I am very lucky to have you in my life. You are my sunshine and you are my lucky star :) Please, never forget that :) Honey, perhaps, I need to tell you what I am going to do on weekend. I am going to do not so many things. I am very eager to devote some time to myself :) In general I am doing that all the time as I do not have you to take care of, I do not have the family to spend the time with.
I am like the free bird which wants very much to be caught by you :)
In general I am already caught but I am sitting in the isolation and wait for the moment when you can take me from this world :) So, I am going to devote some time to myself, I am also very eager to cook something, maybe borsch. It is already the time to cook the soups. The summer time is over and when the autumn comes almost all the people start to cook heavier things. It is like the tradition or maybe it is just the needs of the body of ours which is trying to get some more *** before the cold and snowy winter. In general I am always eating borsch with pleasure. It is our national dish and we are learning how to cook it since we are rather young. I like to cook but I do that really rarely as I do not see the sense to cook much when I am alone.
The food can be easily spoilt. It is really so that in Ukraine the people are cooking the dishes for several days. At first I thought that there is nothing bad in that but as far as I understand all he vitamins and microelements disappear from the food after it to be put into the fridge and then to the microwave. For sure it is always better to eat the fresh things, but I already realized that it is much more expensive. It is difficult to explain why. Maybe because all the products in my country are sold in rather big packs and if you open this pack you need to cook everything at once. Anyway, I want to cook for you in the future the food every day. For sure, if I am a bit tired or if I am not feeling well, we can order something though it would be also very nice if you cooked something special for me. I would love to see you in the kitchen in this special apron :) But do you know what I want to see under this apron? :) There are two options :) You can choose :) You can wear your favorite underwear or just be in the costume of Adam :) I am sure that if you be dressed like that the dinner will be cooked for a long time and as I will not allow you to devote the time to the food :) I will need you to devote some time to me :) My dear man, it is really time to finish my letter. I want to tell you that I am already missing you very much. I want you to never forget how much you mean to me and I want you to never forget that I am breathing in the unison with you :) Please, be a good boy, try to take a special care of yourself and never stop thinking of me more than it is allowed :) I will do the same :) I send you my tender kisses and hugs
I love you very much
Your Natalia

Hello, my dearest and sweetest Stephen!!! Finally I am back and finally the black-outs do not prevent me from writing to you my letter. I wanted to write to you yesterday but I did not have the electricity and accordingly Internet was also off at the office of the translation company. It was annoying to me as I did want to tell you that I am safe and sound, but yeah... We need to adjust the conditions of my living here, in the war zone. It is my favorite day as it is the day when I have the chance to talk to you. To talk to you means the world to me, it is like the real date, the date when I can put my heart in your palms and be assured that it will be totally protected and totally taken care of. I really do not feel the fear when I am talking to you. I know that you are the one who will always find the right words in order to calm me down, in order to make me feel as I have never felt before. It is my life, this life is in you, in our future, in the possibility to be totally honest and open with you. The person who is always trying to hide something cannot be happy (to my mind). I think it is too difficult to keep all the feelings and emotions inside, don't you agree with me? I think that it is not our story, it is not the story about our relationship as our communication presupposes honest communication, discussion of many topics. Honey, my trip to Kiev was ok though it was very tiring for me to travel so long without the real possibility to sleep and to rest. I did not sleep two nights and accordingly when I came home I went at once to bed. Bu ok, we will not talk about the hurdles. I will tell you about the appointment at the embassy. I have given the secretary all the documents including the passport and then she asked me how long I am planning to stay in UK. I said that I would be very happy to stay there for 3 months and explore the land. I said that in the paper which I had to fill in I have noted that. She asked me about my English skills and then she asked me if I have the family in Ukraine.
I said that I have parents and a lot of friends. The conversation of ours lasted for about 10 minutes. I was pretty worried and nervous but in general everything went well (at least it is how I feel). The documents will be checked by the embassy and then they will contact me within 2 weeks and let me know if the visa is issued. So, I will wait for their call though I also asked them to send me an email in case the visa is issued. I explained that sometimes the telephone of mine is not working due to the poor connection. So, I hope that they will call me or email me. After the appointment at the embassy I went to the center and found the cafe where I could eat something. The weather was not very nice and that is why I just tried to stay at the cafe as longer as possible. I was actually waiting for the train back to Kharkov. If the weather was better and if I was not so tired, I would have walked in the center as it is very beautiful but my state was not very good and I was feeling really tired. So, I was pretty passive...
Anyway, now I am at home and I am happy that finally I can talk to you and write to you my letter, my love. My darling, in your previous letter you asked me some questions and I will gladly answer them :) 1) Natalia It was lovely hearing your voice and all you said was "Hello" repeatedly. :(:(:( i could hear you clearly but you couldnt hear me. When i said i love you, all i wanted was to hear you say it back....never mind I will try again, I understand why you just said hello all the time....i really needed to say I love you. I'm sorry it didn't happen *** My darling, you should not say "I am sorry". It is not your fault that the connection was so bad. I am happy that you heard me. 2) I phoned your parents house, I spoke with one of your parents and told them my name was Stephen. With that the phone went off, I couldn't tell who I was speaking too, was it your man or dad Natalia *** have they said anything about a foreigner phoning ??? Yes, my mother said that they got a call but my father did not understand anything. I am sorry they do not know English. 3) Of course you can wear my T shirts, in fact you can wear any of my things my love *** :):):) haha, then I will also wear your underwear :) I think that I will look very funny in it :) 4) I loved your poem, I love what you write and how you express yourself in feelings. I always adore your poems, because poems are the gateway to your heart. Thankyou for writing these lovely words to me Natalia, you know they mean everything to me. My darling, I can also thank you very much for the lovely letters of yours, for your stories, for your poem, for everything. Every letter of yours means the world to me. I love them sincerely, my dear man!! My darling, I will write to you all the info about my flight on Monday. I am sorry I do not have my tickets with me. I will give you all the detailed info so that you could plan your time. How much time do you have to drive to the airport? Is it very far for you? Honey, I would like to tell you that I am very eager to ask you the usual questions which will give me the feeling of relief, hopefully. I am talking about the usual questions without which my letters are not my letters :) So, my darling, how are you doing today? How is your mood? I hope that this mood is getting better while you are reading my letter and while you are feeling that I am closer to you and I am thinking of you more than it is allowed :) How is your health? Are you trying to be a good boy? I think that my good boy can punish me from time to time as I am today with some cough and with the light sore throat (again). I really hope that this little problem will not turn into something global, as I really do not have any desire to be sick and to spend the days in the bed (again). I am ready to spend the days and nights in the bed only on condition that you are next to me and we are excited and full of passion. Then this period of being in the bed would bring us both a lot of happiness and joy. It would open another side of our personality - our naughtiness :) I am sure that you can be a very naughty boy when the doors of the bedroom are closed :) But this feature of your personality I will explore as soon as I am in your arms. I am very eager to uncover more and more about you and I will do my best in order this process of exploration to be really exciting for both of us :) I am also assured that sometimes the language barrier will not prevent us from expression ourselves as when kissing and hugging we do not need any extra words. My darling, I have to tell you that today in the afternoon I managed to go to the theatre and to see a nice performance :) It was really amazing and I liked the play of the actors. Despite the fact that they are not the professionals, the performance had great success and the people were really excited. You know, my darling, I did not have the chance to go to the theatre a lot in my life. In my native town there were not so many people who wanted to take part in such kinds of artistic things. I am happy that my school like was full of events and thank to the person who created our show group I had unforgettable moments. We also had a kind of performances but they were more connected with singing and dancing. In general I would love to visit opera at least once in my life, I would love to see ballet live one day. I want to see the real art and even if I find later on that it is not something for me, it is anyway something that is worthy of experiencing :) It seems to me that any art inspires the people, it helps to understand that the life does not consists only of daily routine, of cleaning, washing, cooking. All these things should never be on the first place for the people. These things just create the entourage for the life, but does not make this life special. Sometimes the people who are living in a kind of mess enjoy the life much more than the ones who are getting crazy when they see a spot on the floor and do not know how to clean it. It is the reality of the life. The more problems we create for ourselves, the more difficult the life becomes for us. But yeah, I cannot help, but I am a tidy person and I really prefer living in a clean house, I like to eat the food which I cook and I am trying to choose the products of good quality (sure, with the present prices on food I do not watch at the quality but buy the things which are affordable). Yes, in the present situation of mine, with all there amazingly high prices for everything, I have to be very careful with every cent. It is the period of life which would definitely call "black lane", though on this black lane these is one white line which I am trying to follow and this line is you and our relationship. Without you everything would be really grey and sad.
When I met you and started to talk to you, started to gradually open up, I felt how much joy and excitement my heart gets. It seems to me that I have come back home from the long and tiring trip. Yes, you and me had the relationship and in these relationship there were good and bad days. But the past is not the basement for the present and future.
It is good basement for the experience, but if the person always compares the relationship and when the person is very eager to burn the fingers again, the fear will gradually **** all the positive emotions and it will gradually **** the feelings as well. I have taught to let the past being in the total past and I have put the aims which I want to achieve in front of me. I really want to become a happy woman, the woman who is loved and needed, as the woman without the love is like the flower which is fading because of the lack of water. The emptiness caused by the loneliness is eating the person and that is something that I will never want to experience again :) My darling, I would like to tell you that I really feel happy when I am with you. I have been missing you sincerely and it seems to me that right now my heart is in peace. Can I tell you one thing? I do not know what you have done to me, but I have to admit that my thoughts are flying always somewhere next to you. It is the feeling of inner satisfaction when I imagine us being together, it is the feeling that the life has finally brought me the biggest gift. It is the gift from heaven :) I am sad very often when the morning comes and I know that I do not have you next to me to talk, to smile to you, to be just next to you, to feel the warmth of your hands. I know that everything will come. I know that I am not writing to you for nothing and I know that every letter of ours is the next step to each other, the step which is needed like the breath of fresh air. Have you heard about about the following phrase? "You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." I know that both have a lot of dreams which we really cannot realize physically because of the distance, but it does not mean that we are not in love. Just our love story is really unique and extraordinary :) Honey, it is time for me to finish my letter. I do not know if it was good written or not, but I want to tell you for sure that I am writing to you from the bottom of my heart :) You are very special :) You are very sweet and loving. I am happy to have you in my life :) Please, try to take a special care of yourself while I am far from you.
Please, be a good boy and never stop thinking of me more than it is allowed :) I send you my sweetest kisses and hugs
I love you very much
Your Natalia

Hello my dearest and sweetest Stephen!!! It is my wonderful part of the day when I can write to you the letter and when I can tell you that you are my sweetheart :) I know that you are, probably, tired of listening to these confessions of mine, but without them my letters would be totally empty and unemotional.
Especially these confessions are important when we did not talk for some time and when we come back to each other. I am not talking to you about my emotions to give the impressions that my heart belongs to you, I really feel that and I am sharing with you everything that is happening inside me :) I have some acquaintances who never show what they really feel. How difficult it is to talk to them, to find out what is actually happening in their minds and hearts. While being a pupil I really had a lot of friends, but 3 of them were real friends, the rest not (just the people whom I could have fun with or just have a nice conversation). I could not go with them to the cinema, I did not go with them to the cafe. It did not happen just because I did not feel totally comfortable with these people. They were sweet and very kind, but these people were not my people. It happened to me at work once as well. I had a very good friend who was really nice and we could talk about everything and then another girl came and even if I tried to find common language with her, it never happened. I mean we could have some fun, but she was not the one whom I would call and ask how she was doing? (that is what actually happens when the people really have friendship). I always tried to be distant with her as to my mind she was too negative and looked at the life always in a negative way. I found that too weird for the woman from 27 years old. Dear Stephen, I would like to tell you that you really should not worry about me so very much. It is very sweet and touching that you are worried about me but I do not want you to burn yourself. I am a big girl and I managed to cope with the different issues. So, I am a strong soldier and I will not vanish from your life. That you can forget ) I am sorry that I made you worried, but you need to know that if I do not write to you there should be just a technical problem.
So, now you need to remember that your girl is always trying to take a special care of herself and that she is safe and sound :) Honey, I would like to tell you that I really loved your letter. Thank you for this poem. It is very good and sweet that you can express your feelings and emotions in a such a poetic way. I really admire you. You are an exceptional man, my darling. You asked me some questions and I will answer them with pleasure :) 1) Can you apologise to your parents. I know they didn't understand me. But if you teach them Stephen in English or how it sounds then they will know it's your man just saying hello ok :):):) Your father sounds really manly. I will have to get a deeper voice Natalia xxxx My darling, I do not need to apologize to my parents. I just think that my parents do not know what to say and how to react taking into account that they do not know any English. You can imagine how awkward the first conversations with my parents can be :) I think it will be better when we call them when I am by your side :) Then I can be your interpreter :) 2) Now I hope you won't be mad or get all stubborn on me :):):):) But can you say in one word if your enjoying the book ....err I know you said you wouldn't until the end...oh heck :):) Yes, sure, my darling.
I am really enjoying reading it and I would be very happy to give it to read to my parents. It is exceptional. You definitely have talent.
I am amazed again and again by your personality. 3) Cardiff Airport is one hour away from me. You will be surprised how small the UK is compared to Ukraine. So after your long flight you have a short drive home to your new home :):):) Even if you landed in Heathrow London it is only 3 hrs from our home. But Cardiff gives us a closer option to get you to your new home :):):) Ow, thank you for letting me know about that. I worried that you would have to drive many hours before you reach the airport. 4) I've been thinking about this. If your going to wear my T shirts...then I will need to get shorter ones and hide my long ones :):):) and yes my love this is my naughty side you can't wait to discover. We can find out who is the naughtiest pretty soon. :):):)
I'm so looking forward to us learning about each other, it's going to be thrilling, amazing, love, fun, laughter and importantly joy and happiness :):):):) Ow, my darling, you can be a very naughty boy and I really admire this feature in you. It is so sweet and lovely that you already imagine myself in your T-shirt. 5) Saturday evening it seemed as if I managed to get through to you.
Your phone rung and rung but I didn't speak to you. Please be assured I will keep trying to phone you to hear your voice. I love you. My darling, I did not get any calls and it is pity as I would be very happy to hear your voice and to tell you how much I love you. 6) Did you explain to your parents it was your man Stephen talking to them :):):) Yes, sure, do not worry ) 7) In this Country if someone calls and your not home, you can dial a number into your phone and it tells you what the phone number was.
Over here if i dial 1471 it lets me know the number of anyone that phoned me. That means +44 is me in the UK. If I call and I don't speak you is there a way you can check if I've called. It's just that I'd like you to know I've phoned and thought about you :):):) Ow, sorry, we do not have such a function, to my regret. My darling, I would like to ask you about your well-being and your mood. I hope that you are trying to do everything in your power in order to stay healthy and happy. I have to admit that I am not totally all right because I have caught a cold and this cold is not going to leave me, probably. I am sneezing and my sore throat does not allow me to sleep well, though tonight I saw a very strange dream which made me laugh and made me feel scared at the same time. In my dream I had a lot of rabbits and also a lot of chicken. These chicken were not usual. They were very beautiful and pretty big. There were two separated wooden houses for the chicken and for the rabbits, but somehow they could "visit each other". I found this personal zoo of mine very entertaining. In general I was playing with the chicken and with the rabbits until the moment when I saw in the sky a very quick and also very advanced airplane. It was very close to the ground and it was exploring the garden of my neighbors. It was not very big, this airplane, but it produced a lot of noise. I was standing outside and I could not move because of the fear that totally paralyzed me. I looked in the sky and I saw how this airplane is reaching my house and my garden where I was standing next to the cages of the rabbits. I saw how low this jet is flying and I was thinking that it is the end of my life. Suddenly I saw the neighboring house being in fire. I was thinking that probably this jet threw the bomb into this house and it meant that my house would be the next one. With this thought I opened my eyes and I was very happy to find myself in the bed :) So, my darling, as usual I have very good imagination while sleeping and i do not know what these dreams mean. For sure these airplanes which appear in my dreams pretty often symbolize the fear which I have to the war.
It is really obvious as many times I have seen the jets in the sky and was really very scared. But the chicken :) I have never lived in the house, always lived in the apartment and I even do not know how to take care of the big animals and birds :) I think that you need to try to do your best to come to my dreams and to make them really better and more positive :) I really need you to save me from the bad dreams :) My darling, I have to admit that I do not have much news about my weekend. It was pretty simple and pretty monotonous. The cold that came back to me made me feel pretty sleepy. Do you know what I was thinking about these days? I did not mind being sick but it would be really great if you were with me, if I could put my head on your lap and just sleep knowing that you are by my side :) Good idea, isn't it? I would like to tell you that while being pretty philosophical person and while being very eager to open up more and more in front of you, I am reading a lot of literature (ok not so much, but let us say, I am trying to read more than usual :)) which helps me to understand how the people see the relationship, what kind of thoughts come to their minds when something happens between a woman and man. I do not mean that something bad should happen. I am talking about the relationship which makes the people happy or not so happy. It is, by the way, always interesting to know about the people's conclusions. I know that all these conclusions will not make me smarter in my relationship with you, as every relationship is something unique or extraordinary, but I find it very interesting sometimes to learn more about the people's emotions and maybe learn something interesting. One woman said that one of the most important of life?s lessons is to learn independence, to understand freedom. This means independence from attachments, from results, from opinions, and from expectations. Breaking attachments leads to freedom, but breaking attachments does not mean abandoning a loving and meaningful relationship, a relationship that nourishes your soul. It means ending dependency on any person or thing. Love is never a dependency. Probably it is really so that the relationship is not the dependency. It is the desire to be together, share the pleasant moments, share the sadness and grief, but as soon as one person dissolves in another one, the relationship stop being the unity of two people. I know that it happens when one person is emotionally stronger than another and maybe has more influence on the partner, but it seems to me that the perfect relationship is when two partners are giving something and getting something in return. To give happiness and joy to the partner is the most precious thing, to my mind. It is like the mission for every person who is really eager to have the successful relationship. I am this person and I really hope that I will never let you down :) My darling, it is time to finish my letter. I want to tell you that I really enjoyed with you right now and to write to you my letter. You are such an understanding and sweet person. I really feel happy to be your second half :) Please, try to take a special care of yourself and never stop thinking of me more than it is allowed :) I send you my tender kisses and hugs
I love you very much
Your Natalia

Hello my dearest and sweetest Stephen!!! It is not the most sunny Tuesday but I am here with you and now I am feeling such nice atmosphere around me. Do you know what I miss? There are some classical compositions which I like very much. One of them is Winter (Vivaldi). I like to listen to this composition as it allows me to collect all my thoughts and to concentrate on doing something.
Right now this music would be really appropriate as it would also add some solemnity to this moment. There is nothing special about this date of ours, but somehow I just imagine the perfect atmosphere for our date :) I have to admit that my heart is beating quicker when I am talking to you, though you know about that without my unnecessary reminders :) I am definitely not trying to please you with the words, I am just describing what is happening to me. There are the moments when I am sad just because I cannot touch your hand and just to look into your eyes, but when I start writing to you, I am really feeling better. You see today I am just missing the classical music to fill the office of the translation company. Dear Stephen, I would like to thank you very much for the lovely and very sweet letter you have written to me. I am sorry that now UK is experiencing very horrible weather. I have seen the situation in your country on TV. It is really very scary. I am sorry my darling. I hope that this horrible weather will leave your land very soon. I am praying for you. Honey, I have totally forgotten to bring my tickets with me. I will bring them tomorrow and then I will give you the numbers of the flights and also the times. I will also describe how I am going to arrange my trip. I want you to know everything. I am sorry for my short memory and I am sorry that I forgot this very important info today. My darling, I would like to tell you that I am very thankful for your lovely song you sent to me. I liked it so very much. It can be our song :) How amazing it is that we are both very romantic. How amazing it is that we are both so open with each other. I wish you knew how much you mean to me. You are my life, you are my future. You are just the dream coming true. You are my tender knight!!! Honey, it colder and colder in my area. The temperature fell down significantly at night and I have to admit that I am feeling not very well right now. Tonight I did not sleep well because of the sore throat and for sure the cold does not allow me to relax. It is unbelievable that within a short period of time I catch cold already for the second time. Where is my luck? I need to find it back as soon as possible. The central heating is not given to the people and as a result we are all suffering from the extreme cold. Today in the apartment of mine the temperature was around 15 degrees. So, instead of relaxing at home, I was trying to do everything in my power in order to warm me up. It is so pity that you are not here. With you in my arms I would definitely feel much better and warmer :) In general in the house I am walking in two socks and also in the warmest sweaters. Sometimes it seems to me that I am looking like these stuffed toys that are walking in the center of the cities and offer to be photographed with them. Do you know whom I mean? The people in these big costumes of the Walt Disney's characters :) It is ridiculous that when the cold months come the government is not in hurry to give the people the possibility to have the comfortable life, though when I hear what kind of tariffs we have to expect, probably I have to say that it is better to wear three socks and two sweaters, as the prices are so high that I can sincerely consider them not affordable for 80% of the citizens. But ok, it is the social problem in Ukraine and I cannot solve it even if I talk about it for hours :) My darling, I would like to ask you about your well-being. Are you all right? How is your mood? How is your Tuesday going? Are you succeeding to do the things you have planned? Do you eat well? I am sorry I am asking so many boring questions but it is already like a tradition, right? I have to admit that today's games with the electricity made my day rather strange. I did not know when I can write to you the letter but I knew for sure that it would happen. My darling, very often when I am sitting without the electricity I am imagining us being together.
I do not imagine in this dream the apartment of mine, as it is nothing special and it is not something that I really like. I mean I have my own ideas about the right interior, about the colors, about the materials, about the decoration. I have never had the possibility to have my own place, the place which I would turn into a real home. I am living in the renting apartment and in general I even do not have any desire to change it. It is not mine. So, it is the waste of money.
Every penny which is spent on redecoration is spent for nothing. So, my dream is to have the fireplace at home. This fireplace should not be obligatory real. It can be just the place where we can see the fire, the place in front of which we have a very cozy sofa and very thick and hairy carpet. For creating romantic atmosphere we can switch off the light everywhere and leave the fireplace on. The light from the fire (real or artificial) will definitely create very special atmosphere. Maybe a bottle of red wine would be a good idea as well (though alcohol is not obligatory at all. We can also drink tea or warm chocolate). Some snacks, beverage, the crackling of flames and total atmosphere of romance, sensuality. I would be very happy to cuddle with you on the couch and I would be more than happy just to relax and feel the eternity of these romantic moment. I am sure this very moment the whole universe will stop for us. We would be in the middle of nowhere, somewhere in space and the feeling of **** and amazing excitement would never leave our hearts. We both know that such kind of romantic evening is very easy to arrange as even if we do not have a fireplace we can place candles everywhere and create this mysterious microworld of ours :) For that we just need to be together.
Such kind of romantic things do not cost much money and do not cost much efforts. It is just the desire of the partners to create something special and enjoy each other's company to the fullest... Honey, I have to admit that it is time to finish my letter. I really hope that while being with you you felt how much you mean to me and how much I want to be with you. Honey, I really hope that while you are far away from me, you will try to take a special care of yourself.
I also really hope that you will be a good boy and that you will never stop thinking of me :) I send you my kisses and hugs
I love you very much
Your Natalia

Hello my dearest and sweetest Stephen!!! Wednesday is here and I am very happy and excited to have the date with you and to write to you my letter. How much tenderness and love I have collected for this date of ours!!! I just want you to know that the woman who is writing to you these endless letters is totally devoted to you (in case you did not know :)). Frankly speaking if I was by your side, I would definitely offer you to go to the closest cafe in order to drink a cup of cappuccino in the morning. And you know how I imagine that? A very cozy cafe with the leather dark couches and the dark-brown tables. We are sitting near the window and look at the people who are walking outside. The waiter brings us the cappuccino and on top of our cups we see the hearts which are are made on the foam. I do not know why I have this image in front of my eyes, but it seems to me really amazing and very romantic. I think that such kind of morning would be the best beginning of the day - the tranquility of the life, two cups of coffee and we who are sitting very happy in front of each other and thinking how we should "built" our day :) Ow, dreams, dreams... We will make them all reality! My darling, I still do not have the news about the visa but maybe I will get them soon. You know that you will be the first who will learn about me getting the visa :) Now before I forgot again, I will give you the times of my flights: I am flying on the 26th of October at 14:25 with British Airways (flight number BA886) and then I am at 16:05 in London. After that I am flying at 19:25 with Accesrail (flight number 9B591) to Cardiff where I am planning to land at 22:40. So, that is my trip to you, my darling. I will travel with the train from Kharkiv to Kiev as I did that before. I have plenty of time to make this trip. So, that is the way how my flight will go if everything is all right with the visa. Honey, in your letter you asked me some questions and I am very happy to answer them:) 1) How is your mood today my love. I am always in good mood when I am with you, my darling. My mood is getting better when I realize that soon I am in your arms. 2) How is your cold and your health. I Am still in the same weird state. I am not very sick but I am also not healthy, to my regret. 3) Is your ankle well enough to chase me around our home. Yes, sure, my darling. Everything is all right with my ankle. I do not suffer from the pain much. 4) How excited are you now with 7 days being apart. I need to feel your excitement:):):) Yes, sure, I am very excited. I am just concerned that I need to arrange payments before I leave. The translation services have to be paid and I need to pay my bills. So that is something that aggravates me a lot. If we are talking about the feeling of being in your arms very soon, I Am ready to fly. I am so happy and I am so excited. I literally feel the wings on my back. I cannot even believe that this moment is coming. I am feeling very, very happy. I am feeling alive!!! My darling, I would like to thank you very much for planning all these lovely things for us. I already imagine us walking together to the restaurant, to the park, to any other place. I am happy that we are both very romantic and I am happy that we both appreciate the sensual sides of each other. Ow, I am really appreciated for creating all this trips for us. You cannot imagine how excited I am!!!! Honey, I want to thank you very much for sharing with me the motivation quote. I really liked it a lot. Thank you for raising my spirits again and again with your fantastic letters. I like them so very much, my darling!!! Honey, you know that I am going to ask you about your health and mood.
I want to know how your day is going and I want to ask you if you are thinking of me as often as possible :) It is really wonderful to be with you right now and at least in the letter to ask you about the things which are important to me :) Please, try to stay a very good boy :) I hope that you will eat very good and I hope that you will eat even for both of us :) I cannot do that as I need to control my shape, my figure. I definitely do not want to turn into an elephant (though I also do not want you to become an elephant as well. So eat carefully for both of us, haha). I am sure that you do not want me to look like a ball :) I have the feeling that you need the woman who knows how to look perfect, right? For sure I do not look perfect 24 hours a day. I am a human being and also have mornings when my hair has its own style :) I also have the lazy days when I do not want to dress something casual and I am staying almost in the night gown. It happens maybe once in 2 months, but still it can happen :) Though if I have something like that when I am with you, then you know what you have to do :) You should offer me to come back to bed and offer me some naughty things :) Then maybe the night gown will be not needed anymore :) Haha, now when I am fantasizing about that, I was thinking about another crazy situation. Let us say that you do not like very much my outfit but you do not know how to tell me about that. So, the only way to help me to get rid of the clothes is to offer me to go to the bedroom and do some naughty things :) So, my darling, it was a small secret which you can use and see how eagerly I will get rid of the clothes :) Maybe this option does not sound the way how I want it all to happen, but I hope that your fantasy will work in the same direction like mine :) Honey, I have to tell you that my heart is aching because we cannot be together right now, but I know also that we will meet and this meeting will change our lives. I know that sometimes the people do not manage to keep the relationship on the same level while being at great distance. One acquaintance of my mother has just divorced her husband, as she was living in Ukraine and he was living in Turkey. They were visiting each other (he came to Ukraine and she travelled to Turkey), but they never lived together (in one country) for an least a year.
She did not want to live in his country and he did not want to live in her country. So, after 25 years of being a couple they decided to divorce. In general it is logical, as the couple should be together.
We have met each other in the Internet and for us it is just the first step towards each other. The last thing I want to happen is to have the relationship at great distance on the regular basis. I want to be with my partner, I want to make every day of his life happy and a bit crazy :) The life is too short to live it alone. Yes, for now you and I feel this loneliness, but we both know why we are separated and we both know how to change that. And you know, my darling, to my mind happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it.
You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. To me the happiness will happen as soon as your hand will touch my hand and when I see the smile on your face in real. Now I just imagine it, I imagine how you will react on this or that action of mine, I imagine how many kisses I will get during the day. All these fantasies, dreams and guesses are nice to have, but I am happy that with every letter of ours we become closer and closer to each other and gradually we are achieving our aim :) These two days I am watching the documentaries about WWII and listen to the interview of the people who managed to survived in the camps of Auschwitz. I am really shocked that one nation got rid of another one in such a cruel way. Thousands of people were just killed for nothing. We are talking right now about the cruelty of our generation but if we look back and see how much horror and how much hatred the nations had towards each other... The kids, the women, the old people - the ones who are the most vulnerable - were just exterminated within a very short period of time. I was watching these movies and I was thinking what kind of people are living on Earth? How can the person just go and **** 6000 people a day? Even one death is already too much. But thousands of people who were just killed in these gas cells within one single day. Unbelievable. Why do the people find so much cruelty in their hearts? This mass ****** can be actually also compared with the tragedy in Las Vegas. One person who managed to stop the lives of so many people. ONE person has become a kind of God for a moment and just did what he did.. I know that this topic of the war will always arouse much sadness and shock. I did not want to share with you these thoughts of mine though why not? We are a couple and we can talk about everything. I have lost some family members during this WWII and of course, it will always be remembered by my family. I think that such details of our history should be never forgot by the next generations. They should know where cruelty and hatred leads to..
(my darling, I hope that this topic I touched did not seem to you too strange for our date). Honey, I really need to finish my letter now. I hope that you have managed to smile while reading my monologue :) I am sure that sometimes I can be pretty entertaining but I also know that I can be pretty boring :) I want to ask you to take a special care of yourself and I really hope that you will be a good boy who is thinking of me all the time :) I send you my tender kisses and hugs
I love you very much
Your Natalia

Hello my dearest and sweetest Stephen!!! It is already Thursday and I have to admit that it is not the best day of the week for me as I am suffering from the horrible head ache which is torturing me the whole day. Even the pain killers do not help me much. I am just like a zombie but I am happy that I managed to bring my body to the office of the translation in order to have the date with you. I want to apologize beforehand if my letter is not long and not very nice to read. I will do my best to write something nice, but I just hope that the head ache will not prevent me from being positive enough :) My darling, how are you doing today? How is your health? How is your mood right now? Are you smiling? I know that from the news that I am suffering today you cannot smile, but I want to assure you that I will be all right. I know that it is just the temporary problem which will disappear after very good sleep. I think that the weather is changing and that is why my body is reacting on that. I know that it is very funny how I am writing to you my letters. I mean the words I chose, the topics I find for us to discuss. Anyway, probably, you have found me entertaining and sweet enough to choose me between all other women in the dating site :) My darling, I would like to tell you that I really loved the letter of yours. You cannot imagine how much your positivity, your tenderness and your love is needed. I am feeling very worried as I want the visa to be issued and every day of waiting is like being at the edge of abyss. I will have this feeling until I am at the plane and fly to you. My darling, I would like to answer the questions of yours :) 1) Natalia please tell me if the content of my letters are too emotional. Honestly I'd rather you say ok. :):) My darling, I really like your very emotional letters. They mean the world to me. Thanks to your letters I am feeling alive. Never stop being emotional, never restrain yourself in your desire to show me your feelings. You are my life, you are my world. You are everything I have. So, I love every single world from your letter. 2) Natalia I have absolutely no money to send you. I get paid on the 27th. As your travelling, I will send money to pay for the bills on the 27th to your named best friend. It's not a problem so don't get stressed. When your here we will send the money together. Then you will see what I have done sending you funds ok. I hope this makes you smile. It's not a problem except I cannot send anything, I've sent everything and to be brutally honest i used the last of any food yesterday and my cuboards and fridge are now empty and it's like this until your here now. I've mentioned we both have made sacrifices and I won't have money until I'm paid ok :):):) So your friend Alla Rybakova can pay the translation service and the bills...so Don't worry or stress please. :):) it's organised. :):):) My darling, I did not tell you about the finances in order to make you feel obliged to send me the money. I have just shared with you the problem which I have to solve before I leave. This problem cannot be solved after. The manager of the translation company wants to see the payment already now. In general we are always talking in debt and now when I am leaving, she wants to be sure that all the debt in paid off.
The rent for apartment has to be paid as well. So, I am trying to find the means to solve my problems. I do not want to be cursed by the people who have been helping me all these months. Do not worry, I did not want to create extra trouble for you. I will find the means myself somehow. 3) I've checked your flight numbers and the BA 886 isn't the planned flight or number that day Natalia. Did you send correct numbers my love :):):) I will check the info, my darling. Maybe I looked at the number wrong. I will let you know tomorrow what is the first flight of mine. I will let you know. 4) Why are you concerned about the Visa Natalia. It should be a formality :):) My darling, the visa is far from being a formality. One person who is sitting there can just put the stamp "denied" and everything will be finished. They have the right to do that. They are like the Almighty who can decide who is going to paradise and who is going to the ****. So, my darling, less that a week has left and I am very worried and scared. I have done everything in order this visa to be issued but yeah, now everything is in the hands of the people who are working at the embassy. Until the visa is in my hands, I am very worried. I almost cannot sleep. 5) Natalia your flight is 14.25 from Kiev. What time are you taking the train. Is it Thursday morning or are you travelling like you did for the Visa, the night before. I'm very interested in how your doing these things, because as I said, I want to think of you throughout the Journey. And not just when you arrive at Cardiff in the evening.
Please let me know :):):) If everything is all right, I will need to travel to Kharkov one day earlier and then take the earliest train to Kiev. It is better if I am there at 9 a.m and that I can go to the embassy before traveling to the airport. I need to get my passport back. So, I will start my trip on the 25th of October. 6) I'm still phoning you every hour when I'm home, it's crazy I cannot get through to you:(:(:( Yes it is sad. I cannot get your calls as well. No missed calls... So frustrating, my darling. 7) How many suitcases you bringing my love :):):) I do not know, my darling. I will see how I can pack the most important clothes in a small bag. I believe that I cannot travel with many bags. Ow I will need to pay extra. I will contact the travel agent and find out the terms which apply to my ticket. My dear man, even if I am not feeling well I could not omit the topic which makes me so angry today. I am sure you do not get these news from Ukraine but yesterday in Kharkiv, the girl of 20 years old who drove her Lexus!!!! (how possible that such a young girl can have a car that costs almost 100000 USD???) did not react on the red light and on the speed of 100 km her hour crashed into another jeep and then by the wave from this hit the car of hers was thrown to the right where the people were standing and getting ready to cross the street.
As a result 5 people died at once (all of them were from 15 till 35 years old) and two people were sent to the hospital where one of them died. So, 6 people were killed by one ****** idiot who does not respect the traffic rules and who does not care about anything. Why?
Her father is a very rich man and he is the one who probably bought this expensive car to her daughter. Now all the people know this father will buy the freedom for her daughter and she will not be responsible for the deaths of so many people. How horrible it is!! I cannot accept that and I cannot stop hating the ones who instead of bringing up the kids in the proper way just buy them the expensive toys and leave them alone. I am feeling so pity for these poor people who have become the victims of this accident. I cannot even imagine the horror which was flying there, when the accident took place. It happened at the center of the city. Such a big tragedy. I am sorry, my darling, I know that the world is full of the stories like that. Just when it happens in your world and when you know that hundreds of young people who have rich parents can repeat the same accident in the future, I am feeling scared and angry.. Ok enough about that. My sweetest man, I would like to tell you that my day was very simple due to the head ache. I have to tell you that most of the time I was thinking of you, reread some of your letters. It seems to me that thanks to these paragraphs you have written to me I was feeling happier, better. I know that you are far, I know that you cannot touch my hand, but somehow you always manage to touch my heart. You are very close to me when I am thinking of you. I know that the emotions of mine are not surreal. They are real and very alive. For sure my heart and my whole essence is dreaming to burst and show these emotions in reality. I am keeping and collecting more and more sweet feelings which I want to give you. I know that we both are very hungry for the real love, real feelings, real passion. I am counting the days when we are finally together, when our hearts are beating in the unison (so that I can hear your head beat). Do you know what I want to do daily?
I want to fall asleep on your chest and know that in the morning you will not disappear and you will still be with me, you will warm me up with your hugs and kisses. I know that probably your dreams are the same :) Honey, today while going to the translation company I saw a funny board on the wall of one of the houses. It was the skeleton of the woman in the wedding dress with the bunch of flower. And there was the saying: "The portrait of the woman who have been waiting for the perfect man". I laughed a lot, to tell the truth. It is for sure true that a lot of people are trying to idealize the person whom they want to find. I know that there are no perfect people in this world. You can find the person with whom you can feel comfortable but for sure it is not possible to find the one who will be just like the angel. When we were the teenagers we have been playing a game and we were trying to describe the man we want to have like a partner. I think that we were about 13 years old. And then we all wanted the man to be very handsome, very strong, very kind, we wanted the man to buy us a lot of presents and to love us more than the life. But while getting older every person realizes that the beauty disappears with the time and even the most beautiful woman or man with the age becomes not so very attractive. But is it important? I think not. I remember the boy whom I liked very much. He was really handsome and I really liked him just because of that. When we started to spend more time together I realized that his personality is far from being nice and I had the difficulty to enjoy the time with him, but I did not want to stop the friendship as I liked his face. Now I would not even stay one day with the person whose face is nice but the heart is covered with the grey spots. I really think that the beauty of every person goes from inside. It shines through the skin and even the people with the physical problems sometimes are more attractive than the ones who are just got the beauty from the nature. For sure, it is double price if in the person everything is combined - the wonderful heart and the wonderful face, but how long do you enjoy the face if the heart is empty? To have a doll instead of the partner is nice but only for 1% of the people - the ones who have the partner in order to show up in public. Good that in my life I have totally different values. I really treasure the mind, the kindness, the loyalty, the sincerity. I know that it is the same for you :) Ow, I am going too far in my thoughts.
Always find something to say but I also feel a bit scared that I can easily make you bored :) I think that I can get the prize like the "most talkative person ever". My darling, it is time for me to finish my letter. You see, even with the head ache I am talking a lot. But now I am losing my energy and I really need to stop and go back home. As usual I would like to ask you to take a special care of yourself and please, never stop thinking of me more than it is allowed. I send you my kisses and hugs
I love you very much
Your Natalia

Hello my dearest and sweetest Stephen!!! It is such great pleasure to be with you right now and to write to you my letter. How much tenderness and warmth I have in my heart! I wish I could give you all these feelings personally, but somehow I have to write to you everything in my letters and try to fill your heart with the sweetest emotions. In order to express the emotions which are filling my whole essence I need to write the whole paragraphs, but in the reality only small kiss and loving glance is enough in order to let you feel how much you mean to me. Strange, isn't it. I will lie to you if I tell you that I though that I would have such kind of way of communication, such kind of the relationship. I have to admit that by nature I am a very impatient person and for sure I feel how this impatience can spoil my mood from time to time... :) But I have to say that thanks to our communication I became a bit more calm and I started to learn how to enjoy the written dates with you, how to enjoy the words which I get from you and how to find in them the core. I learnt how to find through these letters your personality, your heart and your mind. And step by step we have become really close to each other. I am happy that it happens and now, during these cold and rainy days I am not feeling alone. Your presence - I think that I feel you somewhere in the air - makes me feel warm and excited :) My darling, I am just praying that it is the last Friday when we write the letters to each other. Today I did not get any notice from the embassy and on Monday Morning I will call to the embassy and I will ask directly if they issue me the visa or there is a delay. If there is delay then I need to rearrange the tickets and then I will need to have an official proof from them, otherwise the it will cost much money to change the dates. So, yes, I cannot relax and I cannot feel happy. I will feel happy when the visa is issued and when I am sitting at the airplane and travel to you. I am sorry, I just know Ukraine and I know that sometimes the government can just make everything too difficult. So, I do not want you to worry, but I will not stop worrying until I get this visa. My darling, I did not want to stress you with these financial duties of mine. I know that you have given to me everything and I know that you have covered all my expenses within these long months. I know everything. I am still trying to find the means to pay all the debts before I leave. I will feel better then. Honey, I would like to thank you very much for the lovely poem you sent to me. I liked it so very much. It is fantastic. Thank you so very much for devoting the time to write to me these poems. You are such a sweet and tender man. I love you with all my heart. You are my world, my dear man. My darling, I have to tell you that the electricity today did not please us at all. Almost the whole day we did not have it and only in the evening I finally managed to turn on the light and enjoy the fact that I can do something :) Finally I am with you and I am very excited that I can have this date with you though sometimes I do not know if this date will take place or not. You know, when the electricity was off in the middle of the summer it did not seem really horrible as the days were very long and the light was enough even without the lamp. Now the night comes at 5 p.m. and I have to admit that sometimes I am even feeling a bit scared while being at home. For sure I am trying to put as much candles as possible in order to make the room lighter. In this romantic interior I am definitely missing you and some food in order such kind of evening to be totally amazing. For sure my days right now are far from being romantic, as you are not by my side and only these moments when I am writing to you my letters and when I am reading yours are really precious and special. Also I am still suffering from the head aches and as a result I am feeling already for the second day like a little zombie. I wish you could be by my side and I wish I could just hide in your arms and to feel protected. It seems to me that your magical hands would cure me from these health problems that are torturing me already for some time. My dear man, I think that you are waiting for the daily questions of mine :) Am I right? I am very eager to ask you if you are doing all right and if your mood is good. How is your day going? How is everything around you?
Are the girls chasing you? Are you a good boy?
These two last questions are just asked to tease you if you do not mind, of course :) I want to see the smile on your face, maybe even laugh :) Ow, I know that the days of us will be filled with a lot of laughters and a lot of jokes. It will take time to get used to each other's sense of humor but I think that it will happen very fast. I was always very funny and positive person, but while living alone and while experiencing the war and all the daily difficulties I have started to be more gloomy and much more moody. I know that it is not good, but I consider myself a human being and I cannot be happy when something is wrong around me and around the people I love. I think every person would react the same. I do not have anybody to share my negative emotions and I am sorry that very often I have to tell you about the sadness of mine in my letters. You are actually the only one whom I can tell about everything that is bothering me. Do you know that I have a very interesting friend who is living in another world :) She is a lovely and kind girl but the problem is that she does not listen to anybody and she even does not ask others if they are all right and happy. She shares always with the friends her problems and overwhelms everybody with her personal drama. Some of my friends call her "Problem Liuba". I know that she is not bad as a person, but I cannot even guess how it is possible to be so self-concentrated and not to even see that other people can also have the problems. I am sure that she is not the only one who is pretty selfish. When I know that she calls me, I know that she will tell me about her problems only :) I am the person who never tells anybody about my problems, as I truly believe that my problems are my problems. Yes, for sure I will share these problems with my parents and my partner, but the friends... Ow, maybe some of the unimportant issues, but not something serious. I do not think that the people should know about that and moreover, the majority of the people like to get the news in order to talk about that with others and to judge the person. So, in order to avoid that all, I prefer listening to other's problems but my issues I keep in my heart. And then poor you, you have to listen to all these stories of mine, to all my complaints. I am sorry for that. Honey, I wish I had some plans for the coming weekend but I do not think that I will do something special. Being a woman I really liked to go shopping from time to time in the past. The prices were affordable and of course, from time to time I could spoil myself with a dress or a pair of shoes. Now this topic is really painful for me as even if I am eager to go shopping (I mean window shopping even), the prices make my hair shiver on my head. It is unbelievable how expensive everything here. The prices are extremely high and the salaries are extremely low for the majority of citizens. So, to my mind, the shops are existing only thanks to the rich people, though the percentage of the rich people in Ukraine is really low. But if we are talking about the word "rich", then you can expect that the person has millions or even billions. The only question where they have found this money? It is definitely not something legal as it is impossible for the salary of even a depute to have millions. But we can dwell on this topic for hours and days but we will never know the truth. I do not care about these rich people, but I feel pity for those who cannot even buy the pills to reduce the pain. The poor old women and men are entering the pharmacy to buy some medicines and leave it without the purchase because their pension does not allow them to buy anything.
That is the social injustice and I am very happy that the place where you are living is better and safer. At least I want to believe that you are living in much better conditions :) My darling, it seems to me that I have written to you a selfish letter and like this "Problem Liuba" told you only about myself. I really hope that my letter was not boring. I am sorry if it was. My dear man, I want to ask you to take a special care of yourself and I really hope that your dreams and thoughts will be about me :) I send you my kisses and hugs
I love you very much
Your Natalia

Hello my dearest and sweetest Stephen!!! I think that I need to start this letter from the news from the embassy. I called them in the morning and found out that the visa is still not issued. It is not denied but also not issued. I was told that the fact that I am from the war zone demands more serious control. So, I am actually devastated. I am feeling so lost. I have the feeling that the people from the war zone are not considered to be like the normal citizens. We are like the trash. I know that it sounds harsh, but it is true. I want to assure you that I am not giving up. I am just feeling sad. I know that right now I need to concentrate on the positivity. I will do my best to relax and to be happy. I have called the travel agent and asked to put my ticket in pending.
Tomorrow I should get the paper from the embassy that proves that it is their fault that I cannot use the ticket. As soon as the visa is issued, I will get the new ticket and I will fly to you without the necessity to pay extra money. At least in this meaning we do not lose the money, though the finances is the last thing that worries me. You tell me in your letter that you are feeling guilty, but believe me, I am feeling guilty as well. I do not know what I have done wrong and I do not know why I cannot just jump into the airplane and be with you.
I know that it is not the end. I just hate waiting even one extra day.
I did not plan that. I did not want that to happen. So, my head does not want to work properly and the pain all over the body is torturing me. It is just the pure disappointment which I cannot express in words. Ok, my darling, I have never written such a sad first paragraph, but yeah, the circumstances make me do that now. Anyway, the life is going on and soon we will be together. The life is testing our patience, I think... At the same time I want to say that finally Monday has come and I am happy and very excited to be with you and write t you my letter. I do not know what kind of message I will try, but I will do my best to make it positive and filled with "right" emotions. I do know that after the separation we need to glue to each other for some time in order to feel better. I did miss you this weekend and I am very happy that it is over. I cannot say that it was a pleasant weekend as I am still suffering from the head ache which I am always trying to **** with the painkillers. It helps a bit but the action of the pills is not as long as I wish. So, even today, before going to the office of the translation company, I had to take a pill as I wanted to talk to you with the clear mind. Fortunately now I am feeling much better and I am smiling as I will have the chance and the pleasure to be with you and to share with you all my tenderness which I have been collecting in my heart these long and very lonely days. I wish I could touch your hand right now and I wish I could see the expression of your eyes as they should shine now - I feel that :) My eyes are also shining as this very moment I am feeling much closer to you. I am feeling as if the distance is removed for some time and there are only two people on the planet - you and me :) Adam and Eve :) Are you dressed now, haha :) My darling, I want to tell you that I really loved the letter you have written to me. You are supporting me the best way you can. I love you for that. You are the source of optimism for me. You are my life, my treasure. I know that we will be together. Almighty has not arranged our meeting in order not to let us actually meet. There is no logics in that. So, everything will be great, I am sure. Thank you a lot for the lovely poem you sent to me. I liked it so very much. Every single word, every sentence you are writing to me mean so much. I love you with all my heart. I love you more than my own life.
It can be strange but at the same time it is the most amazing thing that happened to us. My darling, these days of mine are not filled with the positive or negative news. They have been filled with waiting. You know that I come to talk to you as your letters are like the fresh air for me. The separation from you for a couple of days make me crazy. I know that you are my addiction, but please, do not cure me from it :) The exchange of the letters is something that out grandparents had when they were far from each other. But even in the modern world we write letters and I find it (still) romantic and unique. I would never tell you so many things in I was in front of you. I would never express myself so easily if I just looked into your eyes. I would probably be shy :) I can consider myself rather old-fashioned as I really have the old-fashioned family values, I like when the man is a real gentleman, I like when the wife is creating the cozy atmosphere at home, cooks and makes the man feel comfortable in the place where they are living.
I am not a person who would support feministic movements. I do not like when the woman stands in the row with the man. The woman should be an elegant and tender creature who is supporting and inspiring her man. At the same time solving the problems and making the most important decisions should be done together, do you agree with me? Honey, I want to tell you that I am very eager to ask you the daily questions and I hope that you are ready to answer them :) I think that the time will come and I will not need to ask anything and you will tell me about your well-being without the reminder :) At the same time I am waiting for the moment when I can just look into your eyes and see how you are feeling and what your mood is :)For now I like to have in my letter the questions about your health and mood. My darling, can I tell you that right now I would be very happy to hug you very very much and to kiss you in the nose :) Why nose? Just in order you to smile :) I think that it is always funny to tease you and to make your mood a bit playful :) What about touching with the tip of my tongue the neck of yours? I know that for me the neck is a kind of erogenous zone. What about you? Is it the same? Today while leaving the apartment of mine I met my neighbor. It is such a strange woman to my mind. She lives with her husband and every time when I meet her I hear only complaints. I have the feeling that curses the whole world for being born in Ukraine.Frankly speaking, there are a lot of people in my area who are really unsatisfied with the life all the time. I can understand the sadness and frustration but if the person is always feeling unhappy, he is wasting his life on nothing. I know that the war and the daily problems made us all very gloomy, but still we are alive. I have to admit that I've pursued dreams and achieved them, but I don't think anybody should think their life is incomplete if they don't follow some dream. Happiness doesn't come from achievements, or money, or any sort of treasure. Happiness is a frame of mind, not a destination. It's appreciating what you've got and building relationships with those around you. And funny to see the people who are trying in the search of the happiness and joy of life. While being like a racing horse you are losing the opportunity to feel the happiness. I remember the moment when I was sitting in the bus and it was amazing autumn day. We were driving through a kind of forest and this forest was like from the fairy-tale. It was colorful and very bright with the autumn colors. For a moment I realized that I started to smile. This weather and this forest made my heart feel a kind of joy... I have still this image in front of my eyes and I have to admit that I am really trying to see the positive moments through the negative ones. My granny is rather difficult as she sees mainly the problems and never the ways out of the problems and her husband - my grandpa - is totally different. He is optimistic even when the problems never stop coming. We call such kind of people Oh and Ah. Ah is always positive and Oh is always negative. Do you know what I am doing these days? In order to get distracted from all these worries that are occupying my mind I am watching the documentaries about WWII, about the concentration camps, about all the horror which was happening within 6 long years of war here. I am listening to the interviews of the people who were living those years and stayed alive and I cannot understand how they managed to live with all this horror and hatred to war and people in general. Maybe you will ask me why I watch all this stuff. I think that sometimes we need to see something really bad and scary in order to start valuing the present life of ours. Also I just want to know the history of my country and the history of the world in general. Let us say I am trying to educate myself. I like all the programs of National Geographic and Discovery. What about you? So, when we finally meet, you will get a very educated and versatile woman :) Are you happy? Honey, probably you want to know that my heart is beating quicker right now. Do you know why? I imagined for a moment that you are in front of me. I think that when I meet you, when I first look into your eyes, I will be very nervous. Maybe not nervous but excited. It is like to go and pass the exam. It is the feeling of great anticipation but at the same time light and pleasant fear. What if I am not good enough? What if my perfume is too strong, what if I have chosen the wrong pair of shoes, what if my make-up is not so good :) So, my darling, am I a typical girl? I think yes. I worry in the situations when I do not have to worry :) Sorry but I cannot do anything without myself :) I cannot do anything with my emotions when we are talking about the relationship of ours. I can say that I am always excited and my hands are a bit shaking from the desire to jump on your lap and make you faint from my kisses :) My darling, I would like to tell you that I need to finish my letter.
I really hope that you are smiling right now and still imagine me sitting on your lap :) Please, try to be a good boy and do not flirt with the girls :) I have the third eye and I can see everything :) So, please, try to take a special care of yourself and never stop thinking of me more than it is allowed :) I send you my sweetest kisses and hugs
I love you very much
Your Natalia

Hello dear Stephen, I would like to write to you a short letter and ask you if you got my yesterday's letter. I have the feeling that you never got it as your letter does not mention the issued I talked to you about in my message. Would you be so kind to tell me if the letter reached you. If not I will ask the translator of ours to resend it to you.
I love you
Your Natalia

Hello my dear Stephen, I am sorry maybe I was not clear enough. In order me to travel to UK I need to get he stamp in my passport and this stamp is not there. The embassy is still controlling the data of mine as they suspect every person from the war zone 20 times more than all other people who are eager to visit your country. Today I have got a paper from the embassy that allowed me to cancel my trip and put my ticket in pending so that I can use it as soon as the visa is issued.
I will not have to pay a penny for the tickets of mine. But that is all not important. I hate living with the feeling when one or several people are ruling my life. I sit like an idiot in my apartment and I do not know what I should do. The clothes are packed, I am ready but the visa is still not issued. So, I am sorry if I was not very clear in my previous letter and I am sorry that you had the feeling that I can come to you even if I do not get the visa in my hands. I can travel to Kiev but where will I stay there, how will I talk to you, how will I keep you informed about everything. I do not have the means to make this trip and sit and wait there for this miracle. So, I just need to be very patient and wait for the magical moment when the visa is issued finally.
It is really a very big disappointment for me, it is my little personal tragedy and I am not feeling really happy and well knowing that all the plans are ruined. It is not fair and it is not normal that the governments make the people suffer like that.
My darling, I am sorry that this letter is not positive. I cannot concentrate and write to you a decent letter. I am sorry for that. I am feeling like a real loser. But I love you more than my life and I promise that we will be together!
I send you my kisses and hugs and all my love
Your Natalia