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Letter(s) from Natalia Kerillova to David (USA)
Hi, my dear friend David. I waited for this minute with impatience to answer you. I was very glad to receive again Your letter. I waited for it with impatience, I have dreamed on the eve, that I sit in the cabinet and receive from you a mail.
I have woken up with pulsing heart, and now, having read your letter, I write the answer. I want to tell to you about those children about whom wrote earlier. As I already spoke, I am engaged in individual teaching in orphanage. To my pupils from 4 up to 7 years. Small persons - surprising essences. They are at all deprived defects which are inherent in old people. In their hearts there is no lie, envy, hatred. Children look at us the clean eyes which are not reflecting dirtily world around. As it would be desirable to protect them from adult life and problems, which come in an adult life. There is nothing more interesting , than to observe as kids play, divide roles in the games, quarrel, are reconciled, again quarrel and are again reconciled. What can you say about this fact? My lessons are visited by Anastasiya also, she is 5 years old . She is very remarkable child! She is the daughter of my neighbour Mariya, and she has asked me to prepare her to the first class to edify her to read and arithmetic. Anastasiya appeared the lovely girl and we have made friends. I love her is as my daughter and we with her are very similar, But you know I have no children. She comes every Saturday to me and we studied words, we study to write them. Sometimes we go together in orphanage, She very much likes communicate with children of not having parents. Once we passed a word "dream". and here she has looked to my eyes and has asked me: "you have a dream Natalya? " I was very glad to hear these words from small person. I never have thought about it. And I have a dream? That I am want? Oh, as much I want! I dream of happiness. For me the happiness - to love and be Loved. I too have dreams, many as that you confessed. I would love to have a very nice man whom is smart, pretty sexy, and would love me and me only. I have had two mans in my last time that only want something other than love? I want to wake up every morning, to embrace loved man, and to speak: " Good morning, my love! " And to hear in the answer: " Good morning, my love! " And to be pleased from presence of the person on which it is possible to rely, which in difficult minute will wipe tears, will calm, will protect, will press to itself also will whisper: " be not afraid, I am with you Å " And can all this unreal dreams? May be, I've too big dreams - mutual the true love? First I thought, that was simply disappointed in men, but in due course began to trust in dream, it will come, my love my happiness. Two years ago I thought, that I can find it, but heavy was mistaken. Can to me it is not necessary tell to you about it, but heart prompts, that you will understand me. At that time I have stopped pedagogical university, has received the diploma. All our class celebrated this event in cafe with the unambiguous name "Meeting". I searched ladies' room, but has gone absolutely to other side, and has collided in a corridor with the young man who has helped me to find the necessary room. He was presented, his name was Sergey. He worked in sphere of service, supervised delivery of products in this institution. We began to meet. With Sergey I travelled to Turkey, It seemed to me, I have found happiness, But it were only illusive reliability. He spoke me, that loves me, and it seemed to me, that I too in love with him. It was not always a pleasant experience for me. In fact I gave everything that I could, even my soul. To the very end. And I was left with nothing ~ an emotional train wreck and physically beaten. He began seldom appear with me, and when came back to me, was drunk or asked me for money.. He spoke that gives gifts to orphans, first I trusted him, but have then decided to check up.I have found out, that he spent my money for alcohol and whores. Once he has come in a disgusting condition. I have asked him to go home, but he has ignored me. When I simply speaking have tried to throw out him from my apartment, he has pushed away me, and has then struck on my face, also has foul called me. I have cried, that all is over, and if he will not going, I call militia (police). He was frightened and has come back to itself home. But has not returned me my keys from apartment. One week has passed, I went tired from work, has come to itself in an apartment, But the nightmare waited for me there. My home was plundered and I've thought of Sergey and I was again right, it was made by him.. Sergey have condemned on two years of imprisonment. And in seven months he should be released. On court he has addressed to me: " the Earth round - we will be settle accounts ". It means, that after released he will cripple me. And in fact I simply protected the mine interests and a reputation, and for it should haved punishment by hand the person who has lost human shape. He simply used me, as the naive little fool. Therefore now I do not trust Russian men. If with people is possible to act, how with dirty cloth? Tell to me, and you acted so with people? I hope, that is not? I have not had an interest in a man since as my difficult time with Sergey, it is hard for me to accept that anyone would be interested in me. And then someone from afar, shows an interest. The excitement, the chill, the anxiety ~ to wait for your communication. To think; when will I hear from he again. To just have this contact with you has been more than I had ever expected. Do I trust you? I believe that you are sincere, please remember that I am only human. And I can only respond as a woman that has been affected by what life has provided. I do not want to lose contact with you. Do not ask me to explain how I feel, it is far too confusing for me. I have tried to determine a way for me to come to see you, so that you would not have to spend time and money coming to the Russia. I have only know you for a couple of weeks. I have yearned for the warmth of a man's touch, he smile, he voice. I am afraid that I may fall absolutely in love with you and god only knows what can happen. I ask to forgive me for revelations, and my awful English. It is very interesting to me, whether there were big disappointments at you in your private life? Than they have ended? I wait for your answer. Natalya.
P.S. I send to you my new picture and a place on a map where I live.
Greetings, the my dear friend David!!!!!!! I am in such a good mood today, the weather is so nice here today. It's about 20Ñ degrees outside and sunny with blue sky and no clouds, just perfect weather. I look forward to each letter more and more. I wait with impatience for each one. I am like you very nervous about falling in love with someone from very far away. With you I do feel that falling in love is very possible for me. I do want to get to know you more before I could say for sure. But I do want you to know that I'm also real, everything I write comes straight from my heart and soul. You are very special to me and I would do nothing to harm you. I really worry that one day you will disappear and I won't hear from you anymore. I want to promise to you I will never just stop writing to you or anything like that. I would never do that, I feel very lucky that you choose to write me and that I decided to write you back. I'm sure there must be a reason for our encounter, everything does happen for a reason. I believe that if we were meant to be together that it will happen in time. It is a pity, that I cannot write to you more often - I am very much busy on work every day. And if the boss will see, that I have correspondence with the citizen of America, using the service Internet, I will be indicted in larceny. In that case I will be discharged from office. Also it will be very good, If he not given the claim in court against me.
And this is my mailing address as it would be on paper also...
Novgorod area, Valdai City.
8/9 Gagarin Street. Natalya.
I think that you can write my address in Russian,
ãîðîä Âàëäàé, óëèöà Ãàãàðèíà,
äîì 8, êâàðòèðà 9.
It is very pity, but my mobile phone has broken and I cannot use my phone. But as soon as I will find other phone, I will give you number and you can make a call to me. Ok?
I think that you understand that my heart is very pure and true. I really have not a bit of evil in me, I am kind to everyone and treat people the way in which I would expect to be treated. I believe in God and try to walk in a path that is true to the Bible, although I am far from perfect. I want you to be assured that I am only looking for someone that I can settle down with get married and hopefully raise a family, this is the only reason I am looking to meet new people and you David, are the only man I've been interested in writing from such a long distance away because I believe that you really are looking for happiness and not out to use me or deceive me. I hope that you are a true man and are telling me the truth about everything. I promise to you David, that I only tell you the truth. You know, I want to admit to you, that when I started corresponding with you, I was afraid, that you can appear the whoremaster or the deceiver, which want to entice the defenseless woman in trap. Because I am option very seriously and not going to joke or to deceive you. I sincerely with you also trust you with all my heart. You David true, open, kind. I has become loved your letters, I wait for them with impatience and I receive with huge pleasure. They heat my soul, give a positive charge on all day, you have saved me from loneliness. At first I didn't think you were going to respond and then when you did, I felt close to you almost from the beginning. You are so refreshing compared to a lot of Russian men I have met. I believe that you are real and truthful. I hope I'm not wrong on this? You do seem very sincere about your intentions of finding true happiness. I do have the same worries about a long distance relationship that you have. But if you trust in me you will not be disappointed, I don't lie, cheat, or use people. I feel that honesty is the most important thing of all, do you agree? So, believe me I will always be totally honest with you. I do wish you were here with me today and I could reassure you about my truthfulness and tenderness. I hope that my words can relieve your worries. I wait for the answer from you David. Your Natalya.
Hi, my dear David! Your letters has touched my heart deeply. I have not stopped thinking about you, since reading it. I too await your letters with impatience and again my heart beats rapidly. I am very flattered by your words and feelings about me. I feel much of the same things that you feel. With everyone of your letters I feel as though I am close with you, although we are so many miles (kilometers) apart. I understand how you feel from very happy to very unhappy. I have searched for many years of my life, waiting to find this person for whom my heart beats. I have thought a couple times in my life that I had met the one, but I was wrong twice. I never really ever thought it would be possible to fall in love, being so much distance apart. I do think about you, everyday now and can see that falling in love with you from a long distance has become more close to happening for me. Everyday I worry that something might happen to you. I wait to hear back from you to know you are alright. David, I have began to feel very strongly that you are this one, in which I would hold most dearest in my life. My heart tells me that I love you for the true person that you are in your heart and care very deeply about your happiness. David, understand that I wish you were with me, and that we would be together forever. I do want to meet you David, everyday I think about the day this might come true.
Today in my organization where I work, there was a inspection of accounts department. Now my boss wants to take more a inspection of the Internet, than it was in the past. I am assured, that will search for user, but it is me.
If boss will me dismiss from my work, I will lose, last opportunity to write to you, services the Internet - cafe cost for me very expensively, And I cannot correspond with you, As money will terminate quickly enough, (One minute of cafe the Internet costs here about 1 dollar, I've written to you the letter approximately an hour) And I will not have an opportunity to contact you. To me it is very sad. I am absolutely in confusion. What do me now? Many years I ask myself a question: Why everything depends on money? I think that the money is not main thing in life. The main is when the people can and want to understand each other. But I have some savings and I do written to you, I promise. I do know that what the heart wants, the heart usually finds a way to make it come true. I do believe that fate must have brought us together for a special reason. We have found each other and we must be meant to meet for a special reason. I would never want you to be unhappy and would do whatever I could do, to make you happy. I would never become interested in another man as long as you are mine, I promise you that. I am a very faithful true and loyal woman as I've mentioned before. I care deeply about the feelings of others and do not want to hurt anyone. I would be interested to know how much a plane ticket from there to you? And I do not know the near airport to you but if you do write me it I will try and research this on the internet, but I'm not sure if I can find this information. I think we do need more time to get to know each other and talk about necessary steps to take in order for our meeting to come true. Again I was very touched and pleased by you. My heart wants very much for us to be together.
I feel that if we can be together I will make you very happy, David. I have never felt so strongly about someone that I never met in person. I believe deep down that I have fallen in love with you and the person that you are on the inside. Your letters mean so much to me and I print and keep everyone since we started writing to each other. I do care very much about you and love you also David. Everything I say has great meaning and comes from my heart.
I wait for your answer. Yours Natalya.
P.S. I send you the a current picture.
This picture has been taken on 2nd August this Birthday my old girlfriend Mariya.
Hi, my dear!!! Thanks for the your sweet letter. I have News for you: I was unsolicited dismissal from my job on organization. As I also guessed, yesterday have lead Check of users by the Internet, and it is natural, have found out, that it I break a rule of users. I was invited to our chief, and that Has suggested me or will leave at own desire, or in the labour book will make a mark about clause in connection with which I was dismiss. And this means what I am not will work to my profession any more in Russia. It is awful! I have begun to cry, because it means that I can't make to like me, to work with small children, to teach them. I cannot understand Russian bureaucrats never! Why I can't use a computer In the personal purposes, they could take from me the penalty but have not wanted to do it. I think that, me have discharged of my favourite work, from for chiefs envy to me. During last time they saw me very happy. But here it do not love, here do not like when people are happy. But you could read, that I the normal woman with normal dreams and I have found the my happiness. Please do not blame itself, that me have dismissed, you are not guilty in my current position. Only one thing afflicts me, I cannot use a working computer. I was so frightened that I can lose you. I should sit in loneliness and think of you. I should aimlessly wander on streets and fall asleep with tears on eyes every night. All world around became uninteresting for me and I told myself:" NO! It is not for me!" Last night I thought of us. About you and about me-about us together. I couldn't fall asleep. I had been crying for a long time because of despair. My thoughts were mixed, like inking waves during a storm, and I, like a small ship was sank in the sea of despair. With the rising of sun I calmed and hold on myself. And I have put a hard aim, the aim of all my life-to be with a man who loves me and I love him by all my heart. I thought what I can do to see you.Today I have addressed in firm where the visas are made. I have been explained that it will be necessary to visit set of various departments, state and medical institutions in Valdai , I asked how long it would take to make the tourist visa. I was answered that it would take about a week. Also in this agency I was told, that they need information about me from the police. If I am a law-abiding citizen, I shall get the visa. I have never outraged the law. And I have never done anything unlawful. I shall have preparation for interview. It will help me to receive the visa. So I must get the visa. I will use tourist visa B1/B2. My visa will allow me to be in the USA 6 months.I am so much confident in it. I understand that our relations are not long yet, but I trust you.I am so much looking forward to the time when we will be able to reach out and touch one another. I can hardly wait to hear the sound of your voice and to look into your eyes. I can't wait to be able to talk to you everyday and know that I am in safety. It still feels very much like I'm in a wonderful dream. I never expected all of this to happen so quickly, but am very overwhelmed by pleasant feelings when I think of us together. I know we will make our love last and have a wonderful life together.But please do not worry about Money, I calculated my monetary savings and was very happy. I have approximately 2000 dollars, I think this sum will satisfactory on my travel to America. But do not send me big files here, OK. THIS letter, will me cost about 10 dollars here in the Internet-cafe.
Well, my time comes to an end, I finish the letter. I wait for your answer.
P.S.The scanner a broken in the Internet-cafe. I will wait when will repair the scanner and I shall send again pictures. Ok?